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How does a Penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.

If we could steer away from sexist jokes. Yes the joke is that they’re not funny, but let’s not upset the mods


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Also.

Some call it arson.

I prefer the term Crime Brûlée

Horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says 'I see you in here a lot, do you think you might be an alcoholic?'

The horse says 'I don't think I am' then disappears.


See, the joke is about the philosophical phrase 'I think therefore I am' but to explain that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

@NinthMukseteer ... wow, that was deep, haha.

If you ask a cockney how the moon cuts the sun's hair, what will he tell you?

'E clips it

Why can't Thousand Sons make pie?

All is crust.

What fantasy creatures do you have to watch out for when turkeys are around?

Goblins.

In the Lord of the Rings universe, where did Saruman send his minions to school?
Uruk High!

There is a place in South Wales called Tintern Abbey. I wonder what it is then?

The other day I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81, he said no.

Where does a mansplainer go to get water?

A well, actually.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Where does a mansplainer go to get water?
A well, actually.

Though he probably won't need to go himself, as there are usually plenty of other men who will carry water for him.

I met a Dutch girl at a bar last week, she was bouncing around on inflatable shoes. I rang her up to ask her out on a date yesterday but she had popped her clogs.

A clown held a door open for me today. I thought that was a nice jester

Why do seagulls live next to ocean? Because if they lived next to the bay they'd be called bagels.

 Grimtuff wrote:
Why do seagulls live next to ocean? Because if they lived next to the bay they'd be called bagels.

This is meant to be crap jokes!


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What do you call a fat ginger kid with no arms and an eye patch?

Names.


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Red sky at night, shepherds delight.

Sheep drowned in morning, global warming.

Very useful invention, Cheese. A tasty snack in a variety of styles, complimenting various other forms of food and drink.

But did you know it can also be useful when dealing with animals?

For instance, if you need to hide a Horse, you’ve got your Mascarpone, and if you need to get a Bear out of a cave, Camembert works a treat.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Very useful invention, Cheese. A tasty snack in a variety of styles, complimenting various other forms of food and drink.

But did you know it can also be useful when dealing with animals?

For instance, if you need to hide a Horse, you’ve got your Mascarpone, and if you need to get a Bear out of a cave, Camembert works a treat.

Shan’t! It’s my thread and you entered of your own free will!

Unfortunately, the one-legged clown had to leave the cheese circus. Couldn't get his stilton.

I'm mad for cheese, though. Totally emmental.

A Mexican once tried to steal my cheese, but I caught him and yelled "That's nacho cheese!" I mean, how dairy?

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet.

What do you call a Fish with no eyes? Ftthhh.

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an ithberg.

What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out a tree it'll kill you?

A snooker table.

My real name is Ross. And my surname starts with the letter A. So when I’m having a proper good old think on something? It’s a Bonanza.

Because I become a Ponder Ross A.

Is that how you pronounce that word get there? So many of your jokes that depend on pronunciation just don’t work here.

No. That’s not how we pronounce the word. That’s what makes my joke extra crap!

How do you get 2 whales in a mini?
Drive over the severn bridge.

Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on their sides? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

 Nevelon wrote:
Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on their sides? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Exalted… like exalted so hard I may never exalt again. Love it!

Why did the 19 year old Chainsaw Juggler retire?

He’d sawn off both his hands because he was crap at his job.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Why did the 19 year old Chainsaw Juggler retire?

He’d sawn off both his hands because he was crap at his job.

I saw that punchline coming


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 Flinty wrote:

 Nevelon wrote:
Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on their sides? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Exalted… like exalted so hard I may never exalt again. Love it!

Ditto, that's a great one.

 NinthMusketeer wrote:

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Why did the 19 year old Chainsaw Juggler retire?

He’d sawn off both his hands because he was crap at his job.

I saw that punchline coming

Without hands, is it truly a punchline?