Void__Dragon wrote: And I'm 5'10" and 250 pounds. While a good deal of it is and has for most of my teenage to adult life been muscle (I have the typical linebacker's build I've been told), I'm still fat and I am well-aware it's often a detriment to my physical attractiveness (Though in my opinion my dashing good-looks, beautiful hair, gorgeous eyes, strong figure and overpowering force of personality compensate for it wonderfully).
At 6'3", 250 pounds isn't hugely fat. Judging by what I assume to be your photo you only look a bit chubby, not as proportionately big as I or hotsauceman. I don't think it's mean to point out to hotsauceman that dropping some pounds would help his chances with women.
Yeah, 6'3" can carry that weight just fine as long as you've got some muscle on you.
Yep, pretty much. 6' 3" and some change, if I'm being honest.
Really? I could have sworn you were about 6' 1' when we met, with Matty being a bit shorter than me. My memory is clearly blown already. Time to check into the old folks home...
Yeah, Matty's quite short like, bless him. Still, he's got more kills so I guess it's a wash.
Nope, definitely 6' 3" and some change. Have been my whole adult life. I was even weighed and measured the other week, when I had my 'well man' check. They make you do that gak when you're over 30. As I recall, I was a bit taller than you, but a few inches shorter than notprop, no? Meh, me and Matty had about 10 pints each, who knows what really happened. Matty fell asleep drunk in Warhammer World and I peed up the side of it.
Void__Dragon wrote: And I'm 5'10" and 250 pounds. While a good deal of it is and has for most of my teenage to adult life been muscle (I have the typical linebacker's build I've been told), I'm still fat and I am well-aware it's often a detriment to my physical attractiveness (Though in my opinion my dashing good-looks, beautiful hair, gorgeous eyes, strong figure and overpowering force of personality compensate for it wonderfully).
At 6'3", 250 pounds isn't hugely fat. Judging by what I assume to be your photo you only look a bit chubby, not as proportionately big as I or hotsauceman. I don't think it's mean to point out to hotsauceman that dropping some pounds would help his chances with women.
Yeah, 6'3" can carry that weight just fine as long as you've got some muscle on you.
Yeah, I lift. Still got a bit of a beer-gut, but it's on it's way out, kicking and screaming though it is.
At 6'3", 250 pounds isn't hugely fat. Judging by what I assume to be your photo you only look a bit chubby, not as proportionately big as I or hotsauceman.
Void__Dragon wrote: And I'm 5'10" and 250 pounds. While a good deal of it is and has for most of my teenage to adult life been muscle (I have the typical linebacker's build I've been told), I'm still fat and I am well-aware it's often a detriment to my physical attractiveness (Though in my opinion my dashing good-looks, beautiful hair, gorgeous eyes, strong figure and overpowering force of personality compensate for it wonderfully).
This kind of attitude is really fun as long as the guy keeps it at least a bit tongue-in-cheek and does not take it into arrogance!
That would absurdly skinny even for a woman and I'm assuming you aren't one...please eat.
I inherited my godly metabolism from both sides of the family; no male in either family gained much weight until their late twenties-early thirties. Food consumption doesn't affect it.
It did, unfortunately, spawn an ugly anorexia rumour in high school.
This kind of attitude is really fun as long as the guy keeps it at least a bit tongue-in-cheek and does not take it into arrogance!
Self-confidence is hot.
It can only be arrogance if it isn't 100% true!
It really is (From most girl's perspective anyway, as far as guys go I personally tend to prefer sensitive, shy, fragile flowers). It's probably the single most important quality a guy in search of a girl can have. I mean like, besides lots of money, obviously.
While it would be good for getting rid of the extra flab, a really high metabolism also makes it harder to build muscle. Nature truly is the great equalizer.
It was neither a yes or a no. She laughed and said I caught her off guard. She thought she annoyed me and I told her I enjoyed working with her. Can't give more detail until IM on a real comp
hotsauceman1 wrote: It was neither a yes or a no. She laughed and said I caught her off guard. She thought she annoyed me and I told her I enjoyed working with her. Can't give more detail until IM on a real comp
Yeah, that doesn't sound too bad, actually. I bet you feel good for asking and not getting shot down in flames, eh?
Best short summation of the entire subject I've ever seen :
“What would a culture need to do in order to insure that IN EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE the conception of a child is seen as a blessing and not a tragedy?” Brief answer: embrace the implications of the belief that the practice sex is good only when welcoming a child is seen as a good. All other temptations to sex would be seen as manipulations, aided by a culture that stimulates sexual desire toward the end of various types of consumption. "
If that's too short / you missed the point then :
A commercial tells you that you need or should very much want cigarettes or Coca-Cola and you know its silly , and you recognize that someone you don't even know is trying to manipulate you to their ends , and never mind your welfare or anyone elses. They are trying to sell you a dubious IDEA , so you'll buy stuff. But it's the same here really. Your life is ---hopefully -- already full of people , family and friends , that you like or even love , like being around , but you don't even consider getting any more out of them than you are already getting , and indeed , clearly see how getting more would be a minus, not a plus. They are 20 years your senior or your junior, they are the same sex and you don't go for that, or its a different species , or it would be incest. But WHY is this any different ?
And that's the point really : getting something. not " like" or "love" or really any such thing. It's transforming a person into a consumer item , and not just the other person, but you as well. You shouldn't be surprised then that in the end you both get a raw deal. It's a scheme that maybe benefits the David Rockefeller's and Kim Kardashian's of the world , but that's not you and it's never going to be.
The whole He versus She thing is bullocks. Now that homosexuality is out of the closet you see the exact same thing when it's same-sex. A lot of people getting hurt over no one can really say why , and sure some get lucky, but some win the million dollar lottery too , it's nothing to mold a practical plan around.
I haven't given you any useful advice on how to get a date , but it seems to me it isn't being pointed out nearly often enough that maybe you don't need one and never will. As I already pointed out, there are people you like being around and who like being around you, who are very useful to you, who you like or even love. But dating never even occurs to you in this context . Indeed , dating would be ludicrous in this context. But maybe its also ludicrous in the other context as well ?
Okay, first thing, you are the one assuming that sex is central here. It is not. Even without sex, it is a pretty different relationship than being just friend, I think. Anyhow, even assuming that this was just about sex, why would you assume manipulation and objectification? Each time I go climbing, I need a partner to belay me, and that I will bailey in return. I could try to manipulate by whatever means people that do not like climbing into belaying me, but usually I try to find someone who likes climbing, who enjoy being with me, with whom I enjoy being, and who will therefore have a good time just like I will. Why would you assume people do differently for sex?
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).
Ok, I probably don't belong in this thread, but time for an anecdote.
When I was 27 I had never really dated, and believed pretty firmly that no woman would ever be genuinely interested in me. I am now 32, and in a few months will be getting married to a wonderful woman. I've been in the place where a lot of people in this thread are right now, and I can't promise you will find your way out. But if I did; then there is hope for anyone.
Thanks! Best wish and congratulation for your wedding. If that is not being too intrusive, can I ask you how you met and got to know your wife?
Albatross wrote: I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?
No, no and no. It should not come as a surprise, since I mentionned a Korean girl earlier on this thread . Also, Iranian girls! But really, that is about all races are about: different physical aspect, i.e., more races just mean more different types of beauty, which is awesome. Culture/ethnicity might play a bigger role, but actually the prospect of learning a new culture is enticing rather than repulsive, really. The thing that could be difficult would be religion. I would have a hard time with someone very religious, I guess.
Ashiraya wrote: Reading this thread with you boyz discussing how to get a date makes me wonder if there's a guy out there who is interested in me but who just lacks the courage to enter my line of sight.
Quite likely, I think.
Ashiraya wrote: Do you think it will help if I go all sugoii kimochi desu desu ~=^.^=~?
What does that even mean?
Albatross wrote: Yeah, I would have thought that was obvious, but hey-ho... Also, I'm pretty sure I just met my future wife tonight. I mean this girl was incredible in every way - smart, funny, nice and insanely hot. We kissed. I literally did this on the way home:
jewels wrote: Im married now, but back when i was single i HATED it when I found out good guy friends of mine had started out wanting to date me and i never knew.
reason one, because if we have been good friends for a while it makes me second guess the friendship- i think, "oh i thought we were really close...and all those friendship moments we shared were fake because you were just trying to get with me!? why weren't you just upfront to start with?"
reason two, because maybe i would have liked them back but now it is awkward and i just see them as a friend and so we'll never find out what could have happened. And if i didn't like them that way, we could have just gotten that out of the way and went on to be just friends.
It must be devastating to find out people had an interest in you. Allow me to play you a song of solace.
Spoiler:
You do realise that emotions can change towards are person over time, right?
Dude, not cool. She (?) just said how she felt. Disagreeing is okay, but belittling others feeling like that is not cool.
chaos0xomega wrote: how the hell does she expect me to chat her up/ask her out if she's being such a flake (and a really Basic one at that)?
Are you sure she even wants that? Also, given all you told us about her, are you even sure she can pass the Turing test? Beware of bot, my friend. On the internet, they are everywhere. Everywhere!
hotsauceman1 wrote: What i need to keep saying to myself is "It really isnt going to be as bad as you are imagining it, you are trying just play it safe and you need to stop that"
Seems like you are even shyer than me! I would not have too much trouble asking a girl if she is interested to go watch a movie with me because it is something I do with, well, basically anyone I am interested in befriending, so no big deal. I would have way more trouble with something more explicitly about a romantic relationship, though.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It was neither a yes or a no. She laughed and said I caught her off guard. She thought she annoyed me and I told her I enjoyed working with her.
Hey, the surprises of miscommunication . So, hopefully you will get to decide on which movie you want to watch and when next time? .
So, I was back in Grenoble for some time, and I found some animal right activist booth, operated by a bunch of women. Not only did I took advantage of that to learn where I could buy toothpaste not tested on animals (something I had been looking for, for quite some time now ), but it got me thinking, why not joining in? Could be a great way to meet new people, and for once the gender ratio would be very skewed in favor of women, apparently . I am hardly convinced that we could change people's opinion (in my experience, this kind of things just annoy people that are not already convinced, and I am not proselyte vegetarian), but, well, I have been vegetarian for 24 years now, I go trough the trouble of finding non-animal-tested products, I might as well also get some advantages out of it . It is not like it was a totally cynic move, I would actually be happy if we actually manage to convince people. [Not serious]Also, what could fit better than “dirty unwashed hippie” to go with “FLGS hygiene” [/Not serious] What do you think, fellow Dakkaites?
I'm 5'10" and I find the best way to get women, as previously mentioned is giving 0 feths. I have definitely put on some weight though... I miss being able to run. Stupid legs were weak. I looked awesome when I was 19 and running five miles in combat boots a day! Albeit that's what fethed my legs up! But still!
If this going to turn into multiple people posting pics of themselves I will feel obligated to do the same. Still eagerly awaiting Hotsauceman's story, but there's a chance his brass balls grew to an infinite mass that created a black hole by now.
Ok, so I went to go clock out and I saw her walking. I was scared, not wanting to look stupid. But I said "Feth it" and jogged before she got to her ride. the conversation went like this
Me: Hey [Name] can we talk for a moment?
Her: Sure
Me: Would you like to go do something sometime, lunch or something?
Her: *Giggling* Wow, you kinda caught me off guard
Me: Well you seem like a fun person
Her: Really I thought you found me annoying
Me: No I like working with you, you are different from the people I normally know
Her:Well, Maybe
and then she left for her ride. I cant remember if she said maybe, though.
That's a very positive and mature reaction. I'm impressed. You handled the situation much better than I did with my oneitis and took the outcome like a man.
The next thing to do would be to plan something to do/somewhere to go, and give it a week. If you hassle her the next day, you look desperate. Give it a week, and then when you get a chance in casual conversation, say something like, 'Hey, you still up for doing something?' If she's decided she's not interested after all, she can come up with an excuse then and bail whilst leaving you both with your dignity.
And Albie, it was hard to tell how tall Matty was exactly, because he kept sagging towards the floor with the amount of drink he had in him! Notprop is BIG though, there's a reason he plays rugby in his spare time. Can't say I'd want to run into him on a rugby field!
hotsauceman1 wrote: I figured as much. Not going to pursue it any more unless she does. But I just feel in high spirits
As well you should. 'Maybe' is not 'no'. It's not 'yes' either mind, but as you describe it, she didn't sound uninterested, just a little surprised and maybe a bit shy.
I bet you feel mega right now, don't you? Enjoy it!
Ketara wrote: The next thing to do would be to plan something to do/somewhere to go, and give it a week. If you hassle her the next day, you look desperate. Give it a week, and then when you get a chance in casual conversation, say something like, 'Hey, you still up for doing something?' If she's decided she's not interested after all, she can come up with an excuse then and bail whilst leaving you both with your dignity.
Exactly this, either way you walk away having done something you weren't sure you could do before, and at the worst case you're in a much better position to do it again till it works out.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I figured as much. Not going to pursue it any more unless she does. But I just feel in high spirits
As well you should. 'Maybe' is not 'no'. It's not 'yes' either mind, but as you describe it, she didn't sound uninterested, just a little surprised and maybe a bit shy.
I bet you feel mega right now, don't you? Enjoy it!
I just feel different now, like I feel like changing alot about me TBH. If I can overcome one of my biggest fears why not anything else?
Im working with her tommorow, mostly alone, and knowig her she might bring it up.
First off; Congrats on having the guts to ask the girl out! Good stuff! Great for your self-confidence. Soon you will be asking girls out left and right!
Now the thing you might not want to hear...Judging from your synopsis of your conversation with her, it looks like she is not interested, and thus I side with Cheesecat. If she said "Well..." and got on her ride, she is not interested and didn't want to say a direct "no". If she said "Well...Maybe" she will also probably be declining. She sounds like she was too caught off guard to make a clear response. Both these replies (as you aren't sure if the "Maybe"-part was also said) do not bode well for you. No doubt she thought about it on her way home, most likely talked to a friend and will probably tell you "no" tomorrow at work. I guess she will use as a reason you two being work-mates or, more likely, be saying....wait for it..."I like you, but only as friends."
I can be wrong ofcourse, but I have enough experience with girls that words like "maybe" do not bode well and are just a friendlier "no".
I didn't reply on the work-relationship-debate earlier in the thread, but asking out co-workers (or worse, getting a relationship with them) 99% of the time, will go bad when you break up, destroying the work-relationship and usually means one of you will have to get another job. But alas, it is now a bit too late for that.
So just expect the worse, then everything can get better tomorrow! Keep us posted.
Ketara wrote: The next thing to do would be to plan something to do/somewhere to go, and give it a week. If you hassle her the next day, you look desperate. Give it a week, and then when you get a chance in casual conversation, say something like, 'Hey, you still up for doing something?' If she's decided she's not interested after all, she can come up with an excuse then and bail whilst leaving you both with your dignity.
This is good advice. Just plan something that you want to do anyway about a week from now. Then we you are about to leave work and do that fun thing you were going to do anyway, ask if she wants to come along. If she declines, you just shrug and go have fun. If she agree you smile and go have fun.
Now the thing you might not want to hear...Judging from your synopsis of your conversation with her, it looks like she is not interested, and thus I side with Cheesecat. If she said "Well..." and got on her ride, she is not interested and didn't want to say a direct "no". If she said "Well...Maybe" she will also probably be declining. She sounds like she was too caught off guard to make a clear response. Both these replies (as you aren't sure if the "Maybe"-part was also said) do not bode well for you. No doubt she thought about it on her way home, most likely talked to a friend and will probably tell you "no" tomorrow at work. I guess she will use as a reason you two being work-mates or, more likely, be saying....wait for it..."I like you, but only as friends."
I can be wrong ofcourse, but I have enough experience with girls that words like "maybe" do not bode well and are just a friendlier "no".
I didn't reply on the work-relationship-debate earlier in the thread, but asking out co-workers (or worse, getting a relationship with them) 99% of the time, will go bad when you break up, destroying the work-relationship and usually means one of you will have to get another job. But alas, it is now a bit too late for that.
I am assuming, I can hope, but I doupt it will reach anything serious even a date. But I feel like some big things have lifted off my shoulders. When I was doing it it felt cloudy(Maybe because it was overcast and such ) To the second part, im getting my guard card and if I go back it will be as a security guard so meh
And Im not sure what im more Scared of, Yes or No. If it would be a Yes, then I would be on a date, which is again something I have never done
I'm going to chime in with some tactical advice. Back when I was in the dating pool, I usually made my request more specific. The goal is to get to a clear YES or NO, so you're not left hanging.
"Do something sometime"...what does that even mean, really? Share a cigarette out back on break? Go on a multi-week Everest expedition? If the girl is highly interested in you, you still might get the YES from that question. But in many cases she doesn't know you THAT well, and so that question almost drives her to a middling answer. 'Cause it depends what the something and sometime are, right? Plus, I don't think it projects confidence.
Instead, I think it helps to make an offer of an actual date. Suggest what you'll do and a timeframe for doing it. For the what, I usually made it something easy and non-threatening, or (even better) something that I knew she was interested in. I didn't sweat the when so much, because I could usually get a read off her response to that part of the request. IME, most females gave me a qualifier if she was interested but genuinely busy.
"I'm sorry, I'm busy" PERIOD...not interested.
"I'm sorry, I'm busy. But maybe another time?/But that sounds like fun./Etc....interested.
I think there's a strong likelihood that she doesn't want to feth you...she only wants to feth WITH you. She might just want attention...but not of the kind you're hoping for.
IME, if something's destined to go somewhere, then it goes there and doesn't sit in limbo.
gorgon wrote: I'm going to chime in with some tactical advice. Back when I was in the dating pool, I usually made my request more specific. The goal is to get to a clear YES or NO, so you're not left hanging.
"Do something sometime"...what does that even mean, really? Share a cigarette out back on break? Go on a multi-week Everest expedition? If the girl is highly interested in you, you still might get the YES from that question. But in many cases she doesn't know you THAT well, and so that question almost drives her to a middling answer. 'Cause it depends what the something and sometime are, right? Plus, I don't think it projects confidence.
Instead, I think it helps to make an offer of an actual date. Suggest what you'll do and a timeframe for doing it. For the what, I usually made it something easy and non-threatening, or (even better) something that I knew she was interested in. I didn't sweat the when so much, because I could usually get a read off her response to that part of the request. IME, most females gave me a qualifier if she was interested but genuinely busy.
"I'm sorry, I'm busy" PERIOD...not interested.
"I'm sorry, I'm busy. But maybe another time?/But that sounds like fun./Etc....interested.
Yes, I agree. However at least an approach was made. Now he can tweak it for next time.
I prefer "Hey, let's do X. Would you rather Y-day or Z-day?"
I think there's a strong likelihood that she doesn't want to feth you...she only wants to feth WITH you. She might just want attention...but not of the kind you're hoping for.
IME, if something's destined to go somewhere, then it goes there and doesn't sit in limbo.
gorgon wrote: I'm going to chime in with some tactical advice. Back when I was in the dating pool, I usually made my request more specific. The goal is to get to a clear YES or NO, so you're not left hanging.
"Do something sometime"...what does that even mean, really? Share a cigarette out back on break? Go on a multi-week Everest expedition? If the girl is highly interested in you, you still might get the YES from that question. But in many cases she doesn't know you THAT well, and so that question almost drives her to a middling answer. 'Cause it depends what the something and sometime are, right? Plus, I don't think it projects confidence.
Instead, I think it helps to make an offer of an actual date. Suggest what you'll do and a timeframe for doing it. For the what, I usually made it something easy and non-threatening, or (even better) something that I knew she was interested in. I didn't sweat the when so much, because I could usually get a read off her response to that part of the request. IME, most females gave me a qualifier if she was interested but genuinely busy.
"I'm sorry, I'm busy" PERIOD...not interested.
"I'm sorry, I'm busy. But maybe another time?/But that sounds like fun./Etc....interested.
Yes, I agree. However at least an approach was made. Now he can tweak it for next time.
I prefer "Hey, let's do X. Would you rather Y-day or Z-day?"
Oh, no doubt. I wasn't criticizing the attempt. Was more of a "how to do it better next time" comment.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: So, I was back in Grenoble for some time, and I found some animal right activist booth, operated by a bunch of women. Not only did I took advantage of that to learn where I could buy toothpaste not tested on animals (something I had been looking for, for quite some time now ), but it got me thinking, why not joining in? Could be a great way to meet new people, and for once the gender ratio would be very skewed in favor of women, apparently . I am hardly convinced that we could change people's opinion (in my experience, this kind of things just annoy people that are not already convinced, and I am not proselyte vegetarian), but, well, I have been vegetarian for 24 years now, I go trough the trouble of finding non-animal-tested products, I might as well also get some advantages out of it . It is not like it was a totally cynic move, I would actually be happy if we actually manage to convince people.
[Not serious]Also, what could fit better than “dirty unwashed hippie” to go with “FLGS hygiene” [/Not serious]
What do you think, fellow Dakkaites?
Barksdale wrote: hotsauceman1 get on Tinder. Guaranteed you'll meet some cool chicks, and may even catch some tail. Worst case scenario you can up your banter game.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: So, I was back in Grenoble for some time, and I found some animal right activist booth, operated by a bunch of women. Not only did I took advantage of that to learn where I could buy toothpaste not tested on animals (something I had been looking for, for quite some time now ), but it got me thinking, why not joining in? Could be a great way to meet new people, and for once the gender ratio would be very skewed in favor of women, apparently . I am hardly convinced that we could change people's opinion (in my experience, this kind of things just annoy people that are not already convinced, and I am not proselyte vegetarian), but, well, I have been vegetarian for 24 years now, I go trough the trouble of finding non-animal-tested products, I might as well also get some advantages out of it . It is not like it was a totally cynic move, I would actually be happy if we actually manage to convince people.
[Not serious]Also, what could fit better than “dirty unwashed hippie” to go with “FLGS hygiene” [/Not serious]
What do you think, fellow Dakkaites?
So, nobody have any comment on that
Well, speaking from experience; some of these animal-liberation-types can be a bit too much to deal with should you be in a relationship. Maybe if you were as fanatic as they are, it could work, but I would advise against it. Been there, done that. Never again.
Also for everyone else, posting in this thread, looking for advice;
I think the main problem is that we men always want the best looking girls and we don't see that maybe rather overweight girl down the street, who most likely will be much nicer and loyal than that cheerleader-chick. I think most of the people "struggling" with getting a girlfriend are looking at the wrong types. It may sound cheesy, but eventually it will be about how someone is inside, and if that is good it really shouldn't matter what that person looks like. Don't raise the bar too high.
The bullied girl in school, which may not look like Emma Stone, will make a way better potential girlfriend (exceptions possible ofcourse) than the good-looking girl, who does look like Emma Stone, and did the whole football team. Twice. So, try to date someone who probably also has the same troubles of finding a date. Maybe that shy girl in the school-cantine who always eats alone, or the girl in science class (science chicks can be great, good memories) with the glasses. Just try it sometime.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: So, I was back in Grenoble for some time, and I found some animal right activist booth, operated by a bunch of women. Not only did I took advantage of that to learn where I could buy toothpaste not tested on animals (something I had been looking for, for quite some time now ), but it got me thinking, why not joining in? Could be a great way to meet new people, and for once the gender ratio would be very skewed in favor of women, apparently . I am hardly convinced that we could change people's opinion (in my experience, this kind of things just annoy people that are not already convinced, and I am not proselyte vegetarian), but, well, I have been vegetarian for 24 years now, I go trough the trouble of finding non-animal-tested products, I might as well also get some advantages out of it . It is not like it was a totally cynic move, I would actually be happy if we actually manage to convince people.
[Not serious]Also, what could fit better than “dirty unwashed hippie” to go with “FLGS hygiene” [/Not serious]
What do you think, fellow Dakkaites?
So, nobody have any comment on that
Yes, sorry, saw it earlier and meant to comment but was too busy to give it my full attention. I personally think it's an excellent idea, and something other Dakkanauts should look into - using your wider interests as a possible jumping-off point for meeting the opposite sex is just smart. Like reading? Join a book club, there might be chicks there. Enjoy cooking? Take a cookery course, there might be chicks there. Interested in languages? Take a language class, there might be...etc.
If it's even a fraction as good Stateside as it is here the potential is high.
Tinder is fantastic. It's like fishing with hand grenades and then fething the floaters. Seriously...everyone in this thread who is having a hard time finding tail needs to get on that ASAP.
As Dakka's resident 'exception that proves the rule' on nearly everything happiness-based, Tinder has provided me with little more than something to do on the karzi.
Avatar 720 wrote: As Dakka's resident 'exception that proves the rule' on nearly everything happiness-based, Tinder has provided me with little more than something to do on the karzi.
If it's even a fraction as good Stateside as it is here the potential is high.
Tinder is fantastic. It's like fishing with hand grenades and then fething the floaters. Seriously...everyone in this thread who is having a hard time finding tail needs to get on that ASAP.
Yeah, it's a great and all. Absurdly easy. I arranged four "dates" over the week or so I used it and opted to cancel them all.
If you want casual sex
Spoiler:
I personally find that beyond fething disgusting
and don't have a specific type
Spoiler:
good luck finding cute Asian girls or white brunettes in this city
good luck finding cute Asian girls or white brunettes in this city
it is great. Otherwise complete waste of time.
3 out of the last 5 Tindersloots that fixed my bayonet were brunette white girls...one blonde and one redhead. I guess it just depends where you're located. The Dayton area has been fairly lucrative, though with a lower population of brunettes and far more blondes, and my usual location in MI yields almost entirely brunettes.
I'm not sure if the recent turn of conversation bums me out or if it gives me infinite possibility for the future.
Something about "tindersloots that fixed by bayonet" feels more empty than not though. I think I'll keep with my current strategy of rescuing puppies from burning buildings. Blind puppies, specifically. Like Colt 45, works every time.
daedalus wrote: I'm not sure if the recent turn of conversation bums me out or if it gives me infinite possibility for the future.
Something about "tindersloots that fixed by bayonet" feels more empty than not though. I think I'll keep with my current strategy of rescuing puppies from burning buildings. Blind puppies, specifically. Like Colt 45, works every time.
To be fair, I'm now dating a woman who is stimulating to me intellectually, emotionally, and...yes...sexually. We are both academics and professionals, and we have an amazing time together. No, I didn't meet her on Tinder.
...but I had a hell of a lot of fun on Tinder before I met her, so don't write it off.
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trexmeyer wrote: It is empty and not really surprising coming from Nuggz.
Brah...I too hail from the Misc crew. I'm pretty sure my attitude toward Tinder girls is equaled if not surpassed in that crowd.
Actually I said that because you're 30+, single, and ex military. I've yet to meet one guy like that who didn't love smashing randoms. (excluding guys over 50ish)
I'm 5'10" and I find the best way to get women, as previously mentioned is giving 0 feths. I have definitely put on some weight though... I miss being able to run. Stupid legs were weak. I looked awesome when I was 19 and running five miles in combat boots a day! Albeit that's what fethed my legs up! But still!
somehow i always pictured you as bein a tall lanky dude that was deceptively strong.
I think there's a strong likelihood that she doesn't want to feth you...she only wants to feth WITH you. She might just want attention...but not of the kind you're hoping for.
IME, if something's destined to go somewhere, then it goes there and doesn't sit in limbo.
Im inclined to agree, though she did follow up earlier this evening, turns out shes a software developer launching a new social media site in 2-3 weeks and has been working nonstop in the final stretch, etc.
As for Tinder it seems to only really pay off in major metro areas, all my matches are in fething NYC or Filthadelphia, generally not interested in that nonsense
Nevelon wrote: Just be careful about dating people crazier then you are. It might be fun for a bit, but things will get weird later, so be warned!
I will look for the least crazy, I know I am in no way prepared to handle the most crazy.
Low_K wrote: Well, speaking from experience; some of these animal-liberation-types can be a bit too much to deal with should you be in a relationship. Maybe if you were as fanatic as they are, it could work, but I would advise against it. Been there, done that. Never again.
Is there a story waiting to be told here? You got me interested.
Low_K wrote: I think the main problem is that we men always want the best looking girls and we don't see that maybe rather overweight girl down the street, who most likely will be much nicer and loyal than that cheerleader-chick. I think most of the people "struggling" with getting a girlfriend are looking at the wrong types. It may sound cheesy, but eventually it will be about how someone is inside, and if that is good it really shouldn't matter what that person looks like. Don't raise the bar too high.
When I was in CPGE (French school system, from 18 to 20, preparing for competitive exams after the second year), I had a crush on a girl that was anorexic, and very thin. Not “supermodel slim”, more like you can see the shape of her bones. I cannot really pinpoint why I was attracted to her, but it clearly was not her handsome look. We did not date not because she refused, but because I never asked, or even went to speak to her specifically, actually .
Albatross wrote: Yes, sorry, saw it earlier and meant to comment but was too busy to give it my full attention. I personally think it's an excellent idea, and something other Dakkanauts should look into - using your wider interests as a possible jumping-off point for meeting the opposite sex is just smart. Like reading? Join a book club, there might be chicks there. Enjoy cooking? Take a cookery course, there might be chicks there. Interested in languages? Take a language class, there might be...etc.
Low_K wrote: Well, speaking from experience; some of these animal-liberation-types can be a bit too much to deal with should you be in a relationship. Maybe if you were as fanatic as they are, it could work, but I would advise against it. Been there, done that. Never again.
Is there a story waiting to be told here? You got me interested.
Sure, a story cannot hurt. Only to warn people that some animal-liberation-types can be quite the handful. Be warned.
I will do a quick introduction as to scetch the situation back then. And to paint a picture of me where I come from with my advice.
It was the mid-nineties. I was a Rat back then. A Rat with a capitol "R". I looked like Edward Furlong (the kid from the Terminator films) only taller. This was in my advantage as back then most girls thought he was rather hot. Funny fact; I saw Edward Furlong recently in a movie and I still look like him, as we both gained some pounds!
Anyway, I did everyone back then with breasts and a heartbeat. My favourite technique to get some was through massaging. Girls really dig that. Offer a girl a friendly massage. This will mean she has to take off her top. Start massaging, then start complaining that you cannot massage properly. She (most of the time) loosen/takes off her bra. After that, just keep massaging and, if you are feeling lucky, only some blowing across her back (as her back is wet from massage oil) will most likely get you the jackpot. I must say that this isn't a guarantee though, but the worst which happened was her saying "Knock it off!". That was seldom though.
I am drifting from the original story, as the massage-technique was not used with the animal-liberation-girl (or ALG). She too started as a one-night stand after some night in the bar. The sex was good, so I decided to let her stay for a bit (instead of asking her to leave the next morning), as I usually did until I could get another girl. It all started out fine. Then we went out for dinner one time. This was one of the worst evenings of the "relationship". She nagged at me for ordering meat. She then started harrassing the waiter if the meat was from animals who had a good life before they landed in the kitchen on a plate. I am sure the cook spit in her salad. Positive! She did keep nagging and we rushed through dinner. Nuff said, we had a big fight afterwards, as "I pity the fool who nags about my meat!". After a few days she went to some gathering of her fellow pale-skinned animal-liberators. Some of them are outright scary as they value animal lives over human life. At this time I realised I needed to get rid of this girl a.s.a.p. So I broke up. Or at least, I tried to. She totally lost it! She started cutting herself and threatening to kill herself. She called me at the most crazy times during the night and appeared at my front door crying. this went on for a couple of weeks. Luckily she got into another relationship some time later and I never saw her again. Still wonder what has become of her though, but that was the last time that I ever dated an ALG. Maybe I was very unlucky, but the combination of the ALG and her friends and the psychopathic behaviour has maybe clouded my judgement. Beware!
In "Ye Olde Days" I usually had girls with problems as I always tried to help them with my amateur-psychologist skills (this is also a good "dating" technique). You will be trusted very fast when you just talk without (this is very important) wanting to want more. This will forge a very strong band between you two which can eventually lead to a relationship. This is the long way to relationships though as this can take quite a while.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: When I was in CPGE (French school system, from 18 to 20, preparing for competitive exams after the second year), I had a crush on a girl that was anorexic, and very thin. Not “supermodel slim”, more like you can see the shape of her bones. I cannot really pinpoint why I was attracted to her, but it clearly was not her handsome look. We did not date not because she refused, but because I never asked, or even went to speak to her specifically, actually .
Sometimes we just don't know why we are attracted to some girls. Yet, as she had anorexia, she probably would have said "yes" should you have asked, as no one ever asks her out most likely as most people are "scared" of these girls. I would've gone for her in a minute back in the day, only to try to get them off the anorexia. Ofcourse having sex in the meantime, as, I still was a Rat.
I must say that I am with the same girl for about 8 years now (turned 40 this year) with two steph-daughters. So there is hope, Rattiness passes.
Low_K wrote: I was a Rat back then. A Rat with a capitol "R".
I guess I learned a new word today. Or, rather, a new slang meaning to a word I already knew . So, someone who wants to have a lot of casual sex with a lot of different women is called a rat. (Just making this obvious because English is not my first language, and I do not want to get my slang all wrong)
Low_K wrote: Then we went out for dinner one time. This was one of the worst evenings of the "relationship". She nagged at me for ordering meat. She then started harrassing the waiter if the meat was from animals who had a good life before they landed in the kitchen on a plate. I am sure the cook spit in her salad. Positive! She did keep nagging and we rushed through dinner.
Here, I have the advantage of being vegetarian myself. I could get in trouble for cheese and other dairy products or eggs .
Low_K wrote: After a few days she went to some gathering of her fellow pale-skinned animal-liberators.
As I mentioned, that was basically where I planed to meet girls . Those I have seen seemed quite alright, not especially pale. But apart from that small booth, I never saw any animal rights activists gathering.
Low_K wrote: Some of them are outright scary as they value animal lives over human life.
Some people kind of loose all sense of measure. Seen many on the internet. I am all for animal rights, but I still value human life over another animal life, if in the sad position where I have to choose one over the other.
Low_K wrote: She totally lost it! She started cutting herself and threatening to kill herself. She called me at the most crazy times during the night and appeared at my front door crying. this went on for a couple of weeks.
That is scary. I would not like to be in that position.
Low_K wrote: Yet, as she had anorexia, she probably would have said "yes" should you have asked, as no one ever asks her out most likely as most people are "scared" of these girls.
Well, maybe. I am not sure it is as simple as “Few people are asking me so I will just take the first one who does”. I am also not sure how much ready I was at that time. Still, she was a very nice person and I regret not having talked more with her now. I tried to contact her some time ago, but was unable to.
Albatross wrote: Yes, sorry, saw it earlier and meant to comment but was too busy to give it my full attention. I personally think it's an excellent idea, and something other Dakkanauts should look into - using your wider interests as a possible jumping-off point for meeting the opposite sex is just smart. Like reading? Join a book club, there might be chicks there. Enjoy cooking? Take a cookery course, there might be chicks there. Interested in languages? Take a language class, there might be...etc.
Bon chance!
Too true. If you want to meet girls (or boys), you have to go where girls (boys) actually are and places where you have a chance to interact with them. Plus, if it is somethign you enjoy yu can just focus on having fun, and the girls will naturally be attracted to someone who is having fun.
Low_K wrote: I was a Rat back then. A Rat with a capitol "R".
I guess I learned a new word today. Or, rather, a new slang meaning to a word I already knew . So, someone who wants to have a lot of casual sex with a lot of different women is called a rat.
(Just making this obvious because English is not my first language, and I do not want to get my slang all wrong)
English is also not my first language, but you misunderstood the word "Rat". Someone who has casual sex with a lot of different women doesn't have to be called a rat, some call him King. I was a Rat because I used nasty techniques to get to sleep with many different women as I first targeted their vulnerability and then took them into my bed, only to sent them away the next morning with the cheesy line "I'll call you!". I broke many hearts back then, which made me the Rat I was, as most girls actually thought I felt something for them. I am not proud of my behaviour back then though, but some of my techniques can also be used for good as in establishing a lasting relationship. I do not advocate my Rattiness, but the techniques still work even without being a Rat.
Low_K wrote: She totally lost it! She started cutting herself and threatening to kill herself. She called me at the most crazy times during the night and appeared at my front door crying. this went on for a couple of weeks.
That is scary. I would not like to be in that position.
Aye, it is. Luckily 98% of time they won't go through with killing themselves, as someone who announces it, usually only seeks attention.
Low_K wrote: Yet, as she had anorexia, she probably would have said "yes" should you have asked, as no one ever asks her out most likely as most people are "scared" of these girls.
Well, maybe. I am not sure it is as simple as “Few people are asking me so I will just take the first one who does”. I am also not sure how much ready I was at that time.
Still, she was a very nice person and I regret not having talked more with her now. I tried to contact her some time ago, but was unable to.
It is a shame you lose track of certain people. I sometimes want to call some girl up from before and just apoligise. But a bit hard when you even don't know their last names
Btw, you mixed up the quotes as I am not Medium of Death (nor was ever)
Low_K wrote: I was a Rat because I used nasty techniques to get to sleep with many different women as I first targeted their vulnerability and then took them into my bed, only to sent them away the next morning with the cheesy line "I'll call you!". I broke many hearts back then, which made me the Rat I was, as most girls actually thought I felt something for them.
Oh. I see.
Low_K wrote: Aye, it is. Luckily 98% of time they won't go through with killing themselves, as someone who announces it, usually only seeks attention.
I would not like to make someone sad like that anyway. Also I would not like to be harassed either.
Low_K wrote: Btw, you mixed up the quotes as I am not Medium of Death (nor was ever)
Fixed.
Out of curiosity, I searched her name in Google, and found a picture that might be her holding a baby on Facebook, and way less skinny, so I guess she got better!
Low_K wrote: Btw, you mixed up the quotes as I am not Medium of Death (nor was ever)
Fixed.
Thanks!
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Out of curiosity, I searched her name in Google, and found a picture that might be her holding a baby on Facebook, and way less skinny, so I guess she got better!
Good to hear!
EDIT: Now we have to wait for Hotsauceman1 to report back!
It is a no. She doesnt want to say it, But i think it is a No.
I apoligized for putting her on the spot like that, She laughed and said I just caught her off guard. I said yeah asked if she still wanted to do something, she mumbled I heared something like a yes, but i took it as a no and dropped it. Good news is our working relationship isnt different, we still joke and stuff.
Im not sad, mad or upset. Just kinda bummed(exacerbated by running on fumes all day) I liked her and she seemed fun. Oh well, I think I might have been chasing the wrong girl, She is a party girl, comes in hungover, im a SAHG. There was no malice nor I dont even think her thinking me as unattractive. Oh well, time to go ask out my supervisor
Being more specific with whT you wanted to do together might have helped, I think. Leave it a week or two then suggest something. Alternatively, as you're already going for a few beers, grasp the fething nettle and ask her if she wants to come grab a drink with you. You're going anyway so it's no big deal, right?
hotsauceman1 wrote:It is a no. She doesnt want to say it, But i think it is a No. I apoligized for putting her on the spot like that, She laughed and said I just caught her off guard. I said yeah asked if she still wanted to do something, she mumbled I heared something like a yes, but i took it as a no and dropped it. Good news is our working relationship isnt different, we still joke and stuff. Im not sad, mad or upset. Just kinda bummed(exacerbated by running on fumes all day) I liked her and she seemed fun. Oh well, I think I might have been chasing the wrong girl, She is a party girl, comes in hungover, im a SAHG. There was no malice nor I dont even think her thinking me as unattractive. Oh well, time to go ask out my supervisor
Sorry to hear that. You will build confidence over time!
[Please do not try to 'work around' the expletive filter - Alpharius] tears in the rain Low_K, Jesus.
I don't understand you . You mean it is pointless to state it? if so, I disagree. as I am not proud of my heart-breaking. Some girls really got damaged. Eventually they recovered (I hope), but still. If you mean something else, please eleborate
Good news is that if you become proper non sexual friends as a result of this then you'll have a girl in your corner who can set you up with her friends/keep an eye out for potential matches for you. Which is a pretty handy asset to have. Not to mention having a nice new friend.
[Please do not try to 'work around' the expletive filter - Alpharius] tears in the rain Low_K, Jesus.
I don't understand you . You mean it is pointless to state it? if so, I disagree. as I am not proud of my heart-breaking. Some girls really got damaged. Eventually they recovered (I hope), but still. If you mean something else, please eleborate
No, I mean, I just - are these girls really as heartbroken as you say? I mean if you just slept with them (perhaps implying you also liked them 'in that way') then did not call - this seems pretty average stuff to me. I mean is this such a dark past - maybe its like not a big deal and you should move on??
[Please do not try to 'work around' the expletive filter - Alpharius] tears in the rain Low_K, Jesus.
I don't understand you . You mean it is pointless to state it? if so, I disagree. as I am not proud of my heart-breaking. Some girls really got damaged. Eventually they recovered (I hope), but still. If you mean something else, please eleborate
No, I mean, I just - are these girls really as heartbroken as you say? I mean if you just slept with them (perhaps implying you also liked them 'in that way') then did not call - this seems pretty average stuff to me. I mean is this such a dark past - maybe its like not a big deal and you should move on??
Well, they were at the time judging from the reactions. Sure, they would not be heart-broken for long (I hope), but I am not proud of abusing their vulnerable status just to get some using all sorts of devious, underhand techniques. If someone gives you the idea that you really care for them, you give yourself to him/her and after that you get kicked to the curve this screws with your feelings and will make you more wary in future relationships. An example of a devious tactic; A girl, knowing my reputation, asked if I could prove myself loyal to her not having sex for a few months (aka waiting). I patiently waited. One month passed. Two months passed (as I played the perfect boyfriend during that time). The day came we had sex. We had sex for a week or so (with intervals, a man gotta eat), then I dumped her and moved on. Luckily she was rather stable mentally, but the other vulnerable girls weren't always (for example the ALG).
Yesterday I looked a few of them up on Facebook (which I still knew the names of) and they all did well so that's good. I have moved on, it is just that sometimes a "Phase-of-Memories" returns. This time triggered by the experience with the ALG.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is a no. She doesnt want to say it, But i think it is a No.
I apoligized for putting her on the spot like that, She laughed and said I just caught her off guard. I said yeah asked if she still wanted to do something, she mumbled I heared something like a yes, but i took it as a no and dropped it. Good news is our working relationship isnt different, we still joke and stuff.
Im not sad, mad or upset. Just kinda bummed(exacerbated by running on fumes all day) I liked her and she seemed fun. Oh well, I think I might have been chasing the wrong girl, She is a party girl, comes in hungover, im a SAHG. There was no malice nor I dont even think her thinking me as unattractive. Oh well, time to go ask out my supervisor
The advice about planning something fun you wanted to do anyway, and then inviting her to join you still applies in this situation.
However, you should also let your eye roam for other potentials too.
[Please do not try to 'work around' the expletive filter - Alpharius] in the rain Low_K, Jesus.
I don't understand you . You mean it is pointless to state it? if so, I disagree. as I am not proud of my heart-breaking. Some girls really got damaged. Eventually they recovered (I hope), but still. If you mean something else, please eleborate
No, I mean, I just - are these girls really as heartbroken as you say? I mean if you just slept with them (perhaps implying you also liked them 'in that way') then did not call - this seems pretty average stuff to me. I mean is this such a dark past - maybe its like not a big deal and you should move on??
Well, they were at the time judging from the reactions. Sure, they would not be heart-broken for long (I hope), but I am not proud of abusing their vulnerable status just to get some using all sorts of devious, underhand techniques. If someone gives you the idea that you really care for them, you give yourself to him/her and after that you get kicked to the curve this screws with your feelings and will make you more wary in future relationships. An example of a devious tactic; A girl, knowing my reputation, asked if I could prove myself loyal to her not having sex for a few months (aka waiting). I patiently waited. One month passed. Two months passed (as I played the perfect boyfriend during that time). The day came we had sex. We had sex for a week or so (with intervals, a man gotta eat), then I dumped her and moved on. Luckily she was rather stable mentally, but the other vulnerable girls weren't always (for example the ALG).
Not that you're proud of yourself or anything...
This is humblebragging of the worst kind. If you're a douchebag, just own it.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is a no. She doesnt want to say it, But i think it is a No.
I apoligized for putting her on the spot like that, She laughed and said I just caught her off guard. I said yeah asked if she still wanted to do something, she mumbled I heared something like a yes, but i took it as a no and dropped it. Good news is our working relationship isnt different, we still joke and stuff.
Im not sad, mad or upset. Just kinda bummed(exacerbated by running on fumes all day) I liked her and she seemed fun. Oh well, I think I might have been chasing the wrong girl, She is a party girl, comes in hungover, im a SAHG. There was no malice nor I dont even think her thinking me as unattractive. Oh well, time to go ask out my supervisor
The advice about planning something fun you wanted to do anyway, and then inviting her to join you still applies in this situation.
However, you should also let your eye roam for other potentials too.
I think I might let this go TBH, I think I was making her uncomfortable judging by her avoiding eye contact and stuff like that.
It may be for the best, im off to a college two hours away, maybe not try to pursue a relationship.
Albatross wrote: Being more specific with whT you wanted to do together might have helped, I think. Leave it a week or two then suggest something. Alternatively, as you're already going for a few beers, grasp the fething nettle and ask her if she wants to come grab a drink with you. You're going anyway so it's no big deal, right?
Most definitly. I shuld have said "Do something? Like maybe saturday, get a bite or catch a movie" Oh well, until I develop time travel powers or take the TARDIS from the docter Im stuck with what I said.
Albatross wrote: Not that you're proud of yourself or anything...
This is humblebragging of the worst kind. If you're a douchebag, just own it.
The main reason I wrote down the situation when I was younger was to show that I give advice having actually had experience in "the field" and my experiences with girls actually has learned me a lot about women psyche (although it is still only a small portion as women can't be understood fully). This I wanted to bring into the advice for fellow Dakkites who don't have the same experiences (yet).
As for the humblebragging thing; When I was younger I was very proud of myself, no doubt about it. Even had notches on my bedroom wall. But when you get older you will see everything in perspective (at least, I do). I can imagine my "Tales of Old" in this thread might appear as humblebragging , but aren't meant to be that way. Like I said; I wanted to paint a picture of me so that other people can judge if I am fit to give advice. If this makes me a douchebag, so be it. Through life I realised the pain people can do to each other, especially in relationships, and this opened my eyes that I actually was a Rat when I was young (or douchebag if you want). I cannot change the past, but can try to warn other people that they should be considerate of other people's feelings.
Albatross wrote: This is humblebragging of the worst kind. If you're a douchebag, just own it.
Well said.
I'm not sure how these exploits -- whether real or imagined -- provide any guidance to those looking for help from this thread.
As this post cam in while I was replying to Albatross;
My techniques can still be used for good. Just being a friend, a shoulder to cry on and amateur psychologist is a great tip for people wanting a relationship. I screwed with their minds after, but if you don't, this advice still stands. Same with massaging-technique.
Do what you will with them, I hope that at least some people find these techniques helpful.
Albatross wrote: Being more specific with whT you wanted to do together might have helped, I think. Leave it a week or two then suggest something. Alternatively, as you're already going for a few beers, grasp the fething nettle and ask her if she wants to come grab a drink with you. You're going anyway so it's no big deal, right?
Most definitly. I shuld have said "Do something? Like maybe saturday, get a bite or catch a movie" Oh well, until I develop time travel powers or take the TARDIS from the docter Im stuck with what I said.
I think more, anyone who isnt at the school or near it.
hotsauce you need to be way more specific, don't say "get a bite or catch a movie" say "hey, lets go catch a movie on saturday". Not being that specific speaks to a lack of confidence and uncertainty, its unattractive. Consider it a lesson learned.
Albatross wrote: Being more specific with whT you wanted to do together might have helped, I think. Leave it a week or two then suggest something. Alternatively, as you're already going for a few beers, grasp the fething nettle and ask her if she wants to come grab a drink with you. You're going anyway so it's no big deal, right?
Most definitly. I shuld have said "Do something? Like maybe saturday, get a bite or catch a movie" Oh well, until I develop time travel powers or take the TARDIS from the docter Im stuck with what I said.
Let this one go, mate. Just keep her as a good working colleague and move on. You say that the situation hasn't changed between you two and I suggest you keep it that way. If she was truly interested, she would have made this more clear. I think, as she mumbled the answer of your latest question, she is afraid to bluntly turn you down and tries to mask it by mumbling. She will get annoyed eventually if you keep asking her out, although she doesn't give you a clear answer. My 2 cents.
I am, I am just joking at this point. I am just thinking what I can say better next time I try it. I am not going to invent time travel so I can ask he out again. If I invent time travel I got more nefarious stuff plann.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I am, I am just joking at this point. I am just thinking what I can say better next time I try it. I am not going to invent time travel so I can ask he out again. If I invent time travel I got more nefarious stuff plann.
You can't patent either of those things really, they were invented so far back in time (simultaneously in several places in the case of beer) that patents weren't even really a concept.
Far easier to hop back in time and buy stock in Microsoft and Apple at the ground floor.
Since at one point Tinder has been discussed and at one point the Misc was even mentioned I think this following post might be relevant to thread interests.
A woman was fell 14 stories to her death from a man's apartment. The two met over Tinder and the man bragged about his conquests on the bodybuilding.com misc subforum.
trexmeyer wrote: Since at one point Tinder has been discussed and at one point the Misc was even mentioned I think this following post might be relevant to thread interests.
So, your point is that we should be wary of dating crazy bodybuilders?
nomsheep wrote: Find something daft like a lucky cap, t-shirt, jacket or something and use that to boost your confidence til you don't need it anymore.
That is more helpful. But I do not think I will be able to convince myself that some piece of cloth brings me luck.
chaos0xomega wrote: HIt the gym, lift things up and put them back down until you look like Chris Hemsworth, that should make you confident.
I plan on doing tons of climbing instead of going to a gym. As soon as I finish writing my thesis for my PhD. I am not sure that will change things a lot, though. I mean, I already have way less body image issues than I used too.
I havent been climbing in months, the difference in my physique is notable, I'm still lean, but my shoulders and back muscles have atrophied some as I've mostly been running in the meantime and not really doing any sort of lifting, etc.
Automatically Appended Next Post: So, update about that chick on facebook:
We've been chatting a bit more recently, etc. and she gave me some insight into the social network site/app that she's going to be launching soon, some really cool stuff (seriously, I wish I had thought of it), I'm actually looking forward to it and intend to use it. She asked if I could help spread the word, etc. and help build some hype for it, nothing that I wouldn't do for an actual friend, etc.
BUT, as has been pointed out before, I'm a bit wary of a random cute chick on the internet putting out the charms... so do I do it?
On the one hand, she has like 800 friends on facebook, a lot of them dudes who are all too obviously trying way too damned hard to get in her pants, so she could ask any one of them to do this (and I wouldn't doubt that she has), but on the other hand she did ask me to post to the apps fb page to "pop the posting cherry", something that you can't exactly ask multiple people to do, because only one person can make the first post, right?
What do you think internet? Is chaos being lead on by a snake-charmer or is it a legitimate favor being asked of me? Do I agree, do I say no, or do I agree conditionally and try to get a date out of it? lol
chaos0xomega wrote: What do you think internet? Is chaos being lead on by a snake-charmer or is it a legitimate favor being asked of me? Do I agree, do I say no, or do I agree conditionally and try to get a date out of it? lol
I think she just wants to build hype around her app. You could try to use this as a way to get her interested in you, but I would not get to invested into this if I were you. Also, of course, if you really think the app is cool, just spread the hype anyway.
Basically, yeah. You don't lose anything by sharing her page, plus it's a cute idea to make it into some sort of bargain, a la 'Yeah, of course I'll share your page! Only thing is, you have to go out on a date with me in return. It's kind of a rule I have lol.'
Albatross wrote: Basically, yeah. You don't lose anything by sharing her page, plus it's a cute idea to make it into some sort of bargain, a la 'Yeah, of course I'll share your page! Only thing is, you have to go out on a date with me in return. It's kind of a rule I have lol.'
Thats perhaps a wee bit too straightforward and aggressive for my tastes, any suggestions on how to dial it back a bit?
Well, agreeing [i]conditionally[i] to share the page or whatever it is she wants you to do is kind of very straightforward and aggressive by definition. The only way I can see to soften it is to make it look like it is tongue in cheek and you will share the page anyway.
True, the one thing I keep reminding myself of though is that she does have what can only be described as a gagglefuck of guys that are trying to err... welll.... feth her, very blatantly so, and she did, after all decide to message me first (actually shes the one that added me about 4 or 5 months ago)... so maybe I shouldnt be that direct (yet)?
Also worth pointing out that she wasnt the one who brought it up. We were discussing our favorite hockey team when I asked her about it basically unprompted (i was really curious) and she told me some stuff, it wasnt until after I was like "damn thats a great idea, why didnt I think of this?" that she asked to help spread the word etc, so considering that shd didnt really solicit me for it (like she could have at any point in the past few weeks) either shes a smooth operator or its not her goal... right?
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: The only way I can see to soften it is to make it look like it is tongue in cheek and you will share the page anyway.
This, basically. And maybe 'Yeah, of course I'll share your page. You WILL have to let me buy you coffee some time in return, though. It's kind of a rule I have. Sorry. ' is a little softer and more jocular. It's just a little way of showing interest - you're not actually going to refuse to share this girl's page if she rebuffs your offer, right? You're just being a bit cheeky, not aggressive. If she thinks your cute, she'll think it is cute. If she doesn't already think you're cute, then this will either change that or it won't. It certainly won't change like to dislike, so I'm not seeing much of a downside here. Confidence, guys!
Incidentally, I have a girlfriend again. A new one. A good one.
I honestly think my days of playing the field are over for the forseeable future. Woah, that felt weird to type...
This story actually happened bit of a read, but I've been assured it's pretty funny. It's semi-related, but I thought I'd share it on here. Whilst I was in college, and is a pretty good example of what not to do.
In college, this pretty quiet redhead sat next to me, she was pretty quiet, but I'd kind of talk at her (she'd rarely reply) about how she only ever seemed to do work during a 5 minute registration period.
She lived pretty close to me, and very ocassionally got on the same bus when she wasn't walking home with her friend. Then, one day, whilst I was walking behind her (I was daydreaming, didn't notice), she turned round suddenly, and said 'oh hey Josh, how are you doing?'
I panicked, and panicked hard, so I launched in a rant about buses being bad, such as 'oh yeah, these buses are terrible, I'll probably be waiting like 40 minutes for a bus that's probably not going to arrive'
She then said to me 'well, you could always walk home with me?'
Didn't compute. 'Nah, I'll just get the bus, it's fine, don't worry about it'. And I crossed the road, and walked off. Oh yeah, she's a model too. She's literally a model.
We've now been together for around a year and a half. Protips:
Confidence
Don't pretend you know what you're doing, because thinking that there is somekind of dating meta is stupid, just wing it.
Sounds familiar to me, too. I think I probably dreamed it, because it's never happened in real life.
I honestly don't think I've ever had the misfortune of being completely oblivious to flirting or suchlike; then again, I might not have realised it yet.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: The only way I can see to soften it is to make it look like it is tongue in cheek and you will share the page anyway.
This, basically. And maybe 'Yeah, of course I'll share your page. You WILL have to let me buy you coffee some time in return, though. It's kind of a rule I have. Sorry. ' is a little softer and more jocular. It's just a little way of showing interest - you're not actually going to refuse to share this girl's page if she rebuffs your offer, right? You're just being a bit cheeky, not aggressive. If she thinks your cute, she'll think it is cute. If she doesn't already think you're cute, then this will either change that or it won't. It certainly won't change like to dislike, so I'm not seeing much of a downside here. Confidence, guys!
Incidentally, I have a girlfriend again. A new one. A good one.
I honestly think my days of playing the field are over for the forseeable future. Woah, that felt weird to type...
If only youd posted sooner :/
and didnt you say the same thing 15 pages ago??
winnertakesall wrote: This story actually happened bit of a read, but I've been assured it's pretty funny. It's semi-related, but I thought I'd share it on here. Whilst I was in college, and is a pretty good example of what not to do.
In college, this pretty quiet redhead sat next to me, she was pretty quiet, but I'd kind of talk at her (she'd rarely reply) about how she only ever seemed to do work during a 5 minute registration period.
She lived pretty close to me, and very ocassionally got on the same bus when she wasn't walking home with her friend. Then, one day, whilst I was walking behind her (I was daydreaming, didn't notice), she turned round suddenly, and said 'oh hey Josh, how are you doing?'
I panicked, and panicked hard, so I launched in a rant about buses being bad, such as 'oh yeah, these buses are terrible, I'll probably be waiting like 40 minutes for a bus that's probably not going to arrive'
She then said to me 'well, you could always walk home with me?'
Didn't compute. 'Nah, I'll just get the bus, it's fine, don't worry about it'. And I crossed the road, and walked off. Oh yeah, she's a model too. She's literally a model.
We've now been together for around a year and a half. Protips:
Confidence
Don't pretend you know what you're doing, because thinking that there is somekind of dating meta is stupid, just wing it.
nomsheep wrote: Find something daft like a lucky cap, t-shirt, jacket or something and use that to boost your confidence til you don't need it anymore.
That is more helpful. But I do not think I will be able to convince myself that some piece of cloth brings me luck.
I concur, I've never had lucky socks or something. Though I suppose my dog tags are kinda lucky to some extent. I did however pick up a similar trick from a female friend that helps me boost my own confidence and may be of more use to you. Sexy underware. Or rather underwear that makes you feel sexy. Whatever that is your own business, but if you're feeling good, and wearing something you think makes you look hot makes you fee even better, you usually check the confidence boxes off no problem. It's key that it's underwear though, you can use this trick for dates at which point someone might see it, but otherwise it's just the psychological effect you want as opposed to completely changing up your whole wardrobe. A three piece suit looks damn good, but it's a bit much for coffee with that cute blonde from around the way.
nomsheep wrote: Find something daft like a lucky cap, t-shirt, jacket or something and use that to boost your confidence til you don't need it anymore.
That is more helpful. But I do not think I will be able to convince myself that some piece of cloth brings me luck.
I concur, I've never had lucky socks or something. Though I suppose my dog tags are kinda lucky to some extent. I did however pick up a similar trick from a female friend that helps me boost my own confidence and may be of more use to you. Sexy underware. Or rather underwear that makes you feel sexy. Whatever that is your own business, but if you're feeling good, and wearing something you think makes you look hot makes you fee even better, you usually check the confidence boxes off no problem. It's key that it's underwear though, you can use this trick for dates at which point someone might see it, but otherwise it's just the psychological effect you want as opposed to completely changing up your whole wardrobe. A three piece suit looks damn good, but it's a bit much for coffee with that cute blonde from around the way.
That's kind of what I was going for when I said lucky [insertitemhere].
chaos0xomega wrote: I think sexy underwear is something that helps the ladies more than us guys... they have a lot more options to choose from in that department...
I have no idea what male underwear would be considered sexy. I can use my Sithrak t-shirt for that, I guess. If someone recognize it, I can propose her to LARP some Oglaf, and else, I can show them what it is about .
Spoiler:
(If you do not know Oglaf, most of it is very NSFW,( to the point even linking to it is certainly forbidden by the forum rules, I guess), but pretty very, lighthearted and fun. The Sithrak storyline is perfectly safe and totally awesome)
winnertakesall wrote: This story actually happened bit of a read, but I've been assured it's pretty funny. It's semi-related, but I thought I'd share it on here. Whilst I was in college, and is a pretty good example of what not to do.
Confidence
Don't pretend you know what you're doing, because thinking that there is somekind of dating meta is stupid, just wing it.
^ This. Though If there was an anime where the main character played table top wargames, but failed with women, but at the end of ep 2 realised he could apply statistics and junk to pro strategies to woo women, I would watch that.
chaos0xomega wrote: I think sexy underwear is something that helps the ladies more than us guys... they have a lot more options to choose from in that department...
You say that, but men have plenty of choice.
Word. I exclusively wear designer underwear for precisely the reasons set out thus far. It's well-made, comfortable, looks good and for some reason I just feel more confident wearing it.
Holy gak, sounds like I'm talking about tampons or something!
Anyway, yeah, nice underwear makes you feel good. Calvins are always a good shout.
A few pages ago. And I guess it was the same girl .
Yes, it's the same girl. We're fairly smitten with each other, actually. It's taken me by surprise, if I'm being honest!
This is like, my fourth girlfriend since I started this thread. Someone better qualified than me needs to set up a thread about picking the RIGHT girl/guy!
Early signs are that she is a keeper though. Seriously this time.
chaos0xomega wrote: I think sexy underwear is something that helps the ladies more than us guys... they have a lot more options to choose from in that department...
You say that, but men have plenty of choice.
Damn straight. I feel (and look) like a champ in my Polo or Hugo Boss boxer briefs. All I've worn for years.
chaos0xomega wrote: I think sexy underwear is something that helps the ladies more than us guys... they have a lot more options to choose from in that department...
You say that, but men have plenty of choice.
Damn straight. I feel (and look) like a champ in my Polo or Hugo Boss boxer briefs. All I've worn for years.
Early signs are that she is a keeper though. Seriously this time.
Out of curiosity, what are the signs that you saw? Anything else that you'd look for in a "keeper"?
We just clicked instantly. At the risk of sounding mushy, the first time I saw her, I felt like the world stopped. She's funny, clever, kind (but not a pushover), feisty (but not a pain in the arse - in a cute way) and I find her absolutely gorgeous. She conducts herself with class, even when VERY drunk. I normally HATE drunk women, but I went to pick her up in town the other night when she was out with her girls when she'd had a bit too much to drink and I found her adorable, still very much a lady (in the street ) even after two bottles of wine...
Most importantly, we're both on exactly the same page in terms of how we feel about each other, what we want for the future etc. We both already have kids so she's not looking for any more and neither am I. Sounds like a small thing, but most women around my age are motivated by money and their uterus, sadly. That's why I usually date younger women.
Yeah, she's perfect. Really couldn't be happier. Sometimes you just know.
She then said to me 'well, you could always walk home with me?'
Didn't compute. 'Nah, I'll just get the bus, it's fine, don't worry about it'. And I crossed the road, and walked off.
This sounds surprisingly familiar. - Quite often I only figure something out, 6 months to a year after the last time I ever meet a girl.
It's... irritating.
Many guys have been there, especially in their youth. winnertakesall was lucky just because you don't often get a second chance after you blow it. The more experience you have with women, the better you'll understand their cues. And you'll never understand them as well as you do after you settle down with one.
This is why I say that if I could tell my 20-something self the stuff I know now, 20-something me would clean up. Clean. Up. And I mean that not just in a p-hound way, but in a general, positive relationship way too.
For the record, I think this phenomenon might indeed be evidence that God is a woman.
Meh, been there done that. This whole thing is about (eventually) finding the one, right?
I don't think the one actually exists. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of potential mates that you could successfully manage to spend your life with, but there isn't one special person out there that you'll instantly connect with and the proceed to forge a perfect relationship with her or him. That's a movie romance.
Meh, been there done that. This whole thing is about (eventually) finding the one, right?
I don't think the one actually exists. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of potential mates that you could successfully manage to spend your life with, but there isn't one special person out there that you'll instantly connect with and the proceed to forge a perfect relationship with her or him. That's a movie romance.
A matter of opinion is what it is. For me personally, it's more of an ideal than an actual thing. The reason I've been through so many girls recently is that I was looking for someone perfect for me. Whether or not this girl is that, only time will tell, but we certainly had an instant connection.
Men obsessing over their underwear really a thing? I generally wear loose black boxer shirts and don't think twice about it (if at all), I give slightly more thought towards my socks.
Cheesecat wrote: Men obsessing over their underwear really a thing? I generally wear loose black boxer shirts and don't think twice about it (if at all), I give slightly more thought towards my socks.
Cheesecat wrote: I generally wear loose black boxer shirts and don't think twice about it (if at all), I give slightly more thought towards my socks.
Yeah, I do usually wear those white random stuff that nobody is ever going to see anyway. Is it clean? Is it comfortable? If the answer to both question was yes, case solved.
Cheesecat wrote: Men obsessing over their underwear really a thing? I generally wear loose black boxer shirts and don't think twice about it (if at all), I give slightly more thought towards my socks.
Seriously lads, every man should have at least a few pairs of these in their sock-drawer:
It's no good having the attitude that 'no-one's gonna see them anyway' - you will know. Decent underwear is the bedrock upon which your whole sartorial game is based. This gak is important. Your body is like a house; if the paint is peeling, the lawn is unkempt and the place is generally a mess, it looks like you just don't care. And you might not, but you should, because she will. Little details count.
Think about it, you get into it with a girl, she gets undressed and she's wearing godawful granny underwear? Pretty big turn-off. The same rules apply to you, whether you care about it or not.
Cheesecat wrote: Men obsessing over their underwear really a thing? I generally wear loose black boxer shirts and don't think twice about it (if at all), I give slightly more thought towards my socks.
Compression shorts all the way
Are they comfy at all?
They certainly don't look it, or good. That's just my opinion though, YMMV.
Albatross wrote: It's no good having the attitude that 'no-one's gonna see them anyway' - you will know.
I will know… and not care.I mean, I get the rest, be it having nice visible clothes? Of course. Having a nice body? Yeah, sure. But the underwear? Why care about anything else than them being comfortable and clean?
Albatross wrote: Think about it, you get into it with a girl, she gets undressed and she's wearing godawful granny underwear? Pretty big turn-off.
Well, first I think if I find myself in such a situation, I would have had time to see it coming, and maybe started changing my underwear. Second, I am not sure how I would react but I am pretty sure looking at her underwear would not be my first priority .
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Albatross wrote: Seriously lads, every man should have at least a few pairs of these in their sock-drawer:
Spoiler:
I have one like that, I find it less comfortable than the usual ones, but that might just be a question of habits. I just cannot bring me to care about it, though.
Albatross wrote: It's no good having the attitude that 'no-one's gonna see them anyway' - you will know.
I will know… and not care.I mean, I get the rest, be it having nice visible clothes? Of course. Having a nice body? Yeah, sure. But the underwear? Why care about anything else than them being comfortable and clean?
Albatross wrote: Think about it, you get into it with a girl, she gets undressed and she's wearing godawful granny underwear? Pretty big turn-off.
Well, first I think if I find myself in such a situation, I would have had time to see it coming, and maybe started changing my underwear. Second, I am not sure how I would react but I am pretty sure looking at her underwear would not be my first priority .
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Albatross wrote: Seriously lads, every man should have at least a few pairs of these in their sock-drawer:
Spoiler:
I have one like that, I find it less comfortable than the usual ones, but that might just be a question of habits. I just cannot bring me to care about it, though.
That's cool, man. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life. Keep doing what you're doing and expect different results to just happen.
OR
Try something different, care about little details like underwear, cologne, grooming products, and see if you feel different.
Why I get ready to go out I put some good up-tempo music on (usually soul or hip-hop for some reason), put on some nice underwear, moisturise, quick spritz of Paul Smith for men (fresh and zingy!), put on some freshly-ironed clothes (usually skinny jeans and some sort of light blue shirt), another quick spritz then I slip on a pair of gleaming white pumps (I buy a new pair every fortnight, they're not very expensive), put my watch on and I'm good to go. I leave the house feeling like a million quid. I'm no Bradley Cooper, but I try to make the best of myself and that feeds into my psychology. If I feel totally fresh I walk taller and with more confidence. Ready to go out and smash it, basically.
Albatross wrote: Try something different, care about little details like underwear, cologne, grooming products, and see if you feel different.
I understand cologne, I understand grooming products, but I do not understand underwear.
Trust me, I changed quite a bit and really improved my hygiene and care more for my looks. But people just will not see my underwear anyway, and even if they did, they seem all the same boring stuff to me.
Albatross wrote: Try something different, care about little details like underwear, cologne, grooming products, and see if you feel different.
I understand cologne, I understand grooming products, but I do not understand underwear.
Trust me, I changed quite a bit and really improved my hygiene and care more for my looks. But people just will not see my underwear anyway, and even if they did, they seem all the same boring stuff to me.
THEY Don't have to see it for you to feel better about it. They aren't gonna see your abs if you work out either.
nomsheep wrote: They aren't gonna see your abs if you work out either.
Not necessarily the first time, but they will. Likely way before they get to see your underwear. Especially if those abs are nice-looking . And you sadly cannot suddenly decide “From now on, I will have awesome abs”, while you can change your underwear at any moment.
nomsheep wrote: They aren't gonna see your abs if you work out either.
Not necessarily the first time, but they will. Likely way before they get to see your underwear. Especially if those abs are nice-looking . And you sadly cannot suddenly decide “From now on, I will have awesome abs”, while you can change your underwear at any moment.
Yeah, but it sure is not the same thing. Those are not going to help you climb that very hard route, are they? And who would like to cuddle cheap plastic?
nomsheep wrote: They aren't gonna see your abs if you work out either.
Not necessarily the first time, but they will. Likely way before they get to see your underwear. Especially if those abs are nice-looking . And you sadly cannot suddenly decide “From now on, I will have awesome abs”, while you can change your underwear at any moment.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Yeah, but it sure is not the same thing. Those are not going to help you climb that very hard route, are they? And who would like to cuddle cheap plastic?
Compression shorts are incredibly comfy. As long as you don't have whitey tighties you're good, assuming you're built somewhat. I couldn't care less if a hot girl is wearing granny panties or not.
Albatross wrote: It's no good having the attitude that 'no-one's gonna see them anyway' - you will know. Decent underwear is the bedrock upon which your whole sartorial game is based. This gak is important. Your body is like a house; if the paint is peeling, the lawn is unkempt and the place is generally a mess, it looks like you just don't care.
Well, I do trim my bush with a combination of an electric razor and scissors as it makes my dick look bigger and makes things tidier, I'm not shaving that area as I hear it's painful when the hairs start to grow back and I don't like feeling pain.
Albatross wrote: It's no good having the attitude that 'no-one's gonna see them anyway' - you will know. Decent underwear is the bedrock upon which your whole sartorial game is based. This gak is important. Your body is like a house; if the paint is peeling, the lawn is unkempt and the place is generally a mess, it looks like you just don't care.
Well, I do trim my bush with a combination of an electric razor and scissors
Spoiler:
as it makes my dick look bigger and
makes things tidier, I'm not shaving that area as I hear it's painful when the hairs start to grow back and I don't like feeling pain.
It's not exactly painful, but the razor burn you'll get is atrocious and not worth the effort.
Albatross wrote: It's no good having the attitude that 'no-one's gonna see them anyway' - you will know. Decent underwear is the bedrock upon which your whole sartorial game is based. This gak is important. Your body is like a house; if the paint is peeling, the lawn is unkempt and the place is generally a mess, it looks like you just don't care.
Well, I do trim my bush with a combination of an electric razor and scissors as it makes my dick look bigger and makes things tidier, I'm not shaving that area as I hear it's painful when the hairs start to grow back and I don't like feeling pain.
Wait, what? I never suggested wet-shaving your pubes off, bro! I don't do that either. I just trim.
I'm not saying you did, I'm just sharing my personal grooming experiences but now I feel I've veered way off topic. I'm sure some posters are uncomfortable with me talking about grooming downstairs (no one needs to and probably doesn't want to hear that) or just find it plain boring, but
maybe someone will find use for that kind of info.
Cheesecat wrote: I'm not saying you did, I'm just sharing my personal grooming experiences but now I feel I've veered way off topic. I'm sure some posters are uncomfortable with me talking about grooming downstairs (no one needs to and probably doesn't want to hear that) or just find it plain boring, but
maybe someone will find use for that kind of info.
I think it's a valid point. These little details matter, as I've already pointed out. Personal grooming is absolutely something that every person should pay close attention to when trying to attract romantic interest. I mean, in this very thread we have had people (not singling anyone out) opining to the effect that 'only I'm going to see it, so it doesn't matter' etc. The same people probably think I'm hopelessly vain and shallow for attaching importance to this stuff, because it's all about outward appearance and it's what's inside that should count. Such people would be completely missing the point; it's about how you treat yourself. You should treat yourself as person who has value. You should be important to yourself and take care of yourself accordingly. You should take pride in yourself and make the most of what you have - that's the mark of a true gentleman or lady. So yeah, trim your body and facial hair, clip your nails, wear nice underwear and socks etc. People might not see it, but you inhabit your body - make it a nice place to live and you'll feel happier and more confident in your dealings with people. This whole thing is all about making little tweaks to your life that affect your overall psychology. They might seem small and pointless but they all accumulate and add up to bigger overall wins.
Albatross wrote: The same people probably think I'm hopelessly vain and shallow for attaching importance to this stuff, because it's all about outward appearance and it's what's inside that should count.
No. That would be judgmental and stupid. I was just explaining my point of view, not criticizing yours.
Albatross wrote: Such people would be completely missing the point; it's about how you treat yourself. You should treat yourself as person who has value. You should be important to yourself and take care of yourself accordingly. You should take pride in yourself and make the most of what you have - that's the mark of a true gentleman or lady.
Yeah, but the thing is, I do not value underwear, they seem all the same to me.
Albatross wrote: Such people would be completely missing the point; it's about how you treat yourself. You should treat yourself as person who has value. You should be important to yourself and take care of yourself accordingly. You should take pride in yourself and make the most of what you have - that's the mark of a true gentleman or lady.
Have I just stumbled into a Charles Dickens novel?
The question frequently come sup about how you build confidence. That is a challengeing question to answer. The only way I know to really do it is to actually set some small, short term goals and start accomplishing them.
Sorry, it is a long and slow process. However, the longest journey begins with..... looking at a map?
She said she regulary does Ecstasy, Said how white people need to beat their kids more and how she hates white kids because they need to be beaten more.
@Hotsauceman1; You are still talking about your work-colleague right?
Well that is a bit strange. You sure she wasn't in some trip? I would advise to steer away from those pill-heads, at least romantically. Although they probably be easy for a "night-'o-fun", which will get you some experience in that field, it's best to not do it. If she goes into a bad trip, who knows what happens.
I detest people using hard-drugs anyway so maybe I am not the right person to give advice on this subject, but still.
@Thread; As for the other question in this thread about building your confidence; It is bloody hard and isn't really a set-in-stone-solution. All I know it takes time. A lot of time. Confidence also comes with experience, yet, to get experience you need confidence. See where I am getting at? The best advice I can give is try. You will be kicked to the curve a few times, which will be bad for confidence, but eventually it will work and you will be building confidence with every "victory". So don't let you get discouraged by "failure", there is sunshine behind the clouds (if that is an English proverb).
The part of grooming downstairs is good advice. Although many girls don't really care, there are also many who do so better safe than sorry.
hotsauceman1 wrote: She said she regulary does Ecstasy, Said how white people need to beat their kids more and how she hates white kids because they need to be beaten more.
Wasn't she just joking around? (it sounds that way - but you know - I wasn't there man).
Because it may be a factor what was her ethnic background / (if your comfortable saying online) what is yours?
Also I have nothing against X - but if shes like bragging about it on date 1 maybe thats a warning sign. (though she mmaybe just wanted to look 'cool' for you).
hotsauceman1 wrote: She said she regulary does Ecstasy, Said how white people need to beat their kids more and how she hates white kids because they need to be beaten more.
Wasn't she just joking around? (it sounds that way - but you know - I wasn't there man).
Because it may be a factor what was her ethnic background / (if your comfortable saying online) what is yours?
Also I have nothing against X - but if shes like bragging about it on date 1 maybe thats a warning sign. (though she mmaybe just wanted to look 'cool' for you).
No, this isnt the first thing of "White kids" tirades she went on.
Im white and she is Filipino/Cuban
hotsauceman1 wrote: She said she regulary does Ecstasy, Said how white people need to beat their kids more and how she hates white kids because they need to be beaten more.
Wasn't she just joking around? (it sounds that way - but you know - I wasn't there man).
Because it may be a factor what was her ethnic background / (if your comfortable saying online) what is yours?
Also I have nothing against X - but if shes like bragging about it on date 1 maybe thats a warning sign. (though she mmaybe just wanted to look 'cool' for you).
No, this isnt the first thing of "White kids" tirades she went on.
Im white and she is Filipino/Cuban
This makes it less ok I think. Probably dodged a mess there M80.
As someone who’s worked retail, I can safely say a lot more kids needed to be spanked growing up. I’d not go so far as needed to be beaten. But as you and your coworker work in a waterpark, I could see where you might get to the point where one might think that.
Not that this is limited to white kids. Bratty behavior transcends race. But there are a large number of spoiled rich white kids who could probably have used a firmer hand with the discipline growing up.
Not that this is limited to white kids. Bratty behavior transcends race. But there are a large number of spoiled rich white kids who could probably have used a firmer hand with the discipline growing up.
She was talking about Cabanas, A private Roped off area where rich peoplel hang out(And mostly white to)
Easy E wrote: All teenagers are insane to some degree. I think of some of the idas I had back then and shake my head. Clearly insane.
In other news, anyone else out there getting dates?
Phew, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Nevelon wrote: As someone who’s worked retail, I can safely say a lot more kids needed to be spanked growing up. I’d not go so far as needed to be beaten. But as you and your coworker work in a waterpark, I could see where you might get to the point where one might think that.
Not that this is limited to white kids. Bratty behavior transcends race. But there are a large number of spoiled rich white kids who could probably have used a firmer hand with the discipline growing up.
The only thing spanking did for me was lead to me resenting my father because it done excessively and without cause. Did I ever act out in public? Not as a child, but I did one completely dick thing as a teen. Was I troublemaker in class? Nope, but according to the private Christian school with a stick up their butt I was because they interpreted half of what I did as a six year old as being sexual.
I can't believe people actually advocate corporeal punishment for children still.
Big date tomorrow night. Met on Tinder. So many good vibes from this girl. We clicked immediately and have exactly the same sense of humour. Haven't been this excited in some time. Wish me luck!
Barksdale wrote: Big date tomorrow night. Met on Tinder. So many good vibes from this girl. We clicked immediately and have exactly the same sense of humour. Haven't been this excited in some time. Wish me luck!
Good luck mate! Sounds like you might just be on to a winner there!
RE: Ecstasy/Racism girl - She's probably lying about the ecstasy. Just my instant gut-reaction. You guys are teenagers, right? Or at least very young? Yeah, not buying it, sorry. She was probably just trying to sound cool, but that's just based on my reading of your posts. And she IS racist. Think about it, Would you have gotten away with saying that you hate asian kids and that they should be beaten more often? I doubt that.
She may he lying who knows. But I know she is a partie and know maybe not my type. Although who knows. I may try next year when IM down 30 more pounds, buff and shaved head
hotsauceman1 wrote: She may he lying who knows. But I know she is a partie and know maybe not my type. Although who knows. I may try next year when IM down 30 more pounds, buff and shaved head
Or alternatively you could find someone more worthy of your attentions.
Barksdale wrote: Big date tomorrow night. Met on Tinder. So many good vibes from this girl. We clicked immediately and have exactly the same sense of humour. Haven't been this excited in some time. Wish me luck!
Good luck mate! Sounds like you might just be on to a winner there!
RE: Ecstasy/Racism girl - She's probably lying about the ecstasy. Just my instant gut-reaction. You guys are teenagers, right? Or at least very young? Yeah, not buying it, sorry. She was probably just trying to sound cool, but that's just based on my reading of your posts. And she IS racist. Think about it, Would you have gotten away with saying that you hate asian kids and that they should be beaten more often? I doubt that.
I dunno man, I would have said at least half the teenagers at my school took X or MDMA at least once.
Beating kids just teaches them violence is a valid method of resolving conflict - espc for people weaker than urself.
Barksdale wrote: Big date tomorrow night. Met on Tinder. So many good vibes from this girl. We clicked immediately and have exactly the same sense of humour. Haven't been this excited in some time. Wish me luck!
Good luck mate! Sounds like you might just be on to a winner there!
RE: Ecstasy/Racism girl - She's probably lying about the ecstasy. Just my instant gut-reaction. You guys are teenagers, right? Or at least very young? Yeah, not buying it, sorry. She was probably just trying to sound cool, but that's just based on my reading of your posts. And she IS racist. Think about it, Would you have gotten away with saying that you hate asian kids and that they should be beaten more often? I doubt that.
I dunno man, I would have said at least half the teenagers at my school took X or MDMA at least once.
Beating kids just teaches them violence is a valid method of resolving conflict - espc for people weaker than urself.
I honestly think she is playing herself up. But I really dont care anymore
Onto beating kids, I think it is 100% wrong. You teach them that what it does hurts them, not why they shouldnt do it.
hotsauceman1 wrote: She may he lying who knows. But I know she is a partie and know maybe not my type. Although who knows. I may try next year when IM down 30 more pounds, buff and shaved head
Yeaaaaaa...take it slow on the shaved head thing. But definitely do hit the gym and work on yourself...
Confidence definitely comes more from success than anything else. Once you've slayed a couple dragons you'll be that much more confident on the next one. If this girl you were aiming for was like a 7, maybe you should set your sights on a 4 or 5 for practice?
This came from a friend. He said if I should buff, he aid even if I dont loose weight and just get some bigger arms and shave my head(Or keep it short) I will look ifnitly better like several of our friends.
hotsauceman1 wrote: This came from a friend. He said if I should buff, he aid even if I dont loose weight and just get some bigger arms and shave my head(Or keep it short) I will look ifnitly better like several of our friends.
You mean that shaved head, facial hair, cargo shorts/kilt look? Eh, I dunno.
Well, if you're having trouble with women, the goal is to get out there and date...not instantly find a mate. It's a process. Every girl you meet up until you find one to settle down with (and for many not even then) is ultimately a learning experience along the path to your goal. I think this is a mistake a lot of guys in this situation make. They build things up too much, and think that they have to proceed straight to the serious long-term relationship. And sometimes they get too attached to the first girl that they date regularly and mistake her for long-term material when she isn't.
The possibly harsh truth is if a guy hasn't dated much, there's a good chance he isn't ready for "the one" even if he finds her. I wasn't good boyfriend material in my early 20s...had my wife and I met at that age, it's unlikely that we would gotten into anything long-term. It's not about being a nice guy, it's about knowing how to transition into, be in, and maintain a serious relationship.
That is totally not the point. I do not care whatever bad stuff women do, that is no excuse for doing bad stuff myself.
Unless if you mean a symmetric relationship where both partner use each other ? That is different.
Just a side note; I know there's 'easy' girls everywhere, but if I had reason to believe a boyfriend was considering me practice, I'd break up then and there.
So... Practice, I guess, if that's what keeps your watercraft on the surface. But you'd best not tell her if so!
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: That is totally not the point. I do not care whatever bad stuff women do, that is no excuse for doing bad stuff myself.
Unless if you mean a symmetric relationship where both partner use each other ? That is different.
I believe the original idea was that women can be just as interested in a relationship predicated on simple casual sex as men can be and as long as you don't deceive the other party into believe it's more than that, everyone's happy.
I have a strong feeling you're one of those guys who got burned by a woman once or twice and is now extremely bitter about it.
Not really the case at all. I'm just realistic these days - luckily I've been on the not-so-bad end of the deal when it comes to cheating women. Of the past 5 women I've slept with, one had a boyfriend in another country she neglected to tell me about, another is married (but getting divorced), another had a boyfriend that she told me about only after things had happened, and well...two were legit.
I'm not bothered by any of these - after all, I wasn't the one being cheated on. That said, I'm sure their boyfriends wouldn't be too happy if they knew the truth...
hotsauceman1 wrote: This came from a friend. He said if I should buff, he aid even if I dont loose weight and just get some bigger arms and shave my head(Or keep it short) I will look ifnitly better like several of our friends.
You mean that shaved head, facial hair, cargo shorts/kilt look? Eh, I dunno.
Well, if you're having trouble with women, the goal is to get out there and date...not instantly find a mate. It's a process. Every girl you meet up until you find one to settle down with (and for many not even then) is ultimately a learning experience along the path to your goal. I think this is a mistake a lot of guys in this situation make. They build things up too much, and think that they have to proceed straight to the serious long-term relationship. And sometimes they get too attached to the first girl that they date regularly and mistake her for long-term material when she isn't.
The possibly harsh truth is if a guy hasn't dated much, there's a good chance he isn't ready for "the one" even if he finds her. I wasn't good boyfriend material in my early 20s...had my wife and I met at that age, it's unlikely that we would gotten into anything long-term. It's not about being a nice guy, it's about knowing how to transition into, be in, and maintain a serious relationship.
honest question. What is boyfriend material in a long term relationship.
1) Be yourself. A false persona can not be maintained.
2) Be kind and respectful, but firm and decisive. Especially the latter part, women are rarely attracted (or remain attracted to) indecisive men.
3) Be confident.
hotsauceman1 wrote: honest question. What is boyfriend material in a long term relationship.
Stability, understanding what you want in life, etc. Essentially, are you able to commit to spending several years to the rest of your life with someone and be happy with that decision? Some people are ready for that kind of thing, some people aren't.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Ashiraya wrote: Just a side note; I know there's 'easy' girls everywhere, but if I had reason to believe a boyfriend was considering me practice, I'd break up then and there.
This. FFS, don't use people as "practice" if you aren't actually interested in them. You'll hurt them, and you'll waste your own time. It's ok to lower/change your standards a bit and see what happens with someone that you might not be sure about, but don't go into a relationship with an assumption that you're not really interested and will dump them once you get what you need.
Using girls for practice is a valid tactic to boost confidence, albeit a very nasty one. I would advise against it very strongly. Speaking from experience (as stated before), you can really screw with the girl's head and actually experience very bad...well...experiences (like stalking and harassment etc.). Furthermore, those "easy" girls are usually more fragile mentally then the super-hot babes who do everyone they can (and use guys for practice, getting the name-starting-with-a-"s" plastered on them).
My advice is to lower your standards a bit and go from there. The prettier the girl, the more likely chance that you get kicked to the curb, get broken hearted and feeling miserable and lose confidence.
Less pretty girls (from the outside) usually are better relationship material as they probably aslo struggle with the same problems you have. Although it is easier for girls to "get some", most girls actually want a normal guy who stays loyal to them and not sleep around.
Tl;dr; Forget the Trophy Wife, go for the next best thing.
So, today I asked one of my best friends about advice on how to get a girlfriend. Not just for her advice, but also because it implied mentioning that I had no girlfriend and wanted one, which is something I am, for some reason, very uncomfortable doing (outside of anonymously on the internet). I had to push myself quite a bit, but I did it, yeah! It was a first.
On a mostly unrelated note, some friend and colleague told me she would date me if she was 20 years younger. I would date her too if she was 20 years younger .
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: So, today I asked one of my best friends about advice on how to get a girlfriend. Not just for her advice, but also because it implied mentioning that I had no girlfriend and wanted one, which is something I am, for some reason, very uncomfortable doing (outside of anonymously on the internet). I had to push myself quite a bit, but I did it, yeah! It was a first.
Congrats, mate! And what did she advice? Doesn't she have some friends who are also single which date you? It is a female friend, right?
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: On a mostly unrelated note, some friend and colleague told me she would date me if she was 20 years younger. I would date her too if she was 20 years younger .
Lol. Although dating a woman 20 years older could be good! Imagine all the experience she can teach you Doesn't she have a single daughter?
Ashiraya wrote: A very sexually active man is successful, a very sexually active woman is slutty.
Like a wise meme once said:
"A key opens many locks; it is a master key. A lock opens with many keys; it is a terrible lock."
Okay, I'll go away now. Though in all seriousness, it's pretty bad. I'm not too sure, but if a man isn't uber-sexually active, isn't he considered a loser? Not too sure, but it certainly seems so in certain groups.
thenoobbomb wrote: I'm not too sure, but if a man isn't uber-sexually active, isn't he considered a loser? Not too sure, but it certainly seems so in certain groups.
Supposedly. But then again, it is also the case for a woman. Do not do it too much, do not do it to few.
Ashiraya wrote: A very sexually active man is successful, a very sexually active woman is slutty.
Does masturbating count as 'sexually active'? I want to be succesful too
I dare say that means a very large portion of the male population would be a hero
It'd also mean that a very large proportion of the female population would be 'slutty'.
I don't understand the idea that a man who has loads of sexual partners is regarded well, but a woman who has loads of sexual partners is treated with scorn. I also don't understand why sexually inactive males are regarded as lesser, and females who haven't gotten married and/or started a family by X age are seen as having failed in life.
Ashiraya wrote: A very sexually active man is successful, a very sexually active woman is slutty.
1) You're 17 year old female posting things about sex in a thread full of men probably well over 20. Recipe for disaster.
2) How are you defining sexually active? Anyone with multiple ONSs or is a serial monogamist in under year long relationships is pretty slutty in my book, male or female. Men that complain about that are jealous of women for having easier access to sex, are frustrated/angry by their female partner being more sexually experienced or not that they aren't her first, or self hating virgins lashing out. I don't think anyone outside of extreme prudes cares if either gender is sexually active in a LTR or marriage.
...I kind of echo Hybrid Son here. This environment is completely different to any environment I usually discuss this kind of things in, so I am experimenting a little. I may be playing around a bit but then this thread never really was that super-srs.
The specific post you quoted was in response to something I saw IRL earlier, causing me to suffer -10 Faith In Humanity rating.
Ashiraya wrote: ...I kind of echo Hybrid Son here. This environment is completely different to any environment I usually discuss this kind of things in, so I am experimenting a little. I may be playing around a bit but then this thread never really was that super-srs.
The specific post you quoted was in response to something I saw IRL earlier, causing me to suffer -10 Faith In Humanity rating.
Not all men are chauvinistic pigs that hate and/or use women.
hotsauceman1 wrote: This came from a friend. He said if I should buff, he aid even if I dont loose weight and just get some bigger arms and shave my head(Or keep it short) I will look ifnitly better like several of our friends.
You mean that shaved head, facial hair, cargo shorts/kilt look? Eh, I dunno.
Ashiraya wrote: A very sexually active man is successful, a very sexually active woman is slutty.
1) You're 17 year old female posting things about sex in a thread full of men probably well over 20. Recipe for disaster.
It's worth pointing out that the age of consent is 16 in most European countries, trex.
Saying that, I don't go any younger than 20 and even then, feels kind of weird.
Anyone else have a (non legally mandated) floor or ceiling, in terms of prospective matches? My girlfriend is 30, which seems to work well, though I usually prefer women around 25-26.
Ashiraya wrote: ...I kind of echo Hybrid Son here. This environment is completely different to any environment I usually discuss this kind of things in, so I am experimenting a little. I may be playing around a bit but then this thread never really was that super-srs.
The specific post you quoted was in response to something I saw IRL earlier, causing me to suffer -10 Faith In Humanity rating.
Not all men are chauvinistic pigs that hate and/or use women.
well that really depends on your point of view. According to some feminists:
Anyone else have a (non legally mandated) floor or ceiling, in terms of prospective matches? My girlfriend is 30, which seems to work well, though I usually prefer women around 25-26.
Automatically Appended Next Post: I'm 32, btw.
21 minimum if I'm not previously acquainted with them, I'll drop it to 20 if I know the girl.
Ashiraya wrote: ...I kind of echo Hybrid Son here. This environment is completely different to any environment I usually discuss this kind of things in, so I am experimenting a little. I may be playing around a bit but then this thread never really was that super-srs.
The specific post you quoted was in response to something I saw IRL earlier, causing me to suffer -10 Faith In Humanity rating.
Not all men are chauvinistic pigs that hate and/or use women.
well that really depends on your point of view. According to some feminists:
Also, another couple questions for the wise folks of dakka.
I had a really really successful date Friday night. Met on tinder, but this girl is every bit as awesome as I expected. Amazingly proper West Midlands accent, hot as hell, easy going, funny, independent, and educated. All big things for me. She's 27 by the way.
We ended up getting right smashed and went back to her place. In the cab we promised not to rush things so we were (relatively) well behaved when we arrived and made it through the night despite our intoxicated minds and bodies urging otherwise. Even insisted on making me eggs in the morning, which were awesome, and made me sit with my coffee while she prepared everything. Definitely going to see her again soon. I didn't ask her specifically what she's looking for, although she's hinted that she's looking for something steady. Which is good because that's what I'm looking for as well.
So, questions. How long should we wait? Is this something I should even be worrying about or just let it happen when it happens? Should we talk about what we're looking for? Or just let the pieces fall into place? How about the next date, how soon to make it?
I'm relatively new to the dating scene. Single about 8 months after many years with my ex. So, I'd be interested how you lot would handle things.
Ashiraya wrote: ...I kind of echo Hybrid Son here. This environment is completely different to any environment I usually discuss this kind of things in, so I am experimenting a little. I may be playing around a bit but then this thread never really was that super-srs.
The specific post you quoted was in response to something I saw IRL earlier, causing me to suffer -10 Faith In Humanity rating.
Not all men are chauvinistic pigs that hate and/or use women.
According to a tiny and irrelevant minority of feminists that is only listened to when people are laughing at how stupid they are.
Yep. The feminism movement overall wants equality, not revenge. Sweeping generalisations due to extremists is bad, regardless of if it is feminism, islam, christianity, capitalism, liberalism...
Ftr, I consider the extremists so often complained about to be just as bad as the antifeminists. Reversing a problem won't make things better.
Also, another couple questions for the wise folks of dakka.
I had a really really successful date Friday night. Met on tinder, but this girl is every bit as awesome as I expected. Amazingly proper West Midlands accent, hot as hell, easy going, funny, independent, and educated. All big things for me. She's 27 by the way.
We ended up getting right smashed and went back to her place. In the cab we promised not to rush things so we were (relatively) well behaved when we arrived and made it through the night despite our intoxicated minds and bodies urging otherwise. Even insisted on making me eggs in the morning, which were awesome, and made me sit with my coffee while she prepared everything. Definitely going to see her again soon. I didn't ask her specifically what she's looking for, although she's hinted that she's looking for something steady. Which is good because that's what I'm looking for as well.
So, questions. How long should we wait? Is this something I should even be worrying about or just let it happen when it happens? Should we talk about what we're looking for? Or just let the pieces fall into place? How about the next date, how soon to make it?
I'm relatively new to the dating scene. Single about 8 months after many years with my ex. So, I'd be interested how you lot would handle things.
Woah, sounds almost exactly like my situation! We waited and lemme tell you, it was worth the wait. God damn.
When the time is right you'll know. That time is usually when you both can't wait any longer and must have each other. I'd forgotten what that felt like. It's incredible.
Also, another couple questions for the wise folks of dakka.
I had a really really successful date Friday night. Met on tinder, but this girl is every bit as awesome as I expected. Amazingly proper West Midlands accent, hot as hell, easy going, funny, independent, and educated. All big things for me. She's 27 by the way.
We ended up getting right smashed and went back to her place. In the cab we promised not to rush things so we were (relatively) well behaved when we arrived and made it through the night despite our intoxicated minds and bodies urging otherwise. Even insisted on making me eggs in the morning, which were awesome, and made me sit with my coffee while she prepared everything. Definitely going to see her again soon. I didn't ask her specifically what she's looking for, although she's hinted that she's looking for something steady. Which is good because that's what I'm looking for as well.
So, questions. How long should we wait? Is this something I should even be worrying about or just let it happen when it happens? Should we talk about what we're looking for? Or just let the pieces fall into place? How about the next date, how soon to make it?
I'm relatively new to the dating scene. Single about 8 months after many years with my ex. So, I'd be interested how you lot would handle things.
On the age bit, The Wife is a bit over 5 years older then I am. We started dating when I was 21. It seemed a bit of a stretch at the time, but as we get older, it fades.
Grats on the date! Definitely get a follow up date within a month, schedules permitting. I might aim for two weeks if you can. It might just be my hermit nature, but I find it’s important to maintain individual time and space, even in relationships. It’s easy to fall into being a couple, and loose who you are and doing what makes you happy. Some space also gives you time to digest what you learned about her, and anticipate the next meeting. YMMV.
Albatross wrote:
Woah, sounds almost exactly like my situation! We waited and lemme tell you, it was worth the wait. God damn.
When the time is right you'll know. That time is usually when you both can't wait any longer and must have each other. I'd forgotten what that felt like. It's incredible.
Yeah this is what I was thinking. This girl is BOMB, and I don't want to jump the gun.
Nevelon wrote:
Grats on the date! Definitely get a follow up date within a month, schedules permitting. I might aim for two weeks if you can. It might just be my hermit nature, but I find it’s important to maintain individual time and space, even in relationships. It’s easy to fall into being a couple, and loose who you are and doing what makes you happy. Some space also gives you time to digest what you learned about her, and anticipate the next meeting. YMMV.
I’d not pressure things. Let them unfold.
Yeah, not sure if John Thomas can wait a month. Spoke earlier in the day, though. Neither of us can wait until the weekend, so we're going to go for a Wednesday date. Pretty excited!
So, Predictably, my cousin(More like m big over protective sister) finds out somehow. Now she is all sad I got rejected the first time I asked a girl out, how she is worried im scarred from the experiance.
I shutter to think of what she will do when i do get a girlfriend
Ashiraya wrote: Yep. The feminism movement overall wants equality, not revenge.
Don't know how it works in scandinavian countries, but in France, the feminism movement really is about equality if it means giving more to women.
Our feminists want to reduce sex inequalities and enforce positive discrimination in administration boards and all the $$$$$ jobs. I'm okay with that, but most feminists don't want to hear about sex equality behind dumpster trucks. And definitely not in nurseries. So, it's not really about reducing inequalities, but mostly about "having it all".
I've even heard feminists say things like because men are strong and women are caring.
Not even talking about the family. Inequalities after the divorce? What inequalities?
And these are really very simple issues. Some topics can get a lot more complicated, especially things related to pregnancy because the body of one person is carrying the fruit of two... In some cases, there just can't be any equality and the society basically has to chose between screwing the women or screwing the fathers...
Litcheur wrote: I'm okay with that, but most feminists don't want to hear about sex equality behind dumpster trucks.
That's because nobody wants those jobs. You don't see men arguing for greater access to bad jobs that women tend to have, and you don't see women arguing for greater access to bad jobs that men tend to have. That's just how the world works, nobody is going to invest any effort into working to get something they have no interest in getting.
Some topics can get a lot more complicated, especially things related to pregnancy because the body of one person is carrying the fruit of two... In some cases, there just can't be any equality and the society basically has to chose between screwing the women or screwing the fathers...
It's only "screwing" the fathers is you assume that the father is entitled to a share of the decision simply because they contributed some genetic material. The burden of pregnancy is not even close to equal, therefore the right to make the decision shouldn't be either.
Ashiraya wrote: A very sexually active man is successful, a very sexually active woman is slutty.
1) You're 17 year old female posting things about sex in a thread full of men probably well over 20. Recipe for disaster.
It's worth pointing out that the age of consent is 16 in most European countries, trex.
Saying that, I don't go any younger than 20 and even then, feels kind of weird.
Anyone else have a (non legally mandated) floor or ceiling, in terms of prospective matches? My girlfriend is 30, which seems to work well, though I usually prefer women around 25-26.
Automatically Appended Next Post: I'm 32, btw.
I used to have a friend who said.
If there is grass on the field... Play ball.... If not? Go out back and play in the mud....
Litcheur wrote: I'm okay with that, but most feminists don't want to hear about sex equality behind dumpster trucks.
That's because nobody wants those jobs. You don't see men arguing for greater access to bad jobs that women tend to have, and you don't see women arguing for greater access to bad jobs that men tend to have. That's just how the world works, nobody is going to invest any effort into working to get something they have no interest in getting.
Some topics can get a lot more complicated, especially things related to pregnancy because the body of one person is carrying the fruit of two... In some cases, there just can't be any equality and the society basically has to chose between screwing the women or screwing the fathers...
It's only "screwing" the fathers is you assume that the father is entitled to a share of the decision simply because they contributed some genetic material. The burden of pregnancy is not even close to equal, therefore the right to make the decision shouldn't be either.
Oh, look. It's this nonsense again. Take it to PMs or a new thread. Better yet, get Melissia to browbeat him into submission.
Ashiraya wrote: A very sexually active man is successful, a very sexually active woman is slutty.
1) You're 17 year old female posting things about sex in a thread full of men probably well over 20. Recipe for disaster.
It's worth pointing out that the age of consent is 16 in most European countries, trex.
Saying that, I don't go any younger than 20 and even then, feels kind of weird.
Anyone else have a (non legally mandated) floor or ceiling, in terms of prospective matches? My girlfriend is 30, which seems to work well, though I usually prefer women around 25-26.
Automatically Appended Next Post: I'm 32, btw.
I used to have a friend who said.
If there is grass on the field... Play ball.... If not? Go out back and play in the mud....
My friend was kinda gross....
Kind of being an understatement.
hotsauceman1 wrote:So, Predictably, my cousin(More like m big over protective sister) finds out somehow. Now she is all sad I got rejected the first time I asked a girl out, how she is worried im scarred from the experiance.
I shutter to think of what she will do when i do get a girlfriend
At least you went for it. Also, daily reminder that looks are not the end all be all of relationships. Being average/slightly attractive with a pleasant personality is much better than being a sex god/goddess and being a complete PITA.
Albatross wrote:That was actually my avatar for quite a while...
hotsauceman1 wrote:So, Predictably, my cousin(More like m big over protective sister) finds out somehow. Now she is all sad I got rejected the first time I asked a girl out, how she is worried im scarred from the experiance.
I shutter to think of what she will do when i do get a girlfriend
At least you went for it. Also, daily reminder that looks are not the end all be all of relationships. Being average/slightly attractive with a pleasant personality is much better than being a sex god/goddess and being a complete PITA.
There are some things I can do to look better. And I just am laughing at it now. I didnt want my cousin to know because this is how she would react.
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, Predictably, my cousin(More like m big over protective sister) finds out somehow. Now she is all sad I got rejected the first time I asked a girl out, how she is worried im scarred from the experiance.
I shutter to think of what she will do when i do get a girlfriend
You're mid to late twenties right?
Rudely remind her of that fact and tell her to stfu, lol.
I just laugh at it when she does. She is over protective of me(being a big sister kinda) I think it is mostly that she has had a string of bad relationships. The other cousin was happy I overcame my fear and said "I hope that means you can get some dates in college"
Litcheur wrote: I'm okay with that, but most feminists don't want to hear about sex equality behind dumpster trucks.
That's because nobody wants those jobs. You don't see men arguing for greater access to bad jobs that women tend to have, and you don't see women arguing for greater access to bad jobs that men tend to have. That's just how the world works, nobody is going to invest any effort into working to get something they have no interest in getting.
A bad job is indeed a bad job. However, some bad jobs tend to be physically harder, and most of them are taken by men, because one usually assume that "men are tough, women are caring". Which is a pretty sexist statement. The same statement is usually used to lower men that want to work with kids, or even see them as freaks.
If one's truly fighting for equality, that "tough vs caring" topic should be considered too. But are feminists really fighting for equality?
Some topics can get a lot more complicated, especially things related to pregnancy because the body of one person is carrying the fruit of two... In some cases, there just can't be any equality and the society basically has to chose between screwing the women or screwing the fathers...
It's only "screwing" the fathers is you assume that the father is entitled to a share of the decision simply because they contributed some genetic material. The burden of pregnancy is not even close to equal, therefore the right to make the decision shouldn't be either.
A mother is more than a womb and a father is more than a pair of testicles carrying a wallet. Fathers "could" feel entitled to a share of the decision, especially in countries where paternity is some kind of boomerang that can come back and haunt you several years later. Again, there's no definitive good answer to that question.
One can see pregnancy as a burden. Or not. I'm okay with both statements. But take everything that goes with it, okay? Not the good old "pregnancy and motherhood are definitely a burden when we're talking about family rights, and totally not relevant when talking about wages and job opportunities". If something is relevant (or not), it should be relevant (or not) in every single aspect of your life.
Being a man has pros and cons, being a woman has pros and cons. If you want to fight for equality, you take some, you give some. But in the end, you can't have it all. Nobody can.
Even in machist countries (at least civilized ones), women aren't some kind of frail creatures that are enslaved. They're strong, and they have a lot of power. It's a different kind of power that works in other areas of our lives than just jobs and politics.
Italy isn't ruled by machos. It's ruled by mammas.
Albatross wrote: Anyone else have a (non legally mandated) floor or ceiling, in terms of prospective matches?
When it feels weird for either one of us. Maybe I would care more if I had actually experienced what it means to be in a relationship…
Avatar 720 wrote: All you guys here are 30+ and I'm sitting here at 21 twiddling my thumbs.
Well, hotsauceman1 is exactly your age. I am the one who is pretty late here, at 27 and still forever alone.
Litcheur wrote: Don't know how it works in scandinavian countries, but in France, the feminism movement really is about equality if it means giving more to women.
No, that is not true. I am not giving any arguments as to not turn this into a debate, I could give them in PM or a dedicated topic.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I agree, I need advice on how to get laid, not a philosophy discussion of the merits of feminism
I really hope the first half of this was a joke.
Isnt that the goal of dating?
Sigh...
No its not, not at all. If you want a booty call just go to town, heaps of drunk people looking for one night stands left and right. But for dating, thats the complete opposite. I'm guessing if you get to this point, its a girl you have liked for maybe a while, and I dont see it as a way ofjust getting inot her pants. Unless I have misunderstood the whole point of this thread. It not how to get laid ut how to get a date.
hotsauceman1 wrote: I agree, I need advice on how to get laid, not a philosophy discussion of the merits of feminism
I really hope the first half of this was a joke.
Why? Is it really so crazy to believe that socially awkward gamers aren't getting laid because they don't want to?
It's not for lack of trying...some of the guys in this thread legitimately need advice. There's nothing wrong with asking for it. I suggest Tinder but apparently Dakka O/T has formed its own opinions of me as a soulless womanizing jerk.
To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun. Remove sex from the equation, and I would have zero female friends. As it is, I really don't have any female "just friends." If I'm not having sex with them currently, I'm trying to, or at the very least I'm trying to feth their friends.
Im surprised no one realizes im taking the piss outta you guys.
No, what I want in a girl is someone I can talk to, enjoy spending time with and drink till we are both pretending we are vampire hunters and invade the local vampire larpers and ruin there fun.
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
I have plenty of female friends that are 'just friends' . I enjoy the company of women a great deal. They're fun and don't try to impress each other as much as men do. There always seems to be less of a pecking order. If someone gave me a straight choice between having only female friends and only having male friends, I'd pick the former every time.
There are few things I enjoy in life as much as making a woman laugh.
Yeah, I like spending time with girls too and I love making people laugh. Then again I try to treat each person I meet as a unique experience where I adjust my personality accordingly, rather than this person is a girl or a guy so I need to do this and act like this.
Cheesecat wrote: Yeah, I like spending time with girls too and I love making people laugh. Then again I try to treat each person I meet as a unique experience where I adjust my personality accordingly, rather than this person is a girl or a guy so I need to do this and act like this.
Don't you find the dynamic to be subtly different though, in a group of girls?
It probably is, but I don't know if I'm observant enough to notice though, cause I try to invest myself in the conversation so I'm not really thinking if a more female-dominated group feels any different than a male one. OK there is one thing I notice is that in male-dominated groups the subjects
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
I am very sorry I exist, good sir.
We all know female gamers dont exist
Im sorry.
1v1 me.
In the context of a dating thread that could be an entirely different proposition, potentially with an entirely different answer.
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
I am very sorry I exist, good sir.
We all know female gamers dont exist
Im sorry.
1v1 me.
In the context of a dating thread that could be an entirely different proposition, potentially with an entirely different answer.
Albatross wrote: I have plenty of female friends that are 'just friends' . I enjoy the company of women a great deal. They're fun and don't try to impress each other as much as men do. There always seems to be less of a pecking order. If someone gave me a straight choice between having only female friends and only having male friends, I'd pick the former every time.
There are few things I enjoy in life as much as making a woman laugh.
I manage to weird everyone the feth out, so the choice for me is largely just a formality, or maybe a challenge of which group can I indirectly loathe me first.
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
I am very sorry I exist, good sir.
We all know female gamers dont exist
Im sorry.
1v1 me.
In the context of a dating thread that could be an entirely different proposition, potentially with an entirely different answer.
Admittedly true...
Maybe nerd men in general need to start getting more interested in like their interests? (oh and loads of girls exist that are into these 'boy' things - also, whats this 'pretends to have fun business' ?)
NuggzTheNinja wrote: To be honest, if I'm not having sex with someone, I'd rather have a guy friend. My interests (gaming, shooting, weight lifting) are generally male-dominated and I'd rather do them with a "buddy" than some girl who is only pretending she's having fun
I am very sorry I exist, good sir.
We all know female gamers dont exist
Im sorry.
1v1 me.
In the context of a dating thread that could be an entirely different proposition, potentially with an entirely different answer.
Admittedly true...
Maybe nerd men in general need to start getting more interested in like their interests? (oh and loads of girls exist that are into these 'boy' things - also, whats this 'pretends to have fun business' ?)
Show me 5 attractive women in the state of Pennsylvania who are into 40k. Let me put it this way - the girls I've seen at the FLGS I wouldn't touch with a 60 ft pole. And, at best, those women who are rarely into multiple male-dominated activities are, by the looks of them, are definitely NOT fitness enthusiasts.
This is of course rhetorical, as I'm pretty sure that there are fewer than 5 attractive women in the state of Pennsylvania who are into 40k. Meanwhile, if I'm just looking for a platonic friend, finding guys who are into 40k, and shooting guns, and weightlifting, is relatively easy. So why not just get "all of the above" in a friend rather than trying to find the rare woman who shares any of those interests with me, let alone more than one?
I repeat - take sex out of the equation and 99/100 times you're better off finding a guy friend (assuming that you're heterosexual of course).
This is making me think of the movie Swingers where they are giving Jeremy Piven's(?) character dating advice.
"You have to be in the right mental state. You have to think of yourself as a big, mean, hungry bear. Look at those hands.... those are huge claws! So those girls over there? They're little bunny rabbits just hopping around all innocent like. Take yor huge bear claws, go over there, and tear them apart!"
Tha scene makes me laugh everytime. It doesn;t hurt that I then merge it with amental image of Jay from Jay and Silent Bob doing his Wolverine impression.
Show me 5 attractive women in the state of Pennsylvania who are into 40k. Let me put it this way - the girls I've seen at the FLGS I wouldn't touch with a 60 ft pole. And, at best, those women who are rarely into multiple male-dominated activities are, by the looks of them, are definitely NOT fitness enthusiasts.
Why is their attractiveness relevant if they're strictly platonic friends? The males involved in 40k are typically just as unattractive as the women involved. Generally speaking, wargamers, LARPers, tabletop RPGers, etc tend to be unattractive, have poor hygiene, and are a socially awkward. Not necessarily shy, mind you, but don't know how to act in public or around others. Of course, this is just in my area. I'd be very glad to hear it isn't as bad in other locales.
This is of course rhetorical, as I'm pretty sure that there are fewer than 5 attractive women in the state of Pennsylvania who are into 40k. Meanwhile, if I'm just looking for a platonic friend, finding guys who are into 40k, and shooting guns, and weightlifting, is relatively easy. So why not just get "all of the above" in a friend rather than trying to find the rare woman who shares any of those interests with me, let alone more than one?
Spoiler:
Outside of CrossFit the women actually into "fitness" (you're not into weightlifting unless you snatch and clean and jerk) are divided into three groups.
1) Cardio bunnies (they still haven't lost any weight)
2) Wannabe fitness competitors that somehow get away with only wearing a sports bra and skin tight short shorts to the gym. I swear to god they're all attention whores...
3) Horribly out of shape (read borderline obese) women that claim to be into fitness. How you go to a gym for a year while obese and not shed 40 lbs is beyond my comprehension
I repeat - take sex out of the equation and 99/100 times you're better off finding a guy friend (assuming that you're heterosexual of course).
This is the point where you've reduced women to being sexual objects that are inferior to men. Personally, I don't like having female friends either, but not because we don't share interests. I'm really tired of girls assuming that just because you're being nice to them it means you want them to jump your bones. There's too much sexual tension and it's simpler to just avoid it.
Yeah I dont have that many female friends either (i mean that i'd see one on one) - my point is - my gf gets me more than any of my male friends - we have fairly similar overlap in interests (I mean she dosnt like 40k, but will like by me related bday presents for it - I think devious maids is a kind of a dumb show ect). This said - we have introduced each other to alot of new things, valuable things and like just new genres of tv shows and like other interests - and instead of being all like 'oh shes not into my kind of stuff' is it maybe better to go for someone you like a bit and sharing a bit of yourself and seeing how that makes you feel?
Look - im actually not sure what im talking about and im conflicted myself - but I don't really want to live in a world where women and men just really focus on their own genders and dont include one another. I just see alot of this 'internet feminism' and casual misogyny and it feels like boys and girls arnt listening to each other and end up acting weird or fronty.
So you are looking for a female that likes 40K and is a fitness enthusiast?
Good luck.
Its hard enough to find a male that plays 40K that is in shape.
I would say 99% of people who think they can't get a date usually have their standards set too high. I had a lot of friends in high school / college that had this same problem and not until they got realistic with their expectations way down the line did they manage to find a girlfriend/wife.
Show me 5 attractive women in the state of Pennsylvania who are into 40k. Let me put it this way - the girls I've seen at the FLGS I wouldn't touch with a 60 ft pole. And, at best, those women who are rarely into multiple male-dominated activities are, by the looks of them, are definitely NOT fitness enthusiasts.
Why is their attractiveness relevant if they're strictly platonic friends? The males involved in 40k are typically just as unattractive as the women involved. Generally speaking, wargamers, LARPers, tabletop RPGers, etc tend to be unattractive, have poor hygiene, and are a socially awkward. Not necessarily shy, mind you, but don't know how to act in public or around others. Of course, this is just in my area. I'd be very glad to hear it isn't as bad in other locales.
This is of course rhetorical, as I'm pretty sure that there are fewer than 5 attractive women in the state of Pennsylvania who are into 40k. Meanwhile, if I'm just looking for a platonic friend, finding guys who are into 40k, and shooting guns, and weightlifting, is relatively easy. So why not just get "all of the above" in a friend rather than trying to find the rare woman who shares any of those interests with me, let alone more than one?
Spoiler:
Outside of CrossFit the women actually into "fitness" (you're not into weightlifting unless you snatch and clean and jerk) are divided into three groups.
1) Cardio bunnies (they still haven't lost any weight)
2) Wannabe fitness competitors that somehow get away with only wearing a sports bra and skin tight short shorts to the gym. I swear to god they're all attention whores...
3) Horribly out of shape (read borderline obese) women that claim to be into fitness. How you go to a gym for a year while obese and not shed 40 lbs is beyond my comprehension
I repeat - take sex out of the equation and 99/100 times you're better off finding a guy friend (assuming that you're heterosexual of course).
This is the point where you've reduced women to being sexual objects that are inferior to men. Personally, I don't like having female friends either, but not because we don't share interests. I'm really tired of girls assuming that just because you're being nice to them it means you want them to jump your bones. There's too much sexual tension and it's simpler to just avoid it.
So, there were two threads of logic in my post. Women who would provide me everything I could possibly look for in another human being - compatibility with all of my mutual interests, AND sex, and women with whom I'd consider being friends. Regarding the "ultimate mate", since such a creature likely does not exist (a woman who is attractive and has all of the qualities of a good mate, yet shares mutual interests with me), I'm OK with dating women and not expecting them to scratch my "bro time" itch. It's healthiest this way to keep your interests separated.
The other thread of logic is women who I would consider to be platonic friends. My argument is that the probability of finding ONE woman who shares ALL of my mutual interests, independent of attractiveness, is slim to none. If I found such a woman, I would have no problem being platonic friends with her. As it is, I have yet to find such a person and that's why I have no problem having platonic male friends, and avoiding taking female "just friends."
I'm not saying women are inferior to men. I'm saying that women make inferior platonic friends for me. There's nothing wrong with that at all.
As for the point about weight lifting, let's not open that can of worms. You remember how it went for you last time you told everyone in OT that they were "doing it wrong."
My current girlfriend doesn't fit into that category - she's a competitive triathlete. I guess that's a "cardio bunny" in your eyes, but then again I'm not a "weight lifter" in your eyes despite being stronger and in better shape than like 90% of the bodybuilding.com population.
To address RJCarrot's post - specifically that is NOT what I'm looking for. I'm looking for (and have found) a mate with whom I enjoy spending time. She shares very few mutual interests with me besides drinking, sex, socializing, fitness, and watching television. That's completely OK with me. I'm not looking for the same thing in a woman as I look for in a guy friend, something which many of the posters here are failing to grasp. They think that their ideal girlfriend is basically their neckbeard guy friends, only with a vagina. It doesn't work that way.
A cardiobunny is someone that spends hours upon hours on typically the elliptical and occasionally "jogging". A real marathoner (someone doing sub 4 hours) or a triathlon competitor is an actual athelete.
It doesn't matter if you're bigger/stronger than the people on bb. They're so fethed over there that they think a two plate bench is actually good... Weightlifting is a sport. Unless you participate in that sport you're not a weightlifter. It may be nitpicky terminology to the masses, but consensus truth doesn't change facts.
Spoiler:
I'm currently cutting weight on a high fat diet without experiencing any strength loss. Deadlifted 505 no belt at 190, 5lb pr and it was about 15lbs lighter than my previous 500 deadlift. Yeah, I'm the one doing it wrong.
trexmeyer wrote: A cardiobunny is someone that spends hours upon hours on typically the elliptical and occasionally "jogging". A real marathoner (someone doing sub 4 hours) or a triathlon competitor is an actual athelete.
It doesn't matter if you're bigger/stronger than the people on bb. They're so fethed over there that they think a two plate bench is actually good... Weightlifting is a sport. Unless you participate in that sport you're not a weightlifter. It may be nitpicky terminology to the masses, but consensus truth doesn't change facts.
Spoiler:
I'm currently cutting weight on a high fat diet without experiencing any strength loss. Deadlifted 505 no belt at 190, 5lb pr and it was about 15lbs lighter than my previous 500 deadlift. Yeah, I'm the one doing it wrong.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Look up weightlifting in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.
Weightlifting may refer to: Olympic weightlifting, Olympic sport
Weight training, physical activities in which people lift weights, also known as weight training Powerlifting, a strength-based sport
Weightlifting (album), by the The Trash Can Sinatras
Second date went really well. Just as expected really. Can't believe how much I've lucked out. Right place right time I suppose.
Anyway, we watched When Harry Met Sally on Thursday afternoon, and had a very similar discussion about having friends of the opposite sex. For me, it's definitely doable. Having friends with a wide variety of interests and experiences is important. It's inevitable at least some of their interests will differ from mine, whether they are male or female.
WallofMeat wrote: Maybe nerd men in general need to start getting more interested in like their interests? (oh and loads of girls exist that are into these 'boy' things - also, whats this 'pretends to have fun business' ?)
Show me 5 attractive women in the state of Pennsylvania who are into 40k.
[...]
Finding 5 attractive women in Pennsylvania is hard enough, but if you set the difficulty up to 13 by having one interest in your life and, that one being about playing "pew pew, killed your toy soldier with my leizah"...
Having interests that are "mostly male" or even "not so hot" is fine, as long as you can tell interesting stories about your hobbies to people (not only girls) who are not insiders.
I play rugby, and even if girls usually don't play that game, they love to hear about how things went when I held my first ball in an official match.
Spoiler:
Still green (only 2-3 trainings...), so I made the wisest move a beginner can make: panic and try to save my life by running away in the wrong direction. My teammates were like...
Daemonhammer wrote: I wonder how far i could go with a "Terry Pratchett ish" approach, "You are only as atractive as you think you are". What do you guys think?
Also i hope i didnt say something that sounds stupid again, i hope atleast the people who read his books will inderstand this.
Yeah, most times in life you only achieve to the level you think you deserve. Want and expect good things to happen to you and they will. Expect the reverse, and that will happen too.
Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean instant success. If you want, expect and think you deserve something, you'll end up working to get it. In the case of dating that "work" means getting out there, asking girls out, going on dates, and learning how to date, be a good boyfriend, etc.
For me confidence isnt really a problem, i just have pesonality problem, at times i have a good humor and at other times i can feel depressed for no apparent reason.
Daemonhammer wrote: For me confidence isnt really a problem, i just have pesonality problem, at times i have a good humor and at other times i can feel depressed for no apparent reason.
Go see a therapist, counselor, or psychologist. Now. Get that gak under control or it will controll you for the rest of your life.
Daemonhammer wrote: For me confidence isnt really a problem, i just have pesonality problem, at times i have a good humor and at other times i can feel depressed for no apparent reason.
Go see a therapist, counselor, or psychologist. Now. Get that gak under control or it will controll you for the rest of your life.
Even if i wanted to, i couldnt, im just a poor student.
. Also, Iranian girls!
.
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Someone better qualified than me needs to set up a thread about picking the RIGHT girl/guy!
