I thought it was clear from my previous sentenced and I already mentioned it before itt: no. That is precisely why I am asking the question. And also, I am 27.
I thought it was clear from my previous sentenced and I already mentioned it before itt: no. That is precisely why I am asking the question. And also, I am 27.
So? Was it a rhetorical question?
\
It's important because it feels good and helps create / strengthen an emotional connection. It's also an area where, if you're experienced, you can introduce the other person to new things. The whole "kill em with charm" doesn't really work...it's a lot more effective to "kill em in the bedroom." Kissing a girl's ass will likely get you nowhere, but if you've ever crept on a girl's private conversations with her friends, you'd see that orgasm currency will beat the dollar every time.
This may be a surprise to some of you guys, but women like (good) sex just as much as men, if not more. Importantly, it's not about doing the tongue tornado or whatever, but about making her comfortable enough to communicate to you what feels good to her in particular. The current GF likes to ride. The last GF liked to be on the bottom in a very particular position. Both things they discovered with me because I wouldn't take "no orgasm" for an answer, and we kept trying different things until we found one that worked....once you find it, they'll get off *most of the time*.
So you asked why sex is important - it basically encapsulates all of the important aspects of a relationship, like communication, teamwork, conscientiousness, etc., and it does so in a way that feels good. There are a bunch of neurobiological reasons why sex is very important as well.
What I find really strange about this classification is precisely that sex is put two level below “Love and belonging”. For me it seems like it should really belong to there, and from your answer, it seems to me you feel the same. But this chart puts it right with the physiological needs, and, even though I cannot currently think of any specific case, I have been given regularly the impression that this mindset is shared by more people that I would expect. Is it just me imagining things?
A relationship without sex is little more then friendship, it is a keep connection, literally naked to eachother and discussing personal things.
One can get love and belonging elsewhere, sex too but it adds to the bond people share.
If I had a girlfriend/boyfriend I think I would feel closer to them then my friends at times because of that connection.
I thought it was clear from my previous sentenced and I already mentioned it before itt: no. That is precisely why I am asking the question. And also, I am 27.
So? Was it a rhetorical question?
Patience, if you don't get an answer right away you don't need to repost your question barely a day later.
And the answer is no, it was a legitimate question. There's a big difference in point of view between someone who has had sex and thinks it's overrated, and someone who hasn't and can only speculate about why it may be important. It's just one of those things you don't really understand until you've experienced it. You can duplicate some of the physical aspects, but the only way to understand the emotional/bonding/whatever aspect is to do it. For most people sex (for a very broad definition of the word, not just conventional "let's make some babies" sex) is an important part of a relationship, and if they don't have it they really miss it in the same way that a hungry person really wants food.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: But this chart puts it right with the physiological needs, and, even though I cannot currently think of any specific case, I have been given regularly the impression that this mindset is shared by more people that I would expect.
As I said previously, it's because that chart is an approximation at best, and not even one that all the relevant experts agree on. Human needs aren't neatly sorted into tiers, and you can't expect people to be perfectly precise about the difference between "I really want X and I'm not happy without it" and "I really want X and I'm not happy in a different way without it" and "I really want X and my survival might be in danger without it". For example, which tier of need does food go into? You can die without it, but you can also be hungry and very unhappy even if you have enough food that you're not in any danger of starvation.
So....My roommate and my friend talked, and said they are going to teach me how to talk to girls....The two just decided I needed to be taught.
Ignoring the fact I know how to talk to girls. I dont become tight lipped when im talking to them.
I am just weird when its talking to them about dates and stuff.
well, girl number two now has a boyfriend so that's that question answered. and apparenly my girlfriend's exboyfriend, who ma or may not exist, has asked her to send him nude pictures of herself. ofcourse even if he does exist I can't do gak about it because he's in america, so.... *shrug*
oh yeah, And it's got nothing to do wih dating but I may have failed alll of my subjects at school meaning my entire life would be fethed over and I'm just enjoying the time until my reort card comes in and my parents (my mum anyway, My dad's to much of a donkey-cave to even care) burn all my possessions.
the shrouded lord wrote: well, girl number two now has a boyfriend so that's that question answered. and apparenly my girlfriend's exboyfriend, who ma or may not exist, has asked her to send him nude pictures of herself. ofcourse even if he does exist I can't do gak about it because he's in america, so.... *shrug*
oh yeah, And it's got nothing to do wih dating but I may have failed alll of my subjects at school meaning my entire life would be fethed over and I'm just enjoying the time until my reort card comes in and my parents (my mum anyway, My dad's to much of a donkey-cave to even care) burn all my possessions.
So you've got a girlfriend that you aren't screwing, and aren't doing so hot in school...what exactly are you doing with all of your time?
Peregrine wrote: It's just one of those things you don't really understand until you've experienced it.
Okay, so maybe I will understand later. Or maybe not.
Yeah... don't wait for it. I was going to wait for marriage, ended up dating a swede.
I was gonna write I had my mind blown but, some smut demon poster will abuse the quote system concerning that and alter it. *
The asterisk notes this, might as well help them, they're going to do it anyways.
Ahem, anyways. Regardless, it's one of those things you must experience to understand like Peregrine said. It isn't just pumping it till you're done or whatever/babymaking. In a successful relationship it is a bonding experience and there is an intimacy that strengthens your bond to your partner and reveals them to another level, or a rather, a simpler and purer level, not to get too deep into this discussion. * For instance now that I've experienced it on a regular basis for a good two years, I would say it is apart of my routine now, I don't see how I can live without it.
Anyways, as far as... dating. Just wait and be yourself. Don't get tight lipped and if you do feth up, there will be another. I thought no one would ever be interested in me even though I'm definitely not unattractive (I'm just a short person, 5'6,*) and I went from getting no flirtations or dates to a steady stream once I reached a certain age and point in my life. It sounds cheesy but, you never know when you'll find love.
the shrouded lord wrote: well, girl number two now has a boyfriend so that's that question answered. and apparenly my girlfriend's exboyfriend, who ma or may not exist, has asked her to send him nude pictures of herself. ofcourse even if he does exist I can't do gak about it because he's in america, so.... *shrug*
oh yeah, And it's got nothing to do wih dating but I may have failed alll of my subjects at school meaning my entire life would be fethed over and I'm just enjoying the time until my reort card comes in and my parents (my mum anyway, My dad's to much of a donkey-cave to even care) burn all my possessions.
So you've got a girlfriend that you aren't screwing, and aren't doing so hot in school...what exactly are you doing with all of your time?
Uh, posting on Dakka. Duh, toy soldiers, much wow, very plastic, imposing restic.
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
And I am 18 since a few weeks back, so I know I am a bit above average for my age.
Some men claim to hate dating women taller than they are, but at 5'9-5'10 it shouldn't matter too much. At 6'+ you might have some trouble, but not from anyone who's worth dating.
It also affects men a little, too, in that some women hate dating men shorter than they are.
Yeah... vertically challenged is a good way to put it.
For years I felt bad about it, and ended up working out to try and compensate. Then I realized it doesn't matter, and just sorta accepted my stature.
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
And I am 18 since a few weeks back, so I know I am a bit above average for my age.
Well, some guys like being eye level with their SO? I guess it is a difference between face to face and face to breast in my experience. Which for some people I guess that is just a plus. (I'm not saying this to be smutty either, it's just the truth honestly.) I prefer to look people in the eyes, I don't like having to strain my neck to look at a woman who is 6'1 or taller.
Peregrine wrote: It's just one of those things you don't really understand until you've experienced it.
Okay, so maybe I will understand later. Or maybe not.
I should clarify a bit that a very small number of people are just asexual or near-asexual, and genuinely don't care about sex no matter how much they've tried it. It's possible you're one of them, but more likely (based on probability) that you're just inexperienced and will understand once you get into a successful relationship. But if you're very confident that you're not interested, instead of merely wondering why you should be, then you shouldn't feel obligated to do something that doesn't appeal to you or disappointed that you don't.
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
Not very. Obviously people have preferences (some prefer taller, some prefer shorter) or consider height as part of your overall body shape and whether it's attractive, but I don't think very many people have such a strong height preference that it would outweigh all the other factors. Sure, there are the people who will demand a shorter woman because "the man should always be taller", but you're not losing much if you get rejected by someone like that.
I'm 5ft 6in (shorter than the average Canadian male which is 5ft 9in), I don't care for body height in women but I'm sure for plenty of them my height would be a concern.
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
And I am 18 since a few weeks back, so I know I am a bit above average for my age.
ehh, height matters little really, don't worry about it.
Incorrect. I've yet to meet a woman that preferred shorter men. I'm gonna go out on a limb and state for the record my belief that roughly 99% of women would rather date someone taller than them, given the choice. It shallow? Of course.
It is still a thing though.
Automatically Appended Next Post: That's not to say that women wouldn't date someone who was shorter, but it is nevertheless a factor, definitely.
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
And I am 18 since a few weeks back, so I know I am a bit above average for my age.
ehh, height matters little really, don't worry about it.
Incorrect. I've yet to meet a woman that preferred shorter men. I'm gonna go out on a limb and state for the record my belief that roughly 99% of women would rather date someone taller than them, given the choice. It shallow? Of course.
It is still a thing though.
Automatically Appended Next Post: That's not to say that women wouldn't date someone who was shorter, but it is nevertheless a factor, definitely.
My anecdotal experiences on Tinder and suchlike agree that it's definitely a factor, and one that some women seem to base entire relationships on. Whilst bios that stated things like "swipe left if you're under 6 foot"--usually in varying degrees of politeness ranging from a relatively innocuous request to stuff like 'don't bother swiping right if you're not 6'+'--weren't exactly common, they were hardly rare, either.
I'm not entirely sure how it works in reverse--I've not seen enough male profiles to see how often "no women over 5'8" or similar comes up--but I imagine it exists there, too.
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
And I am 18 since a few weeks back, so I know I am a bit above average for my age.
ehh, height matters little really, don't worry about it.
Incorrect. I've yet to meet a woman that preferred shorter men. I'm gonna go out on a limb and state for the record my belief that roughly 99% of women would rather date someone taller than them, given the choice. It shallow? Of course.
It is still a thing though.
Automatically Appended Next Post: That's not to say that women wouldn't date someone who was shorter, but it is nevertheless a factor, definitely.
It's definitely a factor that has been a problem with my dating. I'm not ugly by no means but, being under 5'8 is a major "no," with most women I've ever met. It isn't a big deal to my girlfriend since she's roughly 5'8 to maybe 5'10. The only reason it isn't a factor with us is that she doesn't care about height, and I was interesting to her from the start.
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
And I am 18 since a few weeks back, so I know I am a bit above average for my age.
ehh, height matters little really, don't worry about it.
Incorrect. I've yet to meet a woman that preferred shorter men. I'm gonna go out on a limb and state for the record my belief that roughly 99% of women would rather date someone taller than them, given the choice. It shallow? Of course.
It is still a thing though.
Automatically Appended Next Post: That's not to say that women wouldn't date someone who was shorter, but it is nevertheless a factor, definitely.
Well as Ashiraya is a woman i'd imagine she was meaning if it mattered to men if she was fairly tall. I'm just a smidge over 6', I wouldn't be bothered about height as a man. In fact if I found somebody taller than me that I wanted to date I'd go for it. I guess it's really down to her if she wants to date somebody shorter. Might depend on the height of heels she wares, if any.
Well as Ashiraya is a woman i'd imagine she was meaning if it mattered to men if she was fairly tall. I'm just a smidge over 6', I wouldn't be bothered about height as a man. In fact if I found somebody taller than me that I wanted to date I'd go for it. I guess it's really down to her if she wants to date somebody shorter. Might depend on the height of heels she wares, if any.
Yes, it was indeed what I meant. Thank you.
I am 5'9"-10" ish outside of high heels, but I rarely wear any.
Thanks for your answers, guys. It seems I had been misled into believing it was more important than I thought. The average Swedish woman is 5'5"-6" ish, so while I am not a behemoth I do stand a couple of inches above most other women.
I imagine it would be shorter guys that would display more concern about a woman taller than them.
However, generally speaking, that would be outnumbered several times over by guys who would think, "5'10" - that's like the height of a model like Kate Upton, therefore, very attractive indeed."
I am 5'9"-10" ish outside of high heels, but I rarely wear any.
Thanks for your answers, guys. It seems I had been misled into believing it was more important than I thought. The average Swedish woman is 5'5"-6" ish, so while I am not a behemoth I do stand a couple of inches above most other women.
Personally, I prefer women about that height, as it's close to mine. That being said, it's not always a dealbreaker so long as, uh... proportions are... within tolerances.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Also, one of the guys I work with is just under 5 feet tall. His ex-wife was about 5'8" or so.
Obviously, they're divorced now. I can't said it was the height, but that's a single anecdote, so that's pretty much data, right?
Ashiraya wrote: How important is height, btw? I am 5'9"-10" ish.
And I am 18 since a few weeks back, so I know I am a bit above average for my age.
Personally, I like short girls... and tall girls... and everything in between, including girls taller than myself (I'm 6'0, so not like theres very many of them out there, not that it matters since most taller girls don't like dating shorter guys anyway). Really its different strokes for different folks, some guys like girls shorter than they are and refuse to date girls taller, some guys like them taller, some guys like them the same height, some guys like them exclusively short, etc. At the end it doesn't matter (unless you're a dude it seems, one of the things women tend to compliment me on the most is my height (and my eyes and shoes/clothes) and I've had discussions with many a lady about how much they love guys that are taller than them).
The important thing, really, is to take care of your physical appearance, and that doesn't mean "don't be fat" (quite the contrary, a heavier lady who knows how to carry her weight properly can be sexy as feth), although if you ARE heavy, you should consider diet and exercise for health reasons more than anything else. Really what matters is presentation, dress well/appropriately, keep your hair and makeup in order, etc. This is true of both men and women, you can be extremely attractive but if you always go out into public appearing as a total slob you're not going to have a good time.
Well as Ashiraya is a woman i'd imagine she was meaning if it mattered to men if she was fairly tall. I'm just a smidge over 6', I wouldn't be bothered about height as a man. In fact if I found somebody taller than me that I wanted to date I'd go for it. I guess it's really down to her if she wants to date somebody shorter. Might depend on the height of heels she wares, if any.
Yes, it was indeed what I meant. Thank you.
I am 5'9"-10" ish outside of high heels, but I rarely wear any.
Thanks for your answers, guys. It seems I had been misled into believing it was more important than I thought. The average Swedish woman is 5'5"-6" ish, so while I am not a behemoth I do stand a couple of inches above most other women.
I learned something... in the US the perception is that Scandinavian women are all extremely tall, blonde, and beautiful.
Well as Ashiraya is a woman i'd imagine she was meaning if it mattered to men if she was fairly tall. I'm just a smidge over 6', I wouldn't be bothered about height as a man. In fact if I found somebody taller than me that I wanted to date I'd go for it. I guess it's really down to her if she wants to date somebody shorter. Might depend on the height of heels she wares, if any.
Yes, it was indeed what I meant. Thank you.
I am 5'9"-10" ish outside of high heels, but I rarely wear any.
Thanks for your answers, guys. It seems I had been misled into believing it was more important than I thought. The average Swedish woman is 5'5"-6" ish, so while I am not a behemoth I do stand a couple of inches above most other women.
Oh wow, your question went over my head originally then or I missed it a few pages back.
No, I honestly wouldn't worry about it. As I said, I am roughly 5'5-5'6 while my girlfriend is 5'8-5'10 I would believe. (I don't know it exactly as the only time I've seen her written height it has been in metric or whatever but, she's is a full head taller than me. It's been a subject to joke about so far but, it hasn't affected the relationship a bit and has never been a problem.
As far as actual height goes, in the past any woman taller than that might intimidate me though, and I think the same applies to other guys if it was outlandish proportions ie: more than a head or so taller. (IE: Years ago I once saw a guy in my high school date a girl who was like 4'11 and he was 6'4. I don't know how they made that relationship work aside from love, obviously though this is an extreme example.)
So to sum it up, the only time height is an issue for me is with high heels involved.
I learned something... in the US the perception is that Scandinavian women are all extremely tall, blonde, and beautiful.
Blame pinups from older generations back. Honestly, this made me laugh. I guess It's hard to dispel a stereotype and I remember when my friends heard I was dating a swede, freaked out like I was a champ or something. Honestly, while it's all fun and games to say they are blonde haired viking descended models who happen to idolize a certain famous tennis player, swedes are just people too.
He's trying to be polite in saying "no fat chicks".
Yeah, we'll keep with this one.
Really though, I don't mean "no fat chicks", at least, not to an extreme. If a woman is cool enough, I don't care that she's overweight. I'm a little chubby myself.
I'm just saying that if I'd wear a belt to wear their pants, they need not apply.
I learned something... in the US the perception is that Scandinavian women are all extremely tall, blonde, and beautiful.
Blame pinups from older generations back lol. It's hard to dispel a stereotype and I remember when my friends heard I was dating a swede, freaked out like I was a champ or something. Honestly, while it's all fun and games to say they are blonde haired viking descended models, swedes are just people too like anyone else and come in all sorts of fun shapes and sizes.
My only exposure to Scandinavian women has been a group of Danish girls (one of which I went on a few dates with in college), they all were extremely blonde and beautiful, only one of them was taller than myself, one of them was on the short side, but the other 3 were all only a couple inches shorter than myself (5'9"-5-11" roughly).
There was also this one chick I dated for a few months who said she was Finnish... and 19... she turned out to be neither of those things.... but she was blonde, and beautiful, but otherwise only average height lol
chaos0xomega wrote:
I learned something... in the US the perception is that Scandinavian women are all extremely tall, blonde, and beautiful.
Oh. Well, I've heard that much. Tall, perhaps. Blonde, nope! I am brown-haired. Beautiful... Eh. I am not quite content with my appearance but I do feel it could have been much worse. Seeing others in despair over their own supposed hideousness makes me a bit sad though.
Avatar 720 wrote: My anecdotal experiences on Tinder and suchlike agree that it's definitely a factor, and one that some women seem to base entire relationships on. Whilst bios that stated things like "swipe left if you're under 6 foot"--usually in varying degrees of politeness ranging from a relatively innocuous request to stuff like 'don't bother swiping right if you're not 6'+'--weren't exactly common, they were hardly rare, either.
Yeah, but that's Tinder, the definition of "shallow hookups". If you're talking about long-term relationships then I really doubt there are many people who would reject an otherwise-good match just because of their height.
chaos0xomega wrote:
I learned something... in the US the perception is that Scandinavian women are all extremely tall, blonde, and beautiful.
Oh. Well, I've heard that much. Tall, perhaps. Blonde, nope! I am brown-haired. Beautiful... Eh. I am not quite content with my appearance but I do feel it could have been much worse. Seeing others in despair over their own supposed hideousness makes me a bit sad though.
I'm sure you're a harsher critic of yourself than most guys, in any case, women don't have it nearly as bad as men do in this department, proper use and application of makeup can go a long way to making even a decidedly average looking girl appear to be a supermodel (whereas if a man tried to use makeup to the same effect it would be met with harsh criticism by most men and probably most women as well). Seriously, makeup can do serious wonders (as can tattoos and/or jewelry lol) in things like hiding blemishes and marks, enhancing certain features like cheekbones or eyes, making asepects of your face appear larger/smaller or more/less symmetrical.
I usually date women on the taller side 5' 7+ but fit. I don't know why I just like the long lean look. That being said I've had some real good shags with smaller girls. There is something really hot about totally dominating the smaller ones. Oh and re Swedish women:
Stormwall wrote: Yeah... don't wait for it. […]
Anyways, as far as... dating. Just wait and be yourself.
Do not wait for sex but wait for dating? I guess you do not mean I should hire a prostitute, just that if I do get a girlfriend, I should not wait, right?
Stormwall wrote: Don't get tight lipped and if you do feth up, there will be another.
Tight lipped?
There will be another… occasion to feth up.
On a scale from 0 to 10, I rate this as not important.
Peregrine wrote: I should clarify a bit that a very small number of people are just asexual or near-asexual, and genuinely don't care about sex no matter how much they've tried it. It's possible you're one of them, but more likely (based on probability) that you're just inexperienced and will understand once you get into a successful relationship. But if you're very confident that you're not interested, instead of merely wondering why you should be, then you shouldn't feel obligated to do something that doesn't appeal to you or disappointed that you don't.
I do not think I am asexual or anything like this. It is just when sex is portrayed as a need rather than as a want that I find it quite hard to understand. And you should have written “if you get into a relationship” rather when “when” .
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Do not wait for sex but wait for dating? I guess you do not mean I should hire a prostitute, just that if I do get a girlfriend, I should not wait, right?
Yeah, what they (presumably) meant was be patient and wait for an opportunity without acting desperate, but don't hesitate to take it when one happens. Don't fall for "saving it until marriage" nonsense or whatever once you find someone.
Tight lipped?
Get so nervous or determined to let them talk that you say nothing but the bare minimum yourself. First/early dates are about getting to know someone, and to do that they have to see who you are. Talking at an almost-silent statue doesn't help with that.
There will be another… occasion to feth up.
...
And you should have written “if you get into a relationship” rather when “when” .
This kind of defeatist attitude doesn't help. If people can tell you're thinking that way it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy (after all, if you think there's something wrong with you that I want to avoid then why shouldn't I believe you?), and it invites you to sabotage your own efforts. Dating sucks sometimes, but it's something that most people figure out eventually.
It is just when sex is portrayed as a need rather than as a want that I find it quite hard to understand.
Think about it this way: is food a "need" or a "want"? You obviously need some amount of food to survive (a clear "need"), but you can be hungry and very unhappy without being in immediate danger of dying from starvation (gray area?). Then there the mental aspects: if you're getting nothing but hypothetical flavorless nutrient pills your physical needs will be met but you are probably going to feel like something very important is missing (gray area?), and you can also have things like the immediate impulse to eat that slice of cake where you would prefer to have it but you won't be too sad if you don't get it (a clear "want").
Conclusion: "needs" and "wants" are useful approximations at best, not black and white categories. Don't spend too much time worrying about which category something goes into.
Peregrine wrote: Don't fall for "saving it until marriage" nonsense or whatever once you find someone.
I will not fall for “saving it until marriage”, I will fall for “Wait until I feel ready, and I have build enough trust into my partner, so I can get an enjoyable rather than traumatizing first experience” though, I think. I likely still have quite some time before any opportunity arise anyway…
I do not know if they can tell that. I do not think so. I am not sure. Hell, I have no idea what they think about me.
Peregrine wrote: Think about it this way: is food a "need" or a "want"?
Some food is need, good, tasteful food is a want. Of course, it is not completely binary, there is some interlap and gray area, so I am going to rephrase my original claim: some people tend to position sex much more toward need than where I would place it.
So, I think I get 'what' I was trying to say, just not why I thought it was right or why I was even saying it. I was 3/4ths through a bottle of Jager at that point. Probably best if you just ignore that. Sorry.
daedalus wrote: So, I think I get 'what' I was trying to say, just not why I thought it was right or why I was even saying it. I was 3/4ths through a bottle of Jager at that point. Probably best if you just ignore that. Sorry.
I say crazier gak than that--along with not remembering why exactly I said it or thought it was the proper thing to say--and I don't even drink. At least you've got an excuse.
My first time wasn't traumatizing, mildly awkward but otherwise it was pretty good. Far better then the tv had me believe it would be!
But I'm not a person you should take sexual advice from (I mean you're, I assume straight and I'm bisexual so that puts a big variation in even how we may view it).
Rainbow Dash wrote: I mean you're, I assume straight and I'm bisexual so that puts a big variation in even how we may view it
Why? I mean, even you were only into guys, of course it would not be the same physical acts, but would it really means difference between how we feel about it?
Rainbow Dash wrote: I mean you're, I assume straight and I'm bisexual so that puts a big variation in even how we may view it
Why? I mean, even you were only into guys, of course it would not be the same physical acts, but would it really means difference between how we feel about it?
I theorize my bisexuality has made me far more promiscuous, but it may not be the same for other bisexuals...I'm not like their spokeshuman or something.
And yeah like tv shows and jokes about it... I donno, I assumed it'd be embarrassing and sad but it was fine, dare I say even fun at times.
Legs cramped up, something no one ever tells you, I wasn't prepared for that.
Yeah Ivy is... frightening, even more so when she has her guns and at certain angles where she looks mad...Now its just Ryuko from Kill la Kill, an anime that lacks nudity...for some reason...
Since we were talking about length a page back... I prefer it if girls are tall. I'm 193-4cm myself, so its kinda nice if someone is around the same length, or not too short compared to me.
Rainbow Dash wrote: I theorize my bisexuality has made me far more promiscuous, but it may not be the same for other bisexuals...I'm not like their spokeshuman or something.
I am pretty sure I am bi and if that has made me more promiscious, I have not noticed it.
Rainbow Dash wrote: I theorize my bisexuality has made me far more promiscuous, but it may not be the same for other bisexuals...I'm not like their spokeshuman or something.
I am pretty sure I am bi and if that has made me more promiscious, I have not noticed it.
If I could choose, I'd rather date a man though.
I'd like both...like at the same time, polyamory...
I find myself falling in love with men but lust more after women...
really odd
Rainbow Dash wrote: I theorize my bisexuality has made me far more promiscuous, but it may not be the same for other bisexuals...I'm not like their spokeshuman or something.
I am pretty sure I am bi and if that has made me more promiscious, I have not noticed it.
If I could choose, I'd rather date a man though.
Hey there.
My bisexuality hasn't visibly altered anything at all, really. I'd say that there are far more straight people who are more promiscuous than I, and although I've yet to bump uglies with anyone, I haven't ever felt like I need or want to have lots of random casual sex. I imagine that if and when I do come to driving my choo-choo into someone's whoo-whoo, I might have a different outlook, but currently I'm happy just waiting until Mr/Mrs/Ms/Undefined Right comes along, even if it means passing up casual flings that might come my way.
Rainbow Dash wrote: I theorize my bisexuality has made me far more promiscuous, but it may not be the same for other bisexuals...I'm not like their spokeshuman or something.
I am pretty sure I am bi and if that has made me more promiscious, I have not noticed it.
I understand what you mean, and as I said it is a theory only to myself, I ponder lots about myself... like that genderfluid thing I got going on...that's all kinds of wacky...
Rainbow Dash wrote: I theorize my bisexuality has made me far more promiscuous, but it may not be the same for other bisexuals...I'm not like their spokeshuman or something.
I am pretty sure I am bi and if that has made me more promiscious, I have not noticed it.
If I could choose, I'd rather date a man though.
Eww eww eww.
True beauty is in the soul, but I have standards for false beauty too. e.e
Y'know, right now I cant get past what one of my friends said "You are not likely to get any dates unless you loose some weight"
Maybe thats why Im not trying right now and im uninterested is mst of the girls hear...
Or im to focused on school.
Well...if all you want to do I bang brainless sorority girls, then yes, being "cut" helps a lot. Being exceptionally good looking might be more of a hindrance to finding a meaningful relationship than a help.
The part where I fall down on those sorts of sites is trying to write a bio. I consider myself to be the most boring person in the world, and I have no idea which of the qualities I possess--if any--would be applicable to dating. I've never been good about writing about myself in general; even at school when we had to write person statements I was completely stuck. Other people, fictional people, I can do, but myself? Nope.
My bio includes mostly a long list of stuff I enjoy, from book to movies to music to food. Also mention quickly my other interest, including climbing, video games and wargaming.
But really, the trick is that even if you do not write a long bio, by answering tons of questions, you already say a bunch of stuff about yourself!
The part where I fall down on those sorts of sites is trying to write a bio. I consider myself to be the most boring person in the world, and I have no idea which of the qualities I possess--if any--would be applicable to dating. I've never been good about writing about myself in general; even at school when we had to write person statements I was completely stuck. Other people, fictional people, I can do, but myself? Nope.
Try writing a novelization loosely based on your life. Like what would happen if Hollywood got ahold of your movie rights, and were going to put it up on the big screen. It might be tongue and cheek, over-the-top, and silly. But the core of who you are might leak through. At the very least, some gal might get a laugh out of it.
Also, looking at what people say they look for on their profile might help you. For instance, I found a profile I was interested where she says she is looking for people interested in travels and with fun travels stories to share, so I added a list of countries I visited to my bio. Who knows, maybe this will make someone more interested, and I cannot see how that would drive someone away.
The part where I fall down on those sorts of sites is trying to write a bio. I consider myself to be the most boring person in the world, and I have no idea which of the qualities I possess--if any--would be applicable to dating. I've never been good about writing about myself in general; even at school when we had to write person statements I was completely stuck. Other people, fictional people, I can do, but myself? Nope.
Try writing a novelization loosely based on your life. Like what would happen if Hollywood got ahold of your movie rights, and were going to put it up on the big screen.
I want to get a date with someone, not require them to seek professional help after reading. If Hollywood got the rights to me life then it wouldn't be the fun, family film of the year, it'd be 60% depressing, 30% swearing, and 10% "I'm glad I'm not part of his life."
I was probably exaggerating a little in my last post for the purposes of comedic effect (for example, the last one's probably less than 10%, and the first might be a tad less than 60%; although the swearing is probably way under what it should be...) but enough has happened for stuff to be rather difficult.
Contrary to what Easy advised a few pages back, I went for it and got good results that unfortunately turned out to be not so good results in the end, but I was noticeably happier when the good stuff happened and I'm not exactly averse to trying again any more, so my past doesn't factor in so much as simply meaning that I have very few positive things to say about myself, and definitely not enough to think of 'novelising' it.
I'm halfway tempted to rewrite my online dating profiles based on the advise I gave during the job interviews thread, just to see what happens.
"The key concepts/behaviours that employees need to have:
These might be very based on my experiences and may not apply to all businesses / jobs.
1) Customers - This might not mean sales, but any situation where someone else had asked you to do something for them. One of the most important things here is getting across your attitude when you have to say no to them. Note: Saying "I always endeavour to please my customers" is the wrong answer. The potential employers wanted to find out what happens when **** hits the fan.
2) Working with your team - This includes any leadership roles you've had to take in teams. Again, demonstrate how you deal with things when things go wrong and, hopefully, resolved them leading to a successful outcome. If this didn't happen (which it might be ok if it didn't), explain what efforts you went to 'mitigating the risk' and what you did accomplish.
3) Saving Money/Time - Are you on the look out for ways to increase efficiency in things. Can you talk about any situations when you noticed something was a waste of time and you found out a way to speed things up?
4) Responsiveness to Change - Talking about times when something new came in and you had to quickly adapt. Do you teach people new things? Maybe you weren't the person that figured out the thing in number (3) but you were the person that went out and told all your schoolmates / teachers / lecturers about it and it had a benefit. Never ever use the phrase "set in my ways" this is bad.
5) Problem Solving - What's your approach to solving problems, how do you balance the need to get something done, versus sitting and studying a problem forever and never making a decision until the last minute or it's too late. It's ok to talk about the time you made a wrong choice, but also illustrate why it was the wrong choice.
6) Teaching people things: How well do you get on with teaching people stuff. Did they grasp the concepts? This might involve teaching the interviewer a bit about something they're unfamiliar with.
7) Doing your work - 'nuff said really. Talk about the time you accomplished something and how you did it."
It would be... intriguing to see the results. I starting to think dating is a lot like a job interview. At least in one way, which is, you only figure out how to 'do' it properly... When you do need to do it anymore.
Quite a few of my friends have commented that they have had pretty much the standard experiences lamented in this thread for their entire lives, they meet that special someone and then, out of the blue, they have interested parties basically clamouring at the gates. The comment lament was:
"So where were all of them when I was in my 20's?"
According to OKCupid, I am a lot “more pure” than average. I am not sure what this means… Also a lot of user with a high “match” score with me define themselves as feminists. Surprising, is it not?
trexmeyer wrote: Well...if all you want to do I bang brainless sorority girls, then yes, being "cut" helps a lot.
Being stereotypically attractive on a physical level will always help a person meet other people, which is the first step in forming a relationship of any sort.
Avatar 720 wrote: I consider myself to be the most boring person in the world, and I have no idea which of the qualities I possess--if any--would be applicable to dating. I've never been good about writing about myself in general; even at school when we had to write person statements I was completely stuck. Other people, fictional people, I can do, but myself? Nope.
Stop making excuses. You know what the most common profile I see is, besides "I'm a fun person who likes to have fun"? "I hate writing summaries". I even had it on mine for a while before I realized how cliche it was. It isn't something people write because they're truly so boring that there's nothing to say, it's something they write because they're too lazy to do a better job and/or believe that they're not allowed to brag. If you spend some time thinking about it you can figure out at least something, no matter how brief, to say about yourself. You have hobbies, you have political/religious beliefs, you probably have a job/school/etc, maybe you even have some personality attributes that stand out.
As for what is applicable to dating: whatever you want to be applicable. Your intro section has two jobs, the relative importance of which depend on your preference:
1) To get the people you're interested in to keep reading past the first few lines. Most people make a first impression pretty quickly, so you want your intro to show them something appealing that makes them look at the more detailed answers lower down the page and eventually start a conversation (or reply to a message you sent them). So look at it from the perspective of your hypothetical ideal match: without being dishonest about it, what do you have that they want to see? If you need some help look at some people you find interesting and see what they seem to be looking for (but treat it as a general survey, not a list of things to put into your profile right before you message someone specific).
2) To filter out people you have no interest in and get them to stop reading before they hit the "message" button. Let's be honest, if you're a devout conservative Christian looking for marriage and kids you're probably not going to have any chance with (or interest in) a liberal atheist whose main goal is casual sex after going out drinking all night. So rather than having an awkward exchange of messages before you realize how incompatible you are you put that kind of thing up front and send them elsewhere ASAP. Again, look at it from the other person's perspective: what things about you are likely to be dealbreakers?
So I'll use myself as an example and look at what I'd use to accomplish those two goals:
1) I'm most interested in the gamer/geek types, and someone who wants to play games (especially miniatures games!) with me would be ideal. So obviously gaming gets a mention, but I should also mention the fact that I'm an engineer and science fiction lover, as well as having an IQ that breaks the scale. Somewhat less important (because I have a girlfriend who likes these) is that I don't just sit around indoors all the time, I like hiking and I play ultimate frisbee regularly. So I should throw in a mention of that. Oh, and I fly airplanes, which is something rare and attention-getting.
2) This part is very important for me because I have a lot of potential dealbreakers that are not up for negotiation. Politically I'm very far to the left and I'm a devout atheist, and I love to argue about both of these things. People who don't agree with me on those things are unlikely to put up with me for very long, so I'll put that up front just in case the 15% match score doesn't make it clear enough. Similarly, my gaming and other hobbies are not something I'm ever giving up, so emphasizing them early drives away people who think 40k is a bunch of "silly toys" in addition to attracting the people I'm interested in. Finally, I'm polyamorous and in a happy long-term relationship, so I'll make that explicit just in case the "open relationship" tag at the top wasn't enough.
And now, to finish the lesson, I'll even write myself a new intro without copy/pasting from my real one:
Summary:
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Peregrine-aided enrichment center.
Thank you for submitting your application for the testing process. Current testing procedures emphasize tabletop wargaming and other geek activities, but all subjects may be required to participate in endurance testing in the form of wilderness hiking. Subjects selected for advanced testing may be eligible participate in our popular aviation program.
The enrichment center wishes to remind you that excessively conservative or religious subjects are not suitable for testing procedures. Additionally, testing staff are currently occupied with {link to gf's profile} and are most interested in testing subjects willing to participate in a secondary testing role.
After reading all included informational materials please use the Aperture Science Messaging Button™ to contact our testing staff and submit your application to be tested.
Obviously that's really basic (as you'd expect from ~5 minutes of work with the random idea I had), but hopefully it illustrates my point? The major things in both areas are included, and it's done in a way that is hopefully at least vaguely interesting and not like all the 9999999999 other guys sending generic "hi, I love to have fun, can we have sex now?" messages.
Well, I got catfished by a girl on Tinder. Based on her pics she was a strong 7 to weak 8 in the looks department...but turned out to be not remotely attractive and incredibly awkward in person. Spent an hour with her to be polite. What a waste of time...
trexmeyer wrote: Well, I got catfished by a girl on Tinder. Based on her pics she was a strong 7 to weak 8 in the looks department...but turned out to be not remotely attractive and incredibly awkward in person. Spent an hour with her to be polite. What a waste of time...
Tinder appears to be a waste of time in general lol. All I get are spambots and call girls!
Peregrine wrote: Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Peregrine-aided enrichment center.
Thank you for submitting your application for the testing process. Current testing procedures emphasize tabletop wargaming and other geek activities, but all subjects may be required to participate in endurance testing in the form of wilderness hiking. Subjects selected for advanced testing may be eligible participate in our popular aviation program.
The enrichment center wishes to remind you that excessively conservative or religious subjects are not suitable for testing procedures. Additionally, testing staff are currently occupied with {link to gf's profile} and are most interested in testing subjects willing to participate in a secondary testing role.
After reading all included informational materials please use the Aperture Science Messaging Button™ to contact our testing staff and submit your application to be tested.
I like this. It's unique enough to be interesting even if you also find it confusing, and if you understand it - and get the reference as well - it becomes even more interesting.
Well, my friend finally tried to get me to talk to girls?
Who does he invite over? The two most obnoxious girls I ever met, I could not stand talking to them
hotsauceman1 wrote: Well, my friend finally tried to get me to talk to girls?
Who does he invite over? The two most obnoxious girls I ever met, I could not stand talking to them
hotsauceman1 wrote: Well, my friend finally tried to get me to talk to girls?
Who does he invite over? The two most obnoxious girls I ever met, I could not stand talking to them
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Peregrine-aided enrichment center.
Thank you for submitting your application for the testing process. Current testing procedures emphasize tabletop wargaming and other geek activities, but all subjects may be required to participate in endurance testing in the form of wilderness hiking. Subjects selected for advanced testing may be eligible participate in our popular aviation program.
The enrichment center wishes to remind you that excessively conservative or religious subjects are not suitable for testing procedures. Additionally, testing staff are currently occupied with {link to gf's profile} and are most interested in testing subjects willing to participate in a secondary testing role.
After reading all included informational materials please use the Aperture Science Messaging Button™ to contact our testing staff and submit your application to be tested.
I started a convo with a girl by complementing her enjoyment of Hellsing Ultimate (I swear this is what I said "Hellising Ultimate is awesome! I complement you on liking such a great show about vampires lol")
I do not know. If I knew, it would be easier to overcome, I guess. I just have nothing interesting or witty to start a conversation come to mind, and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…
I do not know. If I knew, it would be easier to overcome, I guess. I just have nothing interesting or witty to start a conversation come to mind, and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…
Well stop trying to say something witty and clever and just start saying something.
Then why are you even thinking about messaging these people? If you can't think of anything, no matter how trivial, to talk about then what exactly do you see in them that makes you interested? Alternatively, if you're being a perfectionist about it and refusing to say anything until you can come up with the perfect opening line, stop doing that.
and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…
Can you write in complete sentences? Can you exchange at least three messages without talking about sex? Have you read the person's profile instead of sending out a generic form letter to every woman in a 100 mile radius? If you answer "yes" to all of these questions congratulations, you're in the top 1% of men on dating sites. Seriously, the standards here are incredibly low, if you have any sense at all you're not going to become a memorable annoyance that someone talks about years later. At worst they'll just decide they aren't interested and delete the message just like all the spam.
And really, think about it this way: if they don't want to receive messages then why are they on a dating site?
Peregrine wrote: And really, think about it this way: if they don't want to receive messages then why are they on a dating site?
I am not being rational, I know, but I cannot help it. Kind of like when I was passing the exams to enter my school and on my French test, I thought my essay was so, so bad that I finally just gave them a blank essay instead even though I knew that could only result in a lower grade. I just felt very ashamed of how bad it was, so I would not want anyone else to see it.
I guess it is a bit of the same thing here.
This was my buddies suggestion. Guys get a 10% response rate........
Message 3 a day saying "hi, Im Hybrid, I like long walks on the beach, Anime porn and casual murder"
You will get a response for quite a few atleast once a week. Also remember, she may not have opened it because she didnt see it(girls get flooded with messages every day)
I do not know. If I knew, it would be easier to overcome, I guess. I just have nothing interesting or witty to start a conversation come to mind, and I have the overwhelming feeling I am going to be annoyance…
You're focusing on yourself. Don't go into any direct interaction with another human focusing on yourself. Focus on the other person, ask questions. Take a genuine interest. If you think a person doesn't seem interesting, don't waste your time talking to them. You won't get anything out of the experience.
I'm still in a relationship, incidentally. Ambivalence.
So, my friends advice was more, how to get a booty call, how to pick up girls at a bar or party and stuff like that.
Not what I want, what I WA the is a relationship, or at least a date, not meaningless sex with a sorority girl.
Also, apparently just straight asking a girl out is creepy.
Yeah it is, which is odd if you think about it... Like, if I see a cute girl at the other end of the bar and walk up to her and be all like "Hey, I noticed you noticing me, and I wanted to put you on notice that I noticed you too, and I'd love to maybe get some drinks with you some time and get to know you too" thats apparently creepy as feth, a total faux pas, and has next to zero chance of landing me a date, but instead walking up to her, introducing yourself, and making small talk for 10 minutes before asking for a date is totally cool, even though the end result is the same.
Well he said that even if you knew them for awhile it's creepy. I just don't get it. He said you should be dating them before either of you know it.
I'm so confused.
Automatically Appended Next Post: I feel like I should just give up sometimes, that it is hopeless. It's frustrating not know how to do something.
Oh, I see. What hes saying is you should stealth date, as in 'hang out' and 'do stuff' without ever really discussing the subject until after you've fethed a couple times. Thats not really dating, thats more hooking up, and its kind of high school gak. Asking for a date isn't creepy if its done at the right time and place with the right person.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Well he said that even if you knew them for awhile it's creepy. I just don't get it. He said you should be dating them before either of you know it.
I'm so confused.
Automatically Appended Next Post: I feel like I should just give up sometimes, that it is hopeless. It's frustrating not know how to do something.
dont give up man, a lot of it is just un learning a lot of things more then learning them. It is both a blessing and a curse to be tasked with spending your life understanding and wooing women.
its odd, yes, lots of unspoken rules yes, lots of contradictory things too... I cannot ever explain the why, only the how, so dont ask me why its like this.
dont call it a date, until well after you are already dating,
you always invite out to something, somewhere at some time, ... but have these things PLANNED IN ADVANCE before you ask her, but make it look like you just came up with them and be assertive about it.
IE: hey there is a cool stand up show at the laugh laugh club, we should grab a beer there friday evening." *there is a open mike night at club coolio, we should grab a coffee there tuesday evening`*
notice, I just told her what was happening, and that she should do it, its not a question, its a declarative statement (though keep in mind, its not an order either)
as opposed to "hey, do you want to do something some time?" or "do you want to go out sometime?"
think of it less as asking women if they want to date you, and telling women they should date you, even why they should date you.
if she still says no, and this is probably the #1 thing you need to learn to do, is to just move on and not worry too much about it. Women have types, you weren't hers, you are someone else s though.
other then that, the key is to be improving yourself mostly, the better *you* you are, the better you feel/look/think and act, and adds to the list of `why you should date me` and improves your life in general.
Men who are actively achieving and conquering goals will not only reap the benefit of having achieved those goals, but also the benefit of people *noticing* you are achieving them.
IE keep improving your bodies health, and you get the benefit of a healthy body and more attention from ladies,
improve your education or job position and you get those benefits as well as increasing your attraction,
do interesting things (books travel, protest something, believe in something, deny something, just make sure its something interesting) and you benefit from being more interesting, and people will be more interested in you if you have things to talk about.
It just seems like......IDK, getting into the friendship with a women first is the hardest part itself....and one I have no idea how to do....
Maybe I should be gay....I hear alot of men like bears.......
LOL gay men still have a sign that says `*no fatties*, you can be hairy, but not fat and hairy if you want to be popular with the menz.
dont worry about knowing that step, its not needed.
dont ask them for friendship, and dont act like their friend if you want to bone em, it does not work. You will never earn enough friend points to be BF material because thats not how it works.
you want to be their lover or BF, not their friend.
you just gotta ask for what you want straight up. if they dont want to give it, find one who will.
Women decide in seconds if they want you, and that is entirely based on your first impression and a bad appearance. bad breath, hygiene, fitness, and clothes will all knock you out of the running.
get the body in shape, get the testosterone doing its thing, focus on yourself and improving your life.
the rest will come, its hard and frustrating but were all in it together.
Yeah friendship doesn't ever translate to romance, sometimes they don't even see you as a friend (or maybe I just knew gakky people)
I had a date tonight, not sure it went well, but I have a real bad track record (all failures).
This seemed no better then any of the others so I am pretty gloomy about it
Pity that cokehead had a great butt, but was psychotic and hates me now. Saw the Paris Hilton episode of South Park again recently and realized that girl was Paris Hilton, but without the over the top sluttiness...fething alcoholic rager.
Cheesecat wrote: Yeah, who wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend where you feel comfortable with each other and/or enjoy the things you do together...
Having a GF that likes the same stuff is great, and a part of a healthy relationship that I look for as well.
Enjoying each others company on a deep level does not necessitate some kind of mandatory "we have to be platonic friends first", especially if your intent going in is to have it get romantic.
woman are not relationship vending machines that you can put friendship coins into until they become your girlfriend.
Girl-friends are just that, NON platonic friends, this doesnt mean you have sex on the first date or whatever, but be honest about intentions and expectations, dont try to kid yourself or her.
Everyone is looking for a non platonic friendship, its nothing to be ashamed about, and its still just as much real friendship as platonic friendship.
Cheesecat wrote: Yeah, who wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend where you feel comfortable with each other and/or enjoy the things you do together...
A girlfriend that lifts and plays MMOs? Such a thing does not exist...
False. I know a girl, she has a boyfriend, it isn't me, and it makes me want to cry every time I talk to her... shes also a model, stupidly smart, and loves nerdy gak.
trexmeyer wrote: A girlfriend that lifts and plays MMOs? Such a thing does not exist...
I do not know about MMO, but if pro Starcraft II player that win tournaments can work too, well, there is Madeleine Leander.
http://esport.aftonbladet.se/team/maddelisk/workout-blog-week-introduction Note that she is also doing a PhD in mathematics, because she needed more awesome .
I kind of expect that you would face quite a bit of competition there .
Well that date went poorly, as I thought it would...
I donno if it's just some curse I have but everytime this happens they never speak to me again, I'd have at least wanted to be friends...
But it's like, I meet someone online, we talk lots and really enjoy it-get along great and it's fun, meet and she hates me.
So she never speaks to me again.
I always thought I was a bit better then that, but 3 for 3 in like a few months. I know it's not my looks, I know it's my personality/social skills.
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, my friends advice was more, how to get a booty call, how to pick up girls at a bar or party and stuff like that.
Not what I want, what I WA the is a relationship, or at least a date, not meaningless sex with a sorority girl.
Also, apparently just straight asking a girl out is creepy.
Maybe you want a relationship, but they dont spring out of the ground like hoplites from Dragon's Teeth sown into the ground. The first step is the approach and the pick-up. Maybe your goal isn't a booty call, but you have to be able to get girls talking, hanging out, and then going on dates with you before you can have a relationship.
Rainbow Dash wrote: 3 for 3 in like a few months. I know it's not my looks, I know it's my personality/social skills.
3 bad dates in a few months isn't terrible. It's just coincidence / bad luck. You're not exactly havings lots and lots of bad dates...
What makes you say its you? What has happened on all three dates that might have contributed to not getting called back? Are you sure it's not the women?
I cannot speak for Rainbow Dash, but 3 bad dates in a few month will mean something very different if you already had quite a bunch of dates that went well before, or if it is the last 3 bad dates of a life in which you only had bad dates.
In the first case, you will likely think “Those women were not into me”. In the second, “Women are not into me”.
I donno if it's just some curse I have but everytime this happens they never speak to me again, I'd have at least wanted to be friends...
But it's like, I meet someone online, we talk lots and really enjoy it-get along great and it's fun, meet and she hates me.
So she never speaks to me again.
I always thought I was a bit better then that, but 3 for 3 in like a few months. I know it's not my looks, I know it's my personality/social skills.
If you share what you did and talked about, people might be able to give you some tips.
We went for Thai food, it was too snowy for the original plan, we talked about all sorts of things, mostly I just asked her questions and various things.
No date has ever went well before, I know women don't like me and for some stupid reason I keep trying.
Rainbow Dash wrote: We went for Thai food, it was too snowy for the original plan, we talked about all sorts of things, mostly I just asked her questions and various things.
No date has ever went well before, I know women don't like me and for some stupid reason I keep trying.
Rainbow Dash wrote: We went for Thai food, it was too snowy for the original plan, we talked about all sorts of things, mostly I just asked her questions and various things.
No date has ever went well before, I know women don't like me and for some stupid reason I keep trying.
I'm a weird person so I always assume it's me.
So where is the "went poorly" part?
Dunno, I don't actually ever know what goes poorly on any of them they just always completely change how they act towards me.
Where as before we meet they are always happy to see me, enjoy chatting, all that, after, they don't say more then a few words and are very cold and then I just stop talking to them and they don't message me anymore.
I mean... I am not at all closed about my oddities, that I am a cooky person or socially weird, and they seem all interested in that, but when they come face to face with it...they hate it.
I don't know what they want, they said all the things I enjoyed were neat wanted to hear about them, then they hear about them and I get rejected...
Am I crazy? It has to be me...something about me...
This one I had the feeling as soon as she saw me I was fethed, like I was supposed to do or say something and I didn't.
And it just felt awkward the entire night.
Rainbow Dash wrote: Where as before we meet they are always happy to see me, enjoy chatting, all that, after, they don't say more then a few words and are very cold and then I just stop talking to them and they don't message me anymore.
As I said before, this is common. Everyone, unless they're a sex god billionaire, has first dates that don't go anywhere. Having a person go silent the next day isn't a spectacular failure, it just means they didn't see any potential and decided that it's easier to stop talking than to give an explicit rejection. A major failure would be if the person walked out in the middle of the date, or at least went silent and awkward and started looking for the check and a box for their leftovers.
I mean... I am not at all closed about my oddities, that I am a cooky person or socially weird, and they seem all interested in that, but when they come face to face with it...they hate it.
Why are you assuming that this is some kind of special hate for who you are, instead of just apathy? You don't have to hate someone to not be interested in dating them, you just have to realize that they're not the 0.00001% of people in the world that you're interested in.
People just dislike me... I donno what it is, but I loose friends on a regular basis, or they'll just say something really cruel to me for no reason.
I remember once I was playing halo with a friend and did a stupid dance and she said I looked anorexic because, I think I rolled up my sleeves and I don't generally not wear something large because I am pretty thin...
Needless to day, I bring out the worst in people.
And to be fair... the first two I was given the old toss (once so she could go to work, a call in, and another so she could study) those ones were pretty bad this one was...well normal meh date.
Out of the three, this one made me feel the least bad.
I don't know what they want, they said all the things I enjoyed were neat wanted to hear about them, then they hear about them and I get rejected...
I am going to go out on a limb and guess the quoted part is where it goes all wrong. I have a feeling that you are actually over sharing about what you enjoy.
Instead, spend the majority of the time talking about what they enjoy. Learn to redirect and ask open ended questions, actively listen, and ask follow-up questions.
At the end of the night you should know a lot about them, but they should know very little about you. That way, there is a reason for them to see you again. To solve the mystery of who you are. Plus, people love talking about themselves. Let your date do it, and save your stories for the next few dates.
Actually I very seldom spoke about my own likes this time around, I mean I don't often talk about them because they are weird and embarrassing and I know nobody cares, so I asked her questions.
She said she was shy before hand so didn't say anything without me asking her.
All and all it was the least bad but still the most awkward.
I had the least fun on it because unlike the others I was trying far harder to be more... normal and less out there as I usually am and present myself.
I presented myself far more reserved then normal. So this seems to have a more normal "oh we didn't click" then the other two which was "this guy is too weird"
I mean people often respond better to my "normal act"...but I feel miserable since, I am showing so little of myself and always walk on egg shells, trying to act proper and it spirals out of control and I become extremely angry and depressed and just fall apart.
So it's either I have fake happiness and someone likes a fake person (for as long as I can hack it), or I am myself and happy with that, but alone as everyone is put off by that.
You may not feel genuine, but first dates *are* a time to be a little conservative. I think that guys that have trouble with females sometimes defensively fall into the "this is how I am...you need to accept me for me!" attitude. Eventually that may be the case, but not on the first date.
And I don't think that I'm saying "be fake." I think the goal is to let your overall personality shine through, but avoid going too deep on the personal stuff or discussing hot-button topics, etc. First dates are about seeing if there's some basic, ground-level chemistry with this combination, not whether your interests, values and life goals are completely aligned.
I get that gaming geeks don't necessarily rank high with their interpersonal skills, but with practice this stuff will get easier and more natural. I'm naturally an introvert who was never great in the bar scene as a single guy, but when I got an actual date over dinner, etc., I was very confident and much more in my element.
It'll come...being patient and getting through some bad dates may be the hard part, but it's how you learn and get better. TBH, it sounds to me like you might not have connected with her interpersonally, no matter what you said. First dates with the super-shy are usually very, very awkward IMO.
A general comment to the thread regarding the 'ask questions' thing -- I think it's good advice, but IMO you also need to show you can handle some back and forth and have a good conversation, and that involves holding up your end too. I think I gave this advice many pages ago, but if you're dating, it's not a bad idea to bone up on pop culture. Watch a few popular TV shows and movies, read a bestseller, keep up with current events, etc. You want to have "safe" material to talk about. Table most of the geek talk, and if it comes up not of your doing, downplay it, don't linger on it, and move on. You can safely pile on the geek stuff later, after the girl has already decided that she really likes you.
Yeah but with someone like me who is already socially awkward and just all around awkward, I have to tone everything down, always.
It's one or the other, because I can't just let a bit in because that little bit alone is crazy.
My overall personality is weird, like I'm a weird person.
I'm cool with that and enjoy what I love, no one else does, but I still derive some happiness in my life.
Just alone. Everything I do really I do by myself.
It'd be different if I was just some run of the mill gamer but I am not I am far more...odd then that (though I dislike video games)... So it's not as easy as that.
Rainbow Dash wrote: People just dislike me... I donno what it is, but I loose friends on a regular basis, or they'll just say something really cruel to me for no reason.
I remember once I was playing halo with a friend and did a stupid dance and she said I looked anorexic because, I think I rolled up my sleeves and I don't generally not wear something large because I am pretty thin...
Needless to day, I bring out the worst in people.
And to be fair... the first two I was given the old toss (once so she could go to work, a call in, and another so she could study) those ones were pretty bad this one was...well normal meh date.
Out of the three, this one made me feel the least bad.
Well, I'm starting to dislike you just because all the woe is me negativity you're spewing... Heres some advice: people like positive people. They like hanging around positive people because positive feelings and thoughts make other people feel positive, if you're not being positive you're being negative, and nobody wants to hang with a negative nancy, so stop being negative.
I mean people often respond better to my "normal act"...but I feel miserable since, I am showing so little of myself and always walk on egg shells, trying to act proper and it spirals out of control and I become extremely angry and depressed and just fall apart.
So it's either I have fake happiness and someone likes a fake person (for as long as I can hack it), or I am myself and happy with that, but alone as everyone is put off by that.
Have you ever concsidered that, maybe, you can do your normal act when you start dating and slowly, as you get to know eachother, reveal more and more of your weirdness, etc? Generally speaking, most people will respond fairly well to weirdness if you don't serve it up to them all at once.
Rainbow Dash wrote: Yeah but with someone like me who is already socially awkward and just all around awkward, I have to tone everything down, always.
It's one or the other, because I can't just let a bit in because that little bit alone is crazy.
My overall personality is weird, like I'm a weird person.
I'm cool with that and enjoy what I love, no one else does, but I still derive some happiness in my life.
Just alone. Everything I do really I do by myself.
It'd be different if I was just some run of the mill gamer but I am not I am far more...odd then that (though I dislike video games)... So it's not as easy as that.
I'm sure youre not as much as a special snowflake as you think you are. TBH you sound like a teen/young adult, overly self centered but still exceptionally insecure. I mean ffs a few pages ago you mentioned you lost your v-card, clearly you're not as inept, weird, or unlikable as you think.
You know I couldn't give less of a gak what you think of me personally. You can bitch about my ideas, and attitude and stuff, that's fair, I mean I put it up for you to read, but I don't care about your opinions towards me as a person.
If you don't like me that much, there's an ignore button.
Rainbow Dash wrote: My overall personality is weird, like I'm a weird person.
How? What is so weird about you compared to other people who have success with dating? So far you haven't really said anything that would allow you to get useful advice on what to do differently. Are you even looking for advice, or are you just here for sympathy about having a few typical bad dates?
Rainbow Dash wrote: You know I couldn't give less of a gak what you think of me personally. You can bitch about my ideas, and attitude and stuff, that's fair, I mean I put it up for you to read, but I don't care about your opinions towards me as a person.
If you don't like me that much, there's an ignore button.
He's trying to give you some decent advice. Not rub your ego. I'm quite sure he doesn't really give two damns about you as a person, he's never met you, and likely never will. You made a post asking for some advice/opinions, and got it. The phrase is 'constructive criticism'.
Rainbow Dash wrote: My overall personality is weird, like I'm a weird person.
How? What is so weird about you compared to other people who have success with dating? So far you haven't really said anything that would allow you to get useful advice on what to do differently. Are you even looking for advice, or are you just here for sympathy about having a few typical bad dates?
I read a lot of advice that has been given, and what is different about me...as much as an embarrassment to even bring it up, there's the whole aspergers thing I have, so I would say that first and foremost.
As per questions a lot of the ones I had, have been answered, I read a lot of the past posts ... of course I could have said that earlier, my bad.
Rainbow Dash wrote: You know I couldn't give less of a gak what you think of me personally. You can bitch about my ideas, and attitude and stuff, that's fair, I mean I put it up for you to read, but I don't care about your opinions towards me as a person.
If you don't like me that much, there's an ignore button.
He's trying to give you some decent advice. Not rub your ego. I'm quite sure he doesn't really give two damns about you as a person, he's never met you, and likely never will. You made a post asking for some advice/opinions, and got it. The phrase is 'constructive criticism'.
I was more annoyed at he beginning it with "I am starting to dislike you"
would seem he does give a damn about me as a person or else he wouldn't have put that there before anything else.
I was more annoyed at he beginning it with "I am starting to dislike you"
would seem he does.
In his day to day life, I'm sure he really couldn't care less. If he genuinely disliked you, he wouldn't be trying to give you advice. But he's communicating what your past posts are making him feel, which is mild irritation. And he's extrapolating (probably not inaccurately) that if you do that to him, you're probably doing it to others as well, so he's advising you to perk up a bit.
I read a lot of advice that has been given, and what is different about me...as much as an embarrassment to even bring it up, there's the whole aspergers thing I have, so I would say that first and foremost.
Aspergers is a handicap, but just that. For most, it just means you need to work a little harder at things, not that you're incapable of them. Too many people simply use it as a self-justifying cop-out of an excuse. I'm not saying that of you personally, but it is a mentality I've seen all too many with the condition fall into.
I was more annoyed at he beginning it with "I am starting to dislike you"
would seem he does.
In his day to day life, I'm sure he really couldn't care less. If he genuinely disliked you, he wouldn't be trying to give you advice. But he's communicating what your past posts are making him feel, which is mild irritation. And he's extrapolating (probably not inaccurately) that if you do that to him, you're probably doing it to others as well, so he's advising you to perk up a bit.
There's where you're wrong, I am certain he is in my laundry hamper with a crossbow!...
but seriously, yes I have known many people to use it as a handicap. I try my best not to, I get moody as hell but...it's a lifelong process of personal building and progression.
but seriously, yes I have known many people to use it as a handicap. I try my best not to, I get moody as hell but...it's a lifelong process of personal building and progression.
Damn straight it is. Yes, it will impair your ability to build relationships with people, platonic and otherwise. But it doesn't make it impossible. Hold onto that fact, keep working at it, and you will get somewhere.
chaos0xomega wrote: Heres some advice: people like positive people. They like hanging around positive people because positive feelings and thoughts make other people feel positive, if you're not being positive you're being negative, and nobody wants to hang with a negative nancy, so stop being negative.
chaos0xomega wrote: Heres some advice: people like positive people. They like hanging around positive people because positive feelings and thoughts make other people feel positive, if you're not being positive you're being negative, and nobody wants to hang with a negative nancy, so stop being negative.
Yep, we've been saying this. It's just a fact.
What about hiding the fact you are actually very depressed inside, while pretending to be perfectly fine? Is that okay?
chaos0xomega wrote: Heres some advice: people like positive people. They like hanging around positive people because positive feelings and thoughts make other people feel positive, if you're not being positive you're being negative, and nobody wants to hang with a negative nancy, so stop being negative.
Yep, we've been saying this. It's just a fact.
What about hiding the fact you are actually very depressed inside, while pretending to be perfectly fine? Is that okay?
Oh. And if I recall correctly, you are quite younger than I am, while I still have my v-card. See, Peregrine is right, clearly you are no as inept, weird, or unlikable as you some other people. .
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Oh. And if I recall correctly, you are quite younger than I am, while I still have my v-card. See, Peregrine is right, clearly you are no as inept, weird, or unlikable as you some other people. .
still haven't made it with my own gender... a new years goal though...insanely easy...
Read it again. "sorry YOU can't reap the rewards of bisexuality? ". What he's saying is "too bad you're not bi or you could have all the hot men like I get".
Read it again. "sorry YOU can't reap the rewards of bisexuality? ". What he's saying is "too bad you're not bi or you could have all the hot men like I get".
more the potential... as I said about my new years resolution...which also includes getting a banjo.
Aspergers... one of my good friends from college has Aspergers, I had the privelege of being the groomsman at his wedding a couple months ago, out of all my married (or otherwise not-single friends), he definitely pulled in the biggest catch. Im talking like 9.5 out of 10 on the babe scale, on top of that shes one of the nicest, most down to earth, and most intelligent people I know (she has a masters in aerospace engineering, launches rockets for a living, and is in the application process for becoming an astdonaut). If I said I wasnt extrmeley envious Id be lying.
Point is, its not as big an obstacle as you think... and trust me the dude is plenty "weird" himself.
Peregrine wrote: Read it again. "sorry YOU can't reap the rewards of bisexuality? ". What he's saying is "too bad you're not bi or you could have all the hot men like I get".
Oh, okay. I misunderstood it as a general “you”, similar to “one”. Sorry. I am still confused about how Rainbow Dash can know it to be so easy if he never have done it yet, and not sure I would have more success with men…
Guys, I hope that you guys can give me some advice about this.
I'm 18 and there's this girl at school who I really took a fancy to and she's both good looking and smart. I really liked her because we have quite a few things in common such as we both are very good at learning languages.
Now, I'm quite good at socialising with girls and can start a conversation quite easily. Problem is I've heard the other ones from boarding say that she is quite protective and shy and hangs around with her clique of friends, and I'm just not too sure how to approach her and her friends and maybe get us to know each other better, because I'd like to get into a serious relationship. I'm just afraid that she'll freak out and think that I'm a creep.
This might be dumb, but I thought that it would be worth mentioning that I'm Virgo, as it portrays my character quite well, although i'm not too critical or reserved.
Phosis T'Kar Jr wrote: Problem is I've heard the other ones from boarding say that she is quite protective and shy and hangs around with her clique of friends, and I'm just not too sure how to approach her and her friends and maybe get us to know each other better, because I'd like to get into a serious relationship. I'm just afraid that she'll freak out and think that I'm a creep.
Well, she might have a point there. You've already decided that you want a serious relationship with this girl, but you haven't even figured out how to approach her. You're way ahead of where you should be, and getting into the awkward problem of falling in love with a fantasy that has little to do with the real person. And nobody wants to be on the wrong end of that kind of thing.
This might be dumb, but I thought that it would be worth mentioning that I'm Virgo, as it portrays my character quite well, although i'm not too critical or reserved.
Skip the astrology nonsense. It just says "I'm a superficial person who thinks they can be described by a set of personality traits designed to let anyone say 'yeah, that's who I am'".
I should have said I would like to build up to a serious relationship with the girl. And by approaching her, I have and have talked to her, but I'm not sure where to go from the given situation, so that we feel more comfortable with each other. Plus, I meant that she is shy in general, not only when I talk to her. It's just casual talk, nothing more
Frankly I don't believe in astrology either, but I couldn't be bothered to post my personality layout, as I thought the usual traits associated with Virgo describe me nicely. So I only used that as a comparison, nothing more.
I should have said I would like to build up to a serious relationship with the girl. And by approaching her, I have and have talked to her, but I'm not sure where to go from the given situation, so that we feel more comfortable with each other. Plus, I meant that she is shy in general, not only when I talk to her. It's just casual talk, nothing more
Frankly I don't believe in astrology either, but I couldn't be bothered to post my personality layout, as I thought the usual traits associated with Virgo describe me nicely. So I only used that as a comparison, nothing more.
So any advice?
Only nice guys 'build up to a serious relationship'.
'Oh hi there, you know how we've been friends for like six months now? And we enjoy each others company? Well, I totally want dat ass. That was my real motive all along'.
You meet a girl. You charm her. That leads to probably spending a small amount of time with her, in which you figure out if you actually like her or not beyond physical attraction. Then you pop the question and ask them on a date. At any stage, if the girl isn't interested, you won't make it to the next stage. Simple as.
Becoming good friends with a girl as a prelude to a relationship fails in 90% of cases.
Ketara wrote: Becoming good friends with a girl as a prelude to a relationship fails in 90% of cases.
Highlighted the important part.
Being friends with someone and then later realizing that you might want a relationship with them = fine. Sure, the odds aren't that great, but the odds of any two people being compatible long-term are pretty bad. If you fail you didn't fail because you became friends first, you failed because you never had a chance and the other person discovered they weren't interested in you like that after being friends instead of after a few awkward dates.
Being friends with someone as a calculated plan to get a relationship = NO. It doesn't work, and you're an insincere if the only reason you're friends with someone is to manipulate them into having sex with you.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Phosis T'Kar Jr wrote: I should have said I would like to build up to a serious relationship with the girl.
And this is exactly what I warned you about: you're falling in love with a fantasy girl, not a real person. You hardly know this person, so you have no good reason to expect that a serious relationship would be a good idea. Stop thinking about an end goal that won't happen for months/years and focus on what's happening now. You have a few signs that you might be interested in them, which means casual dating to get to know them and see if you both want to go beyond that. Don't even think about what might come after that until you've had success with the early steps. Ignore this advice and you're going to do at least one of two things:
1) Set yourself up for serious disappointment when you fail. If you build a person up into an idealized fantasy you have a lot more to lose than if you see them as just one of countless people that you might be interested in dating. It turns things like asking for a first date into Serious Life Events with the highest stakes instead of a fun thing that doesn't really matter all that much.
2) Make an awkward mess of the situation. You're young and inexperienced, which means you're probably not going to be very subtle and you're going to appear just short of showing up to a first date with an engagement ring in your pocket. The person you're interested in is probably going to pick up on the fact that you're already thinking "serious relationship" and is likely to feel uncomfortable with that kind of fast escalation.
Being friends with someone and then later realizing that you might want a relationship with them = fine. Sure, the odds aren't that great, but the odds of any two people being compatible long-term are pretty bad. If you fail you didn't fail because you became friends first, you failed because you never had a chance and the other person discovered they weren't interested in you like that after being friends instead of after a few awkward dates.
I would say I am at this stage
Actually, I've known this girl for 6+ years and I know her by personality quite well, and I don't fantasize, nor do I like her just physically, it's just i'm not sure how to take it to the next stage without messing things up.
As for subtlety, I'm not your outward advance type, trust me....I know how to play the game as much as anyone else.
And by serious relationship, I mean that, I just don't want to go out with her (if I do) for just a year, then leave.
I dont know if this means anything, but I shaved my head today, so far alot of girls said I look better and some said more menacing(But they said in a good way, like a protector)
chaos0xomega wrote: Heres some advice: people like positive people. They like hanging around positive people because positive feelings and thoughts make other people feel positive, if you're not being positive you're being negative, and nobody wants to hang with a negative nancy, so stop being negative.
Yep, we've been saying this. It's just a fact.
What about hiding the fact you are actually very depressed inside, while pretending to be perfectly fine? Is that okay?
I'm not sure whether or not you're being sarcastic, but actually it doesn't make much of a difference because my response is the same:
Yes, not only is it OK to hide that you are very depressed inside and pretend to be absolutely fine, I would absolutely encourage you to do so, in the context of dating. Hell, even in your everyday life, if you have any desire to meet new friends or potentially useful contacts. In essence, and to be absolutely frank about it, be depressed on your own time, not mine.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I don't mean me specifically, or people with whom you already have a close personal relationship, I'm talking about new people you meet. Negativity is one of the most unattractive personal traits one can possess. You can be the best looking, richest and most successful person ever, but if you're a total bummer to be around, people won't hang with you. That, I feel is the biggest obstacle facing a lot of people that have commented in this thread, who are not experiencing romantic success. Make yourself fun to be around and everything else will fall into place eventually.
Albatross wrote: I'm not sure whether or not you're being sarcastic, but actually it doesn't make much of a difference because my response is the same:
I think you mistook “Will it be enough to hide it, or do I need to solve it before having any chance” for “Should I not rather complain the whole time”.
Albatross wrote: Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I don't mean me specifically, or people with whom you already have a close personal relationship, I'm talking about new people you meet.
I tend to do that with everyone, including those I already have a close personal relationship with. I have a hard time opening about it when I feel bad.
Being friends with someone and then later realizing that you might want a relationship with them = fine. Sure, the odds aren't that great, but the odds of any two people being compatible long-term are pretty bad. If you fail you didn't fail because you became friends first, you failed because you never had a chance and the other person discovered they weren't interested in you like that after being friends instead of after a few awkward dates.
I would say I am at this stage
Actually, I've known this girl for 6+ years and I know her by personality quite well, and I don't fantasize, nor do I like her just physically, it's just i'm not sure how to take it to the next stage without messing things up.
As for subtlety, I'm not your outward advance type, trust me....I know how to play the game as much as anyone else.
And by serious relationship, I mean that, I just don't want to go out with her (if I do) for just a year, then leave.
How can you know that at this stage? From the little you've said, there's been no indication of anything romantic between the two of you. You have a crush on her. That's cool. Girls find that cute if you handle it correctly, but make no mistake, those are the terms you should be speaking in with regard to this girl. No exceptions. Anything else would likely freak her out a bit at this stage. Take it from an old head, gak like that could freak a girl out after a few months of sleeping together, never mind a few innocuous conversations. If you really wanna go for broke, roll the dice and tell her! Find a way to spend time with her outside of school - if you're friends that should be pretty easy. There are suggestions on how to do that right here in this very thread. Go back and read it all.
Once you've found a way to spend a little time together, just you and her, say something like 'Listen, I wanted to come clean about something - I asked you here because I have a little bit of a crush on you. Is that cool? What are your thoughts on that?' Keep it light and fun, like 'ha, god, this is so embarrassing, can't believe I admitted that etc.' That's your gambit here, I feel. It's the only strategy I can see working with a girl you have known for quite a while without making any meaningful overtures towards. It might jolt her into re-examining her feelings towards you, which is something you need to happen, as she has already decided whether or not she is sexually attracted to you and, well, here we are.
Albatross wrote: I'm not sure whether or not you're being sarcastic, but actually it doesn't make much of a difference because my response is the same:
I think you mistook “Will it be enough to hide it, or do I need to solve it before having any chance” for “Should I not rather complain the whole time”.
Albatross wrote: Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I don't mean me specifically, or people with whom you already have a close personal relationship, I'm talking about new people you meet.
I tend to do that with everyone, including those I already have a close personal relationship with. I have a hard time opening about it when I feel bad.
See, the flipside of my post is that you absolutely MUST talk to someone about it! Not doing so is not an option here, I feel. You need a carefully managed outlet for it so that it bleeds into other areas of your life as little as possible. Negativity is a cycle - you approach situations negatively, which yields (more often than not) negative results, which in turn makes you feel negative!
You're a PhD, correct? I'm guessing you're pretty confident in that area in your life, in your subject. Is it mere coincidence that it also happens to be the most successful area of your life too? Of course not. You got to where you are by believing in your abilities and executing with confidence because of that.
A lot of you guys who are struggling with this stuff should subscribe to this guy on youtube:
He has lots of really insightful advice regarding confidence and being (as he puts it) the strongest version of yourself. He's a professional strongman, so he also has great advice on lifting too. He's quite brash and 'American' (he also swears a bit so NSFW), but honestly, give him a shot, watch a few of his videos. I think he's great. I've put some of his advice into practice and it has really worked for me. You might even recognise some of what says in some of the advice I've given here.
As a friend, yes. We do a quite a few extra-curricular activities together but the times that I see her are infrequent - say I might talk to her for a week or so quite a lot, then for a month she would hang out with her friends, and we would rarely talk. I don't really chat to her on Facebook or Twitter , as I don't have them (but she does - it's snip snip Reds8n if you want to check her account), so I mostly socialise in and outside school. Honestly, I'm not really sure where I'm at with her - mostly we'd be friends and at some times she would hang out with me more, but infrequently.
Also I don't know how she sees me, because I live in Northern Ireland but was born elsewhere. I've blended in perfectly in society and by accent, but my interests are somewhat different than the locals' , like their humour, or taste of movies, and the fact that they're sarcastic all the time, and I'm not (to my misfortune). Maybe she doesn't know what to make of me?
Okay, here's the qualifier to see if you're a friend or an acquaintance. Do you hang out together outside of set activities (so class or clubs) with nobody else about? Just the two of you? If so, then the suggestion made above by Albatross is the only way forward. She'll know you well enough that you can't come over all suave and charming, and you need to avoid 'nice guy' syndrome.
If not, then you're more of an acquaintance than a friend, and have more room to maneouvre.
Well, then if you put it that way, I'm more of an acquaintance then. But then teenagers in this country usually hang in a group and go out, even between boys and girls, so I'm not sure if you go on your own with a girl, and only that makes you a friend, but in any case, I see what you mean.
Firstly, you forget any ideas you might have about there being a specific 'ruleset' which will make her go out with you. Every woman is different.
You meet a girl. You charm her. That leads to probably spending a small amount of time with her, in which you figure out if you actually like her or not beyond physical attraction. Then you pop the question and ask them on a date. At any stage, if the girl isn't interested, you won't make it to the next stage. Simple as.
This is it in a nutshell. Since you already know you like her, that puts you at the 'asking out' stage. If she likes you right now, she already likes you. If she doesn't, she doesn't.
Fortunately, being still more or less at the 'acquaintance' stage, you also have the option of making yourself a more attractive prospect over the next six months or so, and then making a move. You've known of her for six years, unless one of you is moving away, there's no rush.
Any tips, to-as you put it so eloquently "make myself a more attractive prospect"? In general terms.
There are many things you can do, lots of which have been mentioned earlier in the thread. To provide an extremely brief overview:-
-Be hygienic. Women hate smelly men. Make sure you wash daily.
-Dress in a style that emphasizes your build best.
-Accessorise. Not over the top, but a single different piece of jewellery that you change around occasionally is always good (so a plain chrome ring one week, a yin/yang pendant on a silver chain the next, etc). Keep it small, keep it tasteful. Piercings can also work well here.
-Get reasonably in shape if you're not already. You don't need to be ripped, but if you're fat, your chances of getting girls with good physiques start dropping with every extra pound you gain past a certain point.
-Develop some actual skills that can impress and interest. Learn to play the piano/guitar, do cheesy magic tricks, make cool looking costume props, whatever takes your fancy.
In other words, before worrying about how to make people fancy you, concern yourself with making yourself somebody worth fancying. Flesh your character and person out. Once you've done that, the women come to you instead of the other way around.
Not too worried about those listed above-
-Hygiene wise, I keep myself tidy and neat
-I mostly dress in jeans.shirt/jumper but I'm extremely fond of black wool trench coats with a nice scarf.
-I don't really wear accessories, bands or anything like that (not my style) just watch and ankh and family cartouche necklace.
-Piercings are out of the question.
-By build-I'm average to lanky,and reasonably fit as I do swimming and cycling.
-It's just the skills to impress that I'm worried - I have zero musical skills, or tricks and stuff like that. All that I can do is sketch (check my deviantart: menaslg.deviantart.com) I can tell clever jokes (not dirty ones).I've started medieval re-enactment,at a local club and hope that one day, I'll participate in the Battle of Nations. And I can sing more than 20 sea chanties! But that's all that I can do, and none of these activities would seem cool in a girl's eyes I think. I just don't know how to look impressionable, as I can't pick up new things due to my schedule being busy enough with exam revision and other activities.
I meant, as in from knowing how the girls are round here, they would be more into boy bands, gossip, dressing and going out with friends - And that is true. She's a big fan of Justin Bieber, just to point that out.
I'm more into culture (classical, jazz, neoclassical and sea chanties, painting and sketching, travelling and sightseeing) and other uncommon hobbies (as I mentioned, which teenagers do medieval reenactment?), and I'm not sure if this appeals to the girls round here. Plus they would be more into someone suave, chatty with a funky hairstyle who calls them "babe", and especially here, someone who's devoutly Protestant and goes to church a lot, because thy're all super religious. I'm greek orthodox, and my religion is somewhat not the same as theirs, nor do I wholly agree to their morals and doctrines. Frankly, I don't want to be that type I would tend to me more reserved and serious, although I can crack jokes if I have to.
That's what I mean, how can I seem more appealing with what I have and can do?
-It's just the skills to impress that I'm worried - I have zero musical skills, or tricks and stuff like that. All that I can do is sketch (check my deviantart: menaslg.deviantart.com) I can tell clever jokes (not dirty ones).I've started medieval re-enactment,at a local club and hope that one day, I'll participate in the Battle of Nations. And I can sing more than 20 sea chanties! But that's all that I can do, and none of these activities would seem cool in a girl's eyes I think. I just don't know how to look impressionable, as I can't pick up new things due to my schedule being busy enough with exam revision and other activities.
That's what's bothering me.
Then to be frank, old bean, if you're confident that you're reasonably physically attractive, you just need to pop the question.
Seriously. If she likes you, she likes you, if she doesn't, she doesn't. I kick myself these days about the fact that when I was at college (pre-university over here), I spent all my time chasing a single girl who hadn't the faintest bit of interest in me to the point of neglecting the ones who did. If, on a personality level, she doesn't fancy you, there's not much you can do about it. There are minor cheat tricks, from wearing red, to casually and deliberately breaking the 'touch' barrier, to specific body languages that you can use to enhance your flirting, but they only work on people who are already inclined to fancy you for the most part.
But still, my point stands, most of my sketches I send over to my bro in America (he's in university now) and he redesigns them- after all that's his channel. But sketches alone don't impress. That's what I was thinking along with what I said, in the 2nd last post
sure, thanks ketara. Although how do I know she doesn't like my personality, aside from the fact that she would say that to my face?
Phosis T'Kar Jr wrote: But still, my point stands, most of my sketches I send over to my bro in America (he's in university now) and he redesigns them- after all that's his channel. But sketches alone don't impress. That's what I was thinking along with what I said, in the 2nd last post.
Skills are supplementary. If we all had to ride unicycles whilst playing bagpipes to get laid, it would never happen. You don't want her to treat you like you're in a critical art competition, it's just so that she can think, 'How impressive!', or 'How interesting' for twenty five seconds before the subject moves on. If you can play the piano, you might play her favourite songs for half an hour, but that's all that would happen. Skills/hobbies flesh you out as a person and enhance you as a prospect. But that's all. They're only a small part of the 'attractiveness' package, so to speak.
Why are you even thinking about nonsense like this? It doesn't matter what some abstract "girl around here" stereotype is interested in because you aren't interested in dating an abstract stereotype. It matters what one specific person is interested in. You're never going to get anywhere if you try to appeal to stereotypes instead of real people.
Avatar 720 wrote: Last time I tried showing someone a miniature I was told that it was "wrong" and that I "should be ashamed".
Sounds like that person is just a , and the correct response is an obscene rant followed by never speaking to them again. But hey, at least if you show off your miniatures early you filter out that kind of person as fast as possible so that you don't have to waste any of your valuable time on them.
And for the record: my girlfriend thinks my 40k stuff is awesome, and she was first interested in me (as a friend) because she saw my sketchbook.
Avatar 720 wrote: Last time I tried showing someone a miniature I was told that it was "wrong" and that I "should be ashamed".
Sounds like that person is just a , and the correct response is an obscene rant followed by never speaking to them again. But hey, at least if you show off your miniatures early you filter out that kind of person as fast as possible so that you don't have to waste any of your valuable time on them.
And for the record: my girlfriend thinks my 40k stuff is awesome, and she was first interested in me (as a friend) because she saw my sketchbook.
I was joking. What else could a guy's 'miniature' could refer to.
sure, thanks ketara. Although how do I know she doesn't like my personality, aside from the fact that she would say that to my face?
Women have certain ingrained reflexive responses to men they're attracted to, like fussing their hair, or blushing when they think they've said something stupid in front of them. But those can all be misread, and at the end of the day, there's no cheat code that will tell you 100%. I've had a girl turn me down before who I thought was into me (I later found out she already had a date with someone else planned, so I may not have misread; it's hard to say). The only way, to know for sure is to ask.
The trick is to realise that asking a girl out is no biggie. But it takes a certain level of panache, experience, and maturity before it becomes easy.
Hygiene, as I mentioned, was drilled in my head by my mother and later by myself.
Oh dear, I bet I made a fool of myself in this thread and look like some weird person with poor social skills and strange hobbies, that stereotypes his peers and asks too many questions.
And really, I don't give a damn about going out with other artists or how my work is perceived really (also asharyia, I didn't realise he was talking about you, so I hope no offence was caused - I don't know you, but if you're an artist,, then I appreciate that. I wasn't implying anything.)
The only way you ever will have a chance with a girl is to ask her out. There are no tricks or cheat codes or ways to make it more likely (unlike the obvious ones, like being clean and behaving like a good person). There is a chance that she will turn you down, and that might even hurt a bit. But that is a fact of life, and you will get over it. It is not the end of the world if it happens.
There is a lot of good advice in this thread, especially the advice to be honest and up front that you are interested in some one. The other truth is that it is all to easy to project all your dreams and desires on a crush and make that person something she/he is not. If I had a time machine, I would go back in time to beat it in to my 18 year old self. It would have made a couple of years of my life a lot easier.
Phosis T'Kar Jr wrote: Hygiene, as I mentioned, was drilled in my head by my mother and later by myself.
Oh dear, I bet I made a fool of myself in this thread and look like some weird person with poor social skills and strange hobbies, that stereotypes his peers and asks too many questions.
And really, I don't give a damn about going out with other artists or how my work is perceived really (also asharyia, I didn't realise he was talking about you, so I hope no offence was caused - I don't know you, but if you're an artist,, then I appreciate that. I wasn't implying anything.)
Well, Invite her for fish & chips after school.
Or ask if she wants to go visit the queens throne room.
Maybe ask if she wants to make funny faces at those guys with the weird hates.
Just something, you new know if you never try. But dont be like me and a creeper about it and do it over email.
jorny wrote: If I had a time machine, I would go back in time to beat it in to my 18 year old self. It would have made a couple of years of my life a lot easier.
Except, past self would have been too inexperienced to understand what future self is saying. Making mistakes and reevaluation about what went wrong and trying different methods is all part of learning.
Phosis T'Kar Jr wrote: Hygiene, as I mentioned, was drilled in my head by my mother and later by myself.
Oh dear, I bet I made a fool of myself in this thread and look like some weird person with poor social skills and strange hobbies, that stereotypes his peers and asks too many questions.
And really, I don't give a damn about going out with other artists or how my work is perceived really (also asharyia, I didn't realise he was talking about you, so I hope no offence was caused - I don't know you, but if you're an artist,, then I appreciate that. I wasn't implying anything.)
Maybe ask if she wants to make funny faces at those guys with the weird hates.
This seems a little too weird for a first date, actually it sounds like a scene from some quirky indie movie.
jorny wrote: If I had a time machine, I would go back in time to beat it in to my 18 year old self. It would have made a couple of years of my life a lot easier.
Except, past self would have been too inexperienced to understand what future self is saying. Making mistakes and reevaluation about what went wrong and trying different methods is all part of learning.
Phosis T'Kar Jr wrote: Hygiene, as I mentioned, was drilled in my head by my mother and later by myself.
Oh dear, I bet I made a fool of myself in this thread and look like some weird person with poor social skills and strange hobbies, that stereotypes his peers and asks too many questions.
And really, I don't give a damn about going out with other artists or how my work is perceived really (also asharyia, I didn't realise he was talking about you, so I hope no offence was caused - I don't know you, but if you're an artist,, then I appreciate that. I wasn't implying anything.)
Maybe ask if she wants to make funny faces at those guys with the weird hates.
This seems a little too weird for a first date, actually it sounds like a scene from some quirky indie movie.
You mean you dont get your dating advice from indie movies?
the shrouded lord wrote: no, go movie, then cafe. means that if you panic at the cafe you can small talk about the movie.
Movies seem bad for first dates, the first date (or few of them) is about getting to know the person not about watching "Joaquin Phoenix jerk off into the ocean" and then having a bit of a chat after it's over.
The only way you ever will have a chance with a girl is to ask her out. There are no tricks or cheat codes or ways to make it more likely (unlike the obvious ones, like being clean and behaving like a good person). There is a chance that she will turn you down, and that might even hurt a bit. But that is a fact of life, and you will get over it. It is not the end of the world if it happens.
There is a lot of good advice in this thread, especially the advice to be honest and up front that you are interested in some one. The other truth is that it is all to easy to project all your dreams and desires on a crush and make that person something she/he is not. If I had a time machine, I would go back in time to beat it in to my 18 year old self. It would have made a couple of years of my life a lot easier.
You mean the Konami Code doesn't work on women? :C
Avatar 720 wrote: Last time I tried showing someone a miniature I was told that it was "wrong" and that I "should be ashamed".
Okay Avatar 720, you need to be more careful. For most people, you should show a 40k or Warmachine or WFB model first. Unless you are talking to someone who you already know is pretty kinky, do not show your Kingdom Death miniatures first!
I am sorry, I had missed your message because of reasons :(. Answering now.
Albatross wrote: See, the flipside of my post is that you absolutely MUST talk to someone about it!
I am working on it. I spoke about it earlier in this thread, here. (Not implying that you should or could remember everything everyone said in this thread, I just thought it was interesting to point out my original message about it.) By the way, I have scarcely seen that friend since then (meaning, basically, what, a dozen hours in 4 months? And never just the two of us. Keep in mind we do not live in the same city at all btw.), but next Friday I am going to her PhD defense, and she will now have a LOT more free time, so we will have much more occasion to see each other, so I am quite happy .
I also spoke about it with another friend today.
So, two people now!
Albatross wrote: You're a PhD, correct? I'm guessing you're pretty confident in that area in your life, in your subject.
I am working on a PhD indeed, and I am not confident about it actually. I heard even geniuses suffer from impostor syndrome. For me, it is the same, except nobody is telling me I am a genius anyway.
I know I must feel really really contrarian, but I want you to know I really appreciate that you are helping me and I certainly will try to be more positive. And watch more of this guy's video.
For instance, I am going to mention that as of this evening, out of the 13 women I sent a message to on OkCupid, there were only 3 that did not answer yet, and there is only one of those from whom I actually expected a response. I just got an answer from the very first person I sent a message to, and I am going to meet another one of them face to face tomorrow evening. That is certainly something I can be positive about . Something strange happened though: I started talking with someone because she listed Persian as one of her languages, we had an interesting discussion about place she lived in, I had mentioned I have a Faravahar pendant (offered by previously mentioned very good friend when I met her, the first time I went to Iran, btw), and she had said she has one to, and her last message was telling me “I have put some picture with my faravahar” (paraphrasing and translating from French). But when I saw this message, her account had already been deleted. Do you think those are linked? Maybe her picture was considered too much nudity for the website and they closed the account because of it ? Well, if she does create a new account and contact me, maybe I will know, else I will be forever ignorant about why her account mysteriously disappeared .
Cheesecat wrote: This seems a little too weird for a first date, actually it sounds like a scene from some quirky indie movie.
Your quirky indie movies ain't got anythin' on my quirky indie movies! Anythin', you hear me! In my indie movies, when the super-though vigilante cop remember his late love, his “madeleine de Proust” is a freaking hamburger, because their favorite romantic activity was EATING A DOZEN OF HAMBURGER EACH TOGETHER.
(Sorry, completely off-topic, but that movie was so, SO FREAKING MAD in an awesome way I just had to mention it. I will likely remember this forever! I should even try to replace the expression madeleine de proust with Boujenah's hamburger! If you ever can see it, go for it.)
Side note: I do not advise buying twenty hamburgers for your first date .
I think it can actually be pretty useful, just quite a bit later in the relationship. Wait until they give you access to their input section, man!
And now I feel ashamed for making this joke .
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Ashiraya wrote: It is. It is one of the reasons why I follow this thread - seeing the roads men's thoughts take is interesting.
By the way, do you have any links to some similar resource for women? I was looking at videos from this guy Albatross linked, and they were very, very much targeted at men, and I just thought I would like to see how something similar but designed for women would look like. It was also a bit of the same when I discovered Wizardchan, I asked myself “Is there some kind of female version of Wizardchan?”. It is not to be a creeper or a voyeur, I just like to understand other people, to try to put myself in their shoes. So I can be better with them, and when I say better, I do not mean a manipulative .
I am sorry, I had missed your message because of reasons :(. Answering now.
Ha, don't worry, that wasn't just aimed at you!
Albatross wrote: See, the flipside of my post is that you absolutely MUST talk to someone about it!
I am working on it. I spoke about it earlier in this thread, here. (Not implying that you should or could remember everything everyone said in this thread, I just thought it was interesting to point out my original message about it.) By the way, I have scarcely seen that friend since then (meaning, basically, what, a dozen hours in 4 months? And never just the two of us. Keep in mind we do not live in the same city at all btw.), but next Friday I am going to her PhD defense, and she will now have a LOT more free time, so we will have much more occasion to see each other, so I am quite happy .
I also spoke about it with another friend today.
So, two people now!
That's cool! Have you considered maybe speaking to a professional? By which I mean a counsellor, not a sex-worker!
Albatross wrote: You're a PhD, correct? I'm guessing you're pretty confident in that area in your life, in your subject.
I am working on a PhD indeed, and I am not confident about it actually. I heard even geniuses suffer from impostor syndrome. For me, it is the same, except nobody is telling me I am a genius anyway.
I know I must feel really really contrarian, but I want you to know I really appreciate that you are helping me and I certainly will try to be more positive. And watch more of this guy's video.
Yeah, he's got some interesting stuff to say. Definitely worth persevering with, even if you don't warm to his style.
And you should be confident about your doctorate! Having been (albeit briefly) offered a similar situation, I know first hand that not everybody can do it. You are clearly skilled in that area.
For instance, I am going to mention that as of this evening, out of the 13 women I sent a message to on OkCupid, there were only 3 that did not answer yet, and there is only one of those from whom I actually expected a response. I just got an answer from the very first person I sent a message to, and I am going to meet another one of them face to face tomorrow evening. That is certainly something I can be positive about . Something strange happened though: I started talking with someone because she listed Persian as one of her languages, we had an interesting discussion about place she lived in, I had mentioned I have a Faravahar pendant (offered by previously mentioned very good friend when I met her, the first time I went to Iran, btw), and she had said she has one to, and her last message was telling me “I have put some picture with my faravahar” (paraphrasing and translating from French). But when I saw this message, her account had already been deleted. Do you think those are linked? Maybe her picture was considered too much nudity for the website and they closed the account because of it ? Well, if she does create a new account and contact me, maybe I will know, else I will be forever ignorant about why her account mysteriously disappeared .
That all sounds like it's heading in the right direction mate, tbh. It's rare to get that many responses. You must have good pictures!
Albatross wrote: Have you considered maybe speaking to a professional? By which I mean a counsellor, not a sex-worker!
Never seriously. Usually I go very bad and then I go better, so I stop thinking about it. Currently I feel better.
I did speak with sex-workers a couple of time, but just long enough to let them know I was not interested.
Albatross wrote: That all sounds like it's heading in the right direction mate, tbh. It's rare to get that many responses. You must have good pictures!
Well, you tell me. I just took the best pictures I had on my computer.
My profile picture
Only a few month old! By the way, do not look at the writings on the white board behind me, it is highly classified!
The others:
Spoiler:
My favorite, but not using it as a profile picture because it is very old (7 years old now!)
5 years old. I should really take some more recent pictures. But I do not feel like I changed much. Also it is the morning and there is sun, as you can see in my eyes!
Two “jokes” picture that are not displayed nearly as prominently as the others:
MOOOOOOORNING! NOOOOOO!
I AM GANGSTA!
Okay, I lied, it is actually theoretical research that most spies would not even care to take with them if it was offered to them .
Now everyone can try to stalk me using reverse image search .
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Never seriously. Usually I go very bad and then I go better, so I stop thinking about it. Currently I feel better.
When you're feeling better is the time to do something. You have the emotional reserves to handle the extra work, instead of desperately trying to avoid failing the everyday stuff.
The others:
This is where you need to aim for quality over quantity. The first of the four is clearly the best, no weird expressions and the technical quality is the best (nice clean background, everything in focus, etc). See if you can duplicate it if you're concerned about the age. The second is just awful, get rid of it. Your expression is weird and the photo quality is terrible (focus is on the cluttered background, way overexposed). You're only hurting yourself by including it. The third one isn't bad if you make sure to include the joke caption and bury it at the end. The last one is just a bad idea, hardly any of you is visible so you're just wasting space with it.
Peregrine wrote: The first of the four is clearly the best, no weird expressions and the technical quality is the best (nice clean background, everything in focus, etc). See if you can duplicate it if you're concerned about the age.
Well, it was done by some professional when I entered my school, actually. That is why it is so much better than the others!
I do not even have a working camera at the moment, so no better pictures for a while.
Albatross wrote: Have you considered maybe speaking to a professional? By which I mean a counsellor, not a sex-worker!
Never seriously. Usually I go very bad and then I go better, so I stop thinking about it. Currently I feel better.
Then seek some help now. Once you've got your foot in the door on this issue, you should be seeing someone--GP or mental health professional--regularly enough that not only will you be seeing someone during the worst times, when you might not have had the motivation or energy to even begin the process beforehand, but whoever you're seeing will have been able to monitor the decline and subsequent recovery, and will be in a better position to try and help.
As someone who's struggled--and is still struggling--with mental health problems, and has seen what some of worse MH conditions do to people, I can't in all good conscience not advise going to see your doctor, even if you currently feel fine.
Avatar 720 wrote: Then seek some help now. Once you've got your foot in the door on this issue, you should be seeing someone--GP or mental health professional--regularly enough that not only will you be seeing someone during the worst times, when you might not have had the motivation or energy to even begin the process beforehand, but whoever you're seeing will have been able to monitor the decline and subsequent recovery, and will be in a better position to try and help.
GP?
I have no idea, who do I look for? Psychiatrist, psychologist, psychoanalyst? And what would I tell him/her?
Hybrid, you really are quite handsome (this is coming from a heterosexual male), I think you can do a lot better with women than you give yourself credit for.
I'd echo Peregrine on the first picture. You look really, really good there.
I'd share my picture, but I'm not sure if it's worth the risk. By putting pictures on the internet, anyone anywhere can do anything with them. For the same reason I don't really use Facebook.
Only pictures of myself I seem to own I am dressed in some crazy Elton John looking stuff (started with a pair of my friends like girly cosplay/whatever sunglasses and snowballed from things I found and no one stopped me).
shrouded - youre like 16/17? You got nothin to worry about but youre going to want better pics if youre doin the edating thing.
ashiraya - I cant be the only one whos curious what you look like lol Personally, the whole paranoia thing regarding misuse of your persona strikes me as just that - paranoia. Unless you want a career in politics or espionage there really isnt a lot to worry about IMO.
chaos0xomega wrote: Hybrid, you really are quite handsome (this is coming from a heterosexual male), I think you can do a lot better with women than you give yourself credit for.
Thanks. I would have to deal with crippling insecurities first, or something, I guess.
Ashiraya wrote: I'd echo Peregrine on the first picture. You look really, really good there.
.
I was only two year older than you are now on that picture .
chaos0xomega wrote: ashiraya - I cant be the only one whos curious what you look like lol
No, but asking for pictures would be awkward .
chaos0xomega wrote: Personally, the whole paranoia thing regarding misuse of your persona strikes me as just that - paranoia. Unless you want a career in politics or espionage there really isnt a lot to worry about IMO.
I think you are lucky and have never encountered those really, really hateful persons that one sometime stumble upon on the internet. Some people might actually want to stalk you in real life, and there having pictures of you make a big difference!
There is one girl flirting me on OkCupid (she told me twice how she cannot believe how I am still single now, so I guess it is safe to say she is flirting me), awesome tastes on music and movie, geeky, super sweet, nice pictures… and she lives in Brussels, not Paris .
Avatar 720 wrote: Then seek some help now. Once you've got your foot in the door on this issue, you should be seeing someone--GP or mental health professional--regularly enough that not only will you be seeing someone during the worst times, when you might not have had the motivation or energy to even begin the process beforehand, but whoever you're seeing will have been able to monitor the decline and subsequent recovery, and will be in a better position to try and help.
GP?
I have no idea, who do I look for? Psychiatrist, psychologist, psychoanalyst? And what would I tell him/her?
General Practitioner. I have to admit I'm not sure how the French healthcare system works, but general practitioners in healthcare systems tend to be the ones you go to first, who then refer you on to specialists if need be. In the UK, psychiatrists are usually only for people with disorders such as Schizophrenia, and all my dealings (depression and anxiety) have been with psychologists. If you have any sort of front-line general-issue doctors over there, then they'll be able to refer you to the most suitable specialist.
chaos0xomega wrote: Hybrid, you really are quite handsome (this is coming from a heterosexual male), I think you can do a lot better with women than you give yourself credit for.
Thanks. I would have to deal with crippling insecurities first, or something, I guess.
Ashiraya wrote: I'd echo Peregrine on the first picture. You look really, really good there.
.
I was only two year older than you are now on that picture .
chaos0xomega wrote: ashiraya - I cant be the only one whos curious what you look like lol
No, but asking for pictures would be awkward .
chaos0xomega wrote: Personally, the whole paranoia thing regarding misuse of your persona strikes me as just that - paranoia. Unless you want a career in politics or espionage there really isnt a lot to worry about IMO.
I think you are lucky and have never encountered those really, really hateful persons that one sometime stumble upon on the internet. Some people might actually want to stalk you in real life, and there having pictures of you make a big difference!
There is one girl flirting me on OkCupid (she told me twice how she cannot believe how I am still single now, so I guess it is safe to say she is flirting me), awesome tastes on music and movie, geeky, super sweet, nice pictures… and she lives in Brussels, not Paris .
Avatar 720 wrote: If you have any sort of front-line general-issue doctors over there, then they'll be able to refer you to the most suitable specialist.
What the hell do I tell him? “Hello doctor, I feel very sad sometime and I do not show it to other, can you send me to a psychologist ?”
Avatar 720 wrote: Just over 3 and a half hours of travel w/o taking traffic into account.
I have no car though, and no driving license yet. You got me to check, I could go there and back by train for about 100€ in good circumstances.
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Rainbow Dash wrote: If the internet is any indication, people in Europe seem far nicer then people in Canada or the US...just my opinion (and I live in Canada lol)
Let me introduce you to the city I live in. We even have a whole Wikipedia article on how people go nuts when it so, so far from their expectations .
Here, if you want to read it:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_syndrome Parisians do not have a reputation for being well-mannered, or nice. Never had too much trouble personally, quite the contrary, but their reputation in France is not good.
chaos0xomega wrote: Personally, the whole paranoia thing regarding misuse of your persona strikes me as just that - paranoia. Unless you want a career in politics or espionage there really isnt a lot to worry about IMO.
Well, a guy on my server had his facebook pictures vandalised and spread on the realm forum. The culprits were banned, of course, but it was still a highly uncomfortable event for him.
here it's just snow/cold that tries to get you lol
but yeah that's just people not understanding what places are like, it can go the opposite way with Japan, a lot of anime dorks thinking Japan is some sort of haven when...it's just a city, with people.
And people are jerks.
(Not to mention they're less tolerant of anime loving weirdo's then the west but that's another story all together).
My friends who were into anime, but where also reasonable persons, where happy enough in Japan, if I recall correctly. But yeah, they were reasonable persons . Why where you talking about Europeans being supposedly nicer, by the way?
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: My friends who were into anime, but where also reasonable persons, where happy enough in Japan, if I recall correctly. But yeah, they were reasonable persons . Why where you talking about Europeans being supposedly nicer, by the way?
Just something I observed talking to them...Maybe I was just lucky, I donno.
Avatar 720 wrote: If you have any sort of front-line general-issue doctors over there, then they'll be able to refer you to the most suitable specialist.
What the hell do I tell him? “Hello doctor, I feel very sad sometime and I do not show it to other, can you send me to a psychologist ?”
You tell him how you feel during your lowest times, how it impacts on your life during those times, and explain to him the fluctuating nature of what you're going through, including the fact that you currently feel well enough to seek help about it. As much as it might seem fruitless or difficult to explain exactly 'feeling very sad sometimes' means, you're not going to be doing yourself any good if you play it all down, or generalise. If you've been low enough to contemplate suicide, for example, then you must mention it, regardless of whether it was a fleeting half-second thought, or one that persisted, along with the frequency of them and your honest opinion about how you cope with them. Obviously I'm not saying that you've felt like that, but what I am saying is that any detail, however short-lived or seemingly irrelevant, matters, and should be mentioned.
It'll then be his job to decide what to do, although you can probably request a therapist. If you have a general idea of when you start deteriorating (E.G. Every X weeks or so you hit a low point for Y weeks, and then you're fine again for another X weeks), then mention it and see if you can work out an appointment schedule that'll include appointments during those times, as well as times when you're feeling well. If you don't want to try medication (which, contrary to popular belief, is far from mandatory) then say so, and you might be more likely to get a therapist referral, especially if you mention wanting to wait and see how such a thing would go before deciding on meds.
Essentially, go in there and be as honest as humanly possible about both the very low periods, and the periods of wellness.
chaos0xomega wrote: Personally, the whole paranoia thing regarding misuse of your persona strikes me as just that - paranoia. Unless you want a career in politics or espionage there really isnt a lot to worry about IMO.
Well, a guy on my server had his facebook pictures vandalised and spread on the realm forum. The culprits were banned, of course, but it was still a highly uncomfortable event for him.
I had a guy on a certain news site who got upset with my stance on a certain political issue stalk me once, he found my facebook account (it wasnt hard to since I used facebook to log in for commenting, I thought I had disabled the linkback feature but evidently I hadnt) and threatened me with it (my accounts privacy settings meant he actuqlly had zero real info other than a fuzzy picture and the name of the university I graduated from)... I just laughed and told him that I was honored that he thought I was worth the time and effort. He responded with "youre not" and didnt bother me again
A photo can only be used against you if it compromises your character (i.e. nudes etc), otherwise its just childs play, but thats my opinion, if you dont want to share yours then by all means you have every right to refuse, no pressure or expectation on my end.
A kid in the US pretended to be me, using screenshots of my YT videos as photos on the fake FB account, and apparently harassing girls and user groups in person and on the internet under my name. Some of his classmates tracked me down and alerted me to it, and even though the guy admitted to doing it in FB chat, FB themselves said that he wasn't pretending to be me, and refused to take the account down when I reported him for it.
It took me reporting a wall post where he was openly selling weed for action to be taken, and the original report to be reconsidered and accepted.
People are weird, but luckily I don't really have any compromising information anywhere. I don't dabble in highly illegal activity or take a bunch of nude selfies or harbour extremely bigoted views, so I don't much care; anything I post online is something I'm generally fine with people seeing.
Ehh, Sometimes I worry about google stuff, which is why i compulsivly google both my name & my online handle.
Sometimes I worry though that an employer will find my online hand, look it up and see all my dakka posts and then go to good image and see all the ponies
Ashiraya wrote: You know what, feth it. Here is a picture of me.
Spoiler:
It's a huge picture, but then, the camera was some serious hardware. Probably a good idea to open it in a new tab.
You do look nice, but the whole black-and-white and super-serious face make it look like terrible things have happened. It almost looks like a drawing .
Not sure what makes you think you have a manface. If it is the jaw, I do like your jaw.
Avatar 720, I did read your message and I am just not answering right now because I want to take some time to think before answering .
Yeah, it does have a sort of hand drawn quality to it. If it really is you, well feth, you shouldn't have any issues getting a date at all. I mean, I'd take you out to a nice dinner, i'd even call you again for a second date. Hell, I'd even bring you flowers.
...Wow. Yes, it's the jaw. Maybe it's just a good photo (my friend took it, he's a professional photographer) but I feel my jaw looks too masculine IRL. It really troubles me.
I did not expect approval! Rather, I expected others to agree it looks manface. The black-and-white was by my request as I like it that way!
Also, while the picture is quite recent, I've since got a little acne which subtracts about 100 points.
Ashiraya wrote: You know what, feth it. Here is a picture of me.
Spoiler:
It's a huge picture, but then, the camera was some serious hardware. Probably a good idea to open it in a new tab.
Not sure if serious, looks like a model or a celebrity, but I have no idea who...
I'm getting Princess Diana vibes.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:Avatar 720, I did read your message and I am just not answering right now because I want to take some time to think before answering .
It's no problem, and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to. I have no idea how the French systems work, or your personal circumstances, so most of what I've been saying might not even be applicable. My own mental health issues have plagued me for half my life, so I get quite pushy and vocal when someone even mentions that they're depressed or even just a bit down at times; put it down to me not wanting people to experience what I did by doing nothing about anything, even if they might not anyway.
Besides, this has already become a sort of 'Show Yourself' thread; we don't need it going even further off-topic into mental health and whatnot.
Albatross wrote: That all sounds like it's heading in the right direction mate, tbh. It's rare to get that many responses. You must have good pictures!
Well, you tell me. I just took the best pictures I had on my computer.
My profile picture
Only a few month old! By the way, do not look at the writings on the white board behind me, it is highly classified!
Mate, you could be a male model.
Why are you even posting on this thread? You're a Phd candidate with a french accent who looks like Jeff Buckley!
A world in which I'm giving advice to that guy is truly fething perverse.
Automatically Appended Next Post: And yes, Ashiraya you look lovely.
Ashiraya wrote: ...Wow. Yes, it's the jaw. Maybe it's just a good photo (my friend took it, he's a personal photographer) but I feel my jaw looks too masculine IRL. It really troubles me.
It's probably one of those things that you notice about yourself while nobody else pays any attention. A lot of people (most people?) have something like that, simply because you have so much time to study yourself, compare yourself to idealized standards (which may or may not exist without photoshop) and think about every little detail that might be wrong. Meanwhile another person doesn't have all those countless hours of study and just sees the whole "you" and puts the small details into context.
Ashiraya wrote: ...Wow. Yes, it's the jaw. Maybe it's just a good photo (my friend took it, he's a personal photographer) but I feel my jaw looks too masculine IRL. It really troubles me.
I did not expect approval! Rather, I expected others to agree it looks manface. The black-and-white was by my request as I like it that way!
Also, while the picture is quite recent, I've since got a little acne which subtracts about 100 points.
acne = something makeup can easily fix. I still don't see the manface, and I think you have a very lovely jawline. More importantly, your features compliment one another and blend together very well, walking past you on the street I wouldn't even notice your jaw line as a singular defining feature (your eyes and lips are what call my attention the most personally). I think most people, although when they discuss beauty and attractiveness might point out specific features, actually care more for how all of ones features interact and compliment one another. In other words, people generally care more about the 'whole' than they do any one thing. In any case, when I saw the photo I was like
Albatross wrote: That all sounds like it's heading in the right direction mate, tbh. It's rare to get that many responses. You must have good pictures!
Well, you tell me. I just took the best pictures I had on my computer.
My profile picture
Only a few month old! By the way, do not look at the writings on the white board behind me, it is highly classified!
Mate, you could be a male model.
Why are you even posting on this thread? You're a Phd candidate with a french accent who looks like Jeff Buckley!
A world in which I'm giving advice to that guy is truly fething perverse.
Automatically Appended Next Post: And yes, Ashiraya you look lovely.
So much this. Hybrid, we need to find you some self-confidence quick, there are far too many women out there waiting to meet you, and you probably don't even realize it.
Both you and Ashiraya would definitely fall in the 8-10 (out of 10) range for attractiveness.
Ashiraya wrote: ...Wow. Yes, it's the jaw. Maybe it's just a good photo (my friend took it, he's a professional photographer) but I feel my jaw looks too masculine IRL. It really troubles me.
I did not expect approval! Rather, I expected others to agree it looks manface. The black-and-white was by my request as I like it that way!
Also, while the picture is quite recent, I've since got a little acne which subtracts about 100 points.
You've got a bit of an Ellen Page look going there (In no way am I suggesting you're a lesbian btw)
I suppose its only fair I include some photos of myself then (though I feel like I've done this already), these are older pics from a year + ago, the beard has since filled in rather nicely and my hair is a bit longer now (at least up top, the sides are kept fairly short, going for the Ricki Hall look):
Spoiler:
Here are some pics from Halloween, just because my costume was great and I think I look hawt in the one where I'm washing off the makeup lol
Ashiraya wrote: ...Wow. Yes, it's the jaw. Maybe it's just a good photo (my friend took it, he's a professional photographer) but I feel my jaw looks too masculine IRL. It really troubles me.
I did not expect approval! Rather, I expected others to agree it looks manface. The black-and-white was by my request as I like it that way!
Also, while the picture is quite recent, I've since got a little acne which subtracts about 100 points.
You've got a bit of an Ellen Page look going there (In no way am I suggesting you're a lesbian btw)
If Princess Diana and Ellen Page somehow went back and time together, had a daughter, and she grew up to be gorgeous, it'd be Ashiraya lol
Ashiraya wrote: I uhhh... Thank you, guys! I am quite overwhelmed.
Just one bit of advice about that particular photo: it's a pretty good artistic portrait, but if you're thinking about using it in a dating context it has the potential to be a very polarizing picture. Some people are going to love that style of picture (harsh contrast + serious pose/expression + close crop = attractive, but in an intimidating way), but for some people it's going to look a lot less attractive than a more "conventional" picture and might make them skip over you based on that first impression.
Find a friend with a good camera and a bit of talent with it. And this is a general rule for everyone, one of the best and easiest things you can do to improve your image in a dating context is to get some pictures with a proper camera. You don't even need anything too complicated, someone with the right hardware can give a vast improvement over your average cell phone shot with very basic portrait techniques.
Oh no no no, I am not going to use it in a dating context. I am not actively looking for a date currently, I am mostly frequenting this thread to learn for the future and read about others' endeavours. But thanks for the advice!
Also, wow chaos0xomega, you look quite good as well!
Maybe I am just used to the stubble-toting, unshowered, overweight, hairy teenagers at my school, but still!
I think I am rather blessed in the camera department. As mentioned, I have a friend who is a professional photographer, so I won't have to fiddle with my own low-quality camera.
chaos0xomega wrote: I suppose its only fair I include some photos of myself then (though I feel like I've done this already), these are older pics from a year + ago, the beard has since filled in rather nicely and my hair is a bit longer now (at least up top, the sides are kept fairly short, going for the Ricki Hall look):
Spoiler:
Here are some pics from Halloween, just because my costume was great and I think I look hawt in the one where I'm washing off the makeup lol
Ashiraya wrote: ...Wow. Yes, it's the jaw. Maybe it's just a good photo (my friend took it, he's a professional photographer) but I feel my jaw looks too masculine IRL. It really troubles me.
I did not expect approval! Rather, I expected others to agree it looks manface. The black-and-white was by my request as I like it that way!
Also, while the picture is quite recent, I've since got a little acne which subtracts about 100 points.
You've got a bit of an Ellen Page look going there (In no way am I suggesting you're a lesbian btw)
If Princess Diana and Ellen Page somehow went back and time together, had a daughter, and she grew up to be gorgeous, it'd be Ashiraya lol
holly crp your beard in the first pic.. I want it.
Thank you! Haha, inside every one of those stubble-toting, unshowered, overweight, hairy teenagers is a handsome well-dressed man waiting to happen. I wasn't exactly the prettiest thing to look at in high school (though I was never overweight, thankfully), but then I got to college and kinda reinvented myself, its been kind of a long process though.
I still stand by my statement, you could be a model, having a friend thats a pro photographer will certainly help if thats something you choose to explore.
shrouded - your beard will grow in time. I couldn't do anything like this until I got to be about 22/23. Don't rush it, beards take time
I got a pretty lucky picture with that one, because it was just taken to test if the webcam was working iirc. But one picture can be quite misleading. Have you looked at the other pictures? And you only saw those I decided to put on a dating website.
Let me give you some of the pictures I did NOT post on OkCupid:
Spoiler:
Before haircut
After haircut
…
Well, haircut was really needed.
Doing via ferrata. I look super stupid on that one.
I am planning on getting a new haircut soon. I am not quite as hairy as on that first picture, of course, but I feel it is getting a bit too long. I have been taking more care about how I look recently, for reasons you should all be able to guess.
Anyone has some neckbeard picture of himself/herself (well, whatever the female equivalent of neckbeard is!) to share?
Also, having a French accent in France is not exactly setting you apart
chaos0xomega, are you middle eastern? You look like a well-groomed, good looking middle eastern guy.
chaos0xomega wrote: So much this. Hybrid, we need to find you some self-confidence quick, there are far too many women out there waiting to meet you, and you probably don't even realize it.
It is because they are very, very quiet about it . I certainly would not be hard to convince if one of them asked me on a date!
Hybrid, don't let your hair or beard grow out that long (unless you're going to take really really good care of it to make it look like those first two pictures you posted previously), neither should you cut your hair so short (although I will point out that you have excellent cheek bones), try to keep it looking like in those photos you posted previously, its a very good look for you and will make many a lass weak at the knees (although the via ferrata one is cool just because it makes you look like a BAMF.
And no, lol. I'm not MIddle Eastern at all haha, my heritage is Hungarian and Dominican (as in the Dominican Republic, a latin american island in the carribean nestled between Cuba and Puerto Rico, since evidently many Europeans have no idea what/where that is, unless they're from Russia).
So, I am going back a few pages and add on to what Ketarra said about how to make yourself more attractive to others. He had a good list, but there were two things I wanted to add to it.
1. You have to show/tell that you have some sort of ambition or goal for your life. If you are a male, this will differentiate you from many, many of your peers. Don;t be a fraid to share a sliver of your ambition/goals on first dates when it works.
2. It helps to be employed or to have some stream of income. Maybe its not your dream job, but just showing that you can reliably make money is a big deal. It speaks to your ability to provide stability which is a key psychological need for people.
Edit: Don't we all ready have a thread for posting pictures around here? Let's not get this one locked.
Easy E wrote: Edit: Don't we all ready have a thread for posting pictures around here? Let's not get this one locked.
We do, but this is not actually off topic. Showing photos of ourselves and discussing how to use them on dating sites (and indeed, which ones to use) is one example of an on-topic use of pictures, another is to show them and then give tips on possible changes.
Having been on a number of dating sites myself, I can safely say that they are (for me at least) a massive waste of time. Get out there and socialise with people.
What I've found is:
1) A lot of people don't bother to fill out their info.
2) A lot of people don't pay subscriptions to send/receive messages from their matches.
3) Are spam-bots or Nigerian fraudsters
4) Are fething crazy.
angelofvengeance wrote: Having been on a number of dating sites myself, I can safely say that they are (for me at least) a massive waste of time. Get out there and socialise with people.
Yeah but for some people... that's nor really an option, for whatever reason.
For me it's just... well it's a huge faux pas to hit on women in the hobby I am in (the non model wargaming one).
I live a boring life lol (I like my life, but it is kind of dull to many)
Albatross wrote: Incidentally, for anyone who is curious (probably no-one) my avatar is a picture of my actual, real-life head.
Hardly anybody is curious about it because most of us already know, and have even seen bigger pictures of you, as you did post them on this thread, or someone put a link in this thread to them in the official show your picture thread (I do not remember which anymore) .
chaos0xomega wrote: Hybrid, don't let your hair or beard grow out that long (unless you're going to take really really good care of it to make it look like those first two pictures you posted previously), neither should you cut your hair so short (although I will point out that you have excellent cheek bones), try to keep it looking like in those photos you posted previously, its a very good look for you and will make many a lass weak at the knees (although the via ferrata one is cool just because it makes you look like a BAMF.
So, which length exactly, in the end? I am currently just a bit longer in hair and bread that on my profile picture, and I was planning to cut as short as on the one with the shortest hair.
Also, that Via was actually so goddamn easy we were literally doing it with 6/7 years old children. I cannot recommend Via Ferrata enough is there are some next to where you live. You can bring almost anyone with you, they will likely have a great time, and maybe you can even look like a badass in the process. Except if you are dating girls that are very much into sport, especially mountain sport, they may find that boring and way too easy.
Remove the plank, remove the huge metal handles, and then you get BAMF. Likely the kind of build that makes you want to live shirtless for the rest of your life . I am still working on that.
1) A lot of people don't bother to fill out their info.
2) A lot of people don't pay subscriptions to send/receive messages from their matches.
3) Are spam-bots or Nigerian fraudsters
4) Are fething crazy.
I have none of those problems on OkCupid yet. Sending and receiving message is free, the dubious account are very easy to find, and just ignore the empty profiles. Still you can meet someone crazy, I guess, but that is a risk I am willing to take.
Sometimes I wonder if Im lying about who I am when im looking for a girl.
Im a big geek that watches kids cartoons, anime, plays board games. I also dress up as my favorite characters from TV. I play video games alot. I like weird stuff....
Im not some bald frat boy drinking all the time.
I just wonder if Im just going about it wrong and looking for the wrong people
So, which length exactly, in the end? I am currently just a bit longer in hair and bread that on my profile picture, and I was planning to cut as short as on the one with the shortest hair.
You look just like the actor James Franco to me and he often has a beard and long hair. I think the beard/hair length in the 'Profile Picture' looks pretty good on you it just needs some trimming I think to neaten/square it up.
Also, if I may, Ashiraya looks like Sam Fox, especially with the tousled hair.
...Okay. So, my number one worry, my jaw, is apparently not a problem.
But there is something else as well, my eyebrows. They are less bushy now (I've shaved them a little bit) but they are a bit... uneven. Especially the rightmost part of my left eyebrow.
Is it noticeable? I have done my best to even them out, but they are more stubborn than a Commissar.
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if the only reason you're friends with someone is to manipulate them into having sex with you.
