Aw. Though I normally bait-post, in this thread I've been serious in most of my posts. My last post being one of those serious ones.
Anyways, the reason I don't want to just 'hook-up' with this girl is because I find that emotionless sex isn't as good as when it's done with someone you actually care about, you know?
Agreed, any time I try sex for just fun, I find it most unfun. STill probably better than a girllfriend of 3 months who won't give you sex. That's supposed to happen after 10 years not three months. PoppaG did you defer your honeymoon period?
There have been no new Tinder matches in nearly a month, and the only other option I have left is to leave the house and socialise; something which I can happily say will not be happening any time soon.
The aim of this 'dating' thing is to stay alone for as long as possible, right?
Oh my buddha have I've been asked this so many times. Now keep in mind I'm not a expert on this or anything, but if you want my advice listen to this padawans. If you feel like you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy, then rethink yourself.Learn to love yourself before you love another. Focus on your life and your ambitions and take a hiatus from dating until you find a steady career, seen the world a few times, and finish school. Eventually you will find someone who shares the same dreams and goals as you and everything will happen naturally. To see how successful this advice is, look at my post on the "Show yourself" thread. I've been very happy for 7 years with the same girl
Why should I care if you or a couple other people don't believe me? Seriously, what would I gain from lying? If I wanted to string around lies wouldn't I want to aim higher than "Yeah, ONE girl wants me, wow, am I cool yet!!??XDDxxx"
Shut up and keep your speculations to yourself.
Why should I care if you or a couple other people don't believe me? Seriously, what would I gain from lying? If I wanted to string around lies wouldn't I want to aim higher than "Yeah, ONE girl wants me, wow, am I cool yet!!??XDDxxx"
Shut up and keep your speculations to yourself.
poppa G wrote: Aw guys, time to step up!
But really though, My love life is such a mess right now. This girl is on me 24/7. But my girlfriend literally wants nothing sexual, ever.
So i don't know what to do. Because of the gf I care nothing for emotional. And I don't care enough to try for anything sexual. But this girl...is much hotter than my gf and puts out like crazy,
Just to check out I understand the English right (yeah, foreign language and all that). There is your girlfriend and the other girl. You have feelings for your girlfriend, and you do not, and are not interested in getting, feelings for the other girl. However, your girlfriend does not want anything sexual, while the other girl do, and has a more attractive body than your girlfriend. I am not sure what you meant by “And I don't care enough to try for anything sexual.” Was that referring to pushing your girlfriend, or having sex with the other girl? If you are not interested in having sex with the other girl, I do not really understand what your problem is.
There have been no new Tinder matches in nearly a month, and the only other option I have left is to leave the house and socialise; something which I can happily say will not be happening any time soon.
The aim of this 'dating' thing is to stay alone for as long as possible, right?
Not sure at what is antiphrasis and what is serious.
coolbrobunny wrote: Focus on your life and your ambitions and take a hiatus from dating until you find a steady career, seen the world a few times, and finish school.
The thing is that I basically have finished school (I am still nominally a student, but I have given many courses in the last 3 years, while taking next to none, I have a contract with a salary and pay taxes and everything. My job is actually much more that of a junior researcher than of a student), I have seen quite a few places in the world (France obviously, Switzerland, Italy, UK, Germany, Denmark, Greece, Ukraine, the U.S.A., Canada, Iran, the Himalayan part of India, South Korea,…). So, I have already done that. And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
Hm, I can see how I worded that badly to create confusion.
I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
So basically I want something sexual but my girlfriend does not and another girl is willing to give it. The other girl wants no emotional just physical.
It sounds like you and your girlfriend are not on the same page, physically speaking. That leads to resentment and anger pretty quickly, from both sides. You should do the adult thing here and break up with her.
The thing is that I basically have finished school (I am still nominally a student, but I have given many courses in the last 3 years, while taking next to none, I have a contract with a salary and pay taxes and everything. My job is actually much more that of a junior researcher than of a student), I have seen quite a few places in the world (France obviously, Switzerland, Italy, UK, Germany, Denmark, Greece, Ukraine, the U.S.A., Canada, Iran, the Himalayan part of India, South Korea,…). So, I have already done that. And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
Don't feel your not normal. You are Obviously a well accomplished individual. May I also suggest going to social interactions and learning about people as well as yourself? Feel confident but don't be pride full. Who knows, you may know someone who's a good match for you, you just need Initiative to start something. I'm sorry if my advice is not helping, but its easier said then done and easier talking about these things in a more personal face to face setting then this way.
poppa G wrote: I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
Have you actually talked to her about this, or have you just assumed that since she turned you down she must be asexual?
coolbrobunny wrote: I'm sorry if my advice is not helping, but its easier said then done and easier talking about these things in a more personal face to face setting then this way.
Yes, it is true. But it is way easier for me to talk about this kind of thing with random strangers on the internet through the relative anonymity of a username than to talk about it with my friends and family .
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kronk wrote: It sounds like you and your girlfriend are not on the same page, physically speaking. That leads to resentment and anger pretty quickly, from both sides. You should do the adult thing here and break up with her.
Would it not be better to actually talk about it, as Peregrine suggest? Avoid any kind of misunderstanding, set everything clear, and decide together what to do next.7
poppa G wrote: I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
Have you actually talked to her about this, or have you just assumed that since she turned you down she must be asexual?
Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
poppa G wrote: Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
Have you said "hey, I'd like to have a serious discussion: I feel that we don't have a very good match in sex drive and this is becoming a problem for me, what do you think about this?" and made it clear that this is an issue to be fixed, or have you just responded to a turning down by saying "but why not? Oh, ok, maybe next time"? Because it sounds like you're just doing the second one, when you really need to be doing the first one.
poppa G wrote: Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
Have you said "hey, I'd like to have a serious discussion: I feel that we don't have a very good match in sex drive and this is becoming a problem for me, what do you think about this?" and made it clear that this is an issue to be fixed, or have you just responded to a turning down by saying "but why not? Oh, ok, maybe next time"? Because it sounds like you're just doing the second one, when you really need to be doing the first one.
I will admit I have done the second option a couple times but lately I have been trying to have a serious conversation about it, close to what you said and she still won't bite, but one time she like flipped out about it and turned it into a crude conversation and made it sound like I wanted to take advantage of her.. Keep in mind she is a woman(older than the age of 18) and older than me. lol I think she's just immature at this point.
haha I have made up my mind, So, Dakka-How do I break up with her?
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Ashiraya wrote: As I commonly do, I find myself agreeing with Peregrine. Sometimes, you need to be concise.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: ...And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
Yeah, that sounds pretty demoralising mate, but there's nothing 'wrong' with you at all, trust me. My current girlfriend hadn't been on a date in 3 years before we got together and had only ever had one boyfriend before me. She's 32. There's nothing wrong with her, life's just like that sometimes. My personal belief if is that several factors conspired to mean that she just didn't really meet anyone - she's an artist, which means that she works from home, which doesn't help. She's also quite shy, which means that she never really approached anyone she was attracted to. Lastly, she's tall (5' 10"), beautiful and intelligent, but men never approach her. I think this is probably because a lot of men feel slightly intimidated by her, so they don't come and say 'hi'.
So basically, men don't approach her, she doesn't approach men and she works from home, which means her opportunities for meeting people are severely limited anyway! The night we met, she'd decided to break her old habits and to just roll the dice, see what happens, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Lo and behold, she now has a boyfriend... Me! Lucky girl, eh?
Seriously though, I think that's the key for you Hybrid. Change your pattern of behaviour and thinking. Be open, be brave and just roll the dice! You are a wargamer after all. Yeah, of course, you're gonna roll some 1s, that's life, but if you keep rolling you'll get a 6. Trust me, it will happen.
poppa G wrote: I don't care enough ANYMORE to try for anything sexual with my girlfriend. We've been going out for a few months now and we've done little to nothing, she's turned me down on a few occasions. This has led me to believe she is asexual or something because she has no drive. So I've given up on making the moves so to speak.
Have you actually talked to her about this, or have you just assumed that since she turned you down she must be asexual?
Naturally I would question her response to my advances. So everyone time I got turned down I would try to inquire an answer from her.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
If you love this girl I would try one last ditch attempt to find out what the problem is. Broach the subject in the cold light of day, In a relaxed private setting. Asking her what the problem is when she's just turned you down for sex is not really ideal, as she may have some deep-seated sexual issues that she's not comfortable talking about, particularly when she's feeling vulnerable, as a lot of women do when it comes to sex and sexuality. Approach the matter sensitively. There could be any number of reasons she's reluctant to have sex, including some sort of past sexual trauma. Try to be passive as opposed to aggressive, by which I mean ask if you're doing something wrong as opposed to asking what's wrong with her. Hope that makes sense, I'm kind of hung over.
Anyway, if you don't love this girl... Really, who gives a gak what the problem is. Just dump her and move on. It'll be better for both of you in the long run. A simple 'sorry, this isn't working for me anymore' should suffice. By text.
poppa G wrote: Keep in mind she is a woman(older than the age of 18) and older than me. lol I think she's just immature at this point.
Do not be judgmental like that. Maybe she has some specific reason, as mentioned by Albatross, but she does not even need one. Sex is something very personal, and you just cannot push people if they are not comfortable with it. This has nothing to do with general maturity.
If you do not want to stay with her, that is okay, do not stay with her, but still you should be understanding and nice about it.
poppa G wrote: If that's your Belf, get better PvP gear.
Well, likely transmog.
Albatross wrote: Yeah, that sounds pretty demoralising mate, but there's nothing 'wrong' with you at all, trust me. My current girlfriend hadn't been on a date in 3 years before we got together and had only ever had one boyfriend before me. She's 32. There's nothing wrong with her, life's just like that sometimes. My personal belief if is that several factors conspired to mean that she just didn't really meet anyone - she's an artist, which means that she works from home, which doesn't help. She's also quite shy, which means that she never really approached anyone she was attracted to. Lastly, she's tall (5' 10"), beautiful and intelligent, but men never approach her. I think this is probably because a lot of men feel slightly intimidated by her, so they don't come and say 'hi'.
So basically, men don't approach her, she doesn't approach men and she works from home, which means her opportunities for meeting people are severely limited anyway! The night we met, she'd decided to break her old habits and to just roll the dice, see what happens, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Lo and behold, she now has a boyfriend... Me! Lucky girl, eh?
Seriously though, I think that's the key for you Hybrid. Change your pattern of behaviour and thinking. Be open, be brave and just roll the dice! You are a wargamer after all. Yeah, of course, you're gonna roll some 1s, that's life, but if you keep rolling you'll get a 6. Trust me, it will happen.
I tried the Peregrine route once more and it worked!
The conversation lasted roughly 45 minutes. My main points were:
1. The way we act is basically the way friends act.
2. We're not on the same level physically or emotionally.
3. There are three main aspects to relationships(A mental, emotional, and physical connection) and two of the points aren't being met.
4. So because of the state of our relationship let's just be friends or step up and try for a more emotional relationship.
---------------------
I am very happy with the way things went. Normally I like to maintain the power position when it comes to serious discussions such as this but I did give her those two options. And because she is the one who chose to stay together I feel that she actually does care about me whereas I thought in the past she didn't give two gaks.
poppa G wrote: You guys always act weird when it comes to this. Why is that? Why do you guys not like to be in control of a situation?
Because you're talking about a two-way negotiation/discussion where both people are supposed to "win". You know, because this is someone you're in a relationship and like/love? Being in control of a situation means taking a disproportionate share of the power for yourself and putting the other person at a disadvantage. That's fine if it's a business deal where you're both trying to take advantage of each other, but it's not a very good way to maintain a healthy relationship.
He's making a joke that poppa's post is a made up story rather than a honest statement about his life to be fair it wouldn't surprise me if he's lying either there's something about his/her's posts that seems insincere.
Aw. Though I normally bait-post, in this thread I've been serious in most of my posts. My last post being one of those serious ones.
Anyways, the reason I don't want to just 'hook-up' with this girl is because I find that emotionless sex isn't as good as when it's done with someone you actually care about, you know?
Agreed, but more seriously, you have a girlfriend. No hooking up for you. If you want to sleep around, be single, if you want a relationship, be in a relationship.
Oh my buddha have I've been asked this so many times. Now keep in mind I'm not a expert on this or anything, but if you want my advice listen to this padawans. If you feel like you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy, then rethink yourself.Learn to love yourself before you love another. Focus on your life and your ambitions and take a hiatus from dating until you find a steady career, seen the world a few times, and finish school. Eventually you will find someone who shares the same dreams and goals as you and everything will happen naturally. To see how successful this advice is, look at my post on the "Show yourself" thread. I've been very happy for 7 years with the same girl
This.
And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
While its not 'normal' in the sense that its not common, its certainly very much still normal (in the sense that its not abnormal). I know more than a few (several of them quite handsome/quite sexy IMO) men and women in the same age group that have been similarly single their entire life. Its really not that big a deal, though personally I think they are missing out on something that can be wonderful if its the right person (which is seemingly rare anyway, so no big loss haha)
It sounds like you and your girlfriend are not on the same page, physically speaking. That leads to resentment and anger pretty quickly, from both sides. You should do the adult thing here and break up with her.
While I agree with the premise here, be careful with this, as it very quickly boils down to 'I was only in it for the sex and she wasn't putting out'. Think things through more carefully and evaluate what it is that is actually wrong wtih the relationship and why its no working.
Normally all she will say is "Umm...I don't know." So it's like it isn't even worth talking about to me.
Have you tried talking to her about it at a time OTHER than right after she turned down your advances? She might be feeling awkward about something and doesn't know how to talk about it. Consider maybe just bringing it up while you're cuddling or something (you do cuddle at least, right?) and just talking about other stuff. Create a relaxed environment where she doesn't feel pressured into anything, etc.
haha I have made up my mind, So, Dakka-How do I break up with her?
I have no idea lol. Try the "I really like you, but I don't know if things are going anywhere between us, I think we should see other people."
Seriously though, I think that's the key for you Hybrid. Change your pattern of behaviour and thinking. Be open, be brave and just roll the dice! You are a wargamer after all. Yeah, of course, you're gonna roll some 1s, that's life, but if you keep rolling you'll get a 6. Trust me, it will happen.
Yeah, start a Facebook, its a good way to socialize, not directly through the internet mind you, but its a way of finding out thing about others that you might not ever know otherwise. And I dont mean via stalking, I mean by the fact that your facebook friends will post things that will often times surprise you about them, things that interest them that you wouldnt expect them to be interested in. Its a great way to take someone from a casual acquaintance into a close friend if you have shared interests, yknow? Also a great way to find out about events, parties, etc.
If you love this girl I would try one last ditch attempt to find out what the problem is. Broach the subject in the cold light of day, In a relaxed private setting. Asking her what the problem is when she's just turned you down for sex is not really ideal, as she may have some deep-seated sexual issues that she's not comfortable talking about, particularly when she's feeling vulnerable, as a lot of women do when it comes to sex and sexuality. Approach the matter sensitively. There could be any number of reasons she's reluctant to have sex, including some sort of past sexual trauma. Try to be passive as opposed to aggressive, by which I mean ask if you're doing something wrong as opposed to asking what's wrong with her. Hope that makes sense, I'm kind of hung over.
Anyway, if you don't love this girl... Really, who gives a gak what the problem is. Just dump her and move on. It'll be better for both of you in the long run. A simple 'sorry, this isn't working for me anymore' should suffice. By text.
What Albatross said... don't do the text thing though, thats terrible advice, and within her circle of friends (not that you should really care) you will forever be known as an utter joke of a boy.
I am very happy with the way things went. Normally I like to maintain the power position when it comes to serious discussions such as this but I did give her those two options. And because she is the one who chose to stay together I feel that she actually does care about me whereas I thought in the past she didn't give two gaks.
Good! Did she open up at all about what her issues are?
Compel wrote: There is something that unsettles me about the term power position
Same, but at this point I'm used to it from him lol
Compel wrote: There is something that unsettles me about the term power position
You guys always act weird when it comes to this. Why is that? Why do you guys not like to be in control of a situation?
Its very combative/adversarial, and theres a suggestion there that you treat it as a game or a contest, it should really be more of a cooperative/collaborative effort. Also, at least for me, it strongly reminds me of BDSM type stuff, having been involved with that 'scene' (and I DONT mean the white-washed 50 shades of grey type gak) in the past, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Because you're talking about a two-way negotiation/discussion where both people are supposed to "win". You know, because this is someone you're in a relationship and like/love? Being in control of a situation means taking a disproportionate share of the power for yourself and putting the other person at a disadvantage. That's fine if it's a business deal where you're both trying to take advantage of each other, but it's not a very good way to maintain a healthy relationship.
I got chatted up on FB by a member of my local gaming club.
He asked why I didn't go to the club dressed up. funny thing is While I do spend most of my spair time all dolled up i thought it might be best that i didn't at the club.
Looks like this friday I'll have to swish (Tastefuly dressed mind you) in and see if he is still interested in that drink. I wonder how the soft war gamers will react
I used that pick up line somebody mentioned a few pages back, "Do you know any good places to hide a body?" Its suprisingly effective even if only to cause confusion and it worked for me to get girls talking.
kronk wrote: It sounds like you and your girlfriend are not on the same page, physically speaking. That leads to resentment and anger pretty quickly, from both sides. You should do the adult thing here and break up with her.
I know this was posted two weeks ago... However... It may be one of your problems.
Expecting to find a balanced point of view about male/female relationship on feminist websites is pretty much like expecting to find a balanced point of view about renewable energies on Exxon's website.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I've read the ads. It's all about "sex equality", blah blah blah...
But is it really the case ?
In my book, the male equivalent of "cashier" would be "docker" or "construction worker", NOT "head of sales" or "senior manager".
For each male CEO, thousands have to work outside all year long at the back of this garbage truck or with that jackhammer. We can switch whenever you want, ladies.
Oh, that's right, they just want to be CEOs. Not plumbers. So much for the sex equality in jobs...
Yeah, there's still room for lots of improvement in our societies. But most often than not, feminists do not actually care about equality. They just want to have it all. Reading and actually believing most feminist material is just like shooting yourself in the balls. Litterally.
Women don't want nice guys. They're boring. If you don't want to be the bad one, try to be the cool one.
chaos0xomega wrote: If you want to sleep around, be single, if you want a relationship, be in a relationship.
Or be in some kind of open relationship thingy, it seems to work for some people. But then being honest about it is of adamant importance, I guess.
chaos0xomega wrote: While its not 'normal' in the sense that its not common, its certainly very much still normal (in the sense that its not abnormal). I know more than a few (several of them quite handsome/quite sexy IMO) men and women in the same age group that have been similarly single their entire life.
Well, I have tried to find some statistics about it, but the only thing I could find was the median age of first sexual intercourse. (I search for statistics on the age of first sexual intercourse because it is much more objective the age of first romantic relationship and therefore more accurate, not because I care that much about it).
When there are more detailed statistics, they usually stop at 20 at best .
chaos0xomega wrote: Yeah, start a Facebook, its a good way to socialize, not directly through the internet mind you, but its a way of finding out thing about others that you might not ever know otherwise.
I have a G+ account, but nobody I know from outside of G+ uses G+ .
Maybe I should use Facebook, but I do not like that idea too much.
chaos0xomega wrote: Also, at least for me, it strongly reminds me of BDSM type stuff, having been involved with that 'scene' (and I DONT mean the white-washed 50 shades of grey type gak) in the past, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Litcheur wrote: I know this was posted two weeks ago... However... It may be one of your problems.
No, I do not think my problem is reading feminist websites. And I am pretty sure you do not need to stop being nice to be cool. You know, by the way, I am not trying to be nice to girls, I am trying to be nice to everyone in general.
Litcheur wrote: Expecting to find a balanced point of view about male/female relationship on feminist websites is pretty much like expecting to find a balanced point of view about renewable energies on Exxon's website.
Not really. As long as you ignore a few rabid (and irrelevant) zealots I've found that feminists tend to have very good ideas on how to have a healthy relationship, and those ideas benefit men as well. The only people who lose under those ideas are men who insist on being in charge of everything and having a nice submissive housewife.
Oh, that's right, they just want to be CEOs. Not plumbers. So much for the sex equality in jobs...
Everyone wants to be a CEO instead of a plumber, even the plumbers. And the reason nobody is fighting for women to have more representation in low-end jobs is that they aren't excluded from those jobs in the same way that they're excluded from high-end jobs.
Women don't want nice guys. They're boring.
Reading an article by its title, I see. In the context of the post you quoted "nice guys" aren't people who are genuinely nice, they're entitled guys who whine about how nice they are and how unfair it is that women won't give them sex after they put all the "niceness" tokens into the sex machine.
Peregrine wrote: And the reason nobody is fighting for women to have more representation in low-end jobs is that they aren't excluded from those jobs in the same way that they're excluded from high-end jobs.
False. Women in the construction industry for example have it rough. Hell, just last week I got in trouble at work because I told off a subcontractor who was running his mouth about how women have no place being plumbers and should stay in the kitchen.
chaos0xomega wrote: Hell, just last week I got in trouble at work because I told off a subcontractor who was running his mouth about how women have no place being plumbers and should stay in the kitchen.
That makes no freaking sense, plumbers works quite often in kitchens!
Anyhow, nice move. This should have gotten you praise rather than trouble.
chaos0xomega wrote: False. Women in the construction industry for example have it rough. Hell, just last week I got in trouble at work because I told off a subcontractor who was running his mouth about how women have no place being plumbers and should stay in the kitchen.
I'm not saying there's no sexism involved, but I think there's a difference between individual sexist s and entire industries where there's an unwritten rule that if you're a woman you're never going to rise above a certain level, no matter how qualified you are.
Oh, that's right, they just want to be CEOs. Not plumbers. So much for the sex equality in jobs...
Everyone wants to be a CEO instead of a plumber, even the plumbers. And the reason nobody is fighting for women to have more representation in low-end jobs is that they aren't excluded from those jobs in the same way that they're excluded from high-end jobs.
It's pretty much the same thing everywhere, actually. If the job has strong physical requirements, the woman will probably have some trouble to "fit in", no matter her physical strenght or dedication. If you have to work with kids or anything related to pregnancy, it's the man who may have some problems.
But yeah, that's funny, when talking about "sex equality", it's not about putting women in the back of garbage trucks, and it's not about having more "male midwifes" or nannies either.
No, it's only about putting women in top-end jobs.
I'm okay with that. But stop pretending it's all about equality. Because it's not. It's about money and power for me, myself and my pals.
All inequalities are not in favor of men. If you really fought for true equality, you'd also have to fight against women sometimes. Very, very few feminists are able to do that.
Reading an article by its title, I see. In the context of the post you quoted "nice guys" aren't people who are genuinely nice, they're entitled guys who whine about how nice they are and how unfair it is that women won't give them sex after they put all the "niceness" tokens into the sex machine.
As a former "male feminist", I know this kind of articles.
Pushing on the head of guys who feel that something is wrong with them and are already struggling to get a relationship? Yeahhh, that really, really sounds like a great idea.
I think the whiners are on both sides. I was a "nice guy", and now that I'm looking back, I realize that there are probably misunderstandings between guys and girls and (lots of) extrapolations, that eventually lead to that "niceness" thing. But these ideas were definitely NOT put into my brain by my father, my uncles or my buddies.
Nice guys just need to understand there's sometime a huge difference between what women truly desire and what they say about that.
I want a nice husband, a beautiful house in Suburbia, three kids, a station wagon and a cute labrador, because that's what the society expects me to say. (****yawn****)
I never even heard a woman saying she wanted a nice guy. Does that really happens?
But then again, I do not want to be nice to women, to get them to love me. I want to be nice to everyone, because I feel it is the right thing to do.
I do not expect women to love me “because I am nice”, and that is because I do not expect to love a girl “because she is nice” either.
Skipping the "women don't want real equality" tangent since it's off-topic. Feel free to start a new thread if you want to debate how selfish and evil feminism is.
Litcheur wrote: Pushing on the head of guys who feel that something is wrong with them and are already struggling to get a relationship? Yeahhh, that really, really sounds like a great idea.
It really does sound like a great idea. "Nice guys" are entitled TFGs that need to be told that their behavior is unacceptable. Don't like it? Don't be a "nice guy".
I want a nice husband, a beautiful house in Suburbia, three kids, a station wagon and a cute labrador, because that's what the society expects me to say. (****yawn****)
I honestly can't say that I've ever heard a real woman say that. Are you sure you aren't just quoting "nice guy" cliches instead of real people?
My wife would call me a psychopath for this probably, but here goes:
In my experience, your average women want three things, in this order...
(a) to feel special (beautiful, smart, unique, interesting, etc)
(b) stability
(c) sexy times
Beyond just being yourself, these are the three things, assuming (c) is physically possible. Firts comes (a), then you prove you can provide (b), then comes (c).
Also, if you ask any woman who you are on friendly terms with on a date, 8 times out of 10, you'll get a date. #9 will let you down nicely, and #10 will make you feel bad about it. So with those other 8, its then up to you to do (a), prove (b), so you can later get some (c).
Just some advice from a late thirty-something who wished he knew all these earlier in life.
Bromsy wrote: The average male wants stability more than sexy times? Man, I must know some real outliers.
Ok, here's a deal: you can have a good job, good health, and plenty of money in the bank, and settle for porn. Or you can have a minimum-wage job, constant worrying about if you can afford to buy enough to eat this week or which of your overdue bills you should pay first, the threat of getting fired at any moment and being homeless, a nagging health issue that could be serious but not enough money to see a doctor, and all the sex you want. Your choice.
Peregrine wrote: Skipping the "women don't want real equality" tangent since it's off-topic. Feel free to start a new thread if you want to debate how selfish and evil feminism is.
Litcheur wrote: Pushing on the head of guys who feel that something is wrong with them and are already struggling to get a relationship? Yeahhh, that really, really sounds like a great idea.
It really does sound like a great idea. "Nice guys" are entitled TFGs that need to be told that their behavior is unacceptable. Don't like it? Don't be a "nice guy".
In my book, telling people how to be "genuinely nice" by acting like a jerk is not an appropriate behaviour, and "nice guy" shaming is just as despicable as fat shaming. But I guess fat shaming is supposed to be really nice to overweight people because we're just trying to save our eyeballs these people from cardiovascular diseases, diabetes and so on. Don't like it ? Stop eating so much and move that fat ass.
I see nice guys more like men who are trying so hard they're doing it wrong and become frustrated because everybody else seem to get their fair amount of love, and not them.
But I may be wrong, and they may just be TFGs, just as obese people are just behemoths that need to be saved from killing themselves with burgers and hot dogs.
I want a nice husband, a beautiful house in Suburbia, three kids, a station wagon and a cute labrador, because that's what the society expects me to say. (****yawn****)
I honestly can't say that I've ever heard a real woman say that. Are you sure you aren't just quoting "nice guy" cliches instead of real people?
I don't know. Are you part of these "real people" ? Because that's pretty much what you said yourself in your very last message : Stability über alles.
Problem is, Bromsy's right : people, especially young people, just don't put stability above everything else. Most people in their 20s will definitely chose an unstable but exciting life over a stable and boring one. You can have all the stability you want later. It's important when you want to settle, build a family, things like that, but it comes later.
The best way to get laid is to become a rockstar. Not an accountant.
Litcheur wrote: Problem is, Bromsy's right : people, especially young people, just don't put stability above everything else. Most people in their 20s will definitely chose an unstable but exciting life over a stable and boring one. You can have all the stability you want later. It's important when you want to settle, build a family, things like that, but it comes later.
For most people in their 20s that I know, finding a job, or finding a better job, is one of their top priorities, certainly above things like dating, partying, and so forth, because, lets face it, none of those things matter if you cant eat, and most women (and perhaps men) don't want a partner that can't put together two nickels at the end of the week.
Well, Maslow's Hierarchy of needs tell us that Basic needs such as food, shelter, water, and reproduction (i.e Sex) come before stability.
Self-actualization- A temporary stae of being the best you at that moment.
Self-esteem- Feeling good about who you are as a person
Group- Being part of something larger than yourself
Security- Safety and stability
Basic needs- Food, water, shelter, sex, air.
Maslow's Theory is an archaic theory that has been supplanted by modern pschology.
From what I can find, any recent studies of it are just based on questionairres about what people thought was important to people at certain times in their life...not exactly hard science here.
Litcheur wrote: In my book, telling people how to be "genuinely nice" by acting like a jerk is not an appropriate behaviour, and "nice guy" shaming is just as despicable as fat shaming.
No, it's not even close to the same thing. A fat person does not harm anyone, unless you're using a ridiculous definition of "harm" that includes having to be aware that someone you find unattractive exists. A "nice guy", on the other hand, tends to make a lot of people really uncomfortable with their creepy and inappropriate behavior.
I see nice guys more like men who are trying so hard they're doing it wrong and become frustrated because everybody else seem to get their fair amount of love, and not them.
No, they are not "trying too hard". If your belief is that women are sex machines and you're entitled to receive sex if you put in enough "niceness" tokens then you aren't a nice person. You're a manipulative sociopath who thinks that pretending to be nice will get you what you want.
I don't know. Are you part of these "real people" ? Because that's pretty much what you said yourself in your very last message : Stability über alles.
No, you missed the point there. Stability is important, but most people just take that for granted and don't bother to list it when they talk about what kind of person they want to date. The woman who says "I just want a stable income and a house" but really wants something else doesn't exist outside of stereotypes.
Problem is, Bromsy's right : people, especially young people, just don't put stability above everything else. Most people in their 20s will definitely chose an unstable but exciting life over a stable and boring one. You can have all the stability you want later. It's important when you want to settle, build a family, things like that, but it comes later.
Only because for most of those people what "unstable" means is "I might have to ask my parents for help if this goes badly", not "I'm going to be homeless and begging for food". A minimum level of stability is taken for granted, and I doubt most people would willingly give that up in exchange for a little more excitement.
The best way to get laid is to become a rockstar. Not an accountant.
Well yes, celebrities of either gender get all the sex they want. But that doesn't mean that you have to be "exciting" to some absurd extreme to get laid. You just have to be interesting, and it's a pretty low standard to meet.
jasper76 wrote: Maslow's Theory is an archaic theory that has been supplanted by modern pschology.
From what I can find, any recent studies of it are just based on questionairres about what people thought was important to people at certain times in their life...not exactly hard science here.
Well considering it is from 1956 or so I think the term Archaic maybe a bit much. I'm interested in what has replaced it for a broad spectrum approach to the topic.
Accordiung to Wikipedia, which is always correct, the theory dates back to 1943...probably still not "archaic" so I'll just give you that. Apparantly, Maslow's heirarchy has been largely replaced by Attachment Theory: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory
None of this is likely to help anyone get a date, but its interesting!
Litcheur wrote: In my book, telling people how to be "genuinely nice" by acting like a jerk is not an appropriate behaviour, and "nice guy" shaming is just as despicable as fat shaming. But I guess fat shaming is supposed to be really nice to overweight people because we're just trying to save our eyeballs these people from cardiovascular diseases, diabetes and so on. Don't like it ? Stop eating so much and move that fat ass.
I see nice guys more like men who are trying so hard they're doing it wrong and become frustrated because everybody else seem to get their fair amount of love, and not them.
But I may be wrong, and they may just be TFGs, just as obese people are just behemoths that need to be saved from killing themselves with burgers and hot dogs.
Do you know what makes the “nice guy” that much unpopular? It is not that they do not manage to seduce women. It is all about the way they deal with it.
What is the difference between me and the proverbial “nice guy” that makes it so that nobody is “shaming me” around here? It is basically that I do not blame the whole rest of the world for my problems and pretend to be a perfect angel of perfection. Really, that is what makes all the difference. Imagine some fat person that actually eats junk food all the time and do no exercise at all, yet complain all the time about how it is everyone else's fault, and not his/her own, that he/she is fat. How do you expect people to react? Certainly not the same way as when some fat person that eats junk food all the time and do no exercise at all tells how he feels bad about himself/herself for his/her lack of self-control and ask people for advice on tricks and rules to help himself/herself to get rid of his/her bad habits. The first one inspire scorn, and the second one empathy. Except for some jerks that will scorn both, of course, but hey, haters gonna hate.
Easy E wrote: Well, Maslow's Hierarchy of needs tell us that Basic needs such as food, shelter, water, and reproduction (i.e Sex) come before stability.
Self-actualization- A temporary stae of being the best you at that moment.
Self-esteem- Feeling good about who you are as a person
Group- Being part of something larger than yourself
Security- Safety and stability
Basic needs- Food, water, shelter, sex, air.
Never made sense to me. Seriously, what is sex doing in the same list as food and air? What the bloody hell? Go tell the Pope that he cannot survive without sex or something!
Alright, guys. Let's make a goal that we all ask a girl to go on a date this Friday. Change requires action, no?
So how about this, we all ask a girl(guy) on a date-if they say yes, and if the date goes swimmingly I'll send you something from my Necron army. There's some incentive to live your house.
Litcheur wrote: In my book, telling people how to be "genuinely nice" by acting like a jerk is not an appropriate behaviour, and "nice guy" shaming is just as despicable as fat shaming.
No, it's not even close to the same thing. A fat person does not harm anyone, unless you're using a ridiculous definition of "harm" that includes having to be aware that someone you find unattractive exists.
A "nice guy", on the other hand, tends to make a lot of people really uncomfortable with their creepy and inappropriate behavior.
White Knight + Fat Shaming. Works every time.
Obesity harms the entire society, not only obese people. The most obvious harm to society is the burden on the health system. I'm not an expert of north-american plants, but in Europ, money doesn't grow on trees: every penny you spend on these fatrolls is a penny you won't spend on the cancerous tumors of that kid.
Obese people do not only divert funds that would help to heal these children. No. Fat people gave these poor kids that cancer in the first place.
By the same process, fat people also kill baby seals.
If "Nice Guys" or smokers shaming is right, fat shaming is damn right. Or maybe most kinds of shaming are despicable, period.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Do you know what makes the “nice guy” that much unpopular? It is not that they do not manage to seduce women. It is all about the way they deal with it.
I plead guilty, I belong to that asylum with the blue ceiling and the white spotlight that moves from east to west. Most of our patients need to vent when things go south, by going ballistic, blaming the wrong person (or the entire world), banging their feet/fists/heads on walls/furniture or yelling at inert objects.
My girlfriend took my wine glass and threw it on the wall the last time her boss pissed her off. Damn, even my dog attacks innocent socks. Maybe they're all nuts. Maybe that "being frustrated" thing comes in that "being alive" stuff, and people need to vent sometimes.
You want to know what's really wrong with nice guys? They're so socially inept they don't even know anymore what is a normal behaviour and what isn't. They're so fethed up they even accept to be shamed about things like venting their frustration, or pretending this (being nice) to get that (get sex).
Guess what? These are all part of what normal people do on a regular basis. It's how basic social interactions work.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Imagine some fat person that actually eats junk food all the time and do no exercise at all, yet complain all the time about how it is everyone else's fault, and not his/her own, that he/she is fat. How do you expect people to react?
Find excuses. They're here for a reason, right? Genetics. Glandular problems. Evil corporations.
Use everything you can.
Just avoid things like "my dear, you've got so much self control you'd lose a stare duel against a peanut butter jar."
So, any news? I've had a few near misses I suppose, various girls messaging me on Tinder, I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong, they message me first, we start chatting, seem interested, after some time I shoot them my number, and then it basically goes dead... in one instance a girl actually gave me her number, but she came on way way too strong and kinda drove me off (she was complimenting me physically which I found really forward and made me uncomfortable).
Instead of shooting them your number, ask if they want to do something like get a coffee sometime (something in a public place).
I imagine people on these online services often kind of chicken out when real-life-contact is brought up. By asking them to do something in a public place, you're giving them a chance to meet you without asking them to fork over private info.
Think about if you were them. You're talking to someone who seems pretty cool, then you are given or asked to give a phone number. What if you don't hit it off? What if the person ends up being creepy? IMO, you should give the person some way to safely meet you, and give them the chance to back off without having given away private info in case they aren't interested.
I suppose... I mean, a couple times I actually got text responses and the conversation continued for a little longer before fizzling out. I think I'll try your approach in the future though, Tinder -> meetup -> phone number as opposed to Tinder -> phone number -> meetup...
though I think generally the conventional wisdom is Tinder -> phone number -> meetup, so there must be some sort of downside to reversing it that I'm not realizing
It's very plausible that I don't know what I'm talking about, so add salt. But I'd rather meet someone in person before I gave them my phone number. You never know if you'll meet one of those people who...never...stop...calling....
Hey guys, Up until now, I've only offered small comments and (probably not particularly helpful) opinions. But now I'm here for some advice/comments/encouragement.
Some context: So, two Thursdays ago, I went to the pub with a group of friends that I would later go camping with (we were leaving the following day). A friend, shows up with one of his female friends who is new to the city and (as I found out later that night) will be coming camping with us. She is incredibly attractive, to the point where I just labelled her as out of my league and let it go. That night, she had basically all of the single guys pawing over her. I left them to it, not talking to her.
Anyway, the next day comes and we go camping. Over the 8 days, our friendship becomes stronger. All the while the other guys that like her are continuing their efforts to woo. Now, right at the start I let go of all expectations which led me to be 'normal' with her. Not 'pussy-footing' around her and doing things to get in her good graces, but instead acting like I would with anyone else - to the point where some things I did/said were plain dickish of me. As the week went on, I realised it would be hysterical to see how subtly/overtly I could cock-block my friends without them realising (I'm a complete dick sometimes...). A handful of incredibly funny situations later, I realise that she is giving me some attention back. I didn't expect it, but I'll take it. It's also worth mentioning that during our time camping, she broke up with her boyfriend - she is definately single.
Our camp ended on Saturday, and we went for a drink. I continued to play the cock-block game, and intended to ask her out if I got a moment alone with her (It was a bit of a long shot, there were 20 something of us...). She left with a drunk friend before I got the chance. Knowing that our paths wont cross for a while without mine/her intervention, I booted up the ol' Facebook and shot her a message asking if she wanted to do anything some time this week. To my supprise, she said yes. And this Tuesday evening we are doing something.
But (and here is problem number 1), do what? Drinks at the pub? Coffee? Cinema? Other?
Whilst I was asking her if she wanted to do anything, she told me she was out in town (not town as in clubbing, it was late morning) with two of the guys who are attracted to her (The same people I was actively cock-blocking). I'm not 100% sure what she thinks of them, but 1 is an unemployed mid-20s man-child who, literally (and I dont mean figuratively), wouldn't be able to function without his mother and the other is a 'tollerable in small doses' irritating guy with a massive napoleon complex who 'fakes it till he makes it' in such a cringe worthy way that only further proves my theory on his napoleon complex. Despite that last sentance, they are still friends and I wish them all the best...
Which leads to my second line of overthinking: How do I approach the subject of asking her on an actual date without assuming she is totally uninterested in them? I'm not worried at all about what they think - I'm a dick, remember - I'm more concerned with trying to work out the timeless question, does she like me, or them.
A final thought of mine is that because she is new to the city and she knows no one, this could believably be her trying to establish friends. Sure, I'd happily remain friends with her, but it's about time I stop being so stoic about things and actively pursue this.
I know all too well that when I see her next, I'll probably get most of the answers to the second question. But I'll happily listen to anything and everything you have to say on that matter. But question 1 is something I'd definately like some comments on.
...Women continue to utterly baffle me, but now that I've got some things off my chest, maybe I can fall asleep now >.< Zambro
Honestly, I think you are overthinking this too much... Without even a first date yet, you should not be worrying over things like "does she like me, or them"
Zambro wrote: Which leads to my second line of overthinking: How do I approach the subject of asking her on an actual date without assuming she is totally uninterested in them
By assuming she's not interested in them. Why worry about it? If she's not interested then you guessed correctly. If she is then she's going to say no to you and it doesn't matter how you approach it. All you can do by worrying about it is over-think everything and damage your confidence.
I know all too well that when I see her next, I'll probably get most of the answers to the second question. But I'll happily listen to anything and everything you have to say on that matter.
But question 1 is something I'd definately like some comments on.
...Women continue to utterly baffle me, but now that I've got some things off my chest, maybe I can fall asleep now >.<
Zambro
First off, stop being a dick to your firends. You are better then that.
If she just broke up with her last boyfriend, she’s probably on the bounce/rebound. Depending on how long a/o serious her last relationship was, her next one might be doomed. That said, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If active pursuit has failed your friends, while passively being yourself, has made progress, keep doing what you are doing. If you have some free time, ask her if she wants to go do something. Find out what she wants to do. You can use the fact that she’s new to the area to help break the ice. Show her around. Take her to your favorite pizza joint, coffee house, pub, etc. I’d avoid obvious romantic stuff, as it seems like the more passive approach is working. But you need to be passively available, spending time with her, or chatting online, or otherwise in contact.
But relax and be yourself. If something happens, it happens. If not, there are other fish in the sea and you are still young.
Best short summation of the entire subject I've ever seen :
“What would a culture need to do in order to insure that IN EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE the conception of a child is seen as a blessing and not a tragedy?”
Brief answer: embrace the implications of the belief that the practice sex is good only when welcoming a child is seen as a good.
All other temptations to sex would be seen as manipulations, aided by a culture that stimulates sexual desire toward the end of various types of consumption. "
If that's too short / you missed the point then :
A commercial tells you that you need or should very much want cigarettes or Coca-Cola and you know its silly , and you recognize that someone you don't even know is trying to manipulate you to their ends , and never mind your welfare or anyone elses. They are trying to sell you a dubious IDEA , so you'll buy stuff.
But it's the same here really.
Your life is ---hopefully -- already full of people , family and friends , that you like or even love , like being around , but you don't even consider getting any more out of them than you are already getting , and indeed , clearly see how getting more would be a minus, not a plus. They are 20 years your senior or your junior, they are the same sex and you don't go for that, or its a different species , or it would be incest.
But WHY is this any different ?
And that's the point really : getting something. not " like" or "love" or really any such thing.
It's transforming a person into a consumer item , and not just the other person, but you as well. You shouldn't be surprised then that in the end you both get a raw deal. It's a scheme that maybe benefits the David Rockefeller's and Kim Kardashian's of the world , but that's not you and it's never going to be.
The whole He versus She thing is bullocks. Now that homosexuality is out of the closet you see the exact same thing when it's same-sex. A lot of people getting hurt over no one can really say why , and sure some get lucky, but some win the million dollar lottery too , it's nothing to mold a practical plan around.
I haven't given you any useful advice on how to get a date , but it seems to me it isn't being pointed out nearly often enough that maybe you don't need one and never will.
As I already pointed out, there are people you like being around and who like being around you, who are very useful to you, who you like or even love. But dating never even occurs to you in this context . Indeed , dating would be ludicrous in this context. But maybe its also ludicrous in the other context as well ?
KesaAnna wrote: “What would a culture need to do in order to insure that IN EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE the conception of a child is seen as a blessing and not a tragedy?”
Brief answer: embrace the implications of the belief that the practice sex is good only when welcoming a child is seen as a good.
All other temptations to sex would be seen as manipulations, aided by a culture that stimulates sexual desire toward the end of various types of consumption. "
Worst advice so far in this thread. Sex is FUN, even if (especially if!) you're not making babies. If you just see it as a "temptation" then it's probably because you haven't had any good sex.
Also, the way to make every child a blessing instead of a tragedy? Birth control and good education.
I haven't given you any useful advice on how to get a date , but it seems to me it isn't being pointed out nearly often enough that maybe you don't need one and never will.
A very small percentage of people are asexual and genuinely have no interest in dating. For everyone else your advice is utterly useless. If they're reading a thread about dating advice then it's a pretty safe bet that they want a date. Telling people that they don't understand what they really want and should consider forgetting the whole thing is just arrogant and annoying.
There is a girl I like at work. But I'm to scared to even try. I'm not sure if it is even a good idea. We are stuck in a box for 5 hours at a time. She is a party girl and I'm not. But we talk alot. But that may be just because she is stuck in a box with me
hotsauceman1 wrote: There is a girl I like at work. But I'm to scared to even try. I'm not sure if it is even a good idea. We are stuck in a box for 5 hours at a time. She is a party girl and I'm not. But we talk alot. But that may be just because she is stuck in a box with me
Not " just " . Temptation , manipulation, and various kinds of consumption actually. None of which you addressed
Peregrine wrote: Also, the way to make every child a blessing instead of a tragedy? Birth control and good education.
according to who ? According to studies bought and paid for by Multi-million dollar pharmaceutical companies making a killing pushing the product ? According to governments that in purchasing an aircraft carrier ( never mind staffing, supplying, and maintaining the aircraft carrier ) spent more in that than they would have spent to send a hundred thousand kids to the best private schools kindergarten through 12th grade, and then to Harvard and Yale ?
I see this in court every day ; one side BUYS an expert to "prove " one thing, the other side BUYS an "expert " to prove the exact opposite. So much for education .
Which I never mentioned , nor would have , since I see no relevance in it.
Peregrine wrote: If they're reading a thread about dating advice then it's a pretty safe bet that they want a date.
Or it's a pretty safe bet that their phone isn't ringing off the hook and they feel bad about that, or that they find something unsatisfactory about the whole thing but don't know what exactly.
That their phone not ringing off the hook isn't the end of the world , and that there's a big wonderful , interesting world out there in which sex is only a bit part , and not a frigging be-all , end-all religion ---
KesaAnna wrote: Lots of things are or can be . To the point , lots of things that are really quite negative.
And what exactly is your evidence for sex being negative? The fact that you aren't having any? Because as far as I can see it's just plain fun.
Not " just " . Temptation , manipulation, and various kinds of consumption actually. None of which you addressed
I didn't address them because they're obviously ridiculous. Plenty of people have lots of enjoyable sex without any manipulation or other negative acts.
according to who ?
According to every scientific study of the subject. Easy access to birth control and proper education is extremely effective in reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies. The only people who disagree with this are the ing idiots of the religious right who think that their moral duty to prevent anyone from knowing that sex exists is more important than facts.
Which I never mentioned , nor would have , since I see no relevance in it.
You're talking about people who are happy without sex or relationships. That's a pretty clear definition of a person who is asexual and/or aromantic.
That their phone not ringing off the hook isn't the end of the world , and that there's a big wonderful , interesting world out there in which sex is only a bit part , and not a frigging be-all , end-all religion ---
So, have you actually had a serious relationship yet, or have you just decided that they're not all that important because you have failed to get one? Because only someone who is completely clueless about sex and relationships would think that "don't think it's so important" is good advice, or that the people asking for dating advice are just confused about what they really want.
Bullockist wrote: It could get a little awkward if things go southwards. I'd suggest just chatting to her, maybe she has a friend
This seems something that's worth considering more? It seems very easy to get into the whole 'I have a crush on my coworker I work very closely with' thing, especially if you have a job you're interested in and they do as well. That gives you a lot of common ground, plus the familiarity.
I imagine though, it'll be best to say mates with her/him, however I do wonder if asking if they have any single friends is something that should happen more.
Zambro wrote: Hey guys,
Up until now, I've only offered small comments and (probably not particularly helpful) opinions. But now I'm here for some advice/comments/encouragement.
Some context:
So, two Thursdays ago, I went to the pub with a group of friends that I would later go camping with (we were leaving the following day). A friend, shows up with one of his female friends who is new to the city and (as I found out later that night) will be coming camping with us. She is incredibly attractive, to the point where I just labelled her as out of my league and let it go. That night, she had basically all of the single guys pawing over her. I left them to it, not talking to her.
Anyway, the next day comes and we go camping. Over the 8 days, our friendship becomes stronger. All the while the other guys that like her are continuing their efforts to woo. Now, right at the start I let go of all expectations which led me to be 'normal' with her. Not 'pussy-footing' around her and doing things to get in her good graces, but instead acting like I would with anyone else - to the point where some things I did/said were plain dickish of me.
As the week went on, I realised it would be hysterical to see how subtly/overtly I could cock-block my friends without them realising (I'm a complete dick sometimes...). A handful of incredibly funny situations later, I realise that she is giving me some attention back. I didn't expect it, but I'll take it. It's also worth mentioning that during our time camping, she broke up with her boyfriend - she is definately single.
Our camp ended on Saturday, and we went for a drink. I continued to play the cock-block game, and intended to ask her out if I got a moment alone with her (It was a bit of a long shot, there were 20 something of us...). She left with a drunk friend before I got the chance. Knowing that our paths wont cross for a while without mine/her intervention, I booted up the ol' Facebook and shot her a message asking if she wanted to do anything some time this week. To my supprise, she said yes. And this Tuesday evening we are doing something.
But (and here is problem number 1), do what? Drinks at the pub? Coffee? Cinema? Other?
Whilst I was asking her if she wanted to do anything, she told me she was out in town (not town as in clubbing, it was late morning) with two of the guys who are attracted to her (The same people I was actively cock-blocking). I'm not 100% sure what she thinks of them, but 1 is an unemployed mid-20s man-child who, literally (and I dont mean figuratively), wouldn't be able to function without his mother and the other is a 'tollerable in small doses' irritating guy with a massive napoleon complex who 'fakes it till he makes it' in such a cringe worthy way that only further proves my theory on his napoleon complex. Despite that last sentance, they are still friends and I wish them all the best...
Which leads to my second line of overthinking: How do I approach the subject of asking her on an actual date without assuming she is totally uninterested in them? I'm not worried at all about what they think - I'm a dick, remember - I'm more concerned with trying to work out the timeless question, does she like me, or them.
A final thought of mine is that because she is new to the city and she knows no one, this could believably be her trying to establish friends. Sure, I'd happily remain friends with her, but it's about time I stop being so stoic about things and actively pursue this.
I know all too well that when I see her next, I'll probably get most of the answers to the second question. But I'll happily listen to anything and everything you have to say on that matter.
But question 1 is something I'd definately like some comments on.
...Women continue to utterly baffle me, but now that I've got some things off my chest, maybe I can fall asleep now >.<
Zambro
Well, if your description of the competition is accurate, and provided you are a high functioning, socially well adjusted male with a promising future, etc.... you're fethed, you haven't a chance in hell, not enough of a loser to beat them
But seriously, don't sweat it, she was out with two guys who, from your description, are exceptionally thirsty and she is likely fully aware of it. Beyond that, she was with the both of them together, which means it wasn't a date, unless she's into the whole orgy thing...
KesaAnna wrote: Best short summation of the entire subject I've ever seen :
“What would a culture need to do in order to insure that IN EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE the conception of a child is seen as a blessing and not a tragedy?”
Brief answer: embrace the implications of the belief that the practice sex is good only when welcoming a child is seen as a good.
All other temptations to sex would be seen as manipulations, aided by a culture that stimulates sexual desire toward the end of various types of consumption. "
If that's too short / you missed the point then :
A commercial tells you that you need or should very much want cigarettes or Coca-Cola and you know its silly , and you recognize that someone you don't even know is trying to manipulate you to their ends , and never mind your welfare or anyone elses. They are trying to sell you a dubious IDEA , so you'll buy stuff.
But it's the same here really.
Your life is ---hopefully -- already full of people , family and friends , that you like or even love , like being around , but you don't even consider getting any more out of them than you are already getting , and indeed , clearly see how getting more would be a minus, not a plus. They are 20 years your senior or your junior, they are the same sex and you don't go for that, or its a different species , or it would be incest.
But WHY is this any different ?
And that's the point really : getting something. not " like" or "love" or really any such thing.
It's transforming a person into a consumer item , and not just the other person, but you as well. You shouldn't be surprised then that in the end you both get a raw deal. It's a scheme that maybe benefits the David Rockefeller's and Kim Kardashian's of the world , but that's not you and it's never going to be.
The whole He versus She thing is bullocks. Now that homosexuality is out of the closet you see the exact same thing when it's same-sex. A lot of people getting hurt over no one can really say why , and sure some get lucky, but some win the million dollar lottery too , it's nothing to mold a practical plan around.
I haven't given you any useful advice on how to get a date , but it seems to me it isn't being pointed out nearly often enough that maybe you don't need one and never will.
As I already pointed out, there are people you like being around and who like being around you, who are very useful to you, who you like or even love. But dating never even occurs to you in this context . Indeed , dating would be ludicrous in this context. But maybe its also ludicrous in the other context as well ?
You need to date a feth-ton of people so that you find out what you like and what you're looking for.
If you marry the first girl that smiles at you, you'll be divorced in 5 years or will be doomed to a life of misery.
I suppose I shall share my most recent non-adventures with y'all (and thus continue to ignore dora the explorers campaign against physical pleasure):
1. This girl I met whom is a friend of a friend, we got piss ass drunk together, enjoyed great chemistry, had an amazing time, etc. etc. etc. on paper she is absolutely perfect - nerdy, intelligent, great sense of humor, New Jersey born and bred, Devils fan, etc. etc. etc. she's absolutely gorgeous, great body, etc. etc. I.E. - my dream girl. We part ways at the end of the night (or more accurately, I pass out on our friends couch at like 3AM and she gets a ride home), I wake up to a facebook friend request from her like right after she left, and I'm like 'Alright! Homeboy's in there!' I accept the friend request.... and she has a boyfriend -__-
2. There is this girl I am friends with on facebook, super attractive, never met before in my life, we're both members of some of the same NJ Devils facebook fan groups and for whatever reason she added me about a month or whatever back, I never really bothered talking to her though. About two weeks ago, she posted an image of a text conversation on her page which was basically the typical "Hey whats up" "NM, U?" "same lol" type deal of dumb questions and complete non-answers, and she commented on the photo something to the effect of "Guys, if this is how you talk to girls you're never going to get anywhere with them" thing, I commented on it that a conversation is a two way street and guys have the same issues, and it doesn't help when a girl provides lame non-answers that don't lead the conversation anywhere, etc. she agreed with me. Well, about a week later she messaged me out of the blue, "hey whats up" and I *attempted* to start a conversation with her, asking her some open-ended questions that she should have had no problem providing decent meaningful answers to... of course all I get is stupid non-answers, and at this point am reasonably convinced that she's basic. Anyway after three or four messages (If you can even call them that, I don't consider "yepppppp" to be an actual message, its not even a word) I gave up and she stopped responding, last night, after a week of nothing she messaged me again in reply to something I said, same non-answer bs, and at this point the temptation to call her out on her lack of conversational skill is overwhelming.
Mind you, this girl... unless she's a catfish (remember, never met before, very little information about her even being facebook friends), I would absolutely do terrible things to judging by her photos lol
KesaAnna wrote: Lots of things are or can be . To the point , lots of things that are really quite negative.
And what exactly is your evidence for sex being negative? The fact that you aren't having any? Because as far as I can see it's just plain fun.
Not " just " . Temptation , manipulation, and various kinds of consumption actually. None of which you addressed
I didn't address them because they're obviously ridiculous. Plenty of people have lots of enjoyable sex without any manipulation or other negative acts.
according to who ?
According to every scientific study of the subject. Easy access to birth control and proper education is extremely effective in reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies. The only people who disagree with this are the ing idiots of the religious right who think that their moral duty to prevent anyone from knowing that sex exists is more important than facts.
Which I never mentioned , nor would have , since I see no relevance in it.
You're talking about people who are happy without sex or relationships. That's a pretty clear definition of a person who is asexual and/or aromantic.
That their phone not ringing off the hook isn't the end of the world , and that there's a big wonderful , interesting world out there in which sex is only a bit part , and not a frigging be-all , end-all religion ---
So, have you actually had a serious relationship yet, or have you just decided that they're not all that important because you have failed to get one? Because only someone who is completely clueless about sex and relationships would think that "don't think it's so important" is good advice, or that the people asking for dating advice are just confused about what they really want.
I find this strangely similar to what teachers and priests were telling me back when I was in a christian secondary school; "dont have sex because its a foul thing to do and you will go to hell".
Bullockist wrote: It could get a little awkward if things go southwards. I'd suggest just chatting to her, maybe she has a friend
This seems something that's worth considering more? It seems very easy to get into the whole 'I have a crush on my coworker I work very closely with' thing, especially if you have a job you're interested in and they do as well. That gives you a lot of common ground, plus the familiarity.
.
That is something I have considered. We are in a box for 5 hours at a time. Most of the time playing cards waiting for a customer. Not talking would get boring. But I just cant sometimes wonder that if I dont get the guts to ask someone out soon, I may never.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
Ok, I probably don't belong in this thread, but time for an anecdote.
When I was 27 I had never really dated, and believed pretty firmly that no woman would ever be genuinely interested in me. I am now 32, and in a few months will be getting married to a wonderful woman. I've been in the place where a lot of people in this thread are right now, and I can't promise you will find your way out. But if I did; then there is hope for anyone.
trexmeyer wrote: My two rules of dating:
1) Don't ask out coworkers
2) Don't feth female friends
It's ended poorly every time even if the middle part was a bit of fun.
1. Hot sauce works at Dairy Queen (low paid work with little chance of a career path) there's hardly any consequence for fething co-workers if things go bad he can always find some other low-level job.
2. I think if a sexual relationship with a person is to work you're going have to like and enjoy each other outside of sex as well.
I worked at dairy queen 5 years ago. I work at a Waterpark now serving beer to customers. It is the best job I ever had. Hell I get to be a supervisor if I comeback next year.
The only reason im thinking it is several people date co-workers aswell.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I worked at dairy queen 5 years ago. I work at a Waterpark now serving beer to customers. It is the best job I ever had. Hell I get to be a supervisor if I comeback next year.
The only reason im thinking it is several people date co-workers aswell.
Oh, well you'll have to consider if pursuing a physical relationship is worth the risk of possibly having awkward moments at work.
I suppose it's worth saying that it can be a good idea to draw a distinguishing line between 'co-workers' and 'people who work in the same business / building' as you.
Co-workers, very bad idea. However, the latter is usually the staple of many peoples lives.
Compel wrote: I suppose it's worth saying that it can be a good idea to draw a distinguishing line between 'co-workers' and 'people who work in the same business / building' as you.
Co-workers, very bad idea. However, the latter is usually the staple of many peoples lives.
She is very much a Co-worker. We are in a box for 5 hours at a time serving alchohol and getting hit on by creepy old men.
I think it really depends on how much you enjoy your job, job opportunities, level of pay, if there's a career ladder involved, how important it is to being employed in other jobs, how badly you need money, etc.
Compel wrote: I suppose it's worth saying that it can be a good idea to draw a distinguishing line between 'co-workers' and 'people who work in the same business / building' as you.
Co-workers, very bad idea. However, the latter is usually the staple of many peoples lives.
She is very much a Co-worker. We are in a box for 5 hours at a time serving alchohol and getting hit on by creepy old men.
Like I fething hate my job and don't care if I get fired plus it is slightly above minimum wage with a low-skill level involved, so the consequences for me to attempt a physical relationship and fail at it wouldn't be that bad.
I'd stay away from co-workers, especially if you think you'd like to come back next year as a manager. If you like the gig whie you are in school, don't mess it up. What would suggest however, if you get on with her well, is become friends with her.
It never hurts to have friends that are girls. Hot girls generally know other hot girls. So if you are hanging around with her, you will be introduced to other potentials. Even just being seen chilling out with girls that you know, makes the approach to a third party so much smoother.
chaos0xomega wrote: I suppose I shall share my most recent non-adventures with y'all (and thus continue to ignore dora the explorers campaign against physical pleasure):
2. There is this girl I am friends with on facebook, super attractive, never met before in my life, we're both members of some of the same NJ Devils facebook fan groups and for whatever reason she added me about a month or whatever back, I never really bothered talking to her though. About two weeks ago, she posted an image of a text conversation on her page which was basically the typical "Hey whats up" "NM, U?" "same lol" type deal of dumb questions and complete non-answers, and she commented on the photo something to the effect of "Guys, if this is how you talk to girls you're never going to get anywhere with them" thing, I commented on it that a conversation is a two way street and guys have the same issues, and it doesn't help when a girl provides lame non-answers that don't lead the conversation anywhere, etc. she agreed with me. Well, about a week later she messaged me out of the blue, "hey whats up" and I *attempted* to start a conversation with her, asking her some open-ended questions that she should have had no problem providing decent meaningful answers to... of course all I get is stupid non-answers, and at this point am reasonably convinced that she's basic. Anyway after three or four messages (If you can even call them that, I don't consider "yepppppp" to be an actual message, its not even a word) I gave up and she stopped responding, last night, after a week of nothing she messaged me again in reply to something I said, same non-answer bs, and at this point the temptation to call her out on her lack of conversational skill is overwhelming.
Mind you, this girl... unless she's a catfish (remember, never met before, very little information about her even being facebook friends), I would absolutely do terrible things to judging by her photos lol
Am I the only person thinking that it'd be hilarious if chaos posted a screen cap of HER conversation to the fan-page and commented to the effect of: 'girls, if this is how you talk to guys you're never going to get anywhere with them'?
As for me, loads of mad stuff generally happening, split up with the girl I was seeing, met a few more... Throw looking for a new job and mastering an album into the mix and it's been a hectic few weeks!
Just met someone new on Tinder yesterday, going out on a date this friday. She seems really nice and interesting, but said something that slightly threw me - she asked if I minded dating a black girl. I was actually quite saddened at the question. Like, are there people out there for whom that's an issue still? It really got me thinking, it really is hard to walk a mile in someone else's shoes, isn't it? I can't relate to that at all. I can't imagine what it would be like to feel that the colour of my skin could potentially put someone off dating me.
I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
Oh, and Dora? You might want to 'explore' the possibility of starting a thread entitled 'Why You Don't Need a Date by Dakka'. This thread is here so that Dakkanauts can offer each other advice and a friendly ear in trying to land a date. Encouraging people to feel bad for wanting to date and have sex with new people is not very helpful. It's like if someone starts a thread called 'Help Me Find a Good Pizza Joint', popping up to say 'Hey, you don't need pizza to feel good about yourself'. Ride that high horse you're sitting on over to the next town and find me a pizza, melon-fether!
Automatically Appended Next Post: Also, co-workers are fair game as far as I'm concerned. OK, so if it doesn't work out, it could get awkward. Meh, no-one dies.
However, if you're prone to catching feelings, I'd avoid it. Seeing that girl who dumped you, meeting her new guy when her shift finishes? Not a great feeling, I'd imagine.
Personally I find attractive whoever I find attractive; it's really that simple. They could be pale-skinned, dark-skinned, rainbow-skinned, male, female, androgynous, whatever. Skin colour might play a minor part in it - I do prefer paler-skin, for example - but for someone to think "I'm attracted to you, but you're white/black/green/blue/a unicorn so I don't want to date you" is a different story entirely. If I find a dark-skinned person attractive you bet I'd date the heck of them, but if I didn't, it'd be because there was no attraction, not because of their skin colour.
I wouldn't be very interested in dating an American born black lady simply because of the racial tension that still exists stateside. It brings a whole lot of baggage that I just don't want to deal with.
trexmeyer wrote: I wouldn't be very interested in dating an American born black lady simply because of the racial tension that still exists stateside. It brings a whole lot of baggage that I just don't want to deal with.
Would you mind elaborating a little? I'd be interested to hear your perspective on that, trex.
For my part, being naturally curious, I'd see a difference in skin colour as just another interesting thing about her that makes her 'her'. If I even considered it at all, which I hadn't in this case until she brought it up. We're both English, so there's no real culture clash. She is from London though, so there's that.
I don't want to deal with the cultural differences, I don't want to deal with her family being potentially judgmental of me being white, I don't want to do deal with race relations in the media (Trayvon Martin being a good example), etc. It's not worth the headache. I've had a few friends and my brother as well date black girls and race became an issue every time at some point in each case. It doesn't seem worth it.
Me too, but I think his point is generally taken as read though, no? That if you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them, no matter what they look like?
I'm talking preferences, I guess. Like I know girls who would say they're generally not attracted to Asian men, for example. No racial prejudice, and they wouldn't rule out dating an Asian man they found attractive, it's just that they generally don't. I personally don't have a racial 'type' I prefer. Bring 'em all on I say!
Automatically Appended Next Post:
trexmeyer wrote: I don't want to deal with the cultural differences, I don't want to deal with her family being potentially judgmental of me being white, I don't want to do deal with race relations in the media (Trayvon Martin being a good example), etc. It's not worth the headache. I've had a few friends and my brother as well date black girls and race became an issue every time at some point in each case. It doesn't seem worth it.
So do you live in a part of the US with pretty high racial tension? Would your family be OK with you dating a black girl? Would you have the same issue with Latino women? Just curious, sorry for all the questions.
Me too, but I think his point is generally taken as read though, no? That if you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them, no matter what they look like?
I'm talking preferences, I guess. Like I know girls who would say they're generally not attracted to Asian men, for example. No racial prejudice, and they wouldn't rule out dating an Asian man they found attractive, it's just that they generally don't. I personally don't have a racial 'type' I prefer. Bring 'em all on I say!
Automatically Appended Next Post:
trexmeyer wrote: I don't want to deal with the cultural differences, I don't want to deal with her family being potentially judgmental of me being white, I don't want to do deal with race relations in the media (Trayvon Martin being a good example), etc. It's not worth the headache. I've had a few friends and my brother as well date black girls and race became an issue every time at some point in each case. It doesn't seem worth it.
So do you live in a part of the US with pretty high racial tension? Would your family be OK with you dating a black girl? Would you have the same issue with Latino women? Just curious, sorry for all the questions.
I'd say racial tension in Texas is more blacks v hispanics, hispanics v whites, and less of whites v blacks. I don't know or really care. Depends on the girl on an individual basis.
I believe several of my friends have ended up in long term relationships with their housemates.
It's not massively uncommon here to have grand old houses with 4-8 bedrooms rented out. When you get to that sort of number, you probably would have mixed genders there.
Have to disagree with this one. FWB with someone I'd been friends with for years -> 4.5 year (so far) relationship. If they're the right person then go for it, you'll just regret it if you don't.
As for dating at work, I'm not going to say absolutely no, but you'd better be VERY careful about it. Don't do anything that would get you fired or punished, don't do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable or leave the job, and don't risk it if you need the job and can't handle an ugly breakup making work awkward. And FFS if you are in any kind of position of power over her do NOT try to date her. People can have successful relationships that begin at a shared job, but you're walking into a minefield and you'd better be sure you're doing the right thing.
trexmeyer wrote: Completely different over here. I wouldn't be comfortable in my underwear all day around female housemates.
Prude.
As far as banging your coworker Hotsauce - go for it. You aren't a department head in a fortune 500 company, even if things go way south it won't ruin your life.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I asked and the general consensus seemed to be "To Risky and will make thinks awkward no matter how it goes"
Never listen to a general consensus. General consensus always ends up with the safest, lamest path. That's how we ended up with the current Hollywood style of film making. You need to be bold, not safe.
"The dog is just happy to be alive, well-fed and taken care of; not all mopey cause it's missing a leg. Unlike Louie, who knows he's only got a month left with Amia and has to make the best of it, but instead wastes time questioning if it'd be worth it. The lesson is to be happy for what you have rather than unhappy for what you don't."
Cheesecat wrote: "The dog is just happy to be alive, well-fed and taken care of; not all mopey cause it's missing a leg. Unlike Louie, who knows he's only got a month left with Amia and has to make the best of it, but instead wastes time questioning if it'd be worth it. The lesson is to be happy for what you have rather than unhappy for what you don't."
-megamanu64, random YouTuber
I get that. But the whole "Only a four legged Dog is happier"
But at this point im confused. Ok, No dating at work, but if you try to date a friend and she says No cant that get awkward, or a Project buddy?
I guess I just dont get it.
hotsauceman1 wrote: But at this point im confused. Ok, No dating at work, but if you try to date a friend and she says No cant that get awkward, or a Project buddy?
I guess I just dont get it.
The difference is that you can always just walk away from a friendship that gets awkward, but you can't do that as easily when it's a job you need to pay the bills and have food every day. And you certainly don't have any company rules to worry about breaking.
It can get awkward on a no for project buddy , but there is less chance on the 5 hours in a box together being soul deadeningly awkward.
The reason I would say no dating in the workplace for you is just the amount of time you spend together without seeming to have much interaction from anyone else other than the other person in the box.
If she's a party girl I'm sure one of her friends is getting sick of "bad boys" and would like a "nice guy" for a while , she might even be thinking it is a good idea herself. Has she talked to you about her relationships ect yet?
Cheesecat wrote: "The dog is just happy to be alive, well-fed and taken care of; not all mopey cause it's missing a leg. Unlike Louie, who knows he's only got a month left with Amia and has to make the best of it, but instead wastes time questioning if it'd be worth it. The lesson is to be happy for what you have rather than unhappy for what you don't."
-megamanu64, random YouTuber
I get that. But the whole "Only a four legged Dog is happier"
I think it was sort of an anti-joke. It's one of those "well of course" things. The point it served, at least to me and relating it to what the doctor said earlier, was that people try (or should try) their best to get by with what they have. They try to make the most of life because it's all they have. The doctor suggests that the three legged dog is the happiest it can possibly be, because it lives now, and is alive and has all it's needs cared for. It's out to live, and not dying to live, paralyzed with indecision.
You're not missing half your face or brain (I presume) and you're not dying (I presume), so stop viewing life from a powerful telescope, contemplating it from afar, and go fething live it. You want the girl? Ask the girl. Things go bad, and they likely might because relationships are hard, well, feth it. You don't want the girl? Don't go for the girl, but don't wonder what might have been, because you've made your decision. Either way, you'll wake up the next day, and life does go on.
Personally, I made a decision years ago to not date coworkers. But that's my decision. I don't sit around paralyzed by it. Make a decision and live the outcome, not the choices.
Also, that comment was halfway intelligent. I cannot believe that it actually came from youtube.
Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
Albatross wrote: I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
I've dated most of the colors of the rainbow and ended up married to an Asian woman. And I can't remember any issues related to "race" coming up. Maybe it's a regional thing (I live in the Northeast), I dunno. Now, I did luck out with my wife's parents. It's possible that they could have been more traditional and less approving. But ultimately I wasn't the first white guy my wife dated, so they were fine with it and really only cared about her happiness and how well I treat her.
Honestly, I don't feel like I'm in an *interracial marriage.* Ooooooo. I'm not even sure what that means. Like we're two separate species or something? I'm more aware of her particular national/cultural background just because of language, food, etc. And that would still be true if I dated a "white" girl from Italy or Austria.
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
If you're a woman that doesn't look absolutely horrific it's basically a one hundred percent guarantee that someone out there is enamored with you.
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
Well it is interesting thing. I personally dont find black girls attractive, atleast physically. But Like I said, I love Philopino and Asian girls because they are so short and cute. Hispanic Girls. well, it depends TBH. And then there are race relation issues. My grandpa and grandma where Conservative and Democrat respectively(My Grandma "Why should we bother voting, We just cancel eatchother out) I think that would be harder in a mixed Race relationship. What if you are white and into BDSM and your black partner isnt because reasons. But you also get the problem of differing world views.
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
If you're a woman that doesn't look absolutely horrific it's basically a one hundred percent guarantee that someone out there is enamored with you.
Bullockist wrote: I have a lonely penis, so I am supposed to be happy?
What kind of lesson are you handing out here chezcat??????
lol... this thread is pure gold for sig worthy quotes....
To anyone wanting a date, trust me on this one, ask out any girl you can, you will get better at it each time.
99% of the battle is getting used to rejection and not letting ______ stop you from asking her out, what ever _________ is.
guys will "outsmart" themselves and come up with any number of reasons why they cant ask someone out, so never do, and it becomes a cycle.
If you get used to rejection, and your normal process becomes making the attempt, then your cycle turns to one of at least trying, which will lead eventually to sucess.
also,
Plenty of fish works... just say you are a doctor, trust me.
When I was single, finding dates was pretty easy. I used OKC and was able to pick out people that shared a lot of interests, or at least weren't fething crazy on paper.
Picking up strangers cold (in a bar, for example) isn't my style, but I did that once during that time. I don't regret the experience, but it was pretty clear what we were both after at the time, and it wasn't a good way to find anything long term.
I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
Well it is interesting thing. I personally dont find black girls attractive, atleast physically. But Like I said, I love Philopino and Asian girls because they are so short and cute. Hispanic Girls. well, it depends TBH. And then there are race relation issues. My grandpa and grandma where Conservative and Democrat respectively(My Grandma "Why should we bother voting, We just cancel eatchother out) I think that would be harder in a mixed Race relationship. What if you are white and into BDSM and your black partner isnt because reasons. But you also get the problem of differing world views.
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
If you're a woman that doesn't look absolutely horrific it's basically a one hundred percent guarantee that someone out there is enamored with you.
This. Its true.
Well, that's interesting.
Do you think it will help if I go all sugoii kimochi desu desu ~=^.^=~?
Or maybe, when he enters my line of sight, I should throw my Forgefiend at him and shout 'HA! Instant death!'? Guys like girls who outgeek them, right?
Automatically Appended Next Post: Or will that just make him uncomfortable?
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
Well, you know how GW nerfed cover saves this edition, it's stay out of LOS entirely or get shot to death by the Riptides...
It's probably true for guys as well, given how many "undesirable" people are in happy relationships. There are just so many people out there that no matter who you are (unless you're an ugly serial killer or something) someone is thinking "oh god no" and someone else is thinking "oh god yes". The hard part is just finding that person.
I always imagine that most girls would find at least one guy that was interested in them.
Most woman have at least some kind of attractive feature at least from a purely physical perspective. Smile, Eyes, Body etc, couple that with a matching personality and you're on to a winner. Unless you can't win her... but that's what this thread is for, right?
There is no redemption if she's a land whale unfortunately. I don't mean chubby. I mean what would be called morbidly obese by a medical professional. I don't think that's unfair.
Medium of Death wrote: There is no redemption if she's a land whale unfortunately. I don't mean chubby. I mean what would be called morbidly obese by a medical professional. I don't think that's unfair.
No, even that isn't true. Not only can they find people to date them there are people who specifically seek out someone that fat. Now, it's certainly harder to find a match in that situation, but that's why the internet exists.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Ashiraya wrote: 'Hey cutie, wanna come home to me and forge the narrative?'
TBH that might not be a bad idea. Between the common social awkardness and assumption that any geek girl must have a boyfriend already even someone who is interested may not make the first move. Plus, style points for an amusing line. I know if someone said that to me I'd take the offer.
Peregrine wrote: TBH that might not be a bad idea. Between the common social awkardness and assumption that any geek girl must have a boyfriend already even someone who is interested may not make the first move. Plus, style points for an amusing line. I know if someone said that to me I'd take the offer.
Thank you. ♥ If you were to design a pickup line for a geek girl, what would it be?
Ashiraya wrote: Thank you. ♥ If you were to design a pickup line for a geek girl, what would it be?
I don't think I have the cheesy sense of humor for that one, but the "forge the narrative" one would be pretty good if you're both 40k players. It's a pretty clear invitation if they want it, but casual and amusing enough for them to laugh it off if they already have a girlfriend or whatever.
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Cheesecat wrote: I would avoid pick up lines in general they usually come across as more embarrassing and cringe-inducing.
That's because most of them are just stupid and cliche, so it just says that you're trying too hard to be funny but can't come up with anything original. And people seem to think that you just walk up to a random stranger and use one. If, on the other hand, you make a 40k pickup line after a 40k game with someone you're probably going to have a lot more luck with it.
Do you think it will help if I go all sugoii kimochi desu desu ~=^.^=~?
Or maybe, when he enters my line of sight, I should throw my Forgefiend at him and shout 'HA! Instant death!'? Guys like girls who outgeek them, right?
Or will that just make him uncomfortable?
Either Or
Yes, guys like girls who are geeks, usually, at least smart guys.
Shouldn't make him uncomfortable. If it does, and he doesn't look disgusted by it, that's a strange kind of sign that the dude likes you. Some guys are very scared of rejection...even if a woman is showing interest in them, or so I have observed.
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Ashiraya wrote: Naah, they can be really funny, and few things are more cute than humour.
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
(might be lost on someone outside the US, plus its an internet meme that's going around....sharing just for funnies)
P.S. You're forge the narrative line is absolutely perfect...obviously it would be lost on people who don't know what that means.
It's probably true for guys as well, given how many "undesirable" people are in happy relationships. There are just so many people out there that no matter who you are (unless you're an ugly serial killer or something) someone is thinking "oh god no" and someone else is thinking "oh god yes". The hard part is just finding that person.
I'm probably pointing out the obvious here, but you have to actually interact with people for that to be the case.
Also, that "forge the narrative" line is kind of vague. Pick up lines can work if they're really good or if you're really good looking, but why not just ask the guy out or be more direct?
Good pick up lines coming from guys are absolute cheese, but coming from women, they are almost irresistable.
I've used some corny and sexually explicit pick up lines successfully before, but I wouldn't recommend doing either and I only do that when I honestly don't give a feth about the response.
That "forge the narrative" line would get this reaction from me.
Spoiler:
Also, if you're just after something casual with the guy, make sure he's actually the type of guy into that. Not every guy is DTF at the drop of a hat.
I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
Well it is interesting thing. I personally dont find black girls attractive, atleast physically. But Like I said, I love Philopino and Asian girls because they are so short and cute. Hispanic Girls. well, it depends TBH. And then there are race relation issues. My grandpa and grandma where Conservative and Democrat respectively(My Grandma "Why should we bother voting, We just cancel eatchother out) I think that would be harder in a mixed Race relationship. What if you are white and into BDSM and your black partner isnt because reasons. But you also get the problem of differing world views.
What?
Yeah... What?
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Ashiraya wrote: Naah, they can be really funny, and few things are more cute than humour.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me booking the next flight to Sweden...
trexmeyer wrote: Also, that "forge the narrative" line is kind of vague. Pick up lines can work if they're really good or if you're really good looking, but why not just ask the guy out or be more direct?
There's nothing vague at all about that. If you're playing a game with someone of your preferred gender and they say "hey, you want to come back to my place and, you know, forge some narrative" I think anyone with even basic social skills is going to know what they mean. And you say something like that because it defuses a bit of the potential awkwardness. If they're not interested for whatever reason you can both just laugh at how cheesy it is, and you don't make a big deal out of some formal statement of I Like You And This Is A Date and risk making things awkward even if they're interested.
Plus, having a sense of humor is a good thing, and making a good joke out of a shared hobby says you have one. Even knowing nothing else about Ashiraya I'd probably say yes to that line, because hey, why not see if the good first impression continues?
Peregrine wrote: Even knowing nothing else about Ashiraya I'd probably say yes to that line, because hey, why not see if the good first impression continues?
I actually doubt you would, since I am 17 and if my impression from your writing style and experienced, confident behaviour is anywhere near correct, I'd estimate your age to be around twice that number.
Of course, if you are around my age, it could be interesting, but you're not writing like any teen I have ever seen. Not that I'd dislike you for that, I just think I would prefer someone my own age, and I strongly suspect you would too.
That was a lot of text for an irrelevant anecdote. I apologise. Anyway, I agree with what you wrote.
To contradict a 36 page thread...don't over-think it. Just tell yourself that you've already pulled and if she turns you down just slag her off to your friends until you feel better.
Also remember you're more attractive and charming than any other guy she's ever met. Though that might just apply to me
Ashiraya wrote: I actually doubt you would, since I am 17 and if my impression from your writing style and experienced, confident behaviour is anywhere near correct, I'd estimate your age to be around twice that number.
Yeah, definitely too old (and too geographically distant, and probably too not-single).
Anyway, since you're that young the advice is definitely don't over think it and feel free to use cheesy pickup lines. You're still in "make stupid youthful mistakes and have fun with them" territory, you're not looking to settle down and commit to your One True Love. The worst that can happen if you fumble the approach with someone is you get a bit embarrassed, learn from it, and do better the next time.
Ashiraya wrote: I actually doubt you would, since I am 17 and if my impression from your writing style and experienced, confident behaviour is anywhere near correct, I'd estimate your age to be around twice that number.
Yeah, definitely too old (and too geographically distant, and probably too not-single).
Anyway, since you're that young the advice is definitely don't over think it and feel free to use cheesy pickup lines. You're still in "make stupid youthful mistakes and have fun with them" territory, you're not looking to settle down and commit to your One True Love. The worst that can happen if you fumble the approach with someone is you get a bit embarrassed, learn from it, and do better the next time.
Thank you. You should know I really respect you, though. Sure, I disagree with you heavily in certain parts of 40k lore, but that is really not that important. Remember that transthread about a MtF sportswoman? I almost cheered as I read your posts. (I am an activist IRL)
Which is another massive anecdote. Hrm. Anyway.
Keep on posting. I find reading about the subject interesting - youth won't last forever, after all.
I'm really pleased to have started a thread on the OT that has gone for 36 pages, especially one that has been generally really positive! No flame-wars or anything!
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
*Ducks behind cover*
...
Is she gone yet?
Ahh avatar you never fail to amuse me.
In response to Ashiraya , unless you are a 56 year old woman with no teeth and no personality targeting a 21 year old male (none of this happened to me, none of it, BAD MEMORIES BULLOCKIST, BAD MEMORIES ) I am pretty sure your chances are high.
Peregrine wrote: TBH that might not be a bad idea. Between the common social awkardness and assumption that any geek girl must have a boyfriend already even someone who is interested may not make the first move. Plus, style points for an amusing line. I know if someone said that to me I'd take the offer.
Thank you. ♥ If you were to design a pickup line for a geek girl, what would it be?
"Are you a DPS? Because every second my heart aches more for you."
"Please can I get a res? Because you are drop-dead gorgeous."
"I hope you're dragonborn, because I'm gunna make you shout."
"Are you dragonborn? Because Fus Ro Damn!"
"I'm low on mana, mind if I tap your land?"
"I want to do the sex with you."
I dunno, it's 3am, I'm getting a headache, and I was running out of inspiration.
If you want a proper pickup line, then how does 7pm tomorrow night sound? (Winky face mandatory)
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
Compel wrote: Seriously, not joking, not being flippant. I really can't imagine it not being that easy.
It's not that easy for three reasons:
1) Just letting people know that you're available works great if you have low standards and just want casual sex. For example, make a female profile on a dating site and you'll get hundreds of semi-literate offers from desperate men, but none of them would be even remotely appealing. If you're looking for a specific kind of match (or even a specific person) then you really need to be willing to talk to individual people instead of just broadcasting a "come and find me" message. Even in a narrower context like a gaming club you'll get offers, but they aren't guaranteed to be the people that you're actually interested in.
2) Not everyone who might be interested is interested enough to make the first move, even if they might think you're the perfect match once they get to know you better. Whenever I look at online dating sites there are always a lot of people where I think "she looks kind of interesting" but never get around to contacting them. But if those same people sent me the first message I'd certainly respond and give them a chance. And this was true even when I was single (and quite unhappy with that situation), so I assume a lot of (if not most) other people work the same way.
3) Not everyone who might be interested is brave enough to make the first move, especially when you're talking about younger people in a geek hobby context. 17-year old me would have been terrified of making the first move, even if a girl walked into game night and said "hey, I'm single and looking". It's a fact I (and most people who did the same things) would have regretted in hindsight, but that doesn't help anyone at the moment. So if you want to overcome that shyness sometimes you need to hit someone on the head with the metaphorical hammer and say "I LIKE YOU".
I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
Well it is interesting thing. I personally dont find black girls attractive, atleast physically. But Like I said, I love Philopino and Asian girls because they are so short and cute. Hispanic Girls. well, it depends TBH. And then there are race relation issues. My grandpa and grandma where Conservative and Democrat respectively(My Grandma "Why should we bother voting, We just cancel eatchother out) I think that would be harder in a mixed Race relationship. What if you are white and into BDSM and your black partner isnt because reasons. But you also get the problem of differing world views.
What?
Yeah... What?
Did I type that? What was I thinking? Must have been at night and on my tablet.
But I decided. Im tired of being scared of rejection, of tons of other things, of a girl being out of my league or not understanding my interests. Dead Fething tired. Even If I get rejected and kicked in the nuts. Im going to fething try. In two weeks the park goes to half time and I may not get the chance. Im going to ask if she wants to hange out, get coffee or lunch or something.
trexmeyer wrote: Also, that "forge the narrative" line is kind of vague. Pick up lines can work if they're really good or if you're really good looking, but why not just ask the guy out or be more direct?
There's nothing vague at all about that. If you're playing a game with someone of your preferred gender and they say "hey, you want to come back to my place and, you know, forge some narrative" I think anyone with even basic social skills is going to know what they mean.
Apparently I'm a neanderthal that lacks any basic social skills because I would without a doubt bertstare that line. God, even saying "hey you should come over to my place and hang out with me" is better.
And best of luck Hotsauce. Go through with it if you really want to or else you will eat yourself alive.
And best of luck Hotsauce. Go through with it if you really want to or else you will eat yourself alive.
TBH,, its not even about the fact that I want a date. Im fine not dating TBH. I am sick and tired of being scared and being worried about things like this.
I've been in the exact same place. Prior to dating just sitting down and talking to this girl I thought attractive was an absolutely harrowing experience, but once I got past that initial obstacle everything changed. I'll be honest, I dislike dating to the extreme and have no desire to actually do so in the near future. Being in a relationship is the best thing I've ever experienced, but only when things are good. When they're bad it can be soul crushing.
I wouldn't say dating, sex, relationships, real genuine love, or any of that are underrated or overrated. They are all just things you can't understand until you experience them.
I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
Well it is interesting thing. I personally dont find black girls attractive, atleast physically. But Like I said, I love Philopino and Asian girls because they are so short and cute. Hispanic Girls. well, it depends TBH. And then there are race relation issues. My grandpa and grandma where Conservative and Democrat respectively(My Grandma "Why should we bother voting, We just cancel eatchother out) I think that would be harder in a mixed Race relationship. What if you are white and into BDSM and your black partner isnt because reasons. But you also get the problem of differing world views.
What?
Yeah... What?
Did I type that? What was I thinking? Must have been at night and on my tablet.
But I decided. Im tired of being scared of rejection, of tons of other things, of a girl being out of my league or not understanding my interests. Dead Fething tired. Even If I get rejected and kicked in the nuts. Im going to fething try. In two weeks the park goes to half time and I may not get the chance. Im going to ask if she wants to hange out, get coffee or lunch or something.
Just do it! Seriously, feth the arbitrary rules - go out there and make things happen for yourself. Get what you want. Be a man, basically.
It's scary as gak at first, but believe me when I say that it's totally worth it. I hadn't dated in 9 years before this year, so it was weird for me too, but it only takes a few good experiences to send your confidence rocketing. I guarantee that if you take the bull by the horns and start asking girls out, you won't regret it. The key, as discussed previously, is to not take things too personally if you experience rejection. It happens to us all and is no reflection on your desirability to ALL women, just that particular one. As long as as your personal hygiene and grooming is handled and you're going for 'appropriate' girls, it's just a numbers game. You WILL get a yes, it's just a matter of being patient and fearless.
Just do it! Seriously, feth the arbitrary rules - go out there and make things happen for yourself. Get what you want. Be a man, basically.
It's scary as gak at first, but believe me when I say that it's totally worth it. I hadn't dated in 9 years before this year, so it was weird for me too, but it only takes a few good experiences to send your confidence rocketing. I guarantee that if you take the bull by the horns and start asking girls out, you won't regret it. The key, as discussed previously, is to not take things too personally if you experience rejection. It happens to us all and is no reflection on your desirability to ALL women, just that particular one. As long as as your personal hygiene and grooming is handled and you're going for 'appropriate' girls, it's just a numbers game. You WILL get a yes, it's just a matter of being patient and fearless.
I am. But now I need a chance too. I was hoping I could when we both get off. But we dont have the same schedule net week. Ugh. I I hope I dont loose my will to do it though.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Like I said, Im not scared. Im goig after a girl outta my league.
Oh, feth that gak! Stop talking yourself out of it! You're already preparing for failure there with that attitude, mate. It's sensible to manage one's expectations, but if you tell yourself you don't deserve this girl then, frankly, you won't. You have to demonstrate that you have what she's looking for, even if she doesn't know she's looking for it yet. She might be looking for a lad EXACTLY like you - hell, she might be sitting there hoping you're going to ask her out! Keep repeating to yourself all of the positive qualities you have, be bold, and you can get this girl.
Oh, so GM relationship update, currently dating two girls, and interviewing a prospective candidate for primary girlfriend. I credit a year selling toy soldiers for the ability to sell myself well enough to pull this off.
Peregrine wrote: TBH that might not be a bad idea. Between the common social awkardness and assumption that any geek girl must have a boyfriend already even someone who is interested may not make the first move. Plus, style points for an amusing line. I know if someone said that to me I'd take the offer.
Thank you. ♥ If you were to design a pickup line for a geek girl, what would it be?
Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a powersaber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a D-cannon in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a Volcano Cannon in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum.
With guys (well the nerdier type that may not be as confident, etc.) you need to be as clear and transparent as possible, otherwise they may just think you're being friendly or joking around. Even then though, you might still make them feel uncomfortable... I mean, one of my biggest fantasies is that the hot chick i'm all googly eyed for walks up to me and makes the first move... and in the small handful of circumstances when that actually happens I've for the most part blown it because I was like 'umm umm what do I do, is this really happening??!?')
Anyway though, if you dig a guy, make a move. Most guys, at least in the US, really actually don't mind it at all if the woman gets a little aggressive. Actually... its kind of totally awesome. You don't necessarily have to use the cheesy pick up lines to do it either, a simple "hey, you want to go get coffee" (or whatever it is Swedish teens do for fun on a date) is usually enough to get the wheels of motion whirring, if things STILL aren't going anywhere, then be a little more forward, don't be afraid to get a little 'physical'. Hugs are usually good though they are also very much a just friends thing (though if you happen to hug him tight for a little longer than the usual 'greeting' hug it should put the right idea in his head), but you could also try messing with his hair in a playful manner(run your hands through his hair especially towards the back of his head and the neck area), holding his hand during a movie or while walking next to him (you can also put your arm though his, its a little classier and slightly more subtle but allows you to hold him a little closer to you), hell, even a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night can speak volumes.
KalashnikovMarine wrote: Oh, so GM relationship update, currently dating two girls, and interviewing a prospective candidate for primary girlfriend. I credit a year selling toy soldiers for the ability to sell myself well enough to pull this off.
I think it's time for another Tinder update: I re-made my profile to reset matches and whatnot, and that was about two weeks ago. Since then I've had one match, and that was an accidental swipe.
Going outside is looking more and more like a necessity.
trexmeyer wrote: She's about half your age Albatross. On that note, I'm out of this thread.
I'm pretty sure it's a joke.
Yeah, I would have thought that was obvious, but hey-ho... Also, I'm pretty sure I just met my future wife tonight. I mean this girl was incredible in every way - smart, funny, nice and insanely hot. We kissed. I literally did this on the way home:
Well, I got one shot at this next week. I dont want to ask her out infront of other employees. I will see. Im only working with her once net week until closing. I know Im over thinking this, but Tuesdays they are nortorious for sending people home early and we have 4 people in there.
Wish me luck. Im going to pull the bandaid off
*sigh* I could do so much better with Tinder if I had a camera-bitch to follow me around for a week or two to document all the awesome gak I do (and just to take decent photos of me that reflect what I see when I look at myself in the mirror).
Avatar 720 wrote: I think it's time for another Tinder update: I re-made my profile to reset matches and whatnot, and that was about two weeks ago. Since then I've had one match, and that was an accidental swipe.
Going outside is looking more and more like a necessity.
I've made three different profiles and I've rarely gotten a good looking match. Not having oodles of pictures to pic from sucks.
KalashnikovMarine wrote: Oh, so GM relationship update, currently dating two girls, and interviewing a prospective candidate for primary girlfriend. I credit a year selling toy soldiers for the ability to sell myself well enough to pull this off.
Yes all the girls know about each other.
Obviously, this is the part where you lock them in a small room with a snapped-off half of a pool cue on the floor between them.
I just moved to the UK and Tinder has been an absolutely fantastic way to meet an insane amount of girls. I've only been on for about a week and I've had 13 good matches but a bunch more duds. I've met three of them, all quality girls that look amazing, smell amazing, and can hold a decent conversation. Highly recommended.
Albatross, looks like we may be competing for tinder tail in the north, depending on what your preferences are at.
Barksdale wrote: I just moved to the UK and Tinder has been an absolutely fantastic way to meet an insane amount of girls. I've only been on for about a week and I've had 13 good matches but a bunch more duds. I've met three of them, all quality girls that look amazing, smell amazing, and can hold a decent conversation. Highly recommended.
Albatross, looks like we may be competing for tinder tail in the north, depending on what your preferences are at.
Mate, I met the most incredible girl last night, so I'm out of the game! The date went so well that we both simultaneously deleted our tinder accounts. Looks like we won't be crossing swords.
I have two friends who are nice, intelligent, and very beautiful. They basically told me they were almost never asked out by normal guys who were genuinely interested, but only by overconfident and empty-headed jerks who just want to score one more notch on their stick.
Mate, I met the most incredible girl last night, so I'm out of the game! The date went so well that we both simultaneously deleted our tinder accounts. Looks like we won't be crossing swords.
Not in that way! Dirty buggers.
Whereabouts you based, incidentally? Mcr?
Ha!
Based out of Sheffield for now, but there seems to be more than a few Manchester lasses sparking interest. Quite surprised at the amount of quality girls I'm meeting from all over the area. Never would have thought...
Tinder is a very simple app to connect you with girls/guys. You set your preferences, male/female, age and distance to search, and it gives you pics of the girls/guys matching your preferences. Swipe right if you like them, swipe left if they're mug. If you swipe right on someone, and they do it for you too, you can chat.
If you are 18+, I'd highly recommend it. Although word of warning for you, you will get a lot of dirty guys after one thing, but they should be easy to spot.
That reminds me, I keep seeing tons of people whose Tinder apps are 'lying' and 'they're not 22, they're 16' or some bollocks. There have even been some girls saying they're 19-20 and have a picture of them in their school uniform.
When you take into account all the creeps on this app, it makes you wonder why the feth they're on it. Stay in school and learn yourselves an education! >.<
That reminds me, I keep seeing tons of people whose Tinder apps are 'lying' and 'they're not 22, they're 16' or some bollocks. There have even been some girls saying they're 19-20 and have a picture of them in their school uniform.
When you take into account all the creeps on this app, it makes you wonder why the feth they're on it. Stay in school and learn yourselves an education! >.<
In my experience, the girls most interested in messing around are 18-20 year olds and then suddenly you have this 21-30 year old age range where 90% only want a serious LTR followed by 31+ cougars that are just as thirsty as the younger ones. There's got to be some kind of hormonal explanation or something.
Tinder is a very simple app to connect you with girls/guys. You set your preferences, male/female, age and distance to search, and it gives you pics of the girls/guys matching your preferences. Swipe right if you like them, swipe left if they're mug. If you swipe right on someone, and they do it for you too, you can chat.
If you are 18+, I'd highly recommend it. Although word of warning for you, you will get a lot of dirty guys after one thing, but they should be easy to spot.
I am 17, but it does sound interesting. Perhaps in the future.
That reminds me, I keep seeing tons of people whose Tinder apps are 'lying' and 'they're not 22, they're 16' or some bollocks. There have even been some girls saying they're 19-20 and have a picture of them in their school uniform.
When you take into account all the creeps on this app, it makes you wonder why the feth they're on it. Stay in school and learn yourselves an education! >.<
Creeps, as well as the direct and indirect effects of their behaviour, is my biggest peeve in the history of everything.
Id go to Sweden anyway, not for Ashiraya (thouh Im sure shes a lovely young lady), but for Scandinavian women in general... oh and the natural beauty of Scandinavia itself, that too.
So, everyone in my family and one person(good friend from before this job) from work are telling me NO.
I am especially reconsidering now that I hear they think I pass gas constantly in there
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, everyone in my family and one person(good friend from before this job) from work are telling me NO.
I am especially reconsidering now that I hear they think I pass gas constantly in there
Your family don't run your life, and anyone who thinks that farting is something to tease about is being childish; farting is funny to people whose ages are still in single figures. Anyone who believes a rumour that you're gassy and thinks worse of you for it is someone wholly undesirable, and at least by going for it and asking you can determine whether or not you finally caught a break, or managed to dodge a bullet - a bullet you can probably pick out of the wall and show management. Harassment isn't something that anyone should have tolerate, especially at work.
Right now you're picking at loose threads and trying to unstitch yourself; your family doesn't depend on the outcome of asking this person, and neither should any friendship worth its salt. Anyone worth including in your life won't judge you for rumours, and you'll soon know if they're worth even giving the time of day, never mind your own time.
Or you could not do it, and let your brain forever use your family and friends' approval in order to judge whether your own decisions in life are worth making, never mind the nagging thoughts inside your head that still wonder what her answer would be.
I don't live your life - nobody here does - so all I can really suggest is that you go for the option you can live with, and that the most important thing here is to actually make a decision. Whether it's right or wrong doesn't matter, the difficulty lies in actually making that choice before someone, or some thing, makes it for you.
Right now you're picking at loose threads and trying to unstitch yourself; your family doesn't depend on the outcome of asking this person, and neither should any friendship worth its salt. Anyone worth including in your life won't judge you for rumours, and you'll soon know if they're worth even giving the time of day, never mind your own time.
I dont know why I keep doing that to myself TBH. Maybe it is just so I can just not worry. Right now alot is going through my head about it(Like what if I do get in trouble with managment?)
But to be fair to my friend, he didnt say no, but be careful and dont do anything more if she says no. He said he wouldnt do it(Despite getting hit on) but he wished me luck
Yeah, it's your own life and all that, but if your friends/family are more familiar with the situation than random strangers on the internet you should think about what they have to say. They might be too pessimistic, or they might know that she's not actually interested in you, the "signs" you're seeing are just in your imagination, and you're just going to embarrass yourself.
Failure isn't really failing, because there's an object lesson learned; knowledge is gained. The feeling you receive from it, embarrassment in this case, isn't a bad thing. It represents enlightenment. It's painful, but really, anything worth doing is. There is nothing gained in this world without anything suffered.
The only true way to fail is to never act. Oh sure, you can be safe, but there's already a little too much of that going around.
No, you shouldn't be so terrified of failure that you never act, but there's a difference between a friend saying "don't bother, she's out of your league" without knowing anything about the situation and saying "she's not interested in you at all, you're just going to make it awkward at work" because the friend actually knows her opinion and is just trying to save him from an embarrassing mistake. Not allowing yourself to give up out of fear isn't the same thing as blindly ignoring all advice and jumping off a cliff.
Ok, this guy is not in the department(He is parkk services) He doesnt know I just told him about my plan and he said it may not be the best but he wished me luck
The problem is that based upon the explanation hotsauce has provided and the portrait he normally paints of himself, the easy assumption to make of the situation is that there is more of the former and less of the latter at work here.
I suppose I'm still presuming more of the situation than someone in his actual life. Eh, to hell with it, everyone do whatever.
If she is actually hot, she's out of his league and it's not even close.
I'm not shooting in the dark here either. This is based on Hotsauceman's posts. I honestly think it is a terrible idea and he is just going to get hurt and possibly freak the girl out.
There, I said my bit. Bite my head off if you like.
He's admitted that he is over 300 pounds Peregrine. Unless he is the most charming and intelligent guy in a ten mile radius he isn't going to hook up with a hot girl.
trexmeyer wrote: He's admitted that he is over 300 pounds Peregrine. Unless he is the most charming and intelligent guy in a ten mile radius he isn't going to hook up with a hot girl.
'A cat can look at a king.' Plus, he has the advantage of actually knowing the girl. If it was a cold approach, I'd be inclined to agree with you, but presumably this girl has gotten to know him a little bit, which would help. Personality does go a long way. I'm not exactly a skinny dude (in fact I don't weigh that much less than hotsauceman, though I am quite tall) but I'd wager that I get more chicks than anyone here, quite comfortably.
trexmeyer wrote: He's admitted that he is over 300 pounds Peregrine. Unless he is the most charming and intelligent guy in a ten mile radius he isn't going to hook up with a hot girl.
'A cat can look at a king.' Plus, he has the advantage of actually knowing the girl. If it was a cold approach, I'd be inclined to agree with you, but presumably this girl has gotten to know him a little bit, which would help. Personality does go a long way. I'm not exactly a skinny dude (in fact I don't weigh that much less than hotsauceman, though I am quite tall) but I'd wager that I get more chicks than anyone here, quite comfortably.
This is some crossover from the "fat Americans" thread. It really depends on how you carry that weight. It doesn't matter terribly if your tall or built but weigh more. It'll probably look proportionally fine. Which I'm sure it does on yourself, you stallion you. It's when you're fairly short and fat or just morbidly obese that it becomes an instant visual problem.
You owe it to yourself to give it your best shot. Go get'em tiger.
I could go on and on, but basically, this is one instance where it does really boil down to that simple line, which I will repeat.
DON'T LISTEN TO THE HATERZ.
Also, if you're around people that are negative to you all the time, you owe it to yourself to find some new friends and inject some positivity into your life. You know you only get one.
trexmeyer wrote: He's admitted that he is over 300 pounds Peregrine. Unless he is the most charming and intelligent guy in a ten mile radius he isn't going to hook up with a hot girl.
'A cat can look at a king.' Plus, he has the advantage of actually knowing the girl. If it was a cold approach, I'd be inclined to agree with you, but presumably this girl has gotten to know him a little bit, which would help. Personality does go a long way. I'm not exactly a skinny dude (in fact I don't weigh that much less than hotsauceman, though I am quite tall) but I'd wager that I get more chicks than anyone here, quite comfortably.
My weight has never been anything I thought about beyond health problems(Which is why im trying to shed the pounds) At many a gaming club or tournaments, I met large people who had very attractive GF. I learned weight is not an issue unless you are so big you need two seats. Im also very tal(5.9) so my weight is less of a problem. And I have dropped down pants sizes in the last month.
I know lots of larger gentlemen who manage to score really really damned fine looking ladies, thats kind of a cruel assumption that because someone is fat they can only be with ugly girls.
Automatically Appended Next Post: also is 5'9" considered tall? Im 6'0" and only consider myself to be average height.
Hmm. A girl I was dating once saw my computer with Dakka up, with someone's pony avatar on it and the first thing she said was "Oh god, you're NOT one of those bronies are you?"
After I was done laughing, I set things straight. This was also a considerably nerdy girl. In contrast, the first thing she said when I showed her the 40k room was "where do you keep the 'nids?"
I wouldn't expect to you, nor am I telling you to. trex's comment just reminded me of an anecdote relevant to bronyism and dating.
Like I've been saying from the beginning. You're your own person, living your own life. All I can do is speak from my own personal experiences as objectively as I can manage.
EDIT: Also, I assume you meant "if you think", rather than "if you don't think" but mistyped. If you're actually giving it up, then I would need to reevaluate my response.
daedalus wrote: I wouldn't expect to you, nor am I telling you to. trex's comment just reminded me of an anecdote relevant to bronyism and dating.
Like I've been saying from the beginning. You're your own person, living your own life. All I can do is speak from my own personal experiences as objectively as I can manage.
And thank you for being helpful. Like I said, Im just tired of being scared of things like this. I want to try. and im going to tommorow. Sigh......Why do I do this to myself? Why am I so scared of all of this. I doupt I wouldnt be scared if we didnt work together that much, but In the end, what is the worse thing that could happen? She says no and a few awkward hours for like 3 days?
hotsauce, just go for it, but remember no means no, and don't lay it on too thick (no pun intended), yknow? Less potential for awkwardness in the future.
hotsauceman1 wrote: All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate
Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.
hotsauceman1 wrote: All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate
Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.
hotsauceman1 wrote: All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate
Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.
hotsauceman1 wrote: All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate
Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.
hotsauceman1 wrote: All im thinking is this "Would you be interested in getting coffee or maybe go to a movie sometime?" I know it sounds cheesy, but not desperate
Do you have any idea the kind of stuff she likes? Going to see a movie is a pretty weak first date.
You could try asking.
Maybe just try "Hang out and do something?"
Swing and a miss.
...sorry dude. Women do not want to "Hang out and do something."
Is she into any particular type of movies? Maybe you can better target that. She likes drinking and partying? Maybe you could suggest a brewery tour or something. You guys have to have breweries in Cali, right? Target the activity to the interests of the audience, man.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Medium of Death wrote: I think your original idea was fine. Coffee/drinks sounds good. Any kind of setting that gives you a chance to talk is a good one.
Maybe save a film for another time.
This, also. Even lunch at a place she'd like would be a pretty safe bet.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ofcourse, but I have to think of something coherant or else I would end up babbling like I know I would
Think of an opening line so that you get through the whole sentence without fumbling it because you're so nervous you can't think clearly. Just don't try to write a script for the whole thing, you're having a conversation, not reading a prepared speech.
See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'
If she says no to the movie? Well, feth it, if she won't go out as friend, she definitely wouldn't have gone out on a date and you haven't mugged yourself off by asking for one upfront. With your confidence issues, the Trojan Horse is definitely the way to go, I reckon. Yes it's devious, but if it's a straight choice between 'being a bit sneaky to get what you want' and 'hashtagforeveralone', for me it's not even a decision. That's Game. Game is fundamentally dishonest. I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'
trexmeyer wrote: He's admitted that he is over 300 pounds Peregrine. Unless he is the most charming and intelligent guy in a ten mile radius he isn't going to hook up with a hot girl.
'A cat can look at a king.' Plus, he has the advantage of actually knowing the girl. If it was a cold approach, I'd be inclined to agree with you, but presumably this girl has gotten to know him a little bit, which would help. Personality does go a long way. I'm not exactly a skinny dude (in fact I don't weigh that much less than hotsauceman, though I am quite tall) but I'd wager that I get more chicks than anyone here, quite comfortably.
This is some crossover from the "fat Americans" thread. It really depends on how you carry that weight. It doesn't matter terribly if your tall or built but weigh more. It'll probably look proportionally fine. Which I'm sure it does on yourself, you stallion you. It's when you're fairly short and fat or just morbidly obese that it becomes an instant visual problem.
Yeah, I'm inclined to agree with you, though that problem is not insurmountable, and thinking that way certainly doesn't make a person 'delusional'. Calling a person with weight issues 'delusional' for thinking they might have a shot with a girl they fancy definitely does make you a bit of a knobhead though. I don't mean you, just, y'know, putting it out there.
I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'
I'm shocked and disappointed.
I also need to change tack...
I'm confused, because normally I do that, and if they come back, and then it feels like a horse eating grain from my hand, but on my face, then I know they're interested.
Albatross wrote: See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'
I finesse it.
Fair point, but I still have to think that this is an intelligent women. She would know what im trying to do either way.
Albatross wrote: See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'
I finesse it.
Fair point, but I still have to think that this is an intelligent women. She would know what im trying to do either way.
For feth's sake, stop trying to predict the fething future, fething go out there and fething ask her if she'd like to see a fething film. Obviously sans the 'fething'. You cannot possibly predict what she will or will not know. You're not a fething mind-reader, so the only way you will possibly know is by asking. So stop coming back to us, and start going over to her.
I think the entire thread can be summed up with a single picture:
Seriously...try swinging the bat on the girl you want to date. If it doesn't go through then swing again at a more realistic pitch next time. It's not about how many times you swing the bat, but rather about how many times you hit the ball.
Albatross wrote: See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'
I finesse it.
Fair point, but I still have to think that this is an intelligent women. She would know what im trying to do either way.
So? It doesn't matter what she thinks you're trying to do, it's the look of the thing that's the point.
I'm a fething ninja at this stuff mate, you can't talk your way out of it with me!
Also, Nuggz is basically right. She's just a girl. Chill. Have fun with it.
What i need to keep saying to myself is "It really isnt going to be as bad as you are imagining it, you are trying just play it safe and you need to stop that"
Albatross wrote: See, I think the movie thing isn't a horrible idea. It's generally considered a no-no for a first date with a girl you've never really spoken to, but hotsauce works with this girl, so I'm guessing they've done the whole 'get-to-know-you' thing already. Asking her out for a movie is something a friend would do, so you shouldn't feel too nervous asking her in that sort of context, as opposed to something that is unambiguously a date. Pick a movie you want to go and see, that you think she'd like and just go 'Oh hey, I hear [insert movie] is pretty sweet - wanna go? All my friends have seen it already.' If she says yeah, then great, you got her out. At least you know she likes you as a person to spend a bit of time with and doesn't think you're some weirdo who's gonna murder her, plus it'll be a nice little confidence boost that you got her to meet you outside of work, something to build on. You'll go, watch the film, have a nice time, then afterwards say something like 'Hey this was nice! wanna grab a drink some time?'
If she says no to the movie? Well, feth it, if she won't go out as friend, she definitely wouldn't have gone out on a date and you haven't mugged yourself off by asking for one upfront. With your confidence issues, the Trojan Horse is definitely the way to go, I reckon. Yes it's devious, but if it's a straight choice between 'being a bit sneaky to get what you want' and 'hashtagforeveralone', for me it's not even a decision. That's Game. Game is fundamentally dishonest. I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'
I finesse it.
I have to disagree. If you like her, I think you should tell her that you like her and ask her for a drink and make it obvious that it's a date...You don't want to just be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. Send the right messages from the start. She'll not be wondering what's what and you'll have a good base point to work from.
Also if she says no to the date, then you have your answer, rather than ending up in friend limbo for ages till she ends up with some aggressive alpha douche-nozzle.
My 2 cents.
Im married now, but back when i was single i HATED it when I found out good guy friends of mine had started out wanting to date me and i never knew.
reason one, because if we have been good friends for a while it makes me second guess the friendship- i think, "oh i thought we were really close...and all those friendship moments we shared were fake because you were just trying to get with me!? why weren't you just upfront to start with?"
reason two, because maybe i would have liked them back but now it is awkward and i just see them as a friend and so we'll never find out what could have happened. And if i didn't like them that way, we could have just gotten that out of the way and went on to be just friends.
My weight has never been anything I thought about beyond health problems(Which is why im trying to shed the pounds) At many a gaming club or tournaments, I met large people who had very attractive GF. I learned weight is not an issue unless you are so big you need two seats. Im also very tal(5.9) so my weight is less of a problem. And I have dropped down pants sizes in the last month.
Unless you live in India or something, 5.9 feet (I say feet because I can't think of any other measurement you're using that would fit) is by no stretch of the imagination "very tall".
I just looked it up, average height for a male in the usa is 5 feet and 9.5 inches. so if someone is 5'9", they are shorter than average, not "very tall'
Unless you live in India or something, 5.9 feet (I say feet because I can't think of any other measurement you're using that would fit) is by no stretch of the imagination "very tall".
if he's 5.9 fathoms tall, that's......pretty tall.
I was dicking around on a dating site and there was this girl who said she loved the movie Labyrinth, fair enough so I send her the line "You remind me of the babe" (the same way I send Anchorman quotes should anyone ever reference it-and its like no one else has seen that movie, cause I am always first)
Needless to say I have to thank David Bowie for getting me a date
You know the recent content of the thread reminds me of this one SOB in High School, kinda ugly, short, etc. However he was ALWAYS on dates with absolute knock outs, now the guy could smooth talk his way around a lot of stuff, but I found his major "trick" was simply having no fear or rejection and just asking. Sure his batting average for actual hits was low as hell, but if every fifth time you swing you hit a home run as opposed to bunting and barely making 1st base (this is where this analogy gets confusing due to other base ball relationship analogies already in use) then you won't be having the worst season ja?
It's also how I FINALLY got the date, two dates as it happens with my fantasy girl. The chick I'd been crushing on since middle school, now I'd asked her out before, or tried any way, it was a mess don't ask, but I get back from boot camp, see her again, and just walk up and ask her, no nerves or stuttering, just talk to her normally and ask her out. Now it turns out she was a complete but that's just reality kicking fantasy twixt the uprights, which is perfectly normal. She also believed really hard core in that 2012 nonsense which was more then enough to make me question still being her friend, much less asking her out again.
jewels wrote: Im married now, but back when i was single i HATED it when I found out good guy friends of mine had started out wanting to date me and i never knew.
reason one, because if we have been good friends for a while it makes me second guess the friendship- i think, "oh i thought we were really close...and all those friendship moments we shared were fake because you were just trying to get with me!? why weren't you just upfront to start with?"
reason two, because maybe i would have liked them back but now it is awkward and i just see them as a friend and so we'll never find out what could have happened. And if i didn't like them that way, we could have just gotten that out of the way and went on to be just friends.
It depends on how it's done. If you don't make a move within a few weeks, then yes, you're turning into the nice guy/friendzone scenario, where the girl finds out after a year that the friend has a crush on her. That's awkward for them.
The flip side is that going out with someone socially a few times before letting on that you're interested is not a bad thing to do. If you're looking for something long term, or you're just uncertain, it can give you a chance to scope out the opposition, so to speak.
This is some crossover from the "fat Americans" thread. It really depends on how you carry that weight. It doesn't matter terribly if your tall or built but weigh more. It'll probably look proportionally fine. Which I'm sure it does on yourself, you stallion you. It's when you're fairly short and fat or just morbidly obese that it becomes an instant visual problem.
Yeah, I'm inclined to agree with you, though that problem is not insurmountable, and thinking that way certainly doesn't make a person 'delusional'. Calling a person with weight issues 'delusional' for thinking they might have a shot with a girl they fancy definitely does make you a bit of a knobhead though. I don't mean you, just, y'know, putting it out there.
True. I guess there's advice and then there's advice with tact.
Albatross wrote: I don't meet women and go 'hey, fancy going out for a drink then back to mine so you can sit on my face?'
I can confirm that this line didn't work. More or less word for word.
jewels wrote: Im married now, but back when i was single i HATED it when I found out good guy friends of mine had started out wanting to date me and i never knew.
reason one, because if we have been good friends for a while it makes me second guess the friendship- i think, "oh i thought we were really close...and all those friendship moments we shared were fake because you were just trying to get with me!? why weren't you just upfront to start with?"
reason two, because maybe i would have liked them back but now it is awkward and i just see them as a friend and so we'll never find out what could have happened. And if i didn't like them that way, we could have just gotten that out of the way and went on to be just friends.
It must be devastating to find out people had an interest in you. Allow me to play you a song of solace.
Spoiler:
You do realise that emotions can change towards are person over time, right? Otherwise what Ketara said.
jewels wrote: Im married now, but back when i was single i HATED it when I found out good guy friends of mine had started out wanting to date me and i never knew.
reason one, because if we have been good friends for a while it makes me second guess the friendship- i think, "oh i thought we were really close...and all those friendship moments we shared were fake because you were just trying to get with me!? why weren't you just upfront to start with?"
reason two, because maybe i would have liked them back but now it is awkward and i just see them as a friend and so we'll never find out what could have happened. And if i didn't like them that way, we could have just gotten that out of the way and went on to be just friends.
It depends on how it's done. If you don't make a move within a few weeks, then yes, you're turning into the nice guy/friendzone scenario, where the girl finds out after a year that the friend has a crush on her. That's awkward for them.
The flip side is that going out with someone socially a few times before letting on that you're interested is not a bad thing to do. If you're looking for something long term, or you're just uncertain, it can give you a chance to scope out the opposition, so to speak.
Yep, that's exactly my thinking. It sort of gives you a 'run-up' as opposed to trying to engineer a romance from a standing start. If romance was already on the cards, asking the girl out would be a mere formality, as they would already have done a bit of flirting and would know that they were interested in each other. That doesn't appear to be the case here, so hotsauce needs to engineer 'safe' ways to spend time with this girl, with a view to cultivating that interest and acting upon it by unambiguously asking the girl out on a date. I really think that's gonna be his best shot.
So that chick I mentioned prior who I'm friends with on facebook despite never having met in person... she messaged me... AGAIN, and predictably, she stopped responding within two messages of starting the conversation... how the hell does she expect me to chat her up/ask her out if she's being such a flake (and a really Basic one at that)?
Ok, Well im going to do it today, im off to work in an hour. Im just worried, it is overcast and they might want to cut some people in beer, My only chance might be asking her out before work. Wish me luck and courage
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ok, Well im going to do it today, im off to work in an hour. Im just worried, it is overcast and they might want to cut some people in beer, My only chance might be asking her out before work. Wish me luck and courage
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ok, Well im going to do it today, im off to work in an hour. Im just worried, it is overcast and they might want to cut some people in beer, My only chance might be asking her out before work. Wish me luck and courage
Being around my height and 100 pounds heavier when I'm unhealthily overweight is a bad thing, and will cause the pool of available women/men/androids to shrink.
chaos0xomega wrote: So that chick I mentioned prior who I'm friends with on facebook despite never having met in person... she messaged me... AGAIN, and predictably, she stopped responding within two messages of starting the conversation... how the hell does she expect me to chat her up/ask her out if she's being such a flake (and a really Basic one at that)?
She's not worth it; if you're only FB friends for the dating potential then unfriend her and go about your business. From what you've said I can't imagine that you've stayed her friend for the conversational value.
MrDwhitey wrote:Being around my height and 100 pounds heavier when I'm unhealthily overweight is a bad thing, and will cause the pool of available women/men/androids to shrink.
He's big boned. His words, not mine.
chaos0xomega wrote:yeah, no thats pretty much the only reason im friends with her (dating potential) lol
Good luck. I've scored that way before actually, but we also had conversations that lasted more than two messages lmao.
yeah, she keeps messaging me like "Hey Chris, whats up?" pretty much without fail once a week every monday or tuesday for the past month, I respond back with something to begin getting a conversation going, she usually responds (but not in a really meaningful way), I follow up, and then... the cycle repeats the next week. I'm wondering if she has amnesia or something like in Fifty First Dates or whatever that movie was called. It'd be a bit more tolerable if there was some continuity to our messaging, but every time she messages me its basically a start over from "hi, whats up".
At this point, the only reason I havent removed her and/or given up on talking to her, is because I have trouble believing that anyone could be that basic.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ok, Well im going to do it today, im off to work in an hour. Im just worried, it is overcast and they might want to cut some people in beer, My only chance might be asking her out before work. Wish me luck and courage
Obeisity is poorly explained. Im considered obese at 309lb. But Im not overly big. Im just naturally a big guy. Obese is considered 20lb over the ideal, which is too low to begin with.
5'9" is very tall...
He's in denial about at least that much Albatross. Out of curiosity, how tall are you? I picture you as at least being 6'4".
I believe he's trying to do exactly that. Why not cut him a little slack, bro?
I'm not trying to put him down.
If he puts himself out there and builds up experience talking to women (Even if it's mostly just getting rejected at first) and if he continues to drop pounds (He's dropped a few pant sizes already) then yeah, he'll have more success with women.
Obeisity is poorly explained. Im considered obese at 309lb. But Im not overly big. Im just naturally a big guy. Obese is considered 20lb over the ideal, which is too low to begin with.
5'9" is very tall...
He's in denial about at least that much Albatross. Out of curiosity, how tall are you? I picture you as at least being 6'4".
Yep, pretty much. 6' 3" and some change, if I'm being honest. I weigh about 250lbs.
I take your point on hotsauce's height/weight ratio, I just think it was a little harsh to imply that he was 'delusional'. I've never seen him - for all we know, he could have a similar build to me, i.e. broad, stocky, sort of rugby player build. A lot of chicks dig that, you know...
And I'm 5'10" and 250 pounds. While a good deal of it is and has for most of my teenage to adult life been muscle (I have the typical linebacker's build I've been told), I'm still fat and I am well-aware it's often a detriment to my physical attractiveness (Though in my opinion my dashing good-looks, beautiful hair, gorgeous eyes, strong figure and overpowering force of personality compensate for it wonderfully).
At 6'3", 250 pounds isn't hugely fat. Judging by what I assume to be your photo you only look a bit chubby, not as proportionately big as I or hotsauceman. I don't think it's mean to point out to hotsauceman that dropping some pounds would help his chances with women.
Yep, pretty much. 6' 3" and some change, if I'm being honest.
Really? I could have sworn you were about 6' 1' when we met, with Matty being a bit shorter than me. My memory is clearly blown already. Time to check into the old folks home...
.
.
s and entire industries where there's an unwritten rule that if you're a woman you're never going to rise above a certain level, no matter how qualified you are.
You are better then that.
