Oh? I did not remember if she was actually supposed to be married in the movie, or not. Well, I remember she had at least one son because [CENSORED BECAUSE SPOILER], but I do not remember we ever seeing her husband or hearing about him.
Neither do most young people, I guess. It is from Wrong Cops. Awesome movie from Quentin Dupieux. It is about cops that are really terrible, terrible human beings. It is why you should not date her, she is as bad as the rest of them cops .
Conflict-Of-Interests is coming over later. Bowchickawowwow.
Things keep getting stranger - she is relatively low mileage for a college girl but apparently had a friendly encounter a while back with a married couple. The woman has been ringing her up asking to get together. I sent her, "Is she hot? Because uh...you...me... " She said, "Haha. I mean, I wouldn't say no to a *fade to black moment involving me and the two girls...PG13*..." She is going to run it by her to see what she thinks...I sent her a couple endorsement photos lol
The professor keeps pushing for a relationship even though I've tried to make it clear that there's no way in hell that's going to happen. Sorry - fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and we're friends with benefits til I find something better. She was crying yesterday over some nonsense about feeling used. I told her, "Well yeah...let's not forget who screwed this up. Feel free to back out whenever you want." Needless to say, we *faded to black* afterward. Things have been going OK with just being friends with benefits but she definitely wants more...and she isn't going to get it. I see this creating tension until she either drives me crazy (which she hasn't yet...she's good at keeping her feelings to herself), or until she realizes that it's a dead end street.
Anyway, once more into the breach dear friends. Wish me luck.
Me neither, pal. My transformation into a wizard is going on at a quite steady pace. Just 32 months to go now…
[link removed. The pitch was: “Wizardchan is a Japanese-inspired image-based forum (imageboard) for male virgins to share their thoughts and discuss their interests and lifestyle as a virgin. The name of our website is inspired by the wizard meme, which refers to someone who has maintained his virginity past the age of 30.” Sorry for not checking the actual content of the site before posting the link]
So back to the topic, I managed to get a girls number today, and I wonder how long should I wait before texting her? And how should I start? I want something better than just "hello" but not too "cheesy" either.
Ashiraya wrote: Guys, a hypothetical question. How do you know if a guy is interested in you?
I'd prefer not asking outright 'Are you interested in me?' as that could get really awkward really fast. But for some reason, in this entirely hypothetical situation, it's just something about the hypothetical guy that raises the suspicion.
Are there any secret signs I should look for?
All completely hypothetical of course.
does he pretend to listen to you? does he pretend to care what your views and opinions are? if so he might be marrying material...at the start of any good relationship guys 'pretend' to 'care' about stuff. we help cook and clean, we listen and talk....but after a while we turn into spoiled man children... acceptance is key.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
NuggzTheNinja wrote: Conflict-Of-Interests is coming over later. Bowchickawowwow.
Things keep getting stranger - she is relatively low mileage for a college girl but apparently had a friendly encounter a while back with a married couple. The woman has been ringing her up asking to get together. I sent her, "Is she hot? Because uh...you...me... " She said, "Haha. I mean, I wouldn't say no to a *fade to black moment involving me and the two girls...PG13*..." She is going to run it by her to see what she thinks...I sent her a couple endorsement photos lol
The professor keeps pushing for a relationship even though I've tried to make it clear that there's no way in hell that's going to happen. Sorry - fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and we're friends with benefits til I find something better. She was crying yesterday over some nonsense about feeling used. I told her, "Well yeah...let's not forget who screwed this up. Feel free to back out whenever you want." Needless to say, we *faded to black* afterward. Things have been going OK with just being friends with benefits but she definitely wants more...and she isn't going to get it. I see this creating tension until she either drives me crazy (which she hasn't yet...she's good at keeping her feelings to herself), or until she realizes that it's a dead end street.
Anyway, once more into the breach dear friends. Wish me luck.
Teach me not to read the last page of a thread....and btw... nice!....
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Daemonhammer wrote: So back to the topic, I managed to get a girls number today, and I wonder how long should I wait before texting her? And how should I start? I want something better than just "hello" but not too "cheesy" either.
Any help would be nice.
umm how about, hey this is so and so, was just wondering how your day was going? When we talked last time you said you wanted to do something how about a coffee,movie, dirty midget sex at motel 6 etc etc etc.....
speaking of which, i got the number of the girl whom i went to the movies with, as well as the request to call or text her when i have an idea of which movie we should see at the cinema together, only problem being that the only movie i know to be at the cinema is TMNT, which we wee originally goin to go to but she went off it. so, i think how to train your dragon 2 is still in cinema, and am thinking of suggesting that, but i saw it with my best friend a few months ago, does that matter?
the shrouded lord wrote: speaking of which, i got the number of the girl whom i went to the movies with, as well as the request to call or text her when i have an idea of which movie we should see at the cinema together, only problem being that the only movie i know to be at the cinema is TMNT, which we wee originally goin to go to but she went off it. so, i think how to train your dragon 2 is still in cinema, and am thinking of suggesting that, but i saw it with my best friend a few months ago, does that matter?
Well, if it bothers you to re-watch a film but this time with a potential girlfriend then I'd question whether or not you're actually looking for a relationship. What's the worst that could happen? She finds out you've already seen it, is distraught, and runs off crying? That you end up standing in the isles dictating the film word for word as ushers push their way past seats to come and eject you? Or just that you end up remembering what happened but also being able to spend time with someone you're interesting in dating?
Daemonhammer wrote: I guess my question is now mute, turns out I got either a fake number or the girl just dosent want to reply.
Damn it.
The trick with numbers is the repeat them back when you get them, but change one or two numbers as you do. If they say it's right then it's usually fake.
Daemonhammer wrote: I guess my question is now mute, turns out I got either a fake number or the girl just dosent want to reply.
Damn it.
The trick with numbers is the repeat them back when you get them, but change one or two numbers as you do. If they say it's right then it's usually fake.
Well actually she reached for my phone to type the number in.
I should have known, it went too easy.
Feth my life.
Feth my life I say.
Tyranid Horde wrote: Maybe she hasn't seen it yet or she typed in the number wrong? Is there any other way you can contact her to find out?
Well we have some mutual friends so I can try something, but im not too enthuastic about it.
"Hope is the first step on the road to dissapointment."
Automatically Appended Next Post: To be honest im not too sure how to proceed,
I have two options:
Either forget about the whole thing or try to get her number off someone else.
If I do the second I will either get the same number as before or a completely different number meaning she dosent want to talk to me or a slightly different number which will then mean either it was on purpose or by accident. Following that if it was actually an honest mistake what do I do?
mmmm you seem a bit young mate. That type of worry is for the kido's ask a friend for her number or to see if its the same if it is good if not.... ya move on.
Well im just a bit paranoid. Most of the time I can tell if someone is trying to lie to me in one way or another. Anyway we will be running into eachother often enough because of mutual friends, so I want to be sure of whats going on.
But yeah, moving on sounds like a good idea, I didnt loose much besides some self esteem and respect for women.
Why would you loose respect for women in general based on what one woman did, in any way?
I am turning jealous and bitter. I do not want to be jealous and bitter. When some friend tell me about how thing are going great with his new girlfriend, I want to be happy for him, not jealous and bitter. Thankfully I am pretty good at hiding those feelings too, but still…
.
well, it turns out that this girl's boyfriend is a jerk (her words not mine) and she doen't really wnt to be with him.i don't really get that, but what ev's.
also, i fething hate being sick.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Why would you loose respect for women in general based on what one woman did, in any way?
Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.
The trick is to stop being naive - don't trust anyone unconditionally. You can only trust people to be themselves.
I don't trust trainwreck to be exclusive with me, because her life is a trainwreck. But, I trust her to follow through when we make plans because I know that she likes hanging out. And I trust her to cook dinner because she's got some culinary skills.
the shrouded lord wrote: well, it turns out that this girl's boyfriend is a jerk (her words not mine) and she doen't really wnt to be with him.i don't really get that, but what ev's.
also, i fething hate being sick.
Ah, that old chestnut lol. To be honest, it feels like a cry for attention more than anything. Been there done that.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Why would you loose respect for women in general based on what one woman did, in any way?
Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.
The trick is to stop being naive - don't trust anyone unconditionally. You can only trust people to be themselves.
I don't trust trainwreck to be exclusive with me, because her life is a trainwreck. But, I trust her to follow through when we make plans because I know that she likes hanging out. And I trust her to cook dinner because she's got some culinary skills.
Im not naive, atleast I dont consider myself to be. I am pretty paranoid, I trust nobody.
Daemonhammer wrote: Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.
So? Have you not also been treated very well at time by some other women? And, even considering you never have, given that tons of other people have, would that not tell something about you rather than about half of the world population?
You know, you sound a bit like the guy who says “I have been attacked/racketed twice by Arabs, I am going to be racist for the rest of my life”…
Ashiraya wrote: Ditto for men, especially on the internet. I don't hold any grudge against men in general for that, though!
Well, some other men you met on the internet were just so plainly awesome that they amply made up for that, right ?
Daemonhammer wrote: Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.
So? Have you not also been treated very well at time by some other women? And, even considering you never have, given that tons of other people have, would that not tell something about you rather than about half of the world population?
You know, you sound a bit like the guy who says “I have been attacked/racketed twice by Arabs, I am going to be racist for the rest of my life”…
I didnt say I lost respect for women altogether, I said I lost some of it. Its not like I think all women are bitches just because I happened to meet a lot of them. Why do I even need to explain this.
And ive met quite a lot of women, more often than not I found they have some character flaws.
Tyranid Horde wrote: On an unrelated note: Fresher's Week this week! Let's see how it goes for me this week.
Go get em mate haha
But be aware that a lot of them will be pissed as hell, given how freshers weeks normally go. If you're going out with the intention of seeking some form of female company then make sure you're in control of yourself and you're able to tell when the aforementioned company has been consented to, and when any other party might be incapable of giving informed consent. Also be aware of when you might be being put a position where you aren't able to consent to another's advances, and always be sober enough and alert enough to say no.
Tyranid Horde wrote: On an unrelated note: Fresher's Week this week! Let's see how it goes for me this week.
Just be sure your warhammer is all boxed up and/or out of sight (It's hard to explain to drunk people. And even harder to explain to drunk women whom you intend on boning) - YMMV
Zambro wrote: Just be sure your warhammer is all boxed up and/or out of sight (It's hard to explain to drunk people. And even harder to explain to drunk women whom you intend on boning) - YMMV
First of all, don't have sex with drunk people. Remember that "consent" thing that you're supposed to care about?
Second, don't be paranoid about hiding your hobbies. As long as you're a relatively "normal" person nobody is going to care if you have some game models sitting on your desk. It's only going to be an issue if you make it one by awkwardly trying to defend it with things like "it's just a silly game, I don't really care about it anyway" that imply that it's something you're embarrassed about. If you only bring it up if they ask and act like it's just a normal hobby like any other hobby nobody is going to care. And if they do you should just consider yourself lucky that you found out early that they're someone you don't want to have anything to do with.
When she responds to your SnapChat with a shot of her legs, tells you that she misses you, likes your new haircut, etc, but can't be in a relationship because she's actually in a difficult place in life (she actually is too, it's not a BS excuse...).
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Today I registered again for climbing this year, but none of my colleagues have. Which is a great occasion to pair with new people is it not ?
Finally some colleague will try climbing. The new Chinese PhD student. Nice . I will see Friday of next week if she is as good as the Korean girl that I brought to climbing, or as bad as the Romanian one. Likely in between, because damn that Korean girl was good!
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Today I registered again for climbing this year, but none of my colleagues have. Which is a great occasion to pair with new people is it not ?
If you're doing wall climbing it certainly is a good excuse to stare at someones' arse.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Why would you loose respect for women in general based on what one woman did, in any way?
Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.
The trick is to stop being naive - don't trust anyone unconditionally. You can only trust people to be themselves.
I don't trust trainwreck to be exclusive with me, because her life is a trainwreck. But, I trust her to follow through when we make plans because I know that she likes hanging out. And I trust her to cook dinner because she's got some culinary skills.
Im not naive, atleast I dont consider myself to be. I am pretty paranoid, I trust nobody.
People that have trust issues should not try to be in relationships. It will destroy everything you attempt.
Zambro wrote:
Tyranid Horde wrote: On an unrelated note: Fresher's Week this week! Let's see how it goes for me this week.
Just be sure your warhammer is all boxed up and/or out of sight (It's hard to explain to drunk people. And even harder to explain to drunk women whom you intend on boning) - YMMV
Please do not be that guy. I've spent 3 years now in the military being told that drunk people can not legally consent to sex. Might be different in your neck of the woods but I should think you should avoid the situation all together. Drunk people who are in relationships with drunk people CAN give consent but they can also take it away.
Stay safe and do the right thing. Picking the drunk girl out for your advances is at best predatory. At worst is....well you know. Go with sober decisions with sober people. Best thing you could possible ever do.
But, but, you have to be a good belayer (omg how do i spell that) and be concerned for her safety , as a result it's right in your view safety first hybrid!
This might be where you are going wrong hybrid. Everyone and I mean everyone has some part of them that does want to be treated as a sex object (obviously by people they are interested in). Everyone wants to feel desired, it's natural and uplifting. You might be erring to strongly on the respect for women side of things and they might feel you are not interested and think of them as a friend. Nothing wrong with getting caught out having a look, let's face it if this is a "date" situation, you are supposed to be looking.
Don't put women on a pedestal , I did for a long time, it doesn't work. Also never and i mean never talk about feminism with women ( especially in a date situation), all of my female friends dated one of those guys at uni and universally those guys ended up as manipulative jerks that treated them like gak - they all take it as a red flag now.
Bullockist wrote: Nothing wrong with getting caught out having a look, let's face it if this is a "date" situation, you are supposed to be looking.
I do not really think of it as a date situation. At least not yet. For now it is mostly about making the new comer that do not speak French and knew no-one here before coming feel more integrated, and less lonely (maybe because of how much I felt lonely during my internship in Korea ). She seems to like me though, so maybe it will change into one later.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Why would you loose respect for women in general based on what one woman did, in any way?
Because its not the first time I havent bern treated well by women.
Just like all black people steal because one persone did it once to my cousin.
Black guy here- that's a fair assumption to make. We're natural survivors.
edit- Also, Nuggz is on the money about expectations. It's important, for the sake of sparing your feelings, to try to get a grasp on what you can expect from a person. That sounds difficult to do, especially when meeting a stranger, but there's a surprising number of "warning bells" that you begin to pick up about people on an intuitive level once you're aware of them and have experience.
Case in point, from the start of my High School years to a couple of years afterwards, I was burned quite a few times by chicks -and not just burned like "expressed my feelings, was shot down"- burned as in "expressed my feelings, was strung along for awhile with non-committal answers and then discovered that there was a boyfriend involved a few hundred dollars down the drain later." I had that "women are all whores" sentiment for awhile, but then after some reflection realized that there was actually a pattern: while it wasn't likely that all these women I had feelings for were just whores, what they did have in common was that they all came from lower class broken homes and had grown up without a father figure. What I also found out, through facebook and word of mouth from friends etc, was that most of these women had also had also been apart of strings of short-lived relationships before I'd come along, and continued to be in them after I'd left. What the pattern therefore implies is not that all women are untrustworthy, but rather that maybe being poor and coming from a broken home with no father figure does not breed values that are conducive to a stable relationship. Even that's a stereotype and is probably incorrect in many situations, but it's a much more realistic one then simply writing off 51% of the World's population.
A trick that I use for gauging potential relationships with a woman involves a series of questions I ask myself when initially meeting them. It also works for women gauging men.
"Is she single?" If no, then that's that lol. If yes, then move on to part 2.
"Is she attractive?" If no, then that's that. If yes, then move on to part 3.
"Why is she single?" is the question in which the answer is critical. It's obvious why a physically unattractive woman is single... as sad a commentary on our society as that might be, but the reasons for why a highly attractive woman is single might not be so obvious. The reason isn't always bad- maybe she'd just gotten out of a relationship, maybe she chose to be single for awhile after her last relationship, or is young and has yet to be in a serious relationship, or lived a life-style that has prevented her from being in a serious relationship (religious, military, focused on career etc), maybe she just has gak luck and most of her relationships have been with abusive or bummy or unfaithful dudes etc- but it's equally likely that she could be single because she's a bitch, or has mental issues, or emotional baggage, or struggles with monogamy, lol. The former list of reasons are relatively innocent and don't imply relationship issues, while the latter reasons are very clear warning bells. So, while you shouldn't just outright ask a person "you're hot, so why are you single", it would be to your benefit to try do a little polite digging and find out what's up. It can save you a lot of pain later.
The only reason I've brought up this word-quilt is because, reading this thread, I see a lot of sentiments about frustration and even a bit of desperation resulting from loneliness. Having been in that situation myself, I also know that it's easy to form a kind of "I'll take what I can get" mentality which can result in you jumping into a relationship that's more or less doomed from the start, and I also know that when you're a person whose trying to take a step forward on building confidence or game, being apart of a crap relationship that ends on a bad note can be two steps back on that development.
So, just protect yourself. No matter how thirsty or undesirable you feel, it's always fair to have some standards and to turn your nose up at a potential suitor if you get the vibe that they might not be what's best for you.
... unless your intent is to just hit it n' quit it, in which case ignore everything I just said lol. As long as they don't have STD's or a Navy SEAL significant other, they're fair game.
Always remember that no matter how put together someone looks or acts; they are a hot mess of problems, emotions, and stress. Everyone (yes, everyone) has issues.
As you get closer to a person, you start to see all of that noise. The question is if it is a hot mess you can handle. If it is you stick around. If it isn't you move on.
my problems, unfortunately, take the form of a large red birthmark that covers nearly half my face.
oh well, it's always funny telling kids i fell on a fire.
also, turns out i have a throat infection, and it's ceared up right before my date thing tomorrow.
I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.
trexmeyer wrote: I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.
Don't give anyone that's potentially interested in you any hopes. Don't go on dates. That kind of stuff.
Alternatively, everytime a woman says something to you, start flailing and scream "Girls are icky!"
trexmeyer wrote: I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.
Become gay? I dont care if thats not how it works, be a leader, not a follower.
Going back to BlacianX post, learn to recognize patterns of behavior. EVERY living thing has them, and they are a pretty solid predictor of what will happen if you get involved. I will say, that disqualifying people because they come from a broken home with no father figure is irrelevant, you will find lots of women from wholesome (or seemingly wholesome) families who exhibit similar, if not identical, patterns of behavior. Likewise you will find women from broken homes who arent emotionally/psychologically scarred as a result. The more important thing is their behavior, not their backgrounds.
As an example, the last girl I got involved with/burned by (and was from a broken home) was someone I have known for about 5-6 years. Her pattern of behavior was that she would meet a guy who was decidely beneath her (shes a booksmart college grad with lots of potential, yet all the guys she dates are blue collar working class types with zero goals or ambition that are content with working minimum wage and gettijg boozed up every night), date them for 15-18 months and be seemingly head over heels for them and then suddenly break it off because errr... well whatever, usually it was that they werent paying enough attention to her in some way.
On top of that, there was a secondary pattern at work, in that she was never single for more than 1-2 months at a time. I.E. - She was either in a relationship, or she was looking for her mext victim.
Then there was a tertiary pattern at play - she always had a backup plan. For as long as I knew her, and from what I understand, for years and years before that, she always had one of our mutual friends on the backburner. He was pretty much in love with her, from an outsiders perspective she was pretty much in love with him, it was as if she was dating two people simultaneously - her actual boyfriend had a physical relationship, but all her emotional (and even romantic) energy was invested in this mutual friend instead. I.E. she was all but physically cheating on every one of her actual bfs.
Well somehow, I ended up taking the place of said mutual friend. The three of us were hanging out for a few days while he was on leave from the navy and he basically told her hed had enough of her gak (cant say I blame him) - she kind of latched on to me from that point onwards (though she had started to do that a year or two prior), meanwhile she was still in a proper relationship with someone else (and with me at least she did cheat, in that she kissed me for a good couple minutes). Pretty much textbook repitition of all the behaviors I had observed over the previous few years, right down to the bs excuses she gave me as to why she wouldnt date me when she finally broke up with her bf, even though she pretty much jumped in bed with me less than a week after they broke up.
She was a good friend once, I havent spoken to her in 13 months.
Going really great, Still no numbers, but the forest raves are a great place to meet girls and chat it up. But also, 3 days in im gaining a reputation as a fun guy with no inhibitions. A party animal I guess.
trexmeyer wrote:I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.
Get yourself fixated on so many hobbies that you just don't have time? I could give you an Eve Online referral.
hotsauceman1 wrote:Going really great, Still no numbers, but the forest raves are a great place to meet girls and chat it up. But also, 3 days in im gaining a reputation as a fun guy with no inhibitions. A party animal I guess.
I mean, it makes sense if you have nothing else to do. That's really odd though. I think we got the weekend before classes to move in and be settled and get our books and that was about it.
trexmeyer wrote: I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.
My advice would be to go out (or hang out) with your mates a lot. It might sound counter-intuitive, but I find it really helps going out with the lads and doing 'lad' things. Yes, there'll be girls in the bar (or club), but if you're with a big gang of lads, girls won't tend to approach you, and you can just focus on having a laugh, getting wasted etc.
Works for me. I got a bit hung up on a chick a few months back and I found that going out drinking with the lads, going to football etc really took my mind of it.
So I had Freshers' Ball on Friday night... Marquees set up on campus, cheap drink, fantastic! Met up with a few friends at the gates and headed in to get our drinks, this was at 8pm so very early to be heading in to the tents. On the way to the bar, we were intercepted by three lovely ladies who invited us dancing. You could see they'd had a few but they weren't so bad so sure why not we said, we introduced ourselves and so did they, what we were going to be studying - geology in my case - and said where we were from. I mentioned I was Irish and good lord they literally swooned! They proceeded to mention how lovely my accent was, etc, etc (I'm getting used to saying I'm Irish to everyone now and women liking my accent ). So we go into the main tent, which is fairly quiet and they decide we should all do Jaegerbombs. Have those, they go for another round, I back out, mainly because getting hammered at half eight in the evening is silly for a night that'll be going on until three in the morning. Then one of them gets sick after her third Jaegerbomb in a row. So that is how that pretty much finished, one gets sick, the others help her to a bathroom, and my friends and I try out the silent club. After that I don't make many attempts to chat to many of the girls dancing because they either can't hear me, don't have a cigarette to give them or they are too drunk to bother with.
But wait! There's more! The afterparty was being held at a nearby club from 12 to 3am and the queue is massive, so massive that 20 mins passed and we got nowhere near the front. Two of my friends that I was with get fed up and leave, so it leaves me with another guy. We're chatting away about rocks in our now sobering up states and a girl taps me on the shoulder and asks where I'm from because she loves my accent. I go about telling her where I'm from, why I'm in England, ask her the same questions, enjoying the conversation I'm having with a really pretty girl. Her friend, who I thought was chatting to my friend has gotten bored with him and doesn't look impressed with the girl I'm talking to. I'm making it fairly obvious that I like her and she's fairly obvious she likes me. All is going great! She suggests we leave the queue and head to a bar she knows that's a lot quieter so we can talk more. I agree to it and she grabs my hand to leave, when suddenly! Her friend steps in to break it up, says that they need to go find another friend back at her house and drags a potential date away. There was no time to get her number and I don't know her surname. Am I allowed to say that I was well and truly cock-blocked? Also, it might be a pretty boring experience to some, but actually finding someone interested in me was nice. So I guess my question is, what do I do now?
So the girl I was interested in (and who was interested in me, at least initially) overdosed yesterday and is currently hospitalized. I found out this morning.
Completely shocked. I had a bad feeling yesterday and was really stressed out. I guess this is why.
trexmeyer wrote: I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.
Become gay?
I know this was a joke, but as a someone with a friend who complains nearly daily about the pitfalls of his local gay scene, I don't think it's actually any better. Certainly he's just as frustrated with casual flings as trex is and yet, over and over again, that's all that expresses interest in him. Obviously YMMV, he lives in a sort of conservative area where being gay is difficult.
So, three time going climbing without colleagues, three different women I paired with for the belay, and I went on to have lunch with two of them. Next time I am bringing the PhD student. Climbing is definitely better than LGS to meet women . Who would I thought (apart from, actually, everyone)?
trexmeyer wrote: I need advice. How do I ignore and avoid women? I never want to fall for one again and I have zero interest in casual flings. It doesn't need to be part of my life, but I keep going dumb.
Become gay?
I know this was a joke, but as a someone with a friend who complains nearly daily about the pitfalls of his local gay scene, I don't think it's actually any better. Certainly he's just as frustrated with casual flings as trex is and yet, over and over again, that's all that expresses interest in him. Obviously YMMV, he lives in a sort of conservative area where being gay is difficult.
Yep, my housemate's gay. Sounds basically exactly the same as being straight, except it's way less obvious who you can date. It's something I hadn't really thought about, but which actually must be quite annoying. If I see a pretty girl, the odds are that she's likely to be straight - the only thing I have to worry about is if she might be interested. When my housemate meets guys, he has to first figure out whether or not they're gay, then whether or not they're interested in him. The idea that sex/dating is less hassle when you're a gay man is not one that has any basis in reality. Sounds like a bloody nightmare.
Plus, there's the prohibitive standards of personal hygeine... And all that dancing!
Albatross wrote: When my housemate meets guys, he has to first figure out whether or not they're gay, then whether or not they're interested in him. The idea that sex/dating is less hassle when you're a gay man is not one that has any basis in reality. Sounds like a bloody nightmare.
Well, there is the fact that the situation is symmetric. That means, among other things, that you are about as likely to make the first move as you are to just have someone else do it for you. That is already pretty neat.
Okay, I have one for the thread. In my dating profile, which I'm brutally honest in, I state openly that I have little interest in commercial sports. I'd be happy to play football, soccer, kickball, whatever. I just don't want to sit and passively watch them. I make this very clear. My profile is reasonably well written and without glaring spelling or punctuation issues. I talk about the books I've enjoyed reading, the camping I do. You know, hobbies. Things you do.
Surprisingly often, on average once a week, get messages from women that have one of the following show up in their profile: they quite literally have nothing posted except for stuff like "I like baseball woo Cardinals" and "i love 2 go to baseball games!" Sometimes they'll have music tastes, which typically fall into the category of music I've listed as "I like pretty much everything except X and Y. I really don't enjoy those." Their profiles look like they were typed in a text message. I'll see delightful things like "lol i dont read". Even after conversation, it seems like they don't actually DO anything other than work and watch TV. And those are direct quotes from a few of the women who have come knocking.
They basically seem diametrically opposed to me in every way. I mean, do women actively look for opposites and I'm somehow still not getting this after all this time? Are they just looking at my profile pictures? I don't understand. Am I just being a judgmental donkey-cave?
And it's not like I just dismiss them, at least not always. I've gone out with several of them, time and patience permitting. I don't know if I've just been picking poorly or what though, because it seems to mostly just end in either awkward silence most of the time or (particularly the last woman I went on a date with) talking my ear off about the baseball games she's gone to see with her friends while I nod and smile, trying to change the topic and then desperately searching for a way out of the date.
I can make small talk. I'm just not interested in someone who doesn't understand or care about my hobbies, and I want to be able to likewise be interested in theirs.
daedalus wrote: I'll see delightful things like "lol i dont read".
There lies your explanation, I guess. You should maybe use pictogrames on your profile instead.
My Tindering has led me to believe that profiles are a waste of time. The vast majority are just blank, or have "I like >insert alcoholic beverage here>", "im actually 17 dunno why it says 25 lol", and/or the word "banter" (God, I wish it was legal to shoot people who use that word).
Then you're expected to look at the photos of people out on the piss or duck-facing/shirtless in front of the mirror and somehow glean from those photos some sort of interesting topic to start a conversation with, because unless you're really really ridiculously good-looking a cheesy pick-up line or joke won't cut it, and the conversation starters everyone uses in every-day life are for some reason taboo on dating apps - Lord forbid you say "hi" to someone on Tinder and expect a response, I mean that's only the way it works 99.9% of the time in any other instance, so why the hell should it work on a dating app?
The rare people who actually USE their profiles for anything other than saying "banter", correcting how they lied about their age, and telling you just how much they love gin, also seem to be people I'm not attracted to, and the even smaller percentage of those I am attracted to and actually give me something I can use to get a conversation going obviously haven't swiped me.
...Do I sound a little bitter? I think I sound bitter...
My current state of affairs regarding the opposite sex.
NSFW
Not to worry.
Also, quick lesson was that despite lots of signals being the same as the ones initially given off by the previous girlfriend this one wasn't interested. Who could have known such things?
I got a number too, from a fellow PhD student that I climbed with, to go play golf. But the thing is, I do not think that would in any way qualify as a date, because she already has a boyfriend, apparently.
I got a number too, from a fellow PhD student that I climbed with, to go play golf. But the thing is, I do not think that would in any way qualify as a date, because she already has a boyfriend, apparently.
Guys. Im lost. Now what do I do. I ust got back from home and what do I do? I gave her my number via email, because she said her phone doesnt work well here in the mountains......
Do I invite her to my dorm for a movie and copoius drinking?
In confused
I got a number too, from a fellow PhD student that I climbed with, to go play golf. But the thing is, I do not think that would in any way qualify as a date, because she already has a boyfriend, apparently.
Meet up with her. You could chat to her about your predicament. You know who knows chicks? Other chicks. Seriously, befriend this girl. Even if she's not interested in you as a potential romantic partner, she'll get a chance to see how cool and nice you are, and can recommend you to one of her single friends. Boom.
Albatross wrote: Seriously, is this gak not obvious or something?
Why do you think I had lunch with her at her lab's canteen for 10€ rather than going back to mine to get something for 2/3€ . Of course I am befriending her, if I was just ignoring her she would not ask me if I am interested in going play golf with her!
As for telling her I am looking for a girlfriend, well… for now I am still very shy about talking about it IRL. Like, terribly. For now I have only mentioned the subject with only one friend, and I have known her for about 15 years. But I will think about it.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: As for telling her I am looking for a girlfriend, well… for now I am still very shy about talking about it IRL. Like, terribly. For now I have only mentioned the subject with only one friend, and I have known her for about 15 years. But I will think about it.
Just don't tell her by making a big awkward "I NEED GIRLFRIEND PLZ HALP ME" speech. For example, if she asks you how your weekend was mention the awful first date you had where she was really trying to set you up for a sunday date with Jesus*. You both get to laugh about it, and it tells her both that you're looking for a date and that you've got your life together enough to actually be doing it without being hopelessly desperate. The important thing is not to be awkward and desperate about it, since that makes it even less likely that she'd want to set you up with someone.
You know, while the whole, 'asking a female friend to see if she has any single female friends' had occurred to me. I genuinely hadn't considered the whole bringing up the idea by talking about a previously disastrous date.
And, to be honest, I have actually had a couple that weren't my fault that make slightly humorous stories.
Me, personally? I tried the dating thing again back in June, even went on a fair number of dates with the same girl. Even by the 4th date, things still seemed super weird and awkward for me. It sorta felt surreal really, like we were both doing/saying things, because that's what is expected - neither of us did much of the whole dating thing before, it being the first time both of us went on a 3rd date with someone, for example.
In any case, it's probably a stumbling definition of what 'lack of chemistry' meant, even though, on paper, it would be a good mix. - For example, a big interest in Game of Thrones / Lord of The Rings.
In any case, since then, I've not really thought much about dating at all, only logging onto the dating websites once or twice at most.
However, now... Since then, I've been focusing on my career, which is now in a good place, so my thoughts are now turning back to the whole dating thing, because well, that's the standard idea isn't it? Get your homelife sorted out properly (life - done), get your worklife in a good place (money - done), find someone to settle down with.... Not checked.
With me turning 30 next year, well, I'm very aware the whole life-clock is ticking. - My cousin just had her first child for example, making my mothers sister a grandmother and my gran, a great granny.
Then there's me, but, truth be told, being very much on the introverted end of the spectrum (going by the definition of being around / interacting with others causes a loss of energy rather than gain), I don't even know if I'd want to, well, actually end up dating someone at all. - And have someone else around in my life, near enough all the time.
Well, if inviting her to your dorm for a movie and copious drinking seems like a good time to you, just do that. No?
Peregrine wrote: Just don't tell her by making a big awkward "I NEED GIRLFRIEND PLZ HALP ME" speech.
I just said I was much too shy for this anyway. I could possibly talk passingly on this subject, but do not expect me to be upfront about it.
I guess you can basically expect me to be very reserved about any kind of personal stuff, but especially about that.
(And this is the part of the conversation where I feel like expressing myself in English suddenly becomes way harder than in my native tongue . Hope I still manage to convey my ideas right.)
Peregrine wrote: For example, if she asks you how your weekend was mention the awful first date you had where she was really trying to set you up for a sunday date with Jesus*. You both get to laugh about it, and it tells her both that you're looking for a date and that you've got your life together enough to actually be doing it without being hopelessly desperate. The important thing is not to be awkward and desperate about it, since that makes it even less likely that she'd want to set you up with someone.
*Based on a true story.
I have no fun date anecdotes to talk about, as I have had not much dates to begin with.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: I just said I was much too shy for this anyway. I could possibly talk passingly on this subject, but do not expect me to be upfront about it.
I guess you can basically expect me to be very reserved about any kind of personal stuff, but especially about that.
The problem with being shy is that it's easy to build something up into a Serious Conversation and then make an awkward mess of it when you finally do say something. Avoid doing this at all costs.
Also, don't look at dating as some kind of incredibly personal thing. Pretty much everyone dates at some point in their life, usually with disappointing results. Just think about it as something equivalent to "I played a game of 40k this weekend" or "wow the professor in class X is strict, I bet we all failed that test". As long as you don't make a big deal out of it you don't have anything to worry about.
I have no fun date anecdotes to talk about, as I have had not much dates to begin with.
Then if she asks you what you're up to make a comment about your hopeful date later that week. Or if the subject of online dating comes up you say "yeah, I've been trying that, it's been horrible/awesome/whatever". The point isn't the details of what you say, it's that you slip in a reference to the fact that you're single and looking without making the conversation about the fact that you're single and looking. You want her to think "oh, Hybrid is a cool guy and I think he was looking for a date" when one of her friends mentions having the same problem, but without making yourself look like a hopeless loser who can't get his own dates.
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Compel wrote: Then there's me, but, truth be told, being very much on the introverted end of the spectrum (going by the definition of being around / interacting with others causes a loss of energy rather than gain), I don't even know if I'd want to, well, actually end up dating someone at all. - And have someone else around in my life, near enough all the time.
It's possible to solve that problem, you just need to know what you're looking for. As an introvert in a happy long-term relationship with someone even more introverted two obvious options come to mind:
1) Find someone equally introverted so that you're both happy having your private time and space. Separate bedrooms, independent hobbies, etc, so you both have the option to retreat into your own space and recharge. And since you both have the same kind of personality you'll have no problem understanding why the other person needs that separation. But then when you do want company you have someone filling that role in your life. And that's something very important since introverts often have a hard time getting out and meeting people or maintaining friendships. Your hypothetical introverted girlfriend would probably be happy that, when they want to spend time with someone, they can just say "hey, let's do X" instead of having to go out and find something to do.
2) Find someone interested in an open/polyamorous relationship where they're free to go fill their social needs elsewhere when you need your quiet time alone. For example, if your girlfriend spends three days a week with her other boyfriend then that's three days a week that you have all to yourself. You can enjoy your time together when you want it, but you don't have to have constant relationship stress over unmet needs when you don't.
mitch_rifle wrote: Having children or a partner isn't mandatory, dont worry about it so much
Maybe not for some people, but for most people having a partner really is mandatory for being happy long-term. "Don't worry about it" isn't very useful advice when someone already knows what they want and just needs help getting it.
I did the unthinkable the other week there gentleman. I did the drunk text. It wasn't offensive, but it was just overly convoluted. I've been kicking myself since as I actually just wanted to do it in person. The alcohol has scuppered me. The thing that's particularly annoying is that I actually believe there is mutual attraction there, but obviously the way not to go about it is through drunken nonsense. I'm just so angry at myself.
We are work colleagues and we work in the same area, I know!, I know!, but I was thinking of soberly broaching the idea the next time we leave work. Like maybe explain the reasoning behind the drunk thing and if there's any interest there? FWIW a few work other female colleagues in the department hint as if they see something between us. One of them mentioned it last night... felt good but simultaneously bad, man.
I wouldn't be too bothered about pursuing this normally but it was just the signs of mutual attraction have me all confused. The response to my drunkenness wasn't overly negative, but she did feel it might be inappropriate in a work setting. Part of me thinks feth it, it's a part time job. I'm not having my life dictated to me by minimum wage. The other part thinks it might come across as pushy? Maybe leaving a couple of weeks to let the dust settle and see what happens? Obviously i'll still be talking to her, but won't bring it up again so soon.
I've clusterfethed myself over on this one gents.
So what do you think? Cut my loses and learn from a painful experience or try and salvage?
Hey man. Similar thing happened to me around 50 pages ago:
tl;dr - I'd had a major crush on a work colleague, we kissed at a work's party then I walked her home drunk; she couldn't remember kissing me, basically just fizzled out after that, give or take a few ill-advised drunken texts on my part)
It's an awkward situation. I say play it cool and let her come to you if she's interested in anything happening. It sounds like you've already set your stall out, albeit not exactly how you would have liked, but there it it is. What's done is done.
If it's playing on your mind, just take her to one side and apologise for the drunkeness, but make it clear that you did it because you would like to date her at some point and that you just went about it in kind of the wrong way. Then just leave the ball in her court and don't bring it up again unless she does. Don't act too thirsty.
That being said, I wish someone had told me this at the time, and it took me meeting and falling in love with someone to realise this:
It shouldn't be this difficult. When you meet the right person it will all just fall into place, and it won't matter how daft you make yourself look - she'll just dig you. In my opinion, you gave this girl the perfect opportunity to get with you, or else declare her interest. She doesn't appear to have done so. The 'we work together it'd be awkard' thing is just a smokescreen - I know, because the girl in my story told me the exact same thing. It shouldn't matter one iota if you work together, if she's into you she wouldn't be able to help herself. If she CAN, she's probably just not that into you.
Sorry, I know that's probably not a nice thing to hear, but I wish someone had told me it.
Medium of Death wrote: The response to my drunkenness wasn't overly negative, but she did feel it might be inappropriate in a work setting.
And this is your "no". Let it go, and don't make work awkward for her by continuing to push when she's already said no. And don't read too much into the supposed signs of attraction, if she openly said no then she's probably just being friendly and you're assuming the wrong thing.
Part of me thinks feth it, it's a part time job. I'm not having my life dictated to me by minimum wage.
Don't be a selfish about this. This is her job too, and if you become "that creepy guy who won't get the hint" she has to choose between putting up with it and putting her own financial security at risk. Plus, if you really cross the line you could end up fired for harassing her.
(This is why people always say "don't try to date at work".)
Medium of Death wrote: Sage advice my good man. I'll think about talking about it again, but then as you say she did have an opportunity to do so.
This incident really hit me square in the old feels. Not really sure why.
Mine was exactly the same, mate. I spent a lot of time thinking about why and reached the following conclusion: It's because the dream is over. When you have a crush on someone, you imagine what it would be like to be together, to go out as a couple, you wonder if your friends/family would like her etc. Whilst your crush is undeclared that stuff still exists in potentia - it's still a possibility. Fantasy is seductive, man. It's hard to let go of, and makes you build up that person in your mind, until you almost think you already have a relationship with that person, it just hasn't started yet. Then the bubble bursts. For me it was seeing her with someone else (I believe I mentioned it earlier ITT) - it was almost like seeing your girlfriend walking off with another dude. I actually felt a bit of adrenaline, the first flushes of anger. Except, she wasn't my girlfriend. She wasn't anything to me and didn't owe me a single thing. I'd made my interest clear and she (apart from a drunken kiss which she didn't remember) hadn't taken me up on it. She was clearly not interested. It was all in my head, just a stupid crush. I instantly felt better. I even chuckled to myself and sent her a text complimenting him and wishing her luck.
I'm not saying this girl is definitely not interested in you like, I'd just be prepared for that possibility bro. Sorry to say.
No response. And my dorm mate is thinking about going after her....he said after I told him......although that might be him pushing me. But then again she did say that she gets bad cell reception
Medium of Death wrote: Sage advice my good man. I'll think about talking about it again, but then as you say she did have an opportunity to do so.
This incident really hit me square in the old feels. Not really sure why.
Mine was exactly the same, mate. I spent a lot of time thinking about why and reached the following conclusion: It's because the dream is over. When you have a crush on someone, you imagine what it would be like to be together, to go out as a couple, you wonder if your friends/family would like her etc. Whilst your crush is undeclared that stuff still exists in potentia - it's still a possibility. Fantasy is seductive, man. It's hard to let go of, and makes you build up that person in your mind, until you almost think you already have a relationship with that person, it just hasn't started yet. Then the bubble bursts. For me it was seeing her with someone else (I believe I mentioned it earlier ITT) - it was almost like seeing your girlfriend walking off with another dude. I actually felt a bit of adrenaline, the first flushes of anger. Except, she wasn't my girlfriend. She wasn't anything to me and didn't owe me a single thing. I'd made my interest clear and she (apart from a drunken kiss which she didn't remember) hadn't taken me up on it. She was clearly not interested. It was all in my head, just a stupid crush. I instantly felt better. I even chuckled to myself and sent her a text complimenting him and wishing her luck.
I'm not saying this girl is definitely not interested in you like, I'd just be prepared for that possibility bro. Sorry to say.
Fantasizing about a girl, imo, is a horrible thing. Because the fantasy is always better with no real hiccups.
hotsauceman1 wrote: No response. And my dorm mate is thinking about going after her....he said after I told him......although that might be him pushing me. But then again she did say that she gets bad cell reception
Just wait. Though maybe if the phone reception is bad you should have sent an email?
Anyhow, I guess if she wants to contact you back, she will. So just wait.
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Peregrine wrote: Just think about it as something equivalent to "I played a game of 40k this weekend" or "wow the professor in class X is strict, I bet we all failed that test".
You know, I am at some point in life where I am going to say “Damn, the exercise I wrote for that test was apparently too hard for the student, they all got lame grades” rather than the other way around. For three years now I did not have a test, I only wrote and graded tests…
I am only a student by name…
But I got it, I will try to leave a passing reference if the occasion comes out.
Maybe. I just can't help but feel like IM doing it wrong. My buddy said I should have gold her I got my xbox and TV set up. But anytime I talk to her. It goes to video games
Automatically Appended Next Post: Although I will try to hit her up via email later, see if she wants to do something.
So, I'm seeing this new girl. We messaged each other for about two weeks before meeting. She is absolutely amazing. Witty, artistic, looks and smells great. London fething accent mate, love it! The date went REALLY well, possibly a little too well. We convinced ourselves to go back to her place but that we wouldn't do anything besides cuddle. Well....
Did I wreck it? I mean, it was really hot and we're definitely compatible on many levels. We are seeing each other again on Thursday, but I don't want her to think that I am just after that. She's a solid catch.
Barksdale wrote: So, I'm seeing this new girl. We messaged each other for about two weeks before meeting. She is absolutely amazing. Witty, artistic, looks and smells great. London fething accent mate, love it! The date went REALLY well, possibly a little too well. We convinced ourselves to go back to her place but that we wouldn't do anything besides cuddle. Well....
Did I wreck it? I mean, it was really hot and we're definitely compatible on many levels. We are seeing each other again on Thursday, but I don't want her to think that I am just after that. She's a solid catch.
Awesome. You're golden, just don't overthink it. The time for worrying whether or not you're 'only after one thing' is before she decides to sleep with you. If that was a concern, it's doubtful she would have slept with you. Unless she was only after one thing....
Just go with it!
Automatically Appended Next Post: Also, my chick has a proper 'street' London accent. It's well sexy innit fam, you get me?
Barksdale wrote: So, I'm seeing this new girl. We messaged each other for about two weeks before meeting. She is absolutely amazing. Witty, artistic, looks and smells great. London fething accent mate, love it! The date went REALLY well, possibly a little too well. We convinced ourselves to go back to her place but that we wouldn't do anything besides cuddle. Well....
Did I wreck it? I mean, it was really hot and we're definitely compatible on many levels. We are seeing each other again on Thursday, but I don't want her to think that I am just after that. She's a solid catch.
You won't know if you wrecked it until you are in that stage of a relationship where she will be fully honest with you. Until then, just give it your best shot.
Barksdale wrote: So, I'm seeing this new girl. We messaged each other for about two weeks before meeting. She is absolutely amazing. Witty, artistic, looks and smells great. London fething accent mate, love it! The date went REALLY well, possibly a little too well. We convinced ourselves to go back to her place but that we wouldn't do anything besides cuddle. Well....
Did I wreck it? I mean, it was really hot and we're definitely compatible on many levels. We are seeing each other again on Thursday, but I don't want her to think that I am just after that. She's a solid catch.
She agreed to a second date. Unless you believe in some kind of "saving it until marriage" nonsense you're fine. Things may not work out in the end, but it probably won't be because you rushed into sex too quickly.
That's exactly what I told her in the morning, not to think too much into it. I guess I should follow my own advice. Really looking forward to date #2 in any case.
So, since the Chinese PhD student from my lab is not interested in going climbing again (apparently it made her arms ache during the week-end. I said that this was pretty normal and only exercising more will give her more endurance, but that did not convince her ), which means I will just have more time to spend with, uh, the other Chinese PhD student from another lab that does come to climbing. I guess this is when you start wondering if I have a fetish on PhD students . I have her number (asked for it before summer break when I was searching for climbing partners when the club was closed, even though we eventually had no occasion to climb together), and we have been eating together after climbing a couple of times now. I would like to propose her to do something else together, maybe on the week-end, but I am not sure what. More climbing? Some movie?
No response so far.
I cant help but wonder if I am going about this all wrong. I have met her 4 times before, on the bus mostly and in the dorms when we played games....
Maybe to hasty. This is so confusing and im out of my element....UGH
hotsauceman1 wrote: No response so far.
I cant help but wonder if I am going about this all wrong. I have met her 4 times before, on the bus mostly and in the dorms when we played games....
Maybe to hasty. This is so confusing and im out of my element....UGH
It's been one day. Just calm down and wait.
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Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: I would like to propose her to do something else together, maybe on the week-end, but I am not sure what. More climbing? Some movie?
If she liked climbing then why not go with what has been working? Are you worried about being seen as just a climbing buddy and not a date?
Also, movies are kind of a questionable idea, it's a lot of sitting silently without any real interaction and if you don't both enjoy it (or at least hate it in an entertaining way) it's pretty much wasted time. If you do it make sure that you have something (dinner, climbing, whatever) after the movie so you have a chance to talk about it and turn it into a shared experience instead of just two people who happen to be sitting next to each other. The "dinner and a movie" cliche gets it completely backwards if you're still in the early stages and trying to get to know someone.
Peregrine wrote: The "dinner and a movie" cliche gets it completely backwards if you're still in the early stages and trying to get to know someone.
In my experience it's only called "dinner and a movie", and in practice it is in fact movie first and dinner later. The other way around is a waste of a potentially good dinner conversation.
It was a conversation I had with my roomie. He said I'm going about it all wrong, how I have to become friends way before I ask them outl. He says I'm going about it in a high school way
hotsauceman1 wrote: It was a conversation I had with my roomie. He said I'm going about it all wrong, how I have to become friends way before I ask them outl. He says I'm going about it in a high school way
I dated two girls predominantly through college. One was a girl I had classes with. She and I were in chemistry together, and she felt enough pity for me to drag me through it, kicking and screaming. The dating didn't start until well after we became friends. Granted, she'd probably not stop to help me if she saw me dying on the side of the road now, but such is life. The second one was a friend from high school. She'd.... also probably not stop to help me.
There've been other female friends I've tried to start relationships with, and then when things go bad, I don't really have the friendship anymore.
Then there was a girl I dated who was a friend of a friend's wife. She stopped talking with my friend's wife and her other friends and tried moving in with me after a few months. Like, literally just tried moving in one day. It was pretty creepy. Anyway though, her friends were pissed and didn't like her, there was drama, it was obnoxious given that we were all far too old for that, so I fixed the issue.
My point is that the old adage "Your best friend is not your girlfriend" is true. If you want a friend, get a friend. If you want a relationship with someone, go for a relationship with someone.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Also, there's ways to be more informal and less high school about it than "hey you want to go out?" Keep it natural.
Peregrine wrote: If she liked climbing then why not go with what has been working? Are you worried about being seen as just a climbing buddy and not a date?
A good question, I had not really thought about why. I guess a bunch of factors. First, practicality, because when we are climbing twice a week already, do we really want to go climbing on week-end, when it means finding another climbing wall, going there, and paying a new fee? The other wall I know is in Paris, so 1 hour to go there, and 15€ per session. We could likely find one closer, though. Maybe the most interesting would be to go outdoor climbing, as it is something really different from what we usually do, but since neither of us has a car, it would not be that easy. Second, climbing does not give that many occasion to discuss, at least if you are doing it seriously: one of us will be on the wall, so focused and likely a bit stressed if above the last hanging point, and the other one will be belaying. You mainly discuss when exchanging roles, and when you are done with climbing, so in this regard, it is kind of like movies.
And then there is maybe a bit of that suggestion of yours.
Peregrine wrote: Also, movies are kind of a questionable idea, it's a lot of sitting silently without any real interaction and if you don't both enjoy it (or at least hate it in an entertaining way) it's pretty much wasted time. If you do it make sure that you have something (dinner, climbing, whatever) after the movie so you have a chance to talk about it and turn it into a shared experience instead of just two people who happen to be sitting next to each other. The "dinner and a movie" cliche gets it completely backwards if you're still in the early stages and trying to get to know someone.
No worries here: even if I got it the wrong way of meeting first and then going to the movie, we would still likely have a one hour long ride back from Paris in the same train/subway together . As for enjoying the movie itself, well, that is all about the very tricky point of going to see movies with someone: which movie? I know my tastes tend to be on very niche movies, so…
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: As for enjoying the movie itself, well, that is all about the very tricky point of going to see movies with someone: which movie? I know my tastes tend to be on very niche movies, so…
hotsauceman1 wrote: It was a conversation I had with my roomie. He said I'm going about it all wrong, how I have to become friends way before I ask them outl. He says I'm going about it in a high school way
I dated two girls predominantly through college. One was a girl I had classes with. She and I were in chemistry together, and she felt enough pity for me to drag me through it, kicking and screaming. The dating didn't start until well after we became friends. Granted, she'd probably not stop to help me if she saw me dying on the side of the road now, but such is life. The second one was a friend from high school. She'd.... also probably not stop to help me.
There've been other female friends I've tried to start relationships with, and then when things go bad, I don't really have the friendship anymore.
Then there was a girl I dated who was a friend of a friend's wife. She stopped talking with my friend's wife and her other friends and tried moving in with me after a few months. Like, literally just tried moving in one day. It was pretty creepy. Anyway though, her friends were pissed and didn't like her, there was drama, it was obnoxious given that we were all far too old for that, so I fixed the issue.
My point is that the old adage "Your best friend is not your girlfriend" is true. If you want a friend, get a friend. If you want a relationship with someone, go for a relationship with someone.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Also, there's ways to be more informal and less high school about it than "hey you want to go out?" Keep it natural.
to the last part, how so? Now that I'm not afraid of asking girls out, I think I need to get it right
Wikipedia seems to have no article on it, and by the number of porn sites that appeared when I typed this in DuckDuckGo, I am not very sure. If I am to go with some explicit movie, something at least very cheesy and psychedelic, like Andy Warhol's Flesh for Frankenstein. And those movies do not get shown a lot in theaters anyway. Very niche movies .
Wikipedia seems to have no article on it, and by the number of porn sites that appeared when I typed this in DuckDuckGo, I am not very sure. If I am to go with some explicit movie, something at least very cheesy and psychedelic, like Andy Warhol's Flesh for Frankenstein. And those movies do not get shown a lot in theaters anyway. Very niche movies .
It's the film Travis Bickle takes Betsy to see in Taxi Driver, to debatable success. Maybe your girl is a fan and digs the reference. Though I suspect not
Also, there's ways to be more informal and less high school about it than "hey you want to go out?" Keep it natural.
to the last part, how so? Now that I'm not afraid of asking girls out, I think I need to get it right
Well, okay, so when I picture high school, I picture this situation where it's all awkwardness and uncomfortable as you try to make it a formal thing by trying to say "do you want to go out" or something along those lines, if you even do it directly. Like there's some formal title that needs to be applied and an official process where you have to get the documents notarized.
I'm probably not the one to be taking advice from without someone else agreeing, but I think the way to be more mature about it is to not try to turn it into something like that, but instead make your intentions known while not needing to formalize it. Go see a movie and get some dinner, just the two of you. Go (real, not club) dancing.
I think that is what I did. I asked her if she wanted to get a bite to eat and some drinks after on friday. Making my intentionson clear, but not making it awkward
Aesop the God Awful wrote: ]It's the film Travis Bickle takes Betsy to see in Taxi Driver, to debatable success. Maybe your girl is a fan and digs the reference. Though I suspect not
Oh. It is on WIkipedia, but with a totally different name, the language of love. Does not seem very enjoyable actually. The reference might be funny, but if the movie is damn boring, it is not worth it. Reminds me of when I saw that movie after failing to check what it was about. The narrative scenes were a magnificent amount of funny, but the rest was SO GODDAMN LONG AND BORING! The same without the funny stupid part? Never!
hotsauceman1 wrote: I think that is what I did. I asked her if she wanted to get a bite to eat and some drinks after on friday. Making my intentionson clear, but not making it awkward
Then it sounds like you're good. I was mostly arguing against the "become friends first" part. Then if you find that things go south, you also lose your friend. A girlfriend should be a status similar to a friend, but not interchangeable. I don't think I'd risk fething up another friendship to try to form a relationship out of it.
First problem is looking at dateable women as "friends."
"Dating" women is different than "hanging out" with them. I don't know about you, but I have literally zero female "just friends." They're either women I've slept with, women I'm currently sleeping with, women I want to sleep with in the future, or women who have friends who I want to sleep with. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them in the first place - I have 1,000 more things in common with male peers. Not to say that I wouldn't be "just friends" with a woman, only that I haven't found one in the past 29 years worth being "just friends" with. Social relationships take effort...I'd rather put in less effort and get more out of a friendship with a male peer if its strictly platonic.
"Dating" women is different than "hanging out" with them. I don't know about you, but I have literally zero female "just friends." They're either women I've slept with, women I'm currently sleeping with, women I want to sleep with in the future, or women who have friends who I want to sleep with. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them in the first place - I have 1,000 more things in common with male peers. Not to say that I wouldn't be "just friends" with a woman, only that I haven't found one in the past 29 years worth being "just friends" with. Social relationships take effort...I'd rather put in less effort and get more out of a friendship with a male peer if its strictly platonic.
So, I cant be friends with a women? I have to see any women I meet as a possible one night tands? Sounds kinda.....WRONG.
"Dating" women is different than "hanging out" with them. I don't know about you, but I have literally zero female "just friends." They're either women I've slept with, women I'm currently sleeping with, women I want to sleep with in the future, or women who have friends who I want to sleep with. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them in the first place - I have 1,000 more things in common with male peers. Not to say that I wouldn't be "just friends" with a woman, only that I haven't found one in the past 29 years worth being "just friends" with. Social relationships take effort...I'd rather put in less effort and get more out of a friendship with a male peer if its strictly platonic.
So, I cant be friends with a women? I have to see any women I meet as a possible one night tands? Sounds kinda.....WRONG.
Go ahead and do it...just sounds like you're barking up the wrong tree.
My comment had more to do with guys who think that having a girlfriend is basically like having a "bro" that you screw - I'm arguing that the type of relationship a heterosexual man has with other heterosexual men is far different than the type of relationship he can have with nearly any heterosexual woman. If I asked a girl I'm seeing to learn 40k she'd probably laugh, whereas any of my guy friends would be all about it. If I asked her if she'd like to go hunting with me, she'd probably roll her eyes and talk about how she isn't going to murder Bambi. My male friends have already murdered at least one Bambi this season alone.
"Dating" women is different than "hanging out" with them. I don't know about you, but I have literally zero female "just friends." They're either women I've slept with, women I'm currently sleeping with, women I want to sleep with in the future, or women who have friends who I want to sleep with. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them in the first place - I have 1,000 more things in common with male peers. Not to say that I wouldn't be "just friends" with a woman, only that I haven't found one in the past 29 years worth being "just friends" with. Social relationships take effort...I'd rather put in less effort and get more out of a friendship with a male peer if its strictly platonic.
So, I cant be friends with a women? I have to see any women I meet as a possible one night tands? Sounds kinda.....WRONG.
Go ahead and do it...just sounds like you're barking up the wrong tree.
My comment had more to do with guys who think that having a girlfriend is basically like having a "bro" that you screw - I'm arguing that the type of relationship a heterosexual man has with other heterosexual men is far different than the type of relationship he can have with nearly any heterosexual woman. If I asked a girl I'm seeing to learn 40k she'd probably laugh, whereas any of my guy friends would be all about it. If I asked her if she'd like to go hunting with me, she'd probably roll her eyes and talk about how she isn't going to murder Bambi. My male friends have already murdered at least one Bambi this season alone.
That's pretty poor advice. It differs from person to person. My girlfriend is pretty much my bestfriend and a bro whom I screw. The relationship really depends on the person you're with.
"Dating" women is different than "hanging out" with them. I don't know about you, but I have literally zero female "just friends." They're either women I've slept with, women I'm currently sleeping with, women I want to sleep with in the future, or women who have friends who I want to sleep with. Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them in the first place - I have 1,000 more things in common with male peers. Not to say that I wouldn't be "just friends" with a woman, only that I haven't found one in the past 29 years worth being "just friends" with. Social relationships take effort...I'd rather put in less effort and get more out of a friendship with a male peer if its strictly platonic.
So, I cant be friends with a women? I have to see any women I meet as a possible one night tands? Sounds kinda.....WRONG.
Go ahead and do it...just sounds like you're barking up the wrong tree.
My comment had more to do with guys who think that having a girlfriend is basically like having a "bro" that you screw - I'm arguing that the type of relationship a heterosexual man has with other heterosexual men is far different than the type of relationship he can have with nearly any heterosexual woman. If I asked a girl I'm seeing to learn 40k she'd probably laugh, whereas any of my guy friends would be all about it. If I asked her if she'd like to go hunting with me, she'd probably roll her eyes and talk about how she isn't going to murder Bambi. My male friends have already murdered at least one Bambi this season alone.
Huh. Guess that's why I, as a heterosexual male, have heterosexual female friends with neither side interested in having sex - I don't want to shoot Bambi, either!
Even has a non-hunter, You dont shoot bambi or his mom unless you disobey the law(I may be wrong, but you can only hunt bucks right?)
But I love deer. I love that early in the morning I wake up with a sugar cube in my pocket, go to the bus stop and there is a deer there who loves sweets. Thats why I wont shoot one
That's exactly what I told her in the morning, not to think too much into it. I guess I should follow my own advice. Really looking forward to date #2 in any case.
This may not mean anything, because she is someone elses GF, but I got kissed on the cheek.
First time I have ever been kissed though by a girl outside my family
She could just see you as cuddle buddy where she doesn't view you in a sexual way but doesn't mind giving hugs, rubbing you body, stroking your hair, etc. Also I wouldn't try to create an intimate relationship with people who are in a relationship already (unless they're in an open one) as it
tends to get uncomfortable/unpleasant fast and ruin the friendship.
Oh I know. The only reason she kissed me was there wasnt room in the car to go to the bars, so I got left behind, being the last one to join the group.
the shrouded lord wrote: well. i kind of, think, i have a girl friend now. it's not really offcial but we both admitted to having feelings toward each other. *shrug*
Now just teach her how to make proper Reuben and coast on it for the next sixty to seventy years. You're in!
NuggzTheNinja wrote: I don't know about you, but I have literally zero female "just friends."
While I do agree on everything else you said (especially on the difference between dating girls and hanging out with girls) I beg to differ on that one.
There's this girl... She's quite funny and very nice. She's definitely not my type. We're "just friends".
There's that girl. She's married to one of my friends, and has become a good friend of mine. She's kinda cute, but she's his wife. We're "just friends".
There's this girl... She's quite intelligent, very pretty. I tried to date her... She wasn't interested, but the way she told me so was quite interesting. I felt she was very, very different from all the other girls I've known. She's probably one of my best friends now. We're "just friends" now.
NuggzTheNinja wrote: I don't know about you, but I have literally zero female "just friends."
While I do agree on everything else you said (especially on the difference between dating girls and hanging out with girls) I beg to differ on that one.
There's this girl... She's quite funny and very nice. She's definitely not my type. We're "just friends".
There's that girl. She's married to one of my friends, and has become a good friend of mine. She's kinda cute, but she's his wife. We're "just friends".
There's this girl... She's quite intelligent, very pretty. I tried to date her... She wasn't interested, but the way she told me so was quite interesting. I felt she was very, very different from all the other girls I've known. She's probably one of my best friends now. We're "just friends" now.
Sounds like in some of those cases, you're going to need those ""s.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
hotsauceman1 wrote: Even has a non-hunter, You dont shoot bambi or his mom unless you disobey the law(I may be wrong, but you can only hunt bucks right?)
But I love deer. I love that early in the morning I wake up with a sugar cube in my pocket, go to the bus stop and there is a deer there who loves sweets. Thats why I wont shoot one
PA and many other states issue anterless tags. You can shoot Bambi and his mom, while his mother's milk is still wet on his lips.
While I haven't read this whole page, I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced something like what I'm going through right now.
The girl I like lives in a different state, pretty far from me. When I did live there we were friends. I did ask her out once, but I was turned down cuz there was another guy in the school who was making it very clear he wanted to date her, but we moved on from that and kinda acted like it didn't happen.
When I visited over the summer we had a pretty good time, and I really started to like her a bit more than a friend again... The issue is that she has a boyfriend who she's been with for a about a year who lives in the UK.
Should I even bother waiting to see if they break up and maybe try a long distance relationship a while afterwards since she clearly doesn't mind it (It's not like I have any friends where I live now, let alone a girlfriend), or just move on and remain "just friends" with her?
(Sorry for how it kinda turned into a wall of text)
Alright thanks. I figured that was the most sensible thing, and I definitely don't want to make it too awkward to the point that she doesn't even talk to me, because right now there are only a few people who are my friends.
Now to go figure out how to get people (women in particular) to talk to me/how to talk to them.
inferno445 wrote: Alright thanks. I figured that was the most sensible thing, and I definitely don't want to make it too awkward to the point that she doesn't even talk to me, because right now there are only a few people who are my friends.
Now to go figure out how to get people (women in particular) to talk to me/how to talk to them.
Go back to page one of this thread. Be enlightened.
You got to have game. If you know a girl and you see here out at a party or club wait for the eye contact and then give her the whats up nod and approach with a big goofy smile and funny walk.
Be like, "you look super hot." Then tell her you're looking for a girlfriend but you are busy with work or school but that shouldn't matter. Really go into it. If she walks away then she is not interested, but if she listens push it as far as you can, get kinda outrageous and melodramatic. Tell her you think its love at first sight but you don't want to get married anytime this week. Threaten to beg, then start to beg but stop mid beg and claim you have higher standards for yourself then that.
Then when her eyes kinda widen abit and she starts to gasp a little and you see her blushing. Be like, "I mean every word of it, but I'm kind of joking too." Then ask her if she wants to go back to your place and smoke pot and listen to records. The pot and records is kinda key for this approach. If you think she is into you and you are confident, you can also just ask if she wants to go makeout. If she likes you, there ya go. Otherwise just move on. Works for me plenty.
I want to ask out this cute coworker but I found out she has sexual desires towards another coworker who is a tall, handsome, muscular black guy, somehow I feel like I can't compete.
Cheesecat wrote: I want to ask out this cute coworker but I found out she has sexual desires towards another coworker who is a tall, handsome, muscular black guy, somehow I feel like I can't compete.
Try it anyway.
Better try and fail than do nothing at all - you never know what might happen.
I'd say try it too, misdirection* is a favorite device of females i have been interested in but too slow to take advantage of.
The whole "i'll make him jealous thing" ...and with me previously we haven't been talking weeks, we have been talking months ....drugs were too much fun
*misdirection is not the same as being told carefully to feth off
That's exactly what I told her in the morning, not to think too much into it. I guess I should follow my own advice. Really looking forward to date #2 in any case.
How did Date #2 go?
Actually had to cancel it as I had to make an unexpected trip. Got back last week and saw the beautiful lady though. Unfortunately, it looks like I'm going to be reassigned elsewhere in the country so that's that. We'll keep in contact though as we got on real well. Gave her a Facebook add real quick.
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, I cant be friends with a women? I have to see any women I meet as a possible one night tands? Sounds kinda.....WRONG.
Of course you can be friends with women, and anyone who says otherwise has no clue what they're talking about.
all of my friends are women... though I have never attempted romantic anything with them (no interest) though i do know they'd never introduce me to any of their friends for the purposes of dating, I know they don't think too highly of me as a male. That much is clear, before they seemed to have a "take me or leave me" attitude then I moved away for 2 years and they seem a bit more enjoying of my company.
I donno if they think one day I'll just start hitting on them, despite the fact I never have in the near 5 years I have known them... Maybe it's because I have attempted to date people and they see me as too low for that, for some reason, at least I have found, if women think you are a low card, they'll tell you for no real reason, even if you never asked.
I donno how many times I've gotten told how awful I was when I asked female friends for dating advice.
So I learned never to ask them advice in any area close to that...
I separate my friends so if I need to drop one, as I often do in my life since I don't seem to gel with people, I can hop to another in a never ending game of friendship leapfrog.
Well it begun when I was about 19, I didn't have friends before that.
Maybe I should get some guy friends and bat for my own team from now on The few dates I have, while obvious failures, haven't been the same level of failing as my friendships have been...it is all so new to me, as I said prior to my 20s I didn't have friends or try to date... And I am only nearing 26.
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, obviously no from her. But I'm not giving up hope. Talk to my roommate. He said a lot of girls now me and think I'm a nice guy in the building
Next time you ask someone else, make sure you don't treat it as a thing. Last time, you Emailed and waited for a response. I don't recommend that.
1. Do it face-to-face.
2. Make it almost a casual toss-off remark.
3. Don;t make it a yes-or-no situation
So, somethign like this. You are both sitting there palying video games so you say....
"You just shot me in the face! I guess you will have to make it up to me over lunch this Friday at XXX place!"
I think I finally found a mutual attraction-Originally asked her to school dance, she was going with friends, but during an NHS assembly she sat by me and gave a few... non friendly looks.
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, obviously no from her. But I'm not giving up hope. Talk to my roommate. He said a lot of girls now me and think I'm a nice guy in the building
Next time you ask someone else, make sure you don't treat it as a thing. Last time, you Emailed and waited for a response. I don't recommend that.
1. Do it face-to-face.
2. Make it almost a casual toss-off remark.
3. Don;t make it a yes-or-no situation
So, somethign like this. You are both sitting there palying video games so you say....
"You just shot me in the face! I guess you will have to make it up to me over lunch this Friday at XXX place!"
Look at her as you say it. Just a thought.
I guess email was stupid. It just I couldn't find her and my friend told me too try to do it.
Sometimes I wonder if all this advice is just conflicting and making me over think it
So, I'm posting because I'm bored and not sure what to do with myself, and maybe just need a vent. My life has been hell (exaggeration, ive been through worse, but its starting to take its toll on me and im beginning to stress) the past few weeks for a variety of reasons, romantic ones included. Since thats the focus of this thread, I'll detail some of my recent misadventures:
New York Comic Con was a bitch. Nothing like spending gak tons of time surrounded by incredibly hot nerdy chicks in skimpy costumes that I will never, ever sleep with. Besides my own personal issues, I'm very much a member of the female friendly environment crowd, I believe they have a right to go about their business without me drooling all over them, so I just generally don't bother in those situations... and yet, apparently opportunities kept coming up. At first it started out innocently enough I suppose... little things like the overly friendly girls promoting a new comic or whatever, things that I didn't really take as flirting so much as attempted salesmanship. Over the day these things kept building up and stacking on top of one another, until two separate events at the end of the night made me think that perhaps I had completely missed a dozen or so potential opportunities.
The first such incident occurred at the end of the evening, I was waiting in the Javitz Center lobby to meet up with my friends so we could head on home. I was standing off to the side of one of the exits just checking out costumes, etc. when a cute redhead (who I am pretty sure was dressed as black widow from the latest captain america movie, specifically the incognito outfit she was wearing in the mall scene where she kisses Steve to avoid the SHIELD agents) comes over and stops like 5 feet in front of me facing perpendicular to my direction. In other words, if I was standing facing the north, she would have been facing east. I check her out (oh, she was FINE) but I try not being a creeper by staring so I'm looking around checking out costumes, looking at my phone, etc. doing anything I can to not look at her. Eventually she sits down in front of me in the same spot, facing the same direction, I keep going about my business. At one point I look over at her and I realize that shes staring right in my general direction, if not directly at me. Her head is still facing "east", but she was very clearly and obviously looking out of the corner of her eye. I assume theres some dude standing by me with a cool costume or whatever and go about my business. I start to get it in my head that maybe, just maybe, she was checking me out, so I decide I'm going to ask her about her 'costume' (if that is in fact what it was) except just as I decide to do this a friend of hers comes by and sits down with her and they start talking. *shrug* oh well I say, and go back to my business. At some point her friend gets up and leaves, and around that time I get a text from my own friends telling me to meet them on the corner. So, I text back, and start to move. As I look up from my phone I see that she has now turned towards my direction and she is saying something/talking to someone. I turn and start walking away thinking to myself "I wonder who she was talking to?" and then I realized that right behind me was a concrete column easily 10-12 ft in diameter and there was literally nobody standing at all near me, forcing me to the inescapable conclusion that she was, in fact, looking at, and attempting to speak to me. Of course, in my head I'm like "Maybe I should turn around? NOPE, already committed, just going to walk away as though nothing happened."
Now, this on its own wouldn't be that bad, and maybe even forgivable if not for what happened next. After getting off the Ferry on my side of the Hudson, my friends and I proceeded to the parking garage. While waiting in the lobby to parking fee, I see this beautiful blonde girl come in with some of her friends. I take some glances at her, and to my surprise, catch her glancing back at me a few times. At one point I moved so that I would be out of her field of view while still being able to check her out (she was that gorgeous that I couldn't keep my eyes off her), and to my surprise shortly thereafter she also changed her position so that she could check me out. As luck would have hit, her group and my group paid off our fees at the same time and we ended up in the same elevator.
Now, the elevator was one of those two door affairs. Where you enter in one pair of doors, and exit by a separate doorway on the opposite side. Now, I was standing in front of the exit doorway, and when I get to my floor, I'm the first one out into the little lobby, and I walk over to the door to the garage and open it, turn around, and everybody else is still in the elevator staring at the door they came in. She had been standing almost next to me in the elevator, and I see her turn to where I had been, and then she realizes I'm not there and then turned around and said "OH! The door is back here" and then everyone started shuffling out. As she was walking towards me (remember, holding the door open), she gives me a good twice over with her eyes (yknow, the whole 'undressing' thing where they look you up and down), and was quite clearly impressed by the dashing figure I presented in my Doc Martens, perfectly fit jeans, and favorite NJ Devils hoodie judging by the smile that creeped over her face. As she walked past me, like literally a foot away from me she looked up at my eyes (gorgeous eyes), smiled wide and said, "Thats so sweet of you to hold the door for me, thank you!" My response? I smiled back and said "Hey, no problem." and as she walked away I thought to myself... "She was clearly into you, obviously flirting with you, she even SPOKE to you, and all you said was 'Hey, no problem!' You gotta be gaking me, you fething failure."
But wait, it gets better (worse). Y'see, my closest friend in the area recently moved away, so I've been filling the void by spending more time with some of my other friends. One of whom, is (was) the girlfriend of another friend of mine. It started out innocently enough, except her boyfriend kept bailing on us at the last minute for various reasons (well within his control I might add). I was okay with it at first, in the sense that I am not at all attracted to her in any way, shape, or form and just regarded her as one of the bros (she plays warmachine with us), but was uncomfortable with it in the sense that she was dating a friend of mine and I wasnt comfortable with the message that might send. It was cool at first, but then she started flirting with me. I went to another friend with my concerns about it and he was of the opinion that it was all in my head and I should just stop worrying. Well this went on a couple weeks, then last friday we met up to watch the devils game over a few beers at a local bar. At this point I found out that she was freshly single, her and my friend had come to a mutual agreement that it wasn't working out and ended it. Now, at this point Im SUPER uncomfortable, especially since once again its just the two of us, I having utterly failed at convincing anyone else I know to come out with me to prevent that from occurring. But, I'm like, whatever, we're just friends... except she attempted a pass at me. It started with little things like her brushing my leg and stuff, but it escalated quickly. At one point she said to me "Between you and me, my sex life has been nonexistant for months now, I'm pretty much ready to go with the first guy that offers." I was like "Wooooaah, slow down there, you just got out of a long term relationship, maybe take a few weeks before you jump into bed and do something you might regret." to which she agreed. Realizing what was happening I changed subjects FAST and started talking about how I wish I could get the hostesses number (she pretty much checked off all the boxes on my 'list of things I look for in a girl'), as well as discussing the monster crush I have on a mutual friend of ours who I've made various attempts at but have been completely unsuccessful with due to circumstance more than anything else. Later on in the evening some friends of mine come by and hang out with us for a bit and she suggests (as a last attempt) that maybe the two of us should go chill out with some other friends at her place, to which I politely decline on the basis that I'm too drunk to drive. She decides to head on out, we say our goodbyes and I was super grateful to dodge that bullet. Except she started texting me later, as well as the day after, and made another pass there. Somehow we got on the subject of my looks, I was like "Eh, I'd give myself maybe a 6 or a 7, I know I'm 'cute' but I'm reasonably sure I'm not 'sexy'. Like I'm attractive, but not in the way girls go crazy over." Her response was to say, "Oh oh oh, you don't know you're beautiful. Like seriously, you're kind of a hottie, solid 8.5, can't believe you haven't realized." I played it off and said, its all subjective anyway, and since then I've been kind of avoiding her though she still posts flirty comments on facebook.
Speaking of which, that hostess? Unfortunately I havent seen her there before, or since, none of my friends (who are regulars) had seen her either. Its like she doesn't even exist. :C
Oh, and that girl I have a crush on? Yeah, so I decided I would try one last time at the Halloween party we were at yesterday. Total failure, at some point I think I realized I wasn't even really attracted to her anymore and kinda just gave up. Also pretty sure she actually might kinda sorta hate me. Not really sure, dunno, just generally pissed about stuff.
I suppose none of this is really all that bad singularly or even taken as a whole, but given the shambles the rest of my life is presently in, it seems like a pretty big slap in the face as to how I'm generally failing at life.
I think there was a discussion a few pages back about how the whole, "generally completely failing at noticing hints" thing is a common occurrence.
I don't know if we came to a conclusion about it though, except for 'practice makes perfect' and try to take a note so you figure it out quicker the next time.
Genuinely don't know what to do about the ComicCon situation. It does seem like a hard thing to figure out, especially if you're like me and not great at the whole understanding general emotional subtlety thing. It does seem like quite a minefield now as it's well documented that there are quite a number of horrible people going to comicon and I imagine that quite a lot of women are (quite correctly, sadly) going to feel on the defensive. So, aside from the 'already commited' part, everything you did there was fine... I think. I would recommend have gone with 'oh my gosh, sorry, thought you were talking to someone else, I'm ChaosXOmega, nice to meet you.' But hey, hindsight is 20/20.
As for your war machine gaming friend, it's right (I think) for you not to get involved with her. It feels kind of like a disaster waiting to happen.
However, I'm not going to be entirely negative this post, because I am going to point something out. That whole 'sexy' conversation. I think you need to keep a hold of that in your brain. The next time a situation comes up with another girl in a different place, I think you should mentally like, bring forward that conversation and, it should, I hope, put you in a good frame of mind to engage with her more and help you avoid yourself becoming your 'own worst enemy.'
I've got to admit, that reads a bit... Well, serial killer-ey to me...
Remember, we're talking about 55% of the human population here, so best not lump everyone together, eh?
Compel wrote: I think there was a discussion a few pages back about how the whole, "generally completely failing at noticing hints" thing is a common occurrence.
I don't know if we came to a conclusion about it though, except for 'practice makes perfect' and try to take a note so you figure it out quicker the next time.
Genuinely don't know what to do about the ComicCon situation. It does seem like a hard thing to figure out, especially if you're like me and not great at the whole understanding general emotional subtlety thing. It does seem like quite a minefield now as it's well documented that there are quite a number of horrible people going to comicon and I imagine that quite a lot of women are (quite correctly, sadly) going to feel on the defensive. So, aside from the 'already commited' part, everything you did there was fine... I think. I would recommend have gone with 'oh my gosh, sorry, thought you were talking to someone else, I'm ChaosXOmega, nice to meet you.' But hey, hindsight is 20/20.
As for your war machine gaming friend, it's right (I think) for you not to get involved with her. It feels kind of like a disaster waiting to happen.
However, I'm not going to be entirely negative this post, because I am going to point something out. That whole 'sexy' conversation. I think you need to keep a hold of that in your brain. The next time a situation comes up with another girl in a different place, I think you should mentally like, bring forward that conversation and, it should, I hope, put you in a good frame of mind to engage with her more and help you avoid yourself becoming your 'own worst enemy.'
But then, what do I know? :p
Its beyond a potential disaster lol, not happening, nope, never ever never. I also cant help but feel that whole situation is terribly unfair to me too.
As for everything else, maybe, maybe Im a stud... maybe... yet casanova just cant seem to turn the charm on when he wants to make somethin happen.
Compel wrote: I think there was a discussion a few pages back about how the whole, "generally completely failing at noticing hints" thing is a common occurrence.
I don't know if we came to a conclusion about it though, except for 'practice makes perfect' and try to take a note so you figure it out quicker the next time.
Now see, I have the opposite problem I see everything as a hint. Like Halloween. This girl I talked to twice, ran up and gave me a hug, did only what i could describe as nuzzling my chest, and said "Im so happy to see you" Is that a hint or just a drunk freshmen? Im not sure.
If you feel like you NEED a relationship, then that drives potential matches away.
Go to Social Events that interest you( cons, local concerts, fun runs, whatever) and have fun. If you meet someone that catches your eye, ask them. But don't go hunting.
If that's just not your style, internet dating works too. There are people who are just too busy to go to these events, but still want to meet new people and try something new.
Check out dating sites tho and see what I'm talking about. You'll find some people( both male and Female) that just throw up a profile and are doing their own thing otherwise.
And then you'll see the super intense "I NEED A RELATIONSHIP TO VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE" people, once again of both genders. You'll know what I mean when you see it, because you'll read their little profile thing and it'll just make you not want to ever be around this person.
Here's another Lesson I learned the hard way: Once you get in a relationship, don't lose yourself in this relationship. Don't change everything about yourself to keep them happy. You're their partner, not their slave.
If you feel like you NEED a relationship, then that drives potential matches away.
Go to Social Events that interest you( cons, local concerts, fun runs, whatever) and have fun. If you meet someone that catches your eye, ask them. But don't go hunting.
chaos0xomega wrote: At one point she said to me "Between you and me, my sex life has been nonexistant for months now, I'm pretty much ready to go with the first guy that offers." I was like "Wooooaah, slow down there, you just got out of a long term relationship, maybe take a few weeks before you jump into bed and do something you might regret." to which she agreed. Realizing what was happening I changed subjects FAST and started talking about how I wish I could get the hostesses number (she pretty much checked off all the boxes on my 'list of things I look for in a girl'), as well as discussing the monster crush I have on a mutual friend of ours who I've made various attempts at but have been completely unsuccessful with due to circumstance more than anything else. Later on in the evening some friends of mine come by and hang out with us for a bit and she suggests (as a last attempt) that maybe the two of us should go chill out with some other friends at her place, to which I politely decline on the basis that I'm too drunk to drive. She decides to head on out, we say our goodbyes and I was super grateful to dodge that bullet. Except she started texting me later, as well as the day after, and made another pass there. Somehow we got on the subject of my looks, I was like "Eh, I'd give myself maybe a 6 or a 7, I know I'm 'cute' but I'm reasonably sure I'm not 'sexy'. Like I'm attractive, but not in the way girls go crazy over." Her response was to say, "Oh oh oh, you don't know you're beautiful. Like seriously, you're kind of a hottie, solid 8.5, can't believe you haven't realized." I played it off and said, its all subjective anyway, and since then I've been kind of avoiding her though she still posts flirty comments on facebook.
Why is this girl objectionable? For gods sake she's almost beating you over the head with a sign reading "feth me"" ...then again i've pulled stupid crap like that myself before.
Bullockist wrote: Why is this girl objectionable? For gods sake she's almost beating you over the head with a sign reading "feth me"" ...then again i've pulled stupid crap like that myself before.
1) He's not attracted to her.
2) She's a friend's ex.
And he knows she's giving clear signs, he's deliberately rejecting them and trying to direct the conversation elsewhere because he isn't interested.
What Peregrine says. I'm simply not at all attracted to her, I see her as a 'bro' and nothing more or less than that. She's effectively a dude in my book. Part of it might be that she's a heavier girl... but I'd have jumped in the sack with her best friend 5 minutes ago and she's even heavier, so I don't know that thats it either lol.
While I normally despise the "pick-up" crowd, they do have one really, really good piece of advice. Get yourself out there, and ask a hundred girls out. Ignoring the fact that some will say yes, some will say no, and some will run away shrieking, you will develop confidence in the act, and that is REALLY important. Get rejected. Get rejected a lot. Get used to it. When you notic that you no longer hesitate, you're where you want to be.
At the same time, work on your smile. This one held me back forever! When my face is at rest, I look like really angry. I'm not. Smile more. Smile before you talk. Smile before you introduce yourself. Smile when you pass by in the hallway. Smile when you walk into a room. And make it just a friendly smile, not a "hi, I'd like to wear your ass as a hat" smile. Warm, friendly smiles are disarming to most people.
After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.
Lastly, avoid the pitfall of putting a woman, any woman, on a pedestal. Ever. Nothing good comes from this. Ever.
Filthy Sanchez wrote: After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.
Does anyone ever have any luck with this? I mean, you know absolutely nothing about the person other than they're female and (presumably) alive, so where's the common ground for a date? Are you just hoping that after repeating the same approach with enough women you'll finally find someone both desperate enough to go on a date with a completely random stranger and compatible enough with you that the date isn't a waste of time? I really don't understand how this is supposed to accomplish anything besides getting a lot of awkward rejections and possibly a reputation for being incredibly desperate.
Filthy Sanchez wrote: After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.
Does anyone ever have any luck with this? I mean, you know absolutely nothing about the person other than they're female and (presumably) alive, so where's the common ground for a date? Are you just hoping that after repeating the same approach with enough women you'll finally find someone both desperate enough to go on a date with a completely random stranger and compatible enough with you that the date isn't a waste of time? I really don't understand how this is supposed to accomplish anything besides getting a lot of awkward rejections and possibly a reputation for being incredibly desperate.
Yeah....I think a connection needs to be made to do anything really
Filthy Sanchez wrote: After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.
Does anyone ever have any luck with this? I mean, you know absolutely nothing about the person other than they're female and (presumably) alive, so where's the common ground for a date? Are you just hoping that after repeating the same approach with enough women you'll finally find someone both desperate enough to go on a date with a completely random stranger and compatible enough with you that the date isn't a waste of time? I really don't understand how this is supposed to accomplish anything besides getting a lot of awkward rejections and possibly a reputation for being incredibly desperate.
so you cannot understand how two people who have never met, could meet?
a stranger is just a friend you havent met yet... almost everyone is strangers with the person they end up with before they meet them.
besides, if you already knew someone who wanted to date you, you probably dont need to read this thread, where the whole point is many people dont know someone who wants to date them.
Actually asking women if they are interested is quite often successful for finding out if they are interested, and at actually getting a positive response (provided you dress *well* have something resembling charm are polite and have good hygiene I cannot stress this enough) filthy sanchez is giving good advice, once you get over the fear of rejection you learn to make it less awkward. Be polite, feth off when told to the first time, but plenty of women are just waiting for guys to talk to them in real life instead of msg their POF inbox.
you are not asking to feth, your asking to get to know them in the hopes they are your type and form a relationship.
I had grandparents who lasted till they died who met randomly in the que, i know dozens of people, myself included, who just bump into other people in the street/shopping/whereever, talk and hit it off. one would think having, or developing, the skill to make new relationships would be a positive thing.
so yes the whole "walk by a girl smile at her, she smiles back" followed by a short conversation which reveals commons interests, happens *all the time*
easysauce wrote: so you cannot understand how two people who have never met, could meet?
I can understand meeting someone if you have a reason to meet (common activity, online dating, etc). I can't understand how anyone could have any success walking up to a random stranger and saying "hi, I'm Bob, let's go on a date", or why you'd even want to do that.
i know dozens of people, myself included, who just bump into other people in the street/shopping/whereever, talk and hit it off.
Yes, but note the important word in that sentence: talk. There's a difference between having a natural conversation then eventually asking to see the person again and just walking up to a random stranger, saying "you're hot" and handing them a card with your phone number on it. One is taking advantage of opportunities as they occur, the other is attempting to get a date with every woman you encounter and hoping to get lucky by sheer volume and stubborn persistence.
you never hear of love at first sight?
I've heard of it. It's a stupid concept that sets unrealistic expectations, and not something anyone should waste their time thinking about if they're single.
inferno445 wrote: While I haven't read this whole page, I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced something like what I'm going through right now.
The girl I like lives in a different state, pretty far from me. When I did live there we were friends. I did ask her out once, but I was turned down cuz there was another guy in the school who was making it very clear he wanted to date her, but we moved on from that and kinda acted like it didn't happen.
When I visited over the summer we had a pretty good time, and I really started to like her a bit more than a friend again... The issue is that she has a boyfriend who she's been with for a about a year who lives in the UK.
Should I even bother waiting to see if they break up and maybe try a long distance relationship a while afterwards since she clearly doesn't mind it (It's not like I have any friends where I live now, let alone a girlfriend), or just move on and remain "just friends" with her?
(Sorry for how it kinda turned into a wall of text)
I'm sorry man. If they break up, she's not going to want another long distance relationship for a while. Find something else.
I dunno if I mentioned it in this thread or not, but a friend of mine had calling cards that had his name and phone number on them, and simply said "person of interest", he would give them to women he met while at parties or just around in a manner similar to the above ("hey, we should get coffee sometime, k thnx bai"), he got a lot of dates that way, though I'd say the fact that he's handsome and fairly charming helped.
If you think about it though, it couldn't hurt. If you're walking down the street and see a pretty young thing approaching, chances are you're not going to be able to stop her for a meaningful conversation ANYWAY, so the card provides both a good opener as well as the *potential* to maybe score a date with someone you wouldn't ordinarily have an opportunity to ask out.
chaos0xomega wrote: I dunno if I mentioned it in this thread or not, but a friend of mine had calling cards that had his name and phone number on them, and simply said "person of interest", he would give them to women he met while at parties or just around in a manner similar to the above ("hey, we should get coffee sometime, k thnx bai"), he got a lot of dates that way, though I'd say the fact that he's handsome and fairly charming helped.
If you think about it though, it couldn't hurt. If you're walking down the street and see a pretty young thing approaching, chances are you're not going to be able to stop her for a meaningful conversation ANYWAY, so the card provides both a good opener as well as the *potential* to maybe score a date with someone you wouldn't ordinarily have an opportunity to ask out.
A friend of mine did that too. He had a site printing up proper business cards with name, number, email, Facebook-url, the whole thing. All over a colourful and aesthetically pleasing but ridiculously standard Toco Toucan background, though that was probably part of the joke.
lol, did he have success with that? Also, using 'proper business cards' in that way is considered a faux pas, although given that it was all his personal info I'm assuming you don't literally mean business cards
Filthy Sanchez wrote: After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.
Does anyone ever have any luck with this? I mean, you know absolutely nothing about the person other than they're female and (presumably) alive, so where's the common ground for a date? Are you just hoping that after repeating the same approach with enough women you'll finally find someone both desperate enough to go on a date with a completely random stranger and compatible enough with you that the date isn't a waste of time? I really don't understand how this is supposed to accomplish anything besides getting a lot of awkward rejections and possibly a reputation for being incredibly desperate.
Cold approaches are difficult but definitely doable, and usually it helps if you're in a situation where random social interaction is encouraged (i.e., a bar). I've gotten quite a few numbers off of cold approaches in bars.
It's not my preferred method of picking up dates though for sure, but I like to play darts so I find myself in bars quite frequently especially when my friends are around. If you frequent social pickup locations (like bars) and are reasonably well-dressed and attractive, you'll have women cold approaching YOU.
I ended up hooking up with a friend's wife's former PhD adviser at an academic conference...cold approached her and her friend. They were talking to some guy...walked up, introduced myself, we got to talking and it turns out that we actually know some of the same people. Even though, I'm sure that if we hadn't had that connection something still would have happened, as her friend (with whom I had zero connection) was getting a little bit friendly as well, and it was clear that it could have gone either way.
That said - I wouldn't rely on cold approaches. The type of woman who is interested in random guys showing an interest in her is really not somebody you ought to be dating long term. Yes I know, double standards blah blah blah, don't care...you can listen to me or you can listen to some politically correct white knight virgin.
easysauce wrote: so you cannot understand how two people who have never met, could meet?
I can understand meeting someone if you have a reason to meet (common activity, online dating, etc). I can't understand how anyone could have any success walking up to a random stranger and saying "hi, I'm Bob, let's go on a date", or why you'd even want to do that.
i know dozens of people, myself included, who just bump into other people in the street/shopping/whereever, talk and hit it off.
Yes, but note the important word in that sentence: talk. There's a difference between having a natural conversation then eventually asking to see the person again and just walking up to a random stranger, saying "you're hot" and handing them a card with your phone number on it. One is taking advantage of opportunities as they occur, the other is attempting to get a date with every woman you encounter and hoping to get lucky by sheer volume and stubborn persistence.
Spoiler:
you never hear of love at first sight?
I've heard of it. It's a stupid concept that sets unrealistic expectations, and not something anyone should waste their time thinking about if they're single.
I dont think you are picking up what is being laid down here...
you talk to a lot of girls, with the express intention of just simply getting used to talking to them without getting all afraid and "what if" ing yourself or talking yourself out of it... you are talking to women to start conversations... conversations that go well and hint at her being interested should always lead to that interest being confirmed or denied instead of left to the imagination and constantly thinking "what if i asked that girl who seemed interested out"
once that fear is gone, you start to be able to see opportunities arise out of conversations and take those opportunities as opposed to talking yourself out of it.
we didnt say to just walk up and say "hi im bob wanna go out?" to every girl you meet and give them a card.. we said walk up to girls and *TALK* to them and see where the conversation goes.
So on the one hand, you are belittling people for talking to woman, then on the other hand telling people if they want to get dates, they need to talk to women...
first you learn to talk to women, then you learn to listen to women, then you learn who's interested and who is not. Just because its not for you, doesnt make it wrong or the people who do it "desparate".
Dumping on guys for approaching women is just more fuel on the "fear fire" that all these dakka guys already have in spades.. they dont need you stigmatizing something that is already hard enough... society puts all the pressure on the male to initiate relationships, its a lot harder to initiate then it is to sit back and cherry pick from a long line of potential suitors... we wouldnt have this thread if there wasnt a lot of guys who have a hard time initiating relationships.
I think Nuggz make s good point about being someplace where social interaction is expected. In his example, he was there to play darts. It just happened to also be a place where he could meet people too. His goal wasn't to get a date, but to play darts.
If he did get a date hat was great, but if he didn;t he would still hav hada good time playing darts. So do things where social interactions is expected, but be there to have fun yourself first. The potential date is just gravy.
easysauce wrote: we didnt say to just walk up and say "hi im bob wanna go out?" to every girl you meet and give them a card.. we said walk up to girls and *TALK* to them and see where the conversation goes.
No, that's exactly what other people said. Go back and read the advice, they're suggesting that people just walk up to a random stranger and ask for a date. That was the whole point of the card, so that you can give someone your number when you don't even have time for the most basic of conversations. In their own words:
If you're walking down the street and see a pretty young thing approaching, chances are you're not going to be able to stop her for a meaningful conversation ANYWAY, so the card provides both a good opener as well as the *potential* to maybe score a date with someone you wouldn't ordinarily have an opportunity to ask out.
That's not having normal social interaction and looking for opportunities, it's throwing yourself at random strangers and hoping to find someone as desperate as you are.
So on the one hand, you are belittling people for talking to woman, then on the other hand telling people if they want to get dates, they need to talk to women...
No, I'm saying to talk to women when it's an appropriate context. If it's a situation where it would be appropriate to talk to another man then sure, have the same kind of conversation and if it seems to be going well maybe consider asking to see them again. The issue is the predatory approach where every random person on the street is a potential date and the only strategy is to throw yourself at all of them as quickly as possible until you finally get lucky. Even if works eventually is it really worth the price of making a lot of people feel uncomfortable and harassed, and potentially earning a reputation for being "that guy"?
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Easy E wrote: I think Nuggz make s good point about being someplace where social interaction is expected. In his example, he was there to play darts. It just happened to also be a place where he could meet people too. His goal wasn't to get a date, but to play darts.
If he did get a date hat was great, but if he didn;t he would still hav hada good time playing darts. So do things where social interactions is expected, but be there to have fun yourself first. The potential date is just gravy.
EXACTLY.
Go out and interact with people in places where people go to meet each other, and if you happen to think you're connecting with someone see if they think the feeling is mutual. But treat that as a nice bonus when you're already out having fun. Don't get so obsessed with getting a date that you're starting every interaction with the intent of asking for a date as quickly as possible, after making the decision to do so based on nothing more than "they're female and not obviously next to their boyfriend".
Ashiraya wrote: No BF yet. Just haven't found anyone who I 'click' with.
One day...
I've found someone who I 'click' with, but I'm overthinking absolutely e-e-everything about it all. How am I coming across? Does she feel the same way? What if I get misinterpreted? What'll happen if she says no? What'll happen if she says yes? Is she just being polite?... You know, the usual crap that my anxiety and past experiences with people cause my brain to think up and usually spawn other trains of thought, like the "what'll happen if she says no?" thought, for example.
That becomes "since I don't talk to anyone, even my close friends, very often will she think that any lack of significant contact after asking is just because I was only sociable because I wanted in, even though it really wasn't?" and "if we don't remain friends after for whatever reason then I should be happy that I got rid of someone who wasn't the person I thought they'd be, but how many more of my friendships are just lies waiting to be uncovered? Can I be sure that they aren't all lies to some degree?", which themselves spawn "how am I going to appear to everyone else if they just think that I talk to them because I want something?" and "If I'm any more restrictive about choosing my friends then I won't make any, but if I'm already letting fake people in then do I sacrifice new friends to try and protect myself? Or do I sacrifice my own happiness to make them?", which spawn others which spawn others, and soon you get some idea of why I get therapy.
What makes it even harder is that she's also socially anxious to a degree, too, so I now have to worry if she'll be alright with all this - especially if I'm already having a hard time with it - and if she'll understand part or all of these things I have to question before actually making any sort of move.
So yeah, it's easy to say "just ask her", and you might think I should follow some of the advice I've given in this thread myself, but it's hard enough to do that without all this crap. It's hard to face rejection even if it's just your self-confidence that might suffer and it's not something that will instead shake the very foundations of your trust and cause you to start questioning everything about yourself.
At the very core of this is one issue: what if I'm not well enough for a relationship, but what if being in one could be a game-changing boost and I'm missing out on an opportunity for some form of happiness that I haven't known in over half my life? That question is the pivotal one. It's a high-risk/high-reward opportunity. I've got more than enough experience that tells me I've gambled badly on these every time before, but I also have enough experience to tell me that if I don't try, the regret might hurt just as much as outright failure.
Welcome to a small insight into the inner workings of my day-to-day life. *Swallows a handful of propranolol.*
Filthy Sanchez wrote: After that, work on some fairly neutral, honest, nice, meet-and-greet kinds of things, and try them out. "Hello, I hope I'm not interrupting. I saw you walk in, I thought you were pretty, and I wanted to introduce myself." Extend hand, "My name is soandso." See what happens. If she is with a group of friends, or seems busy, remove pressure by handing her your card (a napkin, whatever) with your number or email address, and saying, "I'd welcome the opportunity to get to know you a bit. Maybe we could coffee sometime?" Unless you get an outright no, tell her that you hope she calls, and be on your way.
Does anyone ever have any luck with this? I mean, you know absolutely nothing about the person other than they're female and (presumably) alive, so where's the common ground for a date? Are you just hoping that after repeating the same approach with enough women you'll finally find someone both desperate enough to go on a date with a completely random stranger and compatible enough with you that the date isn't a waste of time? I really don't understand how this is supposed to accomplish anything besides getting a lot of awkward rejections and possibly a reputation for being incredibly desperate.
Randomly asking girls to go out with me solely because I found them attractive was pretty much the foundation of my single life. Why do you need common ground to go on a date with someone? I went on all kinds of random dates, many times with women who I barely shared a common language with. It was fun and interesting.
Ashiraya wrote: No BF yet. Just haven't found anyone who I 'click' with.
Bromsy wrote: Why do you need common ground to go on a date with someone?
Because the goal of dating isn't to get lots of first dates, it's to get to the second date and beyond. If you don't have any common ground with someone it's unlikely that you're going to get very far beyond that first date before it becomes obvious that you have no reason* to be together. It's better to spend your time and effort on dating people that have a better chance of long-term success, and that means knowing more about them than "you're attractive and you're within talking distance of me right now".
*Unless you're some kind of sex god, but if that's the case then you don't need dating advice.
I've heard of it. It's a stupid concept that sets unrealistic expectations, and not something anyone should waste their time thinking about if they're single.
I know that I might be in the minority, maybe even the extreme minority.. but when I met the love of my life, I knew it immediately -that through thick or thin, good or ill, I had found my life's mate.
Ashiraya wrote: Of course not, love! I just don't want to be tied down, you know?
Don't worry: eventually either a ticking biological clock, or just the fear of cats eating your face after you die alone will have you settling for "good enough" just like the rest of us in no time
Ashiraya wrote: No BF yet. Just haven't found anyone who I 'click' with.
One day...
I've found someone who I 'click' with, but I'm overthinking absolutely e-e-everything about it all. How am I coming across? Does she feel the same way? What if I get misinterpreted? What'll happen if she says no? What'll happen if she says yes? Is she just being polite?... You know, the usual crap that my anxiety and past experiences with people cause my brain to think up and usually spawn other trains of thought, like the "what'll happen if she says no?" thought, for example.*
Dude, get out of your own head. You are building wall of anxiety on potential outcomes of things you haven't even done yet. Instead of worrying so much about the potential outcomes of things, try to do some of them and find out what the outcome actually is. No matter what happens, the sun also rises.
Ashiraya wrote: No BF yet. Just haven't found anyone who I 'click' with.
One day...
I've found someone who I 'click' with, but I'm overthinking absolutely e-e-everything about it all. How am I coming across? Does she feel the same way? What if I get misinterpreted? What'll happen if she says no? What'll happen if she says yes? Is she just being polite?... You know, the usual crap that my anxiety and past experiences with people cause my brain to think up and usually spawn other trains of thought, like the "what'll happen if she says no?" thought, for example.*
Dude, get out of your own head. You are building wall of anxiety on potential outcomes of things you haven't even done yet. Instead of worrying so much about the potential outcomes of things, try to do some of them and find out what the outcome actually is. No matter what happens, the sun also rises.
I have done them in the past and the subsequent experiences were negative, to say the absolute least, which is making future decisions like this even harder.
It's not just relationships it affects, it's mundane things like blood tests, for example. When I was due to have my first ever blood test as an adult I was petrified (fear of needles), but I managed to go ahead and get it done regardless. The test was painful, I passed out after it, and threw up. I was asked to have another one months ago, and I'm plain unable to face it again. It's not just the needles this time, it's also the fact that my first one went probably the worst it could (I didn't even have the doctor I should've done, they had to change it at the last minute, and I was called in half an hour late, so I'd already been stewing for far longer in the waiting room) and put what my brain saw as the lie to everyone's claims of "It won't hurt" and "you'll be fine; it'll be over before you know it". Just thinking about having another one sets my pulse racing and my mind on edge.
If I could "get out of my own head" then believe me, I'd have done it by now; I wouldn't wish some of the stuff I deal with on most people, except perhaps the ones who sparked it all off in the first place.
I'm sorry to hear that. Dating might be the least of your worries. You should focus on getting yourself in a decent place before you worry about relationships.
chaos0xomega wrote: So, I'm posting because I'm bored and not sure what to do with myself, and maybe just need a vent. My life has been hell (exaggeration, ive been through worse, but its starting to take its toll on me and im beginning to stress) the past few weeks for a variety of reasons, romantic ones included. Since thats the focus of this thread, I'll detail some of my recent misadventures:
I still think that you're building up and overanalyzing the actions of random strangers too much (as evidenced by the length of your post?), and then getting obsessed with them. Not every girl that makes eye contact with you, smiles at you, talks with you, or even flirts with you is interested in you or is someone you'd even want to be with. She might be. Or not. Ultimately you'd spend a ton less energy by acting in the first place and getting an answer then and there.
The "ships passing in the night" scenario seems to come up with you a lot. Is it possible that at some subconscious level you prefer or are more comfortable with the fantasy of the random stranger across the room? Just throwing it out there.
If it seems like I'm being harsh with you, it's because you seem like a young guy who'll do great as soon as you get your head out of the clouds and get your mindset right. Ain't nothing to it but to do it.
Bromsy wrote: Why do you need common ground to go on a date with someone?
Because the goal of dating isn't to get lots of first dates, it's to get to the second date and beyond. If you don't have any common ground with someone it's unlikely that you're going to get very far beyond that first date before it becomes obvious that you have no reason* to be together. It's better to spend your time and effort on dating people that have a better chance of long-term success, and that means knowing more about them than "you're attractive and you're within talking distance of me right now".
*Unless you're some kind of sex god, but if that's the case then you don't need dating advice.
There's no reason you HAVE to have common ground to date someone.
You probably don't want to be on two totally opposite sides of the Spectrum (Pastor and a drug abuser that is perfectly content abusing drugs), but I remember one of my better relationships was with someone that i couldn't of had less in common with. That made our first date Interesting. She had stories about things I had never experienced. I had stories about things she never experienced.
Which led to us going on more dates where we would do the things we talked about. She liked being Outdoors, I hiss when I see sunlight. But we did outdoor stuff and I taught her how to play various tabletop games and we did that for about 10-11 months or so. We both broadened our horizons because we dated and tried things we wouldn't have otherwise.
Was it going to last, Most likely not. But we were young( well we still are, but that's neither here nor there) We had fun and we are both better off having dsted than not. Sometimes you jut gotta go out of your comfort zone and have fun. Not every first date has to be super hardcore serious business, nor does every relationship have to be setting up for marriage or a long term relationship. Enjoy it, have fun and don't worry about the future. Let the relationship work itself out.
You're not on this date with this person because they also like doing X or they collect Y. You're on a date with someone because you both agreed to spend a part of a day getting to know each other better.
chaos0xomega wrote: So, I'm posting because I'm bored and not sure what to do with myself, and maybe just need a vent. My life has been hell (exaggeration, ive been through worse, but its starting to take its toll on me and im beginning to stress) the past few weeks for a variety of reasons, romantic ones included. Since thats the focus of this thread, I'll detail some of my recent misadventures:
I still think that you're building up and overanalyzing the actions of random strangers too much (as evidenced by the length of your post?), and then getting obsessed with them. Not every girl that makes eye contact with you, smiles at you, talks with you, or even flirts with you is interested in you or is someone you'd even want to be with. She might be. Or not. Ultimately you'd spend a ton less energy by acting in the first place and getting an answer then and there.
The "ships passing in the night" scenario seems to come up with you a lot. Is it possible that at some subconscious level you prefer or are more comfortable with the fantasy of the random stranger across the room? Just throwing it out there.
If it seems like I'm being harsh with you, it's because you seem like a young guy who'll do great as soon as you get your head out of the clouds and get your mindset right. Ain't nothing to it but to do it.
I overanalyze a lot, obsess? not so much - the timespan between those events and that post were a few weeks, and really only triggered by (amongst other things) the actions of a friend (not a stranger) that *definitely* made a pass at me.
As for ships in the night, its possible, though I think its more likely due to the fact that my social habits and social circles aren't really conducive towards meeting new people with whom there is romantic potential on a regular basis, therefore the number of events featuring 'random strangers' is high due to circumstance. Meanwhile, I really am absolutely clueless and more likely to assume that any potential romantic interest is being friendly than actually interested in anything more, so the 'missed connection' scenario is very very common due to the fact that I meet people who I take some interest in and might (after the fact) recognize some potential with, but then never ever see again, ever.
I mean, I *could* be wrong, but the number of times I've met one of these girls through a mutual friend, and then after the fact was told "she was really into you" is embarrassingly high. Sadder still is that part of me does recognize the interest pretty quickly, but due to internal monologue I usually dismiss it.
Hey people, I am back from my random 1 month OT ban by Dakka Random Moderation team (of random).
So, this topic has been up for about 9 month now. Did it help me? I have no idea. I certainly did change a few things, but was that enough? I cannot even tell for sure if it was in the right direction. What I do know is that I am 9 month older, and I do not expect to be in a relationship any time soon.
During that month, there was a week of holiday for student, during which there was no climbing, so I asked the woman I go have lunch with if she wanted to go outdoor climbing with me instead, but she said she was not available. I saw her again after the holidays last week but on Tuesday she told me she brought something to eat directly at her lab, and on Friday she did not come climbing. I am going to assume she is just busy with work…
Also, some anecdote. On Friday, I was on the RER (train/subway) to go to Paris when some fellow PhD student from the lab came in. I knew her, we have talked a few time already, so we started a conversation. At one point, when we ended up talking about horror movies, she told me she watch slasher on Valentine's day to see couples getting brutally murdered. What do you think about that?
Spoiler:
chaos0xomega wrote: But wait, it gets better (worse). Y'see, my closest friend in the area recently moved away, so I've been filling the void by spending more time with some of my other friends. One of whom, is (was) the girlfriend of another friend of mine. It started out innocently enough, except her boyfriend kept bailing on us at the last minute for various reasons (well within his control I might add). I was okay with it at first, in the sense that I am not at all attracted to her in any way, shape, or form and just regarded her as one of the bros (she plays warmachine with us), but was uncomfortable with it in the sense that she was dating a friend of mine and I wasnt comfortable with the message that might send. It was cool at first, but then she started flirting with me. I went to another friend with my concerns about it and he was of the opinion that it was all in my head and I should just stop worrying. Well this went on a couple weeks, then last friday we met up to watch the devils game over a few beers at a local bar. At this point I found out that she was freshly single, her and my friend had come to a mutual agreement that it wasn't working out and ended it. Now, at this point Im SUPER uncomfortable, especially since once again its just the two of us, I having utterly failed at convincing anyone else I know to come out with me to prevent that from occurring. But, I'm like, whatever, we're just friends... except she attempted a pass at me. It started with little things like her brushing my leg and stuff, but it escalated quickly. At one point she said to me "Between you and me, my sex life has been nonexistant for months now, I'm pretty much ready to go with the first guy that offers." I was like "Wooooaah, slow down there, you just got out of a long term relationship, maybe take a few weeks before you jump into bed and do something you might regret." to which she agreed. Realizing what was happening I changed subjects FAST and started talking about how I wish I could get the hostesses number (she pretty much checked off all the boxes on my 'list of things I look for in a girl'), as well as discussing the monster crush I have on a mutual friend of ours who I've made various attempts at but have been completely unsuccessful with due to circumstance more than anything else. Later on in the evening some friends of mine come by and hang out with us for a bit and she suggests (as a last attempt) that maybe the two of us should go chill out with some other friends at her place, to which I politely decline on the basis that I'm too drunk to drive. She decides to head on out, we say our goodbyes and I was super grateful to dodge that bullet. Except she started texting me later, as well as the day after, and made another pass there. Somehow we got on the subject of my looks, I was like "Eh, I'd give myself maybe a 6 or a 7, I know I'm 'cute' but I'm reasonably sure I'm not 'sexy'. Like I'm attractive, but not in the way girls go crazy over." Her response was to say, "Oh oh oh, you don't know you're beautiful. Like seriously, you're kind of a hottie, solid 8.5, can't believe you haven't realized." I played it off and said, its all subjective anyway, and since then I've been kind of avoiding her though she still posts flirty comments on facebook.
Is that is your worse? Then I would certainly exchange yours with mine . Even if you are not interested in her, having a girl compliments you and generally trying to get with you can only increase your self-confidence, no? Try to get some good out of it rather than focus on the bad.
Ouze wrote: Don't worry: eventually either a ticking biological clock, or just the fear of cats eating your face after you die alone will have you settling for "good enough" just like the rest of us in no time
I can hear that biological clock ticking for me. Well, not for me proper, because apparently men can have children even at a very advanced age, but if I do want to have children with a woman about my age, I would rather not wait for ten years…
Hybrid - Its very uncomfortable for me when someone who I consider a friend is behaving like that with me, especially when its someone who was just in a relationship with another one of my friends.
I overanalyze a lot, obsess? not so much - the timespan between those events and that post were a few weeks, and really only triggered by (amongst other things) the actions of a friend (not a stranger) that *definitely* made a pass at me.
As for ships in the night, its possible, though I think its more likely due to the fact that my social habits and social circles aren't really conducive towards meeting new people with whom there is romantic potential on a regular basis, therefore the number of events featuring 'random strangers' is high due to circumstance. Meanwhile, I really am absolutely clueless and more likely to assume that any potential romantic interest is being friendly than actually interested in anything more, so the 'missed connection' scenario is very very common due to the fact that I meet people who I take some interest in and might (after the fact) recognize some potential with, but then never ever see again, ever.
I mean, I *could* be wrong, but the number of times I've met one of these girls through a mutual friend, and then after the fact was told "she was really into you" is embarrassingly high. Sadder still is that part of me does recognize the interest pretty quickly, but due to internal monologue I usually dismiss it.
Mostly I read this thread as it is interesting but the seeming high amount of interest you seem to recieve with no effort on your behalf that you dismiss/dodge always prompts me to comment. Take a leaf out of PoppaGs book and go for it and end up a eunuch. I dunno man, it just seems you have regular stories of women being interested and it all ends up the same.
No need to apologize. I can see why it would be an ego boost... just not in this situation.
Mostly I read this thread as it is interesting but the seeming high amount of interest you seem to recieve with no effort on your behalf that you dismiss/dodge always prompts me to comment. Take a leaf out of PoppaGs book and go for it and end up a eunuch. I dunno man, it just seems you have regular stories of women being interested and it all ends up the same.
Ah, well that might also be because I don't often bother posting the various failures that result from actual attempts ;P There have been a couple of incidents as of late in which I'm lead to believe that certain women have a seeming utter hatred of me for reasons I'm not quite certain of, but thats neither here nor there, lol.
Indeed, its a bit of a running joke among certain friends that I seem to attract interest when I just 'play it cool' but have absolutely no luck in situations where I make an active attempt at anything.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: During that month, there was a week of holiday for student, during which there was no climbing, so I asked the woman I go have lunch with if she wanted to go outdoor climbing with me instead, but she said she was not available. I saw her again after the holidays last week but on Tuesday she told me she brought something to eat directly at her lab, and on Friday she did not come climbing. I am going to assume she is just busy with work…
Still had left her lunch in the office. Not so sure it is because she is too busy anymore .
I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
the shrouded lord wrote: I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
Do you think you could warm to physical contact and learn to like it?
If not, then breaking up is probably the best option for the sakes of both of you. I imagine there are sites and forums where you can meet girls that have the same kinds of phobias.
the shrouded lord wrote: I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
The drinking age is like 9 in Aus right? Just have a tipple and soldier through. Just put in the hours, pump out a few kids, get a hobby or two and before you know it you'll be dead anyways. And that's the story of life.
the shrouded lord wrote: I think I'm going to break up with her. I just, I don't want to have to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her or whatever. I don't like touching people. ans she's made it pretty obvious she wants me to.
I can see not wanting to hold hands and what not. But you don't want to kiss her? Don't want to touch her naughty bits? Are you not attracted to her?
some people have a phobia of physical contact. It was something I struggled with when I was younger, in large part due to the fact that physical closeness lead to me feeling emotionally vulnerable, etc.
That all ended after a pretty concerted effort by a close friend to break down that barrier by hugging me every chance she got...
perhaps ironically, some years later she ended up breaking my heart in a pretty brutal way after putting me into a very emotionally vulnerable state.
I question though what the point of dating the girl is if you have no physical desires, I mean sex is out of the question, and if you peel away that layer of physical intimacy youre basically left with a close friendship, something that will probably be more readily achievable with another male than a female.
I think that's a good decision mate. Just explain things to her and that you'd like to take things slowly one step at a time. Keep us updated mate. Once you get wet you never forget.
So my ex came crawling back to me first with the "I miss you" crap and then within a few days it turned into "I love you so much", "Baby, I miss you", etc. Yeah...this after breaking up with me with no explanation other than she couldn't trust me because I had "cheated" on her once and after she just torched this poor guy who was apparently smitten with her.
After she broke up with me this guy dropped a couple of grand to go visit Alaska with her, she told him she was still in love with me, I ended up getting in a fight with him and ended up dropping him (fight got stopped before it could get nasty) and didn't know she had done that at the time, the poor guy apparently was saving up for an engagement ring because he wanted to marry her and then she goes off and breaks up with him because she can't get over me...
Be careful who you get involved with guys. I'm sorely tempted to get back with her because she's hot, but under no circumstances am I dropping a lot of money on here or even considering getting married.
trexmeyer wrote: So my ex came crawling back to me first with the "I miss you" crap and then within a few days it turned into "I love you so much", "Baby, I miss you", etc. Yeah...this after breaking up with me with no explanation other than she couldn't trust me because I had "cheated" on her once and after she just torched this poor guy who was apparently smitten with her.
After she broke up with me this guy dropped a couple of grand to go visit Alaska with her, she told him she was still in love with me, I ended up getting in a fight with him and ended up dropping him (fight got stopped before it could get nasty) and didn't know she had done that at the time, the poor guy apparently was saving up for an engagement ring because he wanted to marry her and then she goes off and breaks up with him because she can't get over me...
Be careful who you get involved with guys. I'm sorely tempted to get back with her because she's hot, but under no circumstances am I dropping a lot of money on here or even considering getting married.
Yeah think with your big head not your little one
This girl sounds like nothing bur trouble.
I told her I wasn't getting back with her under any circumstances and she lost her gak. Proceeded to harass me for an hour or so and then block me on Facebook after I ignored her calls and texts.
Sad thing is I like another girl, but that girl likes a different guy and she's a world of trouble as well. She's an alcoholic and is turning into a damn basehead. Going no contact and back into the world of eat lift game work sleep repeat.
She's started using cocaine in the last couple of weeks. Thankfully the most I ever did with her was cuddle and kiss because that girl is truly fethed up right now. I just hope she can get some help. I'm very tempted to reach out to her parents because they know about the alcoholism and are worried, but don't know about the drug use. She's only 20 and could easily throw a good chunk of her life away if this doesn't stop.
if you go to her parents prepare for one of two outcomes (possibly both):
1. Her total and utt3rly complete hatred. I dont mean hate, I mean HATE. You dont know hate until youve staged an intervention against an abuser who doesnt want to quit or a suicidal nut who doesnt want to be stopped.
2. Her parents to respond extremely negatively towards you - turns out people dont like hearing that their kids are fethed up nor enjoy the implication that theyre gakky parenting lead to that.
chaos0xomega wrote: if you go to her parents prepare for one of two outcomes (possibly both):
1. Her total and utt3rly complete hatred. I dont mean hate, I mean HATE. You dont know hate until youve staged an intervention against an abuser who doesnt want to quit or a suicidal nut who doesnt want to be stopped.
2. Her parents to respond extremely negatively towards you - turns out people dont like hearing that their kids are fethed up nor enjoy the implication that theyre gakky parenting lead to that.
Good luck
I went to her dad and left him a message about her going to rehab, immediately drinking as soon as she got out, and then the cocaine use. He read it this morning and she called me, but I didn't answer. I expect her to hate me forever. I really don't care. Somebody needed to say something.
chaos0xomega wrote: if you go to her parents prepare for one of two outcomes (possibly both):
1. Her total and utt3rly complete hatred. I dont mean hate, I mean HATE. You dont know hate until youve staged an intervention against an abuser who doesnt want to quit or a suicidal nut who doesnt want to be stopped.
2. Her parents to respond extremely negatively towards you - turns out people dont like hearing that their kids are fethed up nor enjoy the implication that theyre gakky parenting lead to that.
Good luck
I went to her dad and left him a message about her going to rehab, immediately drinking as soon as she got out, and then the cocaine use. He read it this morning and she called me, but I didn't answer. I expect her to hate me forever. I really don't care. Somebody needed to say something.
Wait, how do you know he read it if she called you and you didnt speak to her?
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: During that month, there was a week of holiday for student, during which there was no climbing, so I asked the woman I go have lunch with if she wanted to go outdoor climbing with me instead, but she said she was not available. I saw her again after the holidays last week but on Tuesday she told me she brought something to eat directly at her lab, and on Friday she did not come climbing. I am going to assume she is just busy with work…
Still had left her lunch in the office. Not so sure it is because she is too busy anymore .
Still not sure whether I am annoying her and she is just being polite and I should stop or if she is just really too busy with the article and I am being paranoid...
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Still not sure whether I am annoying her and she is just being polite and I should stop or if she is just really too busy with the article and I am being paranoid...
So back off for a while and see what happens. Someone who is genuinely interested will probably make an effort to keep the friendship/relationship going (since you work together there are plenty of opportunities to at least have a brief conversation), someone who is tired of you and just doing the bare minimum to avoid being rude won't.
Peregrine wrote: since you work together there are plenty of opportunities to at least have a brief conversation
No, we do not. We just go to the same climbing place,twice a week. She works in another lab, on predicting how much noise wind turbines makes. So not so many opportunities for conversation actually, now that we do not take lunch together anymore.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: No, we do not. We just go to the same climbing place,twice a week. She works in another lab, on predicting how much noise wind turbines makes. So not so many opportunities for conversation actually, now that we do not take lunch together anymore.
Still, the point remains: back off a bit and see if she makes an effort to talk to you. As long as you aren't completely isolated and out of reach someone who is genuinely interested will find ways to make opportunities.
well, you know how a while ago I said that another girl was interested in me, her and the GF have started arguing, with girl number2 saying that my GF is lying about something. the thing is, no one will tell me anything about what the argument is about. And this may be me being extremely arrogant,. but something tells me that the argument might be over...me. with just one day of school left before eight weeks of holidays, I see no need to intervene. should it come to violence tho, I shall be forced to interject.
the shrouded lord wrote: well, you know how a while ago I said that another girl was interested in me, her and the GF have started arguing, with girl number2 saying that my GF is lying about something. the thing is, no one will tell me anything about what the argument is about. And this may be me being extremely arrogant,. but something tells me that the argument might be over...me. with just one day of school left before eight weeks of holidays, I see no need to intervene. should it come to violence tho, I shall be forced to interject.
You're right, that does indeed sound incredibly arrogant.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Well, I thought I might have had something good going for me here, but I get the feeling I managed to--in true Avatar720 style--gak it up.
Everytime I try and go out with a girl, we talk a lot before hand (like online skype and all that nonsense) and they seem really to like me, then we meet and it seems to go alright, we make plans for another get together and they never speak to me again (and if they do it's rather cold and almost annoyed).
Never like tell me to go away, it's just this fun time and that's it...
Last one I just assumed it was going that way when I got home and it was.
I always have a fair bit in common with them and they always say how they enjoy quirky people...
I guess I am just too quirky, I donno.
While this year I have tried the most I have also failed the most (well I fail every time).
My own gender seems much more accepting of my insanity, maybe I should do 2015 gay, it's certainly within the realm of possibilities for...a bisexual...
Rainbow Dash wrote: I always have a fair bit in common with them and they always say how they enjoy quirky people...
I guess I am just too quirky, I donno.
Don't over-think it too much. Most first dates end in failure for a variety of reasons, unless you're a sex god with low standards. When you're exchanging initial messages you're always trying to make a good impression and convince the other person that you're interested and should go on the date. But you don't really know much about the other person, so it's easy to be optimistic and say "sure, let's do this". And then when the other person fails to be the 1% you're actually interested in long-term you do the polite "thanks for the nice evening" and never talk to each other again. So try not to convince yourself that you're doomed if all you're having trouble with is the usual failure rate.
But if you really want advice:
1) Pay attention to actions, not words. Is the other person acting like they're really into you, or are they just going along with it until they can end the date as gracefully as possible? Things have to be spectacularly bad before most people will openly say "this sucks" and walk away from a bad date, but they won't necessarily keep up the "I'm really interested in you" act. If you see this happening you're probably just investing too much in optimism about someone who isn't a good match. Cut your losses early and don't be surprised when you never hear from them again.
2) Think about who you're going on dates with. Are you going out with every random person you can just because they said yes? Are you putting too much weight on superficial common interests and expecting something like "OMG SHE LOVES MY FAVORITE BAND" to be a major good omen? If that's the case then a high failure rate is inevitable. If you want a better chance of success on the actual date then make sure you're being picky about who you go out with.
3) Consider trying to limit the "quirks" you show at first. A first date is all about making a good impression and getting a second date, not showing everything there is to know about yourself. For example, there are a lot of things I do/say with my girlfriend that I would NOT do/say on a first date, just because it's too easy for "charming quirk" or "private joke" to seem annoying and awkward if you don't know someone very well. You don't want to suppress your personality so much that you give a false impression (which just delays the inevitable) or make yourself seem so bland that there's nothing to inspire a second date, but try to have a little balance and hint at who you are without being overwhelming.
Bullockist wrote: Rainbow , you might be falling foul of "don't feth crazy" so having a gay 2015 may not work for you.
Don't see why it wouldn't, I'm not being all over dramatic here...I am legit bisexual...
And no I am not as strange as I usually am normally at first, I do over embellish the more normal things I enjoy since what I actually enjoy is really odd.
Well, at least you are getting to the date part. Maybe you are trying too hard at the date itself?
The number 1 mistake I see people make (especially dudes) on a first date is that they talk too much about themsevles, and don;t ask the other person enough about them.
In fact, 90% of the conversation should be about the person you are meeting. When they ask you a question, redirect it back to them after a short response.
People love talking about themselves (usually) so it leaves them with an overall better impression of the date.
It means both are pretty interested in each other. So, if this continues until the end of the date, it means major success, no ?
Can someone explain to me why stuff like this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs put sex on the same level as eating or drinking or sleeping? I am pretty sure if I had not eaten or drunk or slept for 27 years, I would be very dead. It seems to be placing an awful lot of emphasis on it. And this is a random example, but I regularly have the impression people show they consider that having sex regularly is very, very important. Why?
Honestly I wouldn't bother unless you're willing to write messages and get ignored a lot of the time.
It's much easier to go to places and talk to women IMHO.
I'm not sure if many other people have heard this frequently, but I've had a couple of girls (from Uni & Work) chat about how they'd been speaking to somebody through messaging (online, phone etc) but when they meet it's like a completely different person in terms of conversation. i.e. There isn't any. Not a universal truth, just maybe something to be wary of.
It puts it on the same level because the hierarchy is an approximation for theoretical purposes, not an indisputable rule that everyone follows. Instinctive desire for sex (reproduction, really, but low-level instincts don't understand birth control) is one of those unconscious things that people just want without ever making a choice to desire. You obviously won't die without it in the same way that you'll die if you don't eat at all, but you'll probably be unhappy in the same way that you'll be unhappy if you don't eat enough.
And this is a random example, but I regularly have the impression people show they consider that having sex regularly is very, very important. Why?
Depends on what you're doing with your life. If you have a job/hobbies/etc where you interact with lots of different women then yeah, a dating site might be kind of redundant. If you spend all of your time on male-dominated things and your method for meeting women is going to a bar and asking random strangers for their number then you're going to have the same failure rate as a dating site except you'll be paying more for the drinks. And dating sites offer something very valuable that doesn't exist offline: the opportunity to filter out obvious bad matches without wasting time talking to them. As long as you're using a site that has a decent number of members in your area you can create a dating pool for yourself that allows you to focus on the people who have at least a non-trivial chance of being worth a date.
I thought it was clear from my previous sentenced and I already mentioned it before itt: no. That is precisely why I am asking the question. And also, I am 27.
chaos0xomega wrote: cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C
It's the 21st century, man. Boyfriends mean gak
Im not a scumbag and believe in something called respect.
Besides, karma is a bitch.
Plus it generally just makes the person uncomfortable and definitely less likely to want to spend time with you, I tried in high school it doesn't work and it's a gakky thing to do.
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" She said, "Haha. I mean, I wouldn't say no to a *fade to black moment involving me and the two girls...PG13*..." She is going to run it by her to see what she thinks...I sent her a couple endorsement photos 
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. Of course I am befriending her, if I was just ignoring her she would not ask me if I am interested in going play golf with her!
about this. This is her job too, and if you become "that creepy guy who won't get the hint" she has to choose between putting up with it and putting her own financial security at risk. Plus, if you really cross the line you could end up fired for harassing her.
Of course not, love! I just don't want to be tied down, you know?
