| Author |
Message |
 |
|
|
|
|
Advert
|
Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:
- No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
- Times and dates in your local timezone.
- Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
- Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
- Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.
If you are already a member then feel free to login now. |
|
 |
2022/02/07 11:42:16
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Longtime Dakkanaut
|
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.
How did cavemen have their hotdogs?
With ketchup and mastadon.
|
|
|
 |
|
2022/02/07 13:13:51
Subject: Re:Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Mad Gyrocopter Pilot
|
Sweary alarm
Two of my favourites from Viz.
|
|
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2022/02/07 22:44:35
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/07 13:39:59
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
Might need a sweary warning on the second one!
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Why did the Shepherd start the day with 37 sheep, and end with 40?
His sheep dog rounded them up.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Is there anything on Telly?
No. He’s bald.
|
|
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2022/02/07 20:25:34
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/08 10:14:30
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Speed Drybrushing
|
Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Felix
Felix Who?
Felix my icecream again I'm going to hit him
|
Not a GW apologist |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/08 10:27:13
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Yo mamma
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/08 16:47:30
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Shas'la with Pulse Carbine
|
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef!
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mum!
|
My hobby ADHD, mostly Necromunda, with a splash of regular 40k... |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/08 17:17:30
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
What’s pink and hangs out your pants?
Your Mum
(This joke of course only works for us pasty, pasty caucasians. I’m not even gonna try to transpose it to other ethnicities)
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/08 22:58:32
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Mad Gyrocopter Pilot
|
Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/09 05:41:55
Subject: Re:Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Longtime Dakkanaut
|
|
Thread Slayer |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/09 12:10:32
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Skink Chief with Poisoned Javelins
Michigan
|
What did the river say to the river bank?
My sediments exactly.
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/09 12:42:26
Subject: Re:Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
If you liked those, Google “Viz Crap Jokes”. There are many.
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/09 13:10:55
Subject: Re:Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Mad Gyrocopter Pilot
|
Not sure you can get physical Viz in America land but Viz is without a doubt one of the greatest things Britain has ever produced (not that there's any bias that it's from Newcastle or out  )
Definitely worth googling.
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/09 13:25:57
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Leader of the Sept
|
Just as a warning, Viz is very much not safe for work, or for anyone with feelings of any sensitivity whatsoever!
|
Please excuse any spelling errors. I use a tablet frequently and software keyboards are a pain!
 Terranwing - w3;d1;l1
 51st Dunedinw2;d0;l0
 Cadre Coronal Afterglow w1;d0;l0 |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/10 15:53:58
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Battlefield Tourist
MN (Currently in WY)
|
 Guardling wrote:What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef!
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mum!
What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?
- Udder destruction
Automatically Appended Next Post:
That cartoon makes me think of a joke in White Christmas
Bing Crosby: Sad to say a doctor, fell inot a great big well.
Rosemary Clooney: Oh Mr. Bones that's too bad.
Bing Crosby: Not at all. He should have tended to the sick and left the well along.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrEfB35a5vU
|
|
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2022/02/10 15:59:54
Support Blood and Spectacles Publishing:
https://www.patreon.com/Bloodandspectaclespublishing |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/10 17:51:53
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Longtime Dakkanaut
|
Gambling helped be get back on my feet
That's because I lost my car playing poker last night.
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 03:13:32
Subject: Re:Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Longtime Dakkanaut
|
How do you make a dakkaite scroll their phone for 30 seconds?
|
Thread Slayer |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 09:32:45
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 10:15:56
Subject: Re:Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Mad Gyrocopter Pilot
|
This is my favourite Thing one
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 10:25:59
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
Things.
Almost as great as Squigs!
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 10:28:31
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Keeper of the Flame
|
Thank Rogal Dorn I read through the thread before posting. My worst joke was going to be a stomach turner.
Now that disaster's averted.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs that sits on your porch?
Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?
Bill.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?
Bob.
Also:
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fish.
|
|
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/02/11 10:29:02
www.classichammer.com
For 4-6th WFB, 2-5th 40k, and similar timeframe gaming
Looking for dice from the new AOS boxed set and Dark Imperium on the cheap. Let me know if you can help.
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 11:07:35
Subject: Re:Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Longtime Dakkanaut
|
How many narcissists does it take to change q light bulb.
One. They hold the bulb in place and the whole world revolves around them.
If I'd followed ny dreams of being an archaeologist, my career would be in ruins ny now.
|
greatest band in the universe: machine supremacy
"Punch your fist in the air and hold your Gameboy aloft like the warrior you are" |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 16:25:35
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
The Conquerer
Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios
|
 Just Tony wrote:Thank Rogal Dorn I read through the thread before posting. My worst joke was going to be a stomach turner.
Now that disaster's averted.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs that sits on your porch?
Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?
Bill.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?
Bob.
Also:
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fish.
As a followup,
What do you call a girl with 1 leg?
Ilean
|
Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 16:47:35
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
What do you call a man with a Seagull on his head?
Cliff.
|
|
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/02/11 17:01:06
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 17:03:39
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Automated Rubric Marine of Tzeentch
|
what do you call a man WITHOUT a spade on his head?
Douglas.
|
To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be relearned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.
 Coven of XVth 2000pts
 The Blades of Ruin 2,000pts  Watch Company Rho 1650pts
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 20:36:47
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Veteran Inquisitorial Tyranid Xenokiller
Watch Fortress Excalibris
|
Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sausages. Toulouse. Cumberland. Lorne. Merguez. Salami. Kielbasa. They're all delicious.
But never German sausages. They are just the wurst.
|
A little bit of righteous anger now and then is good, actually. Don't trust a person who never gets angry. |
|
|
|
|
2022/02/11 22:28:27
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
The Marine Standing Behind Marneus Calgar
|
 Duskweaver wrote:Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sausages. Toulouse. Cumberland. Lorne. Merguez. Salami. Kielbasa. They're all delicious.
But never German sausages. They are just the wurst.
They say puns are the lowest form of humor.
But sausage jokes are the wurst.
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/12 14:27:10
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Automated Rubric Marine of Tzeentch
|
Duskweaver wrote:Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sausages. Toulouse. Cumberland. Lorne. Merguez. Salami. Kielbasa. They're all delicious.
But never German sausages. They are just the wurst.
not a joke, but unsuprisingly for a country known for its sausage, they have a LOT of saysing about sausages.
indeed, they have one that is just "thats sausage to me" (Das ist mir wurst) to mean "I dont care"
my fave is "all things have an end, only a sausage has two" (Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei)
|
To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be relearned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.
Coven of XVth 2000pts
The Blades of Ruin 2,000pts Watch Company Rho 1650pts
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/12 14:39:08
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
Of course, the trouble for the poorer sausage maker is making the ends meet.
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/13 13:18:38
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
|
Two of my leg bones deny the existence God.
They’re Blasfemurs
|
|
|
|
|
|
2022/02/13 19:51:55
Subject: Jokes. Grade F jokes.
|
|
Mad Gyrocopter Pilot
|
Thigh-entists?
Doctor Doctor! I think I'm a pair of curtains.
Oh pull yourself together!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ultramarines, 3rd Co. and friends, 16k+ 
4k 
2k Points
Competition Index